I promised myself that I wouldn't ask my wife for sex ever again about six months ago, and kept that promise up until a week or two ago. Thinking that I had proven myself the leader of this marriage once more with my wife buying me presents, showing me respect at all times and happily taking care of all of the housework (when she used to yell at me all the time when I cleaned the house every night before), I tried to initiate sex four times this month. The first time, she said yes. The second time, it was her period. The third and fourth times, out it came again: "I'm too tired."
After the third refusal, I was livid. But knowing that anger only shows women what buttons they can push, I just remained quiet for a few seconds, then said, "Every night, you're too tired. Every morning, you have no time." Then I went outside to sleep on the couch. It was quite peaceful and relaxing out there, and the next day, I went directly to work without talking to her. She sent some text messages to me, but I didn't even bother reading a single word of them:
- If it was an apology and a promise to change regarding sex, she's already promised that multiple times and lied every time before.
- If it was her idea of an explanation, I knew it would just be an excuse.
- If it was some anger or confusion with demands for answers, I didn't want to hear it. More importantly, if a man doesn't calmly and sternly put a stop to a woman's outbursts, it's best not to give them even the barest hint of attention, or you get more of the same.
When I came home, I refused to make eye contact with her, ignored her for hours while I played with our son, recovered my blankets from the bedroom (she put them on the bed again while I was at work) then slept on the couch again. I continued this process for two or three days, and she bought me a bunch of presents and was obviously confused and uncomfortable, and because of this, treated me like a king. But the sex still didn't return.
And that's the main point of today's post. Unmarried men, this is the norm for a husband, and there's nothing you can do to solve it. Think of any girlfriends you have been with. What were the options?
I have sex with my girlfriend.
I find someone else.
Married men like myself, however, have a different experience:
I have sex, and my wife gets money and support.
I don't have sex, and my wife gets money and support.
I've also discussed about how being a strong man with a supportive woman is much, much more stable than the alternative (or an equal partnership, for that matter), much to the opposite of what western culture teaches people. In the end, this shows the problem of sex, specifically in marriage.
Women sleep with high class men. In most cases, that's a given. Whether it's money, strength, fame or whatever, women hardly ever sleep down. And that leads us to marriage... which is the greatest show of submission a man can make to a woman in today's society. So it doesn't matter how strongly you act, how much you ask, how nice you are or how much you pull rank or bluster: women have no reason or incentive to sleep with a man they have married, unless their bodies are screaming at them to have children (which means I can get laid about once a month on average).
Women sleep with men for many reasons, but I know two reasons my wife-as-girlfriend used to sleep with me. The first was for the pleasure of it, and I know she used to, and still does, enjoy it. I don't want to get too personal, so I'll leave it at that. The second reason was to keep me around, and as my wife, she no longer needs to do this; I'm bound to her through our son and the marriage contract. With only one reason to have sex remaining, it's no wonder our sex life is in the pits, and why most married men can understand what I'm talking about. Single or dating men, this message is for you: you want sex, don't get married.
After all this stuff went down, I really started to think about this whole sex thing once more. First, I reaffirmed by promise not to initiate again; I went six months this time, next I'll try for at least a year, but hopefully not break the promise again. But more importantly, I realized that punishing my wife for her wafer thin excuses for sex was not necessary, and for several reasons:
- It does nothing to help our son, which is the only reason I'm staying married to my wife.
- Punishment makes her defer to me more, but it has never improved our sex life in the past.
- I'm not that interested in having sex with a somewhat overweight (but better than before), flabby middle-aged woman anyway.
So we made up without me apologizing (never apologize to a woman, by the way: they only use it as a reason to abuse you more), and back to the daily routine we went: sexless and monotonous, with 4660 days left on the counter until I can live again.