If you don't control your woman, she will ruin you.
I never thought I would write those words, especially given my youth where I was impressed upon by everyone to defer to women at all times. If I had the chance to see where I was today and how I treat the women in my life, from family to friends to co-workers, I would wonder how I could be so popular with all of them. I wouldn't have understood how cockiness, order giving and stomping around inspires women to be deferential and sweet. Indeed, as a young man, I always wondered why it was that women I asked out would reject nice me so handily, but then they would go on to date guys who treated them poorly.
In this post, I'd like to present a ranking scale of where you and your wife/girlfriend are, and what you can do to upgrade her. I still don't recommend marriage for any man with the way the anti-male laws are today, and for all the many reasons I've written on this blog. This information, I hope, goes only to dating men, or men who are married with children who want to protect their kids by taking control of their marriages. Childless bachelors have little idea of the naked terror a man feels when his kids are in danger of being harmed or removed from his life, but I know about the empty pit in the stomach, lost weight, chaotic thoughts, dizziness and suicidal fantasies. Trust me. So let's get to it:
Rank S - Superb
- Does as her man says, with little to no question.
- Initiates sex some or most of the time, and it's on upwards of five times a week.
- Proactively cooks and offers massages, presents and other shows of love.
- Proactively thanks her man for what he does.
- Checks with her man before making a decision.
- Makes almost immediate changes when her man's desires contradict her personality or actions.
Since there is no way to rank up from a Rank S woman, being at the top and all, I'll instead offer some basic advice on how to keep her here:
- Don't every apologize. Ever. Even if you do something horrible like accidentally run over her cat, focus on what you'll do to make it right, or on how you made a mistake. Never, ever apologize to a woman, unless you're joking.
- Never ask her permission. When you're going to do something, treat it as a foregone conclusion. "So, what do you think about that? Is it ok if we take a vacation to Russia?" and words like this will slowly rank her down because she sees you as not leading. Instead, "Hey, I've got some money saved up, so let's go to Russia in two months" will show her who is making the decisions in the relationship and keep her in line. If she does protest or offer criticisms, do it anyway/go without her/laugh off her advice, anything but actually giving her any kind of credence. If she ends up being right about something, take her advice with a light, cocky grudge. I like to squint my eyes a little, lift my head up and look away from her, pause for a few seconds, exhale deeply, then concede her point... then either add my own idea on hers or order her to do something. For example, if she suggests I take a long sleeved shirt to town, I'll say, "All right. It needs to get some air." Or, I might say, "Yeah. Hey, I'll call thirty minutes before I come back, so make me some burritos." Every time you ask a woman permission for something, it's a tacit admission that she sits at the big kid's table... and she should never think that.
- You can offer her compliments, especially if she's making changes you like, but always follow up with how she can do more or do better. If you keep complimenting your girl, she'll become complacent and stay where she is. But if you say, "Nice waist. Way better than before. Keep going." It not only shows her that her old waist was unacceptable, but she still has changes to make.
- Be physically dominating. Every once in a while, grab her or get up in her business. I like to put my hand on her waist as she walks by every once in a while to stop her, then look sideways at her for a little bit. It's up to her how she responds (usually she giggles or smiles), but if she asks what I want, I use my other hand to finger tap my cheek twice to get a kiss. Get up behind her while she's cooking, only an inch or two away, then delay a few seconds before growling, "Love hamburgers, babe." Or grab a breast. Or both. When you pass her in a hallway, give her a butt a dominating, light swat or squeeze.
- Order her around. You can thank her and show appreciation for her actions so you can encourage her to do more of them, but don't use words like "please," "could" or "would." As a man, the most polite word you should use for your girl should me nothing stronger than "can." Compare the feeling between "Could you make me a sandwich? Thanks a lot!" to "Can I get a sandwich, babe?" Women love taking orders from strong men because it shows them who they're deferring to.
- Use fewer words than she does. If she gives you ten words describing her troubles at work, answer with five. If she says she loves you, answer "Yeah," or "Same." On that note, try to avoid telling her you love her, even if you do. I honestly don't think I've told my wife this for the last six to twelve months, but she's told me several dozen times. You want her chasing you, and being quieter is one way to get her to do that. If you ever tell her a long story or joke and she responds with a shorter answer, freeze her out and ignore her until she comes to talk to you again, tilting the balance of power back to you. It won't take long, trust me.
- Never show weakness. Never show fear. Never show any feeling besides confidence, irritation if she makes a mistake, or some other emotion of power. Weakness is to women what obesity is to men, sexually speaking.
- Don't respond to her nonsense with passive-aggressive copy-mockery. Before I stopped engaging with western people online, I used to see a lot of this in comments sections and videos where someone would repeat words of someone else, but change the words slightly to make the other look foolish. For example, one person might say, "You DO realize that guns can be used to protect children from home invading predators, right?" to which someone else would respond, "You DO realize that the police can help, right?" or "You DO realize that guns can be used to kill innocents, right?" This concept also applies to copying the actions of someone else to karmically punish them for what they've done. For example, if your wife burns the pizza she cooked but she lies that it tastes fine, then you would cook burned sandwiches the next night and say they tasted fine. This kind of catty nonsense gives your girl two impressions: first, that the two of you are equal, otherwise the man wouldn't be copying the woman in word or action. You and your girl are NOT equal. Second, it calls out the negative actions of your girl, which is good, but provides no sense of leadership to what she should do instead. In the pizza and sandwich example, a better move would be to cook the best meal you possibly could, serve it to your girl, then after she ate it, get right up in her business and say, "Tell me that was delicious" with a cocky smile, and she'll agree. If she says it wasn't, jokingly threated to kick her ass, then pick her up, throw her into bed, rip off her clothes and go at it. If the kids or someone else is around, still pick her up, but throw her on the couch and tickle her until she submits.
Rank A - Arguing
- Argues with her man about things every so often.
- Initiates sex rarely, and it's on once or twice a week.
- Cooks and offers massages, presents and other shows of love when asked, but sometimes refuses.
- Proactively thanks her man for what he does, but sometimes forgets.
- Makes some unilateral decisions.
- Makes some personal changes at her man's request.
Some men may find this kind of woman attractive, one of those "strong and independent" types that the media goes on and on about, but I personally find them draining. They will constantly second guess what you do, and even after you consistently prove that you know what you're doing, they'll be back time and again to complain about something else, which also puts them at risk to ranking down to Rank B, given enough leeway. A quick example from my vacation last month with my mom and sister:
Sister: What was that he tried to give you?
Me: Stickers. You can exchange them for free stuff, but I'm not interested.
Sister: Wait, but it's free stuff. Why don't you just take them home?
Me: It's basically exchanging $25 of purchases for $1 of candy. I don't want the food anyway and it's not worth it.
Mother: But maybe they'll change what they offer.
Me: They don't.
Mother: But it's free food. Just take them back with you. You're going to come back later anyway, right?
Me: I don't want the food, and it's a very slight save. It's all just a ploy to get me to buy more than I want right now so I can collect enough stickers to get something I don't much want anyway later on.
Sister: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. I'll save more money this way.
(Ten minutes later)
Mother: Why did you close the window? It's stuffy in here.
To avoid this constant second guessing, I find Rank S women to be way, way more appealing to live with. If you have a Rank A on your hands and want to rank her up, you should always follow the advice given above in Rank S, with special focus put on points 2 and 5: never ask permission, and order her around. Flip the relationship and make it clear that you are calling the shots. Give this a few days, a few weeks maximum, and you'll have yourself a Rank S on deck.
Rank B - Babying
- Does not do as told most of the time.
- Initiates sex only if not asked for a while. Denies sex a lot, leaving it to once or twice a month.
- Begrudgingly helps out around the house when asked about half of the time.
- Condescends to her man and orders him around.
- Acts unilaterally with big decisions and doesn't trust much, if any, input from her man.
- Hardly ever changes.
Your girl has gotten this far because you haven't been acting like a man. If she has just started being like this, it's probably going to get worse in a few weeks or months because you are doing everything wrong, and you need to take my advice immediately. If she's been like this for a while and hasn't gotten worse, then you're doing some things right and others wrong, so there's much more hope for you.
Rank B women feel that your leadership isn't good enough to lead your relationship, and have started to take a more proactive role in guiding things between you. She takes on a motherly role to direct things in a way she thinks is better, but this directly contradicts her genetic code, which screams at her to submit to a powerful authority. As such, she treats you, her man, like a baby, because if you aren't her master, you are her child.
When you have a Rank B on your hands, you'll find that nothing you do is ever correct. You put the dishes away wrong, you ate your chicken incorrectly, you need to put on more clothes, you should tell your boss about your troubles, you need to exercise more, your friends are a bad influence, could you open the window that's right next to me, could you turn up the TV when the remote is right in my hands... a Rank B will make you feel like you're back in grade school again.
To rank this girl up, follow all of the advice mentioned above under Rank S, and especially the points mentioned in Rank A. She is testing your authority, and you have failed time and again to provide the leadership she wanted. You need to turn the tables on her, and you need to order her around EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to baby you. When she asks you to close the door, and even if you're closer, answer, "You can do it." This not only gives her an order to follow, but the addition of the word "can" makes it like a challenge that she needs to accept to prove herself to you. If she refuses, it also gives you the easy response of, "What, you can't do it?" Then you can laugh at her and walk away to do something else, showing that you don't put yourself below her anymore.
Remember, she only gives you a hard time because you let her do it. I know taking back your balls and standing up to your wife feels strange and uncomfortable as hell the first time or two you do it, but that's what deprogramming the woman worshiping brainwashing that you received your entire life feels like. Keep this up, and your wife will rank up and you'll wonder how you ever bowed or scraped to her whims in the past when being a man feels so much more natural... for the both of you.
Rank C - Criticizing
- Flagrantly disrespects and flaunts the authority of her man.
- Never initiates sex, and frequently denies it for upwards of a season.
- Hardly ever shows love of any kind, and when she does, only under passive-aggressive protest.
- Criticizes her man for everything he does (even in public), always demands more, and never thanks him.
- Engages in any kind of behavior she wants, often contrary to what her man wants simply to be contrarian.
- Never changes.
Understand that your girl is Rank C because you let her get here. I understand that you probably weren't taught well by your absent/hangdog father, your ball-busting mother and your woman worshiping culture (I sure wasn't), but now that you've found this blog, you have no excuse. It's time to get your life back, and rank this Rank C woman up.
In all honesty, though, if things have gotten this bad, my advice might not even work and you should really consider breaking up or divorcing, but if you're married with children and you need to protect your little ones, go balls to the wall, do what I say and hope for the best: your children do not need to see their mother breaking you down like she does, or they'll likely grow up to do/receive the same thing.
As usual, you'll need to follow the Rank S advice above, but in this case, hold off on points 3, 4 and 5 for a little bit because you're dealing with a Rank C who doesn't trust your authority yet. Complimenting her will swell her head even further, even if you follow it with a dig. Trying to proactively touch her will probably provoke a negative physical response. Ordering her around will make her laugh at you. No, a Rank C needs to be improved at the base before you can do anything else. So what should you do?
First of all, immediately shut her out. Spend as much time as possible either away from the house, or with your kids, whichever is applicable. Give her one word answers to everything, leave the house to hang with friends or watch a movie without telling her where you're going, refuse anything and everything she tries to offer you, and avoid eye contact at all times. If she stands in front of the TV or something similar to force you to look at her, glare at her then order her to move. If she asks what's wrong, shake your head at her, snort derisively, whatever it takes to nonverbally show your displeasure, then disappear for a few hours. Do not ask for sex, and if she tries to initiate with you as a sort of apology (she's probably confused about what's going on and thinks sex will solve it), refuse her. "Not interested" is a good answer. Delete her text messages without reading them. Refuse her calls.
The purpose of this exercise is to shake up the comfortable little world she's built up where you hop to and do exactly what she wants, but even more importantly, for her mind to swirl with a thousand chaotic thoughts of what is going on in your relationship. "Is he cheating?" "Did I forget something?" "What happened?" You want this chaos to swirl around her mind for a few days or a week (any more than that, and she'll probably start cheating or preparing to leave you, if she hasn't done one or both of these already). Then, when it seems like she's at her breaking point, there's only one thing left to do.
Yell. Let her corner you somewhere, then turn the tables and put the utter fear of God into this woman who has disrespected, used and taken advantage of you for so long. Tell her about all the things she put you through, about every one of her failings as a human being. Do not try to meet her halfway by apologizing, even if you've made a mistake; just verbally trash her actions and character. Also, don't cuss more than necessary because you want her to fear the ideas behind your words, not necessarily the words themselves: wield your words like a scalpel to cut her metaphorical heart out, and leaving her a crying, apologizing mess of blubbering clay that is ready to be remolded into something beautiful. Take that chaos you created in her mind throughout the shutout, and prepare to shape and direct it into a better direction: one that you have chosen and you will lead better than she ever could.
When you're done, disengage and put her on freezeout for a while, prompting her to cook for you, initiate sex and otherwise chase you. For my wife, I went about six months before I started giving her compliments in addition to orders or cooking for her, because I knew then that she was to the side and below me again, and it was safe to offer niceties here and there. And for God's sake, do NOT forget to lead her now that you're back in charge: if you yell at her but just go back to the life where she called the shots, you'll be back in this position again in no time. Ever wonder why you had a father, a friend or someone else who kept getting back into it with their girl, fight after fight? THIS IS WHY.
One last note, though: if you live in a woman worshiping country that has passed domestic violence laws that translate "yelling" as "abuse," you can consider doing everything above except replace yelling with icy cold condescension. In fact, this may be more effective than yelling if you live with a naturally rebellious woman who fights everyone, but I've successfully ranked up my mother, sister and wife with this technique at different times, all three of whom are fighters to some degree, and not one of them has dared to return to Rank C. All things considered, if you live in a culture that will view you as the bad guy no matter what because you are the male, I again advise you to just break up with your Rank C girl and not make the same mistakes again with your new one. If you're married with children, though, this is what you need to do to get your life, and the lives of your family, back on track.
Rank D - Dangerous
- Violently disrespects and flaunts the authority of her man.
- Frequently denies sex and only initiates as a show of power and control.
- Never shows love of any kind.
- Physically assaults her man when her ridiculous requirements are not met.
- Flaunts all authority and does anything she pleases.
- Never changes.
You are in mortal danger living with this woman. Perhaps this is your fault because she started at Rank A or B, but through your constant refusals to lead or deal with your girl's nonsense, it's fallen to this point. Perhaps another man abdicated his duties (her father or ex), and now you're dealing with the fallout. In any event, there is only one way to rank up a Rank D woman, and it's not therapy or religion: she will eventually relapse, I promise you. The answer to a Rank D is a haymaker.
Don't do it. If you beat your Rank D girl into submission to protect yourself and bring her back from the edge, you will be punished for it. If it's not her ex, it will be her brother, her uncle, her father, the police, a judge, prison inmates, or someone else. For defending yourself, you will be jailed, beaten, or even killed. Your only answer to a Rank D woman is to get the hell out of there, or if you are married with kids, record her abuse, then get the hell out of there. Understand?
Men pre-1965 in America knew that striking a woman is the quickest way to rank her up, and the only way to fix her when she's fallen this far. You might have seen these kind of premeditated attacks in the media on classic TV shows or documentaries. But many of those men also used physical violence as a way to control their women in cases where it wasn't necessary at all, where any of the above techniques for Rank C, B and A women would have worked just as fine. The major point is, there is almost never a good reason to strike a woman, and even when there is, you will pay for it as a man, no matter who the aggressor was. So just don't do it, and run. Run hard, run now, run silent, run deep, run like Mexican water through a first-time tourist, but the key word here is "run."
Really, if my ranking system of women holds any kind of water, it would account for the cycle of abuse that women undergo with violent boyfriends or husbands that they stay with. A powerful, violent man gets with a woman at Rank S or A who respects his confidence and strength, but as time goes on, she starts to dig more and more at him and his actions by s*** testing him through criticism, disrespect and other nonsense, ranking down to Rank B, C or D. The violent man, either raised by another violent man or with no good father in his life to give him proper techniques for controlling women, beats the daylights out of her. She immediately ranks back up to Rank S to follow this powerful man who "loves" and "protects" her, and he begins the process of reconciliation where he apologizes for what he did, taking better care of her. She immediately loses respect for this supplicating woman worshiper, ranks back down, and the process begins anew.
I know this might be a lot to take in, and when I was reading up on information for men about troubles like this, I felt overwhelmed as well. But to help you where I had less guidance, let me assure you that a change in mindset is the absolute most important thing. Just by coming to this blog and reading this far, you've at least shown an inquisitiveness to what may be going on in your relationship with your girl, and accepting that you might have a problem is the first step. Having some self-respect, taking back your balls and standing up to the mini tyrant in your house will come next, and in each case, your thought processes will change to provide you the words and actions needed to keep your girl in line. You don't need to follow each of the examples I provided to the letter; they will come naturally to you because of your new mindset. I've just provided basic blueprints and suggestions.
I know this is true because I read blogs on dealing with women and how to answer this or that text, or respond to this or that s*** test when chasing girls, and the author would provide sample answers on how to make her like you better. When I first started reading in 2012 while I was awakening to what it meant to be a man, I would struggle to come up with an answer for several seconds, and it would always come out wrong or deferential. Just a year after I started making changes in my life and marriage, I can now pick nearly perfect answers (sometimes word for word, based on what the author wrote as a possible answer) in less than two seconds. It's all about the mindset.
The best one I've found in Chateau Heartiste by Roissy. If the Don't Marry blog beat me over the head with the realities of how I was completely wrong about women and relationships, then Roissy crucified, disemboweled and dismembered my woman worshiping carcass with his shiv, leaving me to slowly put myself back together like the T-1000.
I've grown stronger for it, and you can too.