tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86074945181224730592024-03-13T03:40:44.720-07:00Marriage SucksDiscussing the dream crushing routine, work and sacrifice of a married man.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-79152254332670305852016-12-31T20:14:00.000-08:002016-03-08T11:00:38.850-08:00Marriage is my life's best and worst decisionFor people on mobile phones, here are the labels to speed you around the blog:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/search/label/Problems">Marriage Problems</a><br />
<a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/search/label/Solutions">Marriage Solutions</a><br />
<a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/search/label/Then%20and%20Now">Single Life Then and Marriage Now</a><br />
<br />
This blog is a warning to those contemplating marriage from a man who has been married since early 2008.<br />
<br />
It all started in the beginning of January, 2008, after four months of dating my then-girlfriend-now-wife. I had just returned from a Christmas trip overseas, and a few days went by before she told me her period was late. Being ever the optimist, I just wrote it off as something that women go through every once in a while and dismissed her concerns, telling her it was natural and it sometimes just happened. We were using protection. How could she possibly be pregnant?<br />
<br />
Then a few more days went by. A week. Two weeks. Still, no period. I think at that time, I knew I was absolutely screwed, but I still held out the hope that this was just something her body was going through, and that it wasn't the end of everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I'll never forget the day when I heard the news: January 24th, 2008. She wanted definitive confirmation of whether or not she was pregnant, and had taken a birth control test from a local store.<br />
<br />
Positive. Then, in a panic, she tried another: positive. She hurriedly called me, frantic that she was going to have a baby with someone she had only known for a few months. I reassured her that it couldn't be true, and even if it was, that I would take care of her. I meant what I said, and my actions since then have certainly proven my honesty. But at the time, I still held out the hope that this was all a mistake, a dream, something, anything but a baby. She told me that that night, she would go to the hospital to make absolutely sure if she was pregnant or not.<br />
<br />
I went to work, taught my students, and was on my way home at around 9:00 that night. I was walking my usual way home, when I felt my cellphone begin to buzz in my pocket, indicating an incoming text message.<br />
<br />
Everything slowly went dark. Vibrant shops and bustling people turned into colorless blobs and were reduced into obstacles I didn't want to walk into. All of my dreams fled my mind in an instant, and were replaced with defeat and pessimism. A sudden weight bore down upon my shoulders, a feeling which has not left me to this day. How did I know she was pregnant? If she weren't, I reasoned, she would have called me, not texted me. Already knowing the answer, I opened my phone, and read the confirmation of the end of my life.<br />
<br />
Being in shock, I don't remember quite what I said to her when I called her back. It was probably something comforting, letting her know I would take care of her and the baby no matter what. I vaguely remember that after I hung up, I wandered home in a daze, showered, then went to bed, hoping that when I woke up, it would all have been a dream.<br />
<br />
It wasn't. I woke up the next day feeling as helpless and defeated as I did the night before. Not long after the news came, she pressured me into marrying quickly, because people over here "tend to talk" when a pregnant girl is not married with the man who fathered her child. I obliged, and we were married a month later.<br />
<br />
During the time we had gotten the news, but were still living apart, I was trying to live up my life as best I could before I officially lost everything. When she wasn't over at my place, I traveled as much as possible, hung with my friends, spent as much time alone as I could, did everything I knew I wouldn't be able to once we moved in together. But all the while, the stress of everything I had just lost was weighing down on my shoulders, and soon enough, my job contract was up, we moved in together, and my son was born not long after.<br />
<br />
I'm going to get into the things I've lost and how miserable my life is in future blog posts. This introductory post shall serve simply to explain my overall situation.<br />
<br />
Marriage is the best decision I have ever made for everyone around me. Coming from a family of at least three generations of abandonment, abuse and neglect, I was one of the first to break the cycle and stick around to raise his kids right. Every person in my life has been enriched by my decision:<br />
<br />
- My wife has a husband and son, when she thought she would never have either, and I paid off her unpaid back taxes and college debts. I also gave her her own place to live and got her out of her mom's house. She has frequently told me that she is more emotionally mature than before, and much, much happier with her life.<br />
- My mother-in-law has a grandson to dote on, I personally paid off her massive bank debt, and I'm also supporting her, since she's too old to work.<br />
- My sister-in-law has a nephew to dote on, in addition to me, again, paying off some of her debts while she was unemployed for two years.<br />
- My mother has a grandson to dote on.<br />
- My sister has a role model to look up to as a good parent to her own surprise child.<br />
- My son has the father and life I never had growing up, living in a house of fun, love and discipline to grow to be a strong and honorable man.<br />
<br />
Sounds like a pretty sweet deal for all involved. Everyone made out like a bandit, right?<br />
<br />
No.<br />
<br />
Marriage is the worst decision I have ever made for myself. I've had years to sort this out, and I can definitively say that, aside from my son, marriage has provided me nothing I couldn't have gotten anywhere else. More importantly, it has robbed me of nearly everything that made my life worth living, and given me little else than problems in return.<br />
<br />
In short, this is what marriage has given me:<br />
<br />
- More stress.<br />
- More work.<br />
- More chores.<br />
- More debts.<br />
- More drama.<br />
- A family, which is primarily hard work, routine and sacrifice, with only scattered, isolated moments of happiness and fun.<br />
<br />
And this is what marriage has taken from me:<br />
<br />
- My money.<br />
- My emotional stability.<br />
- My dreams. <br />
- My free time.<br />
- My freedom.<br />
<br />
If you wish to know more of what I have learned and experienced as a married man, at the bottom of this post are three labels:<br />
<br />
- For essays or experiences on why marriage will drain and ruin you, especially if you are a man, click "Problems."<br />
- If you already tied the noose and need advice on how to deal with your life and/or awful wife, click "Solutions."<br />
- To compare an unmarried man's life to that of a married man, click "Then and Now."<br />
<br />
Next, my policy on commenting: I will not censor comments, positive or negative, provided they contain nothing illegal or threatening, or aren't blatant spam trying to advertise something. On the other hand, I don't expect rational discussion over a topic so enmeshed with tribalism and the biological drive for sex or children, so to save yourself some time, try not to leave comments that marginalize me, or derail the conversation from the points I've brought up. As such, you should avoid:<br />
<br />
<b>1. Changing the subject</b><br />
<br />
"You should have known what could happen with a girlfriend."<br />
"I wouldn't want someone like you as a husband."<br />
"Why should I believe someone who was short-sighted enough to smoke cigarettes and get cancer?"<br />
"You'll get no pity from me."<br />
"And yet, life goes on."<br />
"You just married the wrong person."<br />
<br />
You can discuss other things on this blog, but if you're trying to sell marriage, acknowledge my major points first.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Namecalling and loaded language</b><br />
<br />
"You're a bitter loser."<br />
"Why should I listen to a misogynist?"<br />
"Stop whining."<br />
"Learn to be more mature."<br />
"Wow... this blog is pathetic."<br />
<br />
Smearing my character or acting dismissive doesn't change the logic of my statements.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Strawman</b><br />
<br />
"More chores doesn't make marriage bad."<br />
"You wrote an entire blog just looking for people to take your side?"<br />
"You should go back to your bar and club girls."<br />
"Why do you want people to abandon their children?"<br />
"Just because you have a bad marriage doesn't mean all marriage is bad."<br />
<br />
Please don't stuff words in my mouth (or make baseless and false assumptions), then declare victory over your caricature.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Denial</b><br />
<br />
"You're a liar." (Fail to mention how)<br />
"You're wrong." (Fail to mention why)<br />
"Shut up."<br />
"Go away."<br />
<br />
Just saying the first two doesn't make them true, and all four variants of the same logical fallacy are only intended to get me to shut down without logically acknowledging my points.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Arguing from exception</b><br />
<br />
"I'm happily married, so you're wrong."<br />
"My friend is happily married, so you're wrong."<br />
"Not all women/marriages/etc... are like that."<br />
<br />
Finding one, or a small handful, of exceptions to a general rule is intellectually dishonest, because you fail to address the logic or evidence of the rule. The only thing you succeed in doing with this logical fallacy is proving that an exception exists, but unless I use the word "all" to describe marriage or anything else about it, then you are proving nothing.<br />
<br />
<b>6. Postmodernism / Relativism</b><br />
<br />
"You do realize that other people like different things than you, right?"<br />
"Am I not allowed to have my own views?"<br />
"Well, that's your opinion."<br />
"Let's agree to disagree."<br />
<br />
My logically sound views being different from other people's less convincing ones doesn't make mine unworthy of consideration, and it doesn't equate the two in any way.<br />
<br />
The current record, and apparently most popular combination, for intellectual dishonesty is Changing the subject, Namecalling and Strawman, 3/6. I have spoken to less than a dozen people online about marriage, but this same exact combination actually happened in no less than <b>four</b> different places from four <b>completely</b> different people, showing the prevalence of this kind of refutation. Basically, ignore the message, then attack a caricature of the messenger in an effort to smear him. I would appreciate it if you were not like these people, or the dozens of others who mix and match the above methods to champion marriage with few to no convincing points whatsoever.<br />
<br />
Finally, I want to thank all the well wishes and posts of concern about my current status, which is quite different from what this top post introduced (i.e. my life leading up to 2012). If you don't wish to poke around my blog to find the important posts that led to me changing my life, this is the most important:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/05/marriage-review-2012-to-2013.html">2012-2013 Marriage Review</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com212tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-30896815413798835452016-06-05T23:10:00.002-07:002016-06-15T19:32:31.377-07:00Curing depression and attracting girlsDo you want to get better?<br><br>
Until you answer this question affirmatively, not even God can help you. If you can say yes to this, please keep reading.<br><br>
***<br><br>
I'm not selling anything. I'm not asking you to join a religion or spend any money on anything. I'm not going to recommend you get on any kind of medication. I will not fill this blog post with nothing more than pithy statements about "being yourself" or "the right one will come along someday." I'm writing this blog post to give you exact descriptions of the problems you have that are leading to your depression and/or possible lack of success with women, and instructions on how to fix these things. So let's not waste any more time and get to it.<br><br>
You're depressed because you are missing one or more of the following things:<br><br>
1. Integrity<br>
2. A goal<br>
3. Thought control<br><br>
<b>1. Integrity</b><br><br>
To cure depression, this is the very first step. If I have noticed any common thread among people with depression, including myself from the age of 14 to 21, it was this: you have no sense of personal identity and/or no personal code of ethics of what constitutes the ideal you. Those without integrity are doomed to drift about in whatever group they've adopted the identity from (racial, gender, political, familial or something similar), and leave their personal sense of identity and happiness open to change, or even attack, by people in this group.<br><br>
If you define yourself by the group that you belong to, your life and happiness will be subject to violent and forceful change any time someone in that group judges you, or anytime the goals of that group change and you are forced to adjust your identity or leave the group. If you have no sense of identity at all, your happiness will be at the whims of any random person who judges you, and you will have no defense against it because you have no idea who you are or what the ideal you is.<br><br>
For those of you with this problem, the solution is to define what you want to be, then ask yourself if the current you matches up to this ideal you. In order to define this ideal you, I suggest this process:<br><br>
1. Make a long list of the people you admire in the world.<br>
2. Define what makes them your idols.<br>
3. Combine and generalize these traits until you have a short list of attributes ("Famous" and "Rich" could combine to "Successful," for example). 2-4 of them is best, because one may be too focused, while more than four may be confusing and hard to remember or work towards.<br><br>
When the list is complete, focus every action and thought of yours from this point forward on fulfilling the conditions you've laid out for yourself. Fail to do this, and your tempestuous, ever-changing sense of identity will be as chaotic as the life you're currently not enjoying.<br><br>
<b>2. A goal</b><br><br>
Without a goal, it's easy to lose motivation and backslide into your old ways, no matter what you're trying to do to fix yourself. This goal is different from your ideal self because it is an external one, a goal that you focus your studies, experience and work towards obtaining.<br><br>
This problem is an easy one to solve, and merely involves asking yourself what you like to do. When you've found that, translate that into an occupation that you can work with to make money while you enjoy this thing. If it can't translate into an occupation, then make this goal something that you realize when you are off of work. So I wouldn't recommend making "Become a rock star" into your goal because of the abysmal success rate of this dream, but "Play awesome music with people I like" will be something you can obtain with strong effort, and who knows, that tangential rock star dream may just come about for you. But whatever goal you want will be good for you. Fail to do this, and you will drift about with no purpose for the rest of your life.<br><br>
<b>3. Thought control</b><br><br>
What are feelings and emotions? They don't come from the heart, and they aren't ephemeral phantoms that can't be defined or reasoned with. Feelings and emotions are <b><i>instinct</b></i>, nothing more than animalistic, automatic thought. They arise from thinking about something for so often that the idea becomes self-perpetuating.<br><br>
If you've ever wondered why a person says they love someone they hardly know, and they have absolutely no explanation as to why, it's because they keep thinking about this person. If you've ever wondered why you're depressed, it's because you either focus your thoughts on the unhappiness inherent in your life, or because you allow the chaos in your brain to run in every dark direction uncontrolled.<br><br>
This step is absolutely vital to curing depression. No matter how good of an ideal you that you create, no matter what kind of an excellent goal you have in mind, both of them will go absolutely nowhere unless you can focus yourself on what you want to be, and what you want to do. Actions, feelings and emotions, every single one of these things is first caused by what you think and cast your attention towards. Imagine killing someone, and your body will tense up, your breath will become shallow and you'll be ready to fight. Imagine sleeping with a person you hardly know, and your body will react to prepare yourself for sex.<br><br>
You must, must, must focus your mind on your ideal self and goal if you want to cure your depression. Replace all negative thoughts with realistic or positive ones. Do not engage in the comfort of self-destructive thoughts of giving up and lazily embracing nothingness. Fight these automatic thoughts, these feelings, as hard as you can and do not backslide even once; this process of thinking realistically and positively will turn from active chore into passive and automatic if you just keep at it for a week or two, a month or two tops. Fail to do this, and your mind will be sending signals to your body and emotions to shut down and remain as stagnant as they have been since your depression started.<br><br>
And that's it. Define who you want to be, define what you want to do, and don't stop focusing your mind on these things until you have accomplished them.<br><br>
Too often I have seen people, including my old self, get stuck on recognizing that they have a problem, but refusing to take that second step and create a plan to fix their problems. I've seen people point to their broken families or a disease that causes their suicidal tendencies, disorders or depression, then just throw their hands up and say, "That's how it is. I'm depressed and that's why," then go back to wrap themselves in that unhappiness.<br><br>
One of these reasons for not changing is the idea that a chemical imbalance causes depression, which is a condition that makes it impossible to fix one's life. It's a sort of circular problem where the condition attacks the very thing necessary to fix it: motivation. It's been my experience, however, that the common understanding of the causality of depression is backwards: it's not a chemical imbalance that causes depression, but depression that causes the chemical imbalance. It is your body reacting to your unhappy and chaotic thoughts where it stops producing as much Serotonin or Dopamine to cause your body to shut down. Once you've started taking step 3, thought control, seriously, you should see a rise in your natural energy levels as your body reacts to your new state of mind.<br><br>
I also understand the things that have caused you to become this way, mostly related to western culture and family structures. Many of you were raised by broken families where your parent(s) had an awful method of raising you, most likely one of the three common mistakes for western parents:<br><br>
1. Disciplining children harshly, or even abusively, for every minor infraction, which leads the child to shutting down.<br>
2. Disciplining children not at all, which leads the child to having no clear boundaries and becoming a bully.<br>
3. Being very erratic with discipline and giving both strong and weak admonishments seemingly at random, which leads the child to becoming confused about proper behavior and either becoming a bully or depressed.<br><br>
In the latter two cases, you can see that the child will have a poor personal sense of identity with such poor boundaries set. Even further, in many cases in western culture, you'll see parents spending time with their children only when they're bad, and hardly spending any of their free time just to hang out or share activities with their kids when they are good. This leads to an even further poor sense of identity as the child seeks an understanding of self from peers, culture or other groups, which leads to the problems associated with the first step of identity above.<br><br>
It doesn't help either that western culture pushes this narrative that you should just be yourself, and that if others have a problem with you, it's their fault. But what if you aren't a good person? What if you aren't where you want to be? "Be yourself" is awful advice for those with no sense of identity and who don't judge themselves by the high standards they set for themselves, and only makes the identity problem even worse. Not caring about what others think only works if you are acting in a moral way that is aligned with your ideal self.<br><br>
So I understand that some may not have known the way to fix their troubles and chosen to remain stagnant, but now that I've laid it out for you, it's time to take action. Whatever happened in your family or past to cause your unhappiness is not your fault, but now that you're old enough to do something about it, every moment you spend unhappy now is yours take responsibility for. Fair or not, it's you who is suffering, and you need to pull yourself out of that hole.<br><br>
You don't have to worry too much, though. I've used these three steps to cure depression, stop smoking and even become attractive to women, and in each of these cases, it only took 1-3 months to make the bulk of the changes. Get started today, and you too could be that ideal self you wanted to be before the end of the next season.<br><br>
<b>Attracting girls</b><br><br>
I put this together with curing depression because so often, these two things go hand in hand. There are many of you who want a girlfriend, but are unable to do so because of your depression and the lifestyle that you are living right now. But know this: you can make the changes above while you take the steps necessary to attract women. These changes, too, should not take more than a few months. Before this, you must first understand what women want:<br><br>
Power. That's it.<br><br>
If you believe women want respect, kindness, understanding or any of that touchy-feely garbage that's constantly shoved down your throat from all directions in western media, change your mind right now. You've no doubt tried the methods listed for you by your so-called cultural betters, and where has it gotten you? Friend zoned, disrespected, laughed at and rejected. Commit this to memory: women want power, and nothing else.<br><br>
Now there are subsets of power that women enjoy, like:<br><br>
- Confidence (you're a charming leader who can influence others, so you're strong)<br>
- Fun (ditto)<br>
- A fast car (you're dangerous and don't care, so you're strong)<br>
- A motorcycle (ditto)<br>
- Excitement (ditto)<br>
- Money (you can move the world, so you're strong)<br>
- Muscles (obvious)<br><br>
And though I don't encourage these things, they still exemplify what women want:<br><br>
- Tattoos (you don't care about consequences and are ready to fight, so you're strong)<br>
- A criminal record (ditto)<br>
- A violent nature (ditto)<br><br>
But all of these things trace back to power. Do you see women out and about with skinnyfat nice guys time and again, or with the tougher men? Will you believe what the media and family tell you, or your own lying eyes? Don't make excuses and say that you're better than this, or that you have standards, or that you shouldn't have to change who you are just so you can avoid making positive changes in your life. If you read the first part of this post about curing depression, you should know that identity is malleable and you can be who you want to be. If you want to attract women, you have to play the game and acquire power.<br><br>
If you've heard that women only go out with tall guys, or handsome guys, or rich guys, you were misled. Some women have absolute standards of height or income or something else, but for most of them, it's a hidden point system where you are granted more or less respect depending on where you stand with your overall power in multiple categories. An ugly man can easily overcome his drawback by getting larger muscles and a nice motorcycle. One of my apartmentmates in college, for example, was a 5'2" Indian guy who was dating a 5'8" white girl, and I'm certain it had everything to do with his muscles, basketball ability and overpowering charm and confidence. If you use your financial situation, height, nose or anything else about your life as an excuse to why girls will never like you, you are not only keeping yourself from improving the many other ways that you can attract women, and you are not only missing the point as to what women find attractive, but you are exuding a weak and defeatist attitude that women can smell like dogs can smell fear. In every way, wrapping yourself in this thinking will keep you from breaking out of your lack of luck with women, and/or keep you firmly depressed.<br><br>
So with all this in mind, the answer to attracting women is simple: acquire and do as many of the things above as you are comfortable with at the same time. Do push-ups and lift weights to develop muscles, learn to ride a motorcycle, get a job and use some of the money to get some nice shoes (because women really care about footwear for some reason), join sports clubs to get in shape and learn how to speak with and charm others, and above all else, focus your mind confidently on a powerful mindset that you will do this, and you won't give up, ever. Remember: mindset is the originator of every action and emotion you have.<br><br>
There's no reason why you can't cure depression and become an attractive man at the same time. Plan it out and get to it. Today.<br><br>
One last thing: get off the internet and stay off of it. Aside from getting IMs to meet-ups with friends or girls, checking the weather, getting movie ticket information or getting quick information on how to deal with problem people from man-friendly sites, something bite-sized and fast like that, there is no reason to be on the net. It's a fake place filled with fake, illogical and socially autistic people bubblewrapped in their safe spaces because the real world and real people are too dark and scary for them to deal with. Everything you need to practice and personally learn about women and society must be learned offline, and the net should only be a tool to acquire quick information and ideas about the world, not a replacement for a real life. Live there, and you sabotage your own efforts to cure depression and meet girls.<br><br>
That's about it. If you want to print out a handy checklist to fixing your life, I'll summarize everything here and you can fill in the blanks with who you want to be:<br><br>
__ Define self:<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
__ Control thoughts<br><br>
__ Goal - ______________________________________<br><br>
__ Acquire power:<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
______________<br><br>
Good luck. But if you stick with these directions and don't give up, you won't need it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-50214880501950459662016-05-01T23:49:00.000-07:002016-06-05T21:33:16.816-07:00Marriage review, 2015 to 2016Still chugging along to 2027:<br><br>
<b>Fights</b><br><br>
There were no fights with my wife this year. She tried checking up on me two or three times, but I swatted all her s*** tests away with denial, orders and cockiness.<br><br>
<b>Chores</b><br><br>
I think I did the dishes once and the laundry once in the last year, and that's it. My wife adores me now more than ever before compared to when I did the chores for 30-60 minutes every night, which is completely counter what those "Want sex? Do chores!" articles from western media state.<br><br>
Were I still single, I would have done every chore once a week. This means that chores is the only improvement of my single life to my married life now.<br><br>
<b>Sex</b><br><br>
I get sex two to four times a week now because I directly push for it, or she comes after me. Cocky strength is what gets her in the bedroom, not respectful communication.<br><br>
If I hadn't married, things would be much the same, but I would have more varied partners, so while it seems nothing much has changed, things would still be better if I were still single.<br><br>
<b>Money</b><br><br>
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills. The saving should be done in about two or three years.<br><br>
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and had around $90,000 extra to give to charity, buy cars, take long vacations or anything else I wanted.<br><br>
<b>Time Off</b><br><br>
This year, I had 60 or 70 days off of work, all Sundays and holidays.<br><br>
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work, at least 120 a year. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.<br><br>
<b>Travel</b><br><br>
I've lived in four cities.<br><br>
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my twelfth city now, and I have a rough idea of where I would be living at this moment.<br><br>
<b>Friends</b><br><br>
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.<br><br>
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 2400 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.<br><br>
<b>Fun & Adventure</b><br><br>
I've had about five to ten fun days out with my wife and/or son, all this year.<br><br>
If I were still single, I could have written over 1400 Then and Now posts on my great life, about 200 a year.<br><br>
<b>Summary</b><br><br>
Things have improved little by little in my married life, especially since I took my balls back and realized the truth that women want power and nothing else, but it still isn't anything like my single life was.<br><br>
Also, with my blog being noticed here or there on the net, I have gotten a few commenters and other truth seekers coming around to see what they could learn about women and marriage, and I'm happy to help out. Again, if human beings were capable of looking at themselves honestly and getting past their illogical beliefs and actions to make necessary changes in their outlooks and lives, I would be going from site to site and telling everyone of what I knew about women, marriage and relationships.<br><br>
But they aren't. So I won't. I will keep serving those who come around of their own accord, though, so no worries about me going anywhere.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-50889645479222829162016-04-11T23:17:00.001-07:002016-06-12T23:17:23.957-07:00My history with womenAnother month of nothing has gone by, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, that's marriage. My wife has been submissive in every possible way as I act like the tough man she's always wanted me to be, and I've noticed many changes in her behavior compared to five years ago. On her own, she's texted me thank you texts at least ten times for being an excellent father or husband in the last month. She's ready to sleep together on command and hasn't refused me for non-medical reasons for the last six or twelve months (it's actually on so much that I think we're outpacing ourselves when we were still dating). She bought a book about minimalism on her own last week and started sharing how she's not only limited her purchases over the past year or two, but also how she's ready for us to travel the world with nothing more than backpacks full of supplies in eleven years. She's even asked my permission to sell an extra cheap purse that she bought online. She is eager to prove herself at all times to me and is constantly seeking my approval and confirmation, and she gets it, with added instructions on what I expect from her next.<br><br>
And no, I still don't recommend that you get married, not if you have things you want to accomplish in this world. I'm still forbidden from sleeping with women who are clearly interested in me and about fifteen years younger than my wife, and I still can't travel the world for another decade, when I will have waited a grand total of about 20 years before I can hit the road again. My son is the best product of this marriage, but those of you who live in a western country don't even have legal rights to your children as long as your hypothetical wife can pull the plug at any time for any reason, and take your kid away a literal 90% of the time these things go to court.<br><br>
So same old, same old.<br><br>
If human beings were capable of introspection, logical thinking and the diligence necessary to eliminate personal problems as they arose, I might be taking my wisdom from website to website and trying to save as many men as possible. But most people have zero interest in these truths, and every response I get will almost certainly be from the logical fallacies I mentioned in the top post:<br><br>
"Wow, just wow. Are you kidding me? (NAMECALLING) I can't believe you think all women are slutty manhaters (CHANGE THE SUBJECT, STRAWMAN) who have nothing better to do than conspire (STRAWMAN) against micropenis (NAMECALLING) losers (NAMECALLING) like you. Everything you've just said is literally just your own opinion, (RELATIVISM) and doesn't apply to every woman everywhere (STRAWMAN, ARGUMENT FROM EXCEPTION). I've been married for twenty years and I've never acted like your wife has (ARGUMENT FROM EXCEPTION). Just because you have a bad marriage (STRAWMAN) doesn't mean all marriage is bad (STRAWMAN, ARGUMENT FROM EXCEPTION). Go back to your mom's basement (DENIAL, NAMECALLING) and get some therapy (DENIAL, NAMECALLING) for your obvious mental issues (NAMECALLING)."<br><br>
I've beaten my head against this brick wall enough times to get nothing more than a splitting headache and a big purple welt while some variation of the above comment is my only response. I've tried to save men from themselves by encouraging them to not get married or lose their power in a one-sided relationship only to see them do it anyway, including friends and family, time and again. The moment I realized I was no longer responsible for the behavior of others because they would never listen to me (about two years ago), and the moment I stopped feeling guilty for holding this knowledge to myself and only providing it to my son, who actually listens to me, was a moment of great release for me.<br><br>
I am not the Pied Piper. I am not a catcher in the rye. I am not my fellow man's keeper. I am a protector of secrets, the holder of the Dead Sea Scrolls, the spirit that protects a treasure trove of knowledge on how to deal with women. I catalog the wisdom of men far wiser, more intelligent and more experienced that I ever will be, and season my own experiences throughout to prove the efficacy of these masters' teachings. What I don't do is set out to gain converts from a populace of illogical, self-destructive westerners who would cling white-knuckled to their pretty lies while the women in their lives utterly destroy them in every possible way. And if I have written well, if I have provided keen insight to you who read this, know that it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.<br><br>
So with nothing much to mention about my marriage, as boring as it is, I thought I'd write another post on how to deal with women, using my past self and my dealings with trying to find or keep a girlfriend. I apologize for not having much else to say about marriage for the time being, but there are about a hundred posts in the archives of why you should not get married, and if it's any consolation (I know it is to me), but the less I write about the pain of marriage, the more it shows that my life as a married man is more gruel, less torture.<br><br>
Now on to the point of this post. When I used to watch YouTube movies and keep in contact with western culture over six months ago (and leaving the west's degeneracy completely behind has done wonders for the peace in my life), I used to watch MGTOW and red pill related stuff all the time to gather information. One of those kinds of videos was response videos to woman worshipers attempting to give men advice on how to meet girls for a relationship, and I couldn't believe how backwards the information these advisors would give. Literally every time I ever tried any of the worshipers advice on communication, romantic gestures, equality, honesty and respect in my youth, it blew up in my face.<br><br>
So as a public service, I'm here to share my romantic history, with special attention paid to the mistakes I made dealing with our double-X friends for the benefit of any men who find this blog. So have a seat on ol' Uncle John's lap and let me share with you the shame of my sexual past, so you can make sure not to follow in the moronic footsteps of the woman worshiper I used to be.<br><br>
<b>1. Kelly</b><br><br>
Before I get into Kelly, I'd like to share a story. I was 16 or 17 and really getting into the thick of my depression when a friend of mine loaned me Final Fantasy 8, a game from the late 1990s about an emotionally distant, teenage mercenary (Squall) who meets a girl (Rinoa) that throws his entire ordered life for a loop. Through the course of the game, she slowly falls in love with him due to his strength and leadership skills, and especially after he promises to protect her after saving her life. On the other hand, he only realizes and accepts her love when she falls into a coma after a decisive battle later on. Risking everything to cure her, Squall slowly begins to open up and accept the help of his friends to bring Rinoa back to consciousness, and promises to stand with her, even against an entire world that would see her as an enemy. After the last battle, Squall finally calls out to his friends and his love to save him when he ends up all alone, and in the end, Rinoa is finally able to find and rescue him. In the final scene, Squall shares both his first smile, and first kiss, with Rinoa on the balcony near the place they first met.<br><br>
This game affected me deeply when I played it in the midst of my depression. It was a simple and fun game without too much strategy and involved a lot of collecting, but those setpieces, the music, the scenes that displayed pieces of my teenage life in a fantastical way led me to seeing a lot of myself in Squall. We were both abandoned at a young age, we both developed walls to keep others out, we were both moody and obsessed with getting better (physically for him, academically for me), the only real difference between us was that he was highly respected for his strength and became a strong leader who did everything to remain out of the debt of others, while I was a largely ignored part of any group of friends I was with and relied too heavily on people to support me financially and with my life goals.
Nonetheless, the game hit me right in the heart, and from the moment I finished it, I wondered if my own Rinoa was out there. Although this goal of mine eventually led me to the path of healing and it will always remain my favorite game of all time (I just finished playing it again last month), in truth, I had gotten the message of the game wrong, and I wouldn't know it until that fateful day in <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-17.html">Then and Now 17</a> when I truly understood what it was trying to teach.<br><br>
Final Fantasy 8 wasn't teaching me that through love and sex, I would solve all of my problems. The moral was quite the opposite: once you've dealt with your problems, you will find happiness that enriches your life. This is made quite evident in the actions of both Squall, and his adopted sister Ellone, who was taken from him at a young age. Each of them deals with their problems in the completely wrong way and suffers for it: Squall forgets his past through the use of his powers and is unconsciously antisocial to avoid being hurt by others again, while Ellone repeatedly uses her own power to return to the past as an observer in a vain attempt to change history and the mistakes made there. The message is clear: the past must be remembered and learned from, not forgotten or relived, and only then will you find peace (Squall through Rinoa, Ellone through their mutual father Laguna). But I was just a teenager, so I got the message wrong for four years, and that was the beginning of my search for a girlfriend. So with this bit of nerding out finished, on we go to Kelly.<br><br>
I had three classes together with her from junior year: Communications, Math and Art History. During the first, I hardly noticed her or knew who she was because we seldom talked. Sometime after that but before we had the latter two classes together, I played FF8 and was affected heavily by it. Then one day, I was walking into the school library when I saw Kelly about twenty feet away. She turned to me, smiled and waved, then walked off to find her book.<br><br>
It was almost the exact same scene where Squall and Rinoa first met at his graduation party. Kelly even kind of looked like her. At that moment, I was struck with a sudden sense of fright, courage, dizziness, attraction and weakness, a feeling that any man in lust could tell you all about. I decided at that moment to ask her out.<br><br>
I remember that Valentine's Day well. It was raining as I walked to the florist that was about ten blocks off campus, and I used several days' paltry lunch money to buy a single white rose, the color of innocence. As lunch ended, I went to Art History class and secretly held it in my lap for the whole hour, shaking like a leaf.<br><br>
When class ended, I met Kelly outside and gave her the rose, asking her to go out with me. She agreed... and I had never been so happy in my life. I told her I would make a plan, then I went home on cloud nine.<br><br>
The next day, she was super quiet in Math class and only smiled a little when she first saw me. I didn't say anything to her, and when class ended, she left without a word. Lunch eventually came and went, and during Art History it was the same thing: quiet and ignoring me, then leaving the class without a word.<br><br>
I followed her outside and could tell from her body language that something was wrong. "You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to," I said. "I want you to feel comfortable." She suddenly brightened and said it would be better if we remained friends. I didn't eat or sleep for the next few days, and my depression got even worse as I saw my "destiny" taken away from me and replaced with the same heavy unhappiness that had been my life since my depression started at 14.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
Where to start? My hair was too long. I didn't shave once in my life up to that point. I wore T-shirts, shorts and sandals no matter the weather. Despite all this, she was <b>still</b> willing to give me a chance, at which point I should have had a plan for what we would do for our date. I should have had some kind of vehicle, especially a motorcycle, if I weren't such a craven coward to get behind a wheel or handlebars by that point. I didn't change seats to sit next to her during Math class and start laying it on thick ("You ever been on a motorcycle before?" "You ready for tonight? I'll handle everything, just dress nice and have fun.") I self sabotaged by giving her an out after Art History class. The romantic gesture seemed to work in the beginning, but everything else was a disaster. I was nice and communicated well in the beginning and always showed her respect, but in the end, it was fruitless. Should I have communicated more like western advice says? Maybe, but keep reading.<br><br>
<b>2. Nancy</b><br><br>
She was my TA in college, and older than me by about eight years. I bought her a pot of flowers (thinking if one rose wouldn't do it, a bunch of little flowers would), and brought it to her at the library on the pretext that I wanted to redo a quiz, and she pulled me to the side in anger and read me the riot act for five minutes on how inappropriate it was to ask her out. After that earful, she asked if I wanted her to keep the flowers, and I said she didn't have to. I took them outside, dumped them in the trash, and went home to cry.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
I shouldn't have asked out my TA. I shouldn't have been keeping that ridiculous look that I still had from college, but at least I cleaned up after this stupidity. If I really thought I had a chance, I should have worn something to display my status as a strong man, like a leather jacket with a motorcycle helmet under my arm, or beefy muscles. At the very least, I doubt she would have rejected me as angrily as she did.<br><br>
<b>3. Sara</b><br><br>
I met Sara in one of my classes, and she was a kind, funny and smart girl. After class, she and I would go to the library to study together, or I would take her to the computer lab to show her funny animations on the internet. When she had problems with her parents or related stories like how her uncle and aunt stayed together without love for the sake of their children, I listened patiently and gave her advice. I stayed positive and shared my interests with her, and after she shared her personal website with me, I went there to post messages to her and talk with her friends (every one of whom was a man waiting for their chance to date her, as I was).<br><br>
One day, while she was driving me back to my dorm, I asked her out on a date. She said ok, and I made some plans for dinner for the next night. When we got to my apartment, she wasn't smiling as much as she was before, and drove off without much of a word. I got on my email, confused, and messaged her: "You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to," I said. "I want you to feel comfortable." She replied back in a few hours, saying we should just be friends. I shut down for the next few days in sadness.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
This is where I was finally taking the advice of the woman worshipers step by step and word for word, doing everything they told me to do. I spent time with her, I shared my interests, I listened to her problems and offered advice, I waited until we were closer before I made my move, and I was kind to her the entire time. And yet, she still said no.<br><br>
Let's move past the self-sabotage at the end, which was the last time I did that with any woman. This girl never thought of me as anything more than one of her chick friends. I studied with her, listened to her troubles and laughed with her, but those are the hallmarks of thirsty and effeminate losers who don't have the confidence to dominate the girl they're interested in with charm, strength and guidance.<br><br>
Kelly might have been possible and I might have even been able to sleep with her before we graduated if I weren't a loser. Nancy was a no-go. But I am absolutely sure that if I hadn't listened to the stupidity of woman worshipers about respecting women's space and seeing her as my equal and friend, rather than showing her my strength and guiding her to fun and excitement, that Sara would have been my first.<br><br>
My clothes were cleaner, but I needed muscle when I entered college. I should have been pumping iron from the moment I entered to have some decent bulk before I took that particular class with her. I should have gotten a license by that point, rather than allowing the girl I wanted to get with to drive me home like she was my mother. I should never have shared my interests with her and instead focused on hers with orders and power, hardly smiling all the while. "You like art? (Direct and to the point) Show me something you made. (Commanding interest)"<br><br>
I met her a year later by chance. She was dating a new guy who had a permanent scowl on his face and who, I later learned from her, chose his job over her. He told her to wait for him for two years before he came back from working abroad, and she did.<br><br>
Respect, friendliness and communication accomplished nothing with this girl. But it gets worse.<br><br>
<b>4. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-17.html">Leena</a></b><br><br>
Yes, <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-17.html">that</a> Leena. I first met her because she was the friend of my apartmentmate downstairs. I hardly talked to her when she came by, and though I thought she was cute, I didn't really pursue anything. I don't remember exactly what changed that, but I do remember that she joined the church that she eventually got me into, and after she had dealt with her personal problems and found a good path in life, she suddenly seemed to shine more the next time I saw her. Eventually, we struck up a friendship and started emailing back and forth.<br><br>
She and I talked over cafeteria food once or twice, and as I got to know her spiritual side, I fell more and more deeply for her. Leena, unlike Kelly and Sara, was the first girl I ever truly loved, both inside and out.<br><br>
I remember going on a big long drive with her as she took me from place to place around her hometown, showing me a lot of her favorite shops and places she had lived before, and when we came back to my dorm, I was shining more brightly than ever before. Every one of my roommates was laughing at the glow I had around me from being with this kind and fun girl. Later on, Leena and I took another drive around until we came to a restaurant where she had to pick something up from a friend of hers. A waiter there gave her his number before she left, and when she got back to the car, she told me that it was very strange, and that she had no intention of going out with him.<br><br>
In truth, though, this was the car ride where I had planned to make my move. I was sure that the waiter's number giving was going to affect my chances somehow, but I didn't want to wait any longer like I had with Sara, so I asked Leena out in front of my house. To her credit, she refused directly. I was so used to rejection by this point that I let it slide. I was deflated for a few days, then began my search for another girl soon after.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
Leena and I most certainly would have ended up together if I hadn't listened to the fools who dole out wrongheaded advice on how to handle women, but where to begin? There were so many mistakes.<br><br>
First of all, I shouldn't have waited until she went to church to notice how cute she was. She used to be a girl who felt in the shadow of her happy sister and had no goal in life, but if I had swooped in at the first moment I met her by noticing her diamond in the rough situation, I could have been the guide that she needed to live a fulfilling life. Instead, she was far beyond me both before, and especially after, her religion had improved her.<br><br>
She drove me around, just like Sara. You never, never, NEVER let a woman you're interested in drive you places unless you just got into a fistfight and don't have the power to hold the wheel. Letting a woman drive you around is proof that she wears the pants in whatever relationship you have with her, and her dwindling sexual interest will reflect that.<br><br>
If I had driven her to the restaurant to pick up her stuff, I should have laughed at the waiter who gave her his number, then immediately made my own move. "He gave you his number? Ha! That's great. But you'd do much better with a guy like me." (She giggles, then I return a cocky smile) "I'm serious, babe. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 8, and I'm bringing my bike, so don't wear white." (Bark a confident laugh) "I'll show you I can beat a waiter." Instead, I waited until the end of the trip and asked mommy for a night out.<br><br>
What did all that kindness, spiritual sharing, communication, humor and respect get me in the end? A one way ticket to the friend zone.<br><br>
<b>5. Crystal</b><br><br>
I met her in class shortly after Leena's rejection, and I had no idea how damaged she was when I first met her. All I thought was that she was a cute and somewhat sarcastic friend who made our lessons even more fun. I didn't really even fall for her during the months we studied together, but at the end of class, I just decided to give her my email address anyway. She smiled a bright smile and joked, "Is this how you ask for someone's number in the 21st century?" I laughed and said yeah.<br><br>
We got together once or twice to eat as friends, where I was kind and friendly, communicated well, showed her respect, and listened as she described her troubles with her overbearing, possibly abusive father. I showed her concern and gave her advice on what to do, and after a while, began to feel like I wanted to be with this girl so we could both help each other: I would be the one to help her overcome her troubles, and she would help me to be the man I always wanted to be.<br><br>
I set up a date and she agreed to go, and for the first time, a girl I asked out went with me. We ate dinner and talked, then I took her on a moonlight walk around the park, holding her hand. She didn't squeeze back the entire time, forcing me to hold hands with a straight, deadfish hand from an unwilling girl. I was confused, because things were going so well between us before the date was planned, and I did everything society said I should by being understanding and helpful.<br><br>
The date was officially over when her father called her cell in the middle of our walk and yelled at her, then when he was done, we talked about it, then I took her home.<br><br>
But we weren't done. She told me she wanted to be friends by email, and though I stayed away from her for a few months, eventually we both ended up heading to a party together. She told me there about her adventures smoking pot and getting drunk all the time, and seemed to be way more interested in talking to other guys than me, no matter how nice or patient I was in listening to her stories. I watched over her as she got drunker and drunker, until one of her friends noticed and said to her, "John's been like a guardian angel taking care of you this whole time! What a great guy! You should give him a kiss as a thank you... on the cheek, at least."<br><br>
Without missing a beat, she chuckled, then proclaimed, "I'm not <b>that</b> drunk."<br><br>
I went home soon after, feeling the absolute pain of the drunken barb, and we didn't talk for a day or two, until I got an email from her saying how sad she was about her life. I decided to confess my love to her by going outside her apartment complex and calling her house phone on my cell, and one of her roommates picked up and said she wasn't there. I knew it was a lie, so I said, "I'll be waiting outside if she needs me." After hanging up, I stayed outside, lying on the grass on my side, waiting for my cell to ring and for her to rush into my arms, but she never did.<br><br>
Hours later and in the darkness, a security guard surprised me, kicking me in the shoe and telling me to get lost. I moved to another location and lay down there, until a man in a car drove by and gave me his jacket, afraid that I was dying from the cold. At that point, I knew I was acting like a complete fool and went home.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
Notice how Crystal liked me in the beginning. It wasn't because I respected her or communicated well; it's because I IGNORED her. I wasn't interested in her for months, and during this time, I was doing well in class and focused more on a core group of friends who had each other's support as we studied to pull in those high grades. It was only when I started showing interest in Crystal that she started to pull away.<br><br>
When she started bringing up those personal issues, I started in with the nice guy support thing that dries up the affections of any woman. If I had had my head screwed on straight, I would have ordered her to do something to change her life then moved on to something else. "Stop answering the phone for your f***head of a father." (Pause) "Great, now I'm pissed off." (The ambiguity of this sentence, whether I was angry at her or her father, would get her extremely interested in me) "Get your jacket, we're going out to dinner." I seriously doubt her father was doing anything other than trying to get his daughter to stop self-destructing, but salvaging this date would have required taking his position as the new authority in her life.<br><br>
I should have done more physical stuff while we were out, like shooting, rock climbing or just motorcycle riding, anything but a lame walk through the moonlight with an obviously messed in the head girl. And when her father called, there should have only been two words: "Hang up." Or, if I felt the desire, "Give me the phone," followed by reaming him out. This would have been a negative move for her family and her and I'm glad I didn't choose this route, but with a girl like Crystal, this was the option to start seriously dating her. I hope I've been clear that the troubles I had with this girl had progressed too far by this point, and an ideal fix to her sudden loss of interest in me should have taken place long before this point.<br><br>
Communication, respect and understanding got her to lose respect for me, and lost me a chance with this girl (and though I have no doubt that I would be able to guide her to a better life with the personal power I've cultivated now, this failure was probably for the best), while condescension, order giving and cockiness would have had her beholden to me.<br><br>
The drunken party request was equally pathetic, and I should have either joined in the drinking and gotten up into her business with brash confidence, or looked at her with condescension while she was sloppy drunk and bailed, making it clear that her behavior was disgusting to me. If she truly liked me, she would have chased me outside where I could tell her exactly what I expected from a woman, and the loser she was was not it. Then she'd either move to change or go back to the party, and either way, I would have lost a poisonous influence in my life.<br><br>
A few years later I met her again and by that time had finished my transformation into the motorcycle riding, muscled bad boy, and I took her to lunch and half-talked half-ignored her because I had no interest in her. She couldn't stop looking at me and asking questions. Yet more proof that power, confidence and danger are what excite women, not communication, respect and comfort.<br><br>
<b>6. Leena 2</b><br><br>
Yep, back to Leena I went. She hadn't originally given me a reason for turning me down, so I thought there would be a possibility we could still get together. I did what I could to improve my fashion and charisma, and after several friendly lunches where we talked about life and shared our personal experiences, I asked her out several times over different meals. The first few times she was vague and told me that she wasn't ready, or that she was a bit busy, or that she was waiting for life to settle down. The final time I asked her out, I straight out asked her if she wasn't interested in a relationship, or not interested in me.<br><br>
"Both," she answered. With that, I completely gave up on her and made no further moves until I came abroad. Two months later, she was dating a guy who ordered her around and called her peasant trash, and she gave her virginity to him before he dumped her.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
It should be clear by now. You don't make friends with girls you want to sleep with. You don't communicate with them like equals. You don't come to understandings or show respect. You develop personal power to attract them, tell them how it is, then be a commanding force in their lives to hitch themselves to. I had already blown it big time with Leena in my first clumsy attempts, and the only way I would have been able to salvage it is if I had my motorcycle then, and if I blew her off multiple times to go out with other women, real or fake, to make her respect the man that I clearly wasn't.<br><br>
<b>7. Andrea</b><br><br>
I met her online in a depression and suicide forum and she lived a thousand miles away. I supported her through email and listened to her problems. I asked if I could fly up and meet her. She stopped talking to me. I was an idiot.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
This was the last dreg I tried to save from herself. I suppose if I wanted to get with her, I should have sent her a muscled picture of myself next to a nice car or bike, and been less supportive and more commanding/leading while I messaged her. But I didn't. I got news that she killed herself a year later.<br><br>
<b>8. Emily</b><br><br>
I was invited to a party by some of my tutor students, and she was one of the girls there. I talked with her in the main party area for a while in a friendly manner, shared my interests and got to know her and her country a little better. I showed her my skill in her language, tried to be funny, and talked about her and my dreams for life. She gave me one word answers to everything and feigned interest, and when the party petered out I didn't even bother asking her for her number, because I had seen those telltale signs of a disinterested girl many times before, and wasn't interested in getting rejected for the twentieth or thirtieth time.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
I didn't have muscles. I didn't have her get me drinks or anything. I simply talked with her like an equal and respected her space, and women hate that.<br><br>
<b>9. Georgia</b><br><br>
We met at my tutoring job as language partners. I spent time around campus with her and tried to get to know her, and she showed absolutely zero interest in my communication, friendliness or respect. She also mentioned that she was in love with a local tattooed guitar player who had rejected her multiple times. I didn't bother attracting her inevitable rejection by asking her out.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
Clear enough yet? Respect and communication do nothing, power is everything. A disinterested and flaky musician will always trump the complete attention of a nice and communicative woman worshiper, no matter how many other women Georgia had to share a tough guy like him with.<br><br>
So by this point of my life, nearly 4 years had passed since I finished FF8, saw Kelly in the library and began my quest to find the woman who would fix me, and Georgia was the last straw. I was confused, broken, unhappy... a complete failure, nowhere near the man I wanted to be, and no closer to love than I had ever been in the first place. And that's when <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-17.html">Then and Now 17</a> happened and Leena sent me on the way to becoming a better man.<br><br>
Three months later, I had muscles, a motorcycle, and my first girlfriend. And here is where this post starts to show the see-saw of silliness regarding my inability to understand what women truly want, and me putting these ideas into poor or accidental practice to get varied and confusing results, until I finally learned the truth about women.<br><br>
<b>10. Ina</b><br><br>
Georgia introduced me to Ina, and we first met at the cafeteria I worked as a server and cook. I sat with legs spread around a chair facing backwards, looking cocky as all hell, but all completely by accident. I set up a time for us to eat dinner, then we saw a movie or two over the following weeks where we talked and hung out like friends. I was also taking Argentinian Tango lessons and had her dance with me in my apartment, then shortly after, I got my first motorcycle and learner's permit, finished my biking classes and took her for a drive around my parking lot, then a few days later, down to the beach at night.<br><br>
Under the moonlight and next to the ocean, I kissed her, and she smiled. She tried to politely reject me by saying she was too old for me (she was eight years older than me at 29, but she looked, acted and sounded like she was 23), but I told her not to worry about it and we began our relationship right there. I drove her home, kissed her again, then went home to sleep on cloud nine.<br><br>
Things were passionate and great for a few months as we escalated bit by bit, fooling around in my apartment while my roommates were out, until just a few months later when we slept together on Valentine's Day. She was my first.<br><br>
As our relationship continued, I started doing what I was taught from society regarding women. When we went to lunch and had finished with the tray and trash, she was super scared when I moved to take care of the garbage because she wanted to be the one to do it. I told her that I would take care of it, and she could just relax.<br><br>
When we moved in together, I started training her to treat me like an equal. For example, I taught her to tell me to be quiet when I said something goofy by mimicking her voice and cutely saying, "Shut up" whenever I said silly things, until she started doing it herself.<br><br>
Over the next few weeks and after this unconscious training, she started refusing sex for stupid reasons. Then she started to berate me. We had our first fight when she asked me to mail some letters, I said I would do it later, she yelled at me, then I apologized like a beaten dog and took care of it.<br><br>
The sex refusals spread out until we only got together every two or three weeks. Her rudeness increased more and more. I kept apologizing and vowing to do more as I was taught, and her behavior got worse.<br><br>
She moved back to her home country and I followed her to be with her, and though I tried, I couldn't find a job. She berated me and talked down to me, and when I explained myself, she only improved her behavior for a short while before it was back to the usual.<br><br>
I came home and stayed in touch over the phone with her until she came back to America to visit me, where she seemed to be much more interested in talking to my best friend and teasing me in front of him than she was in talking to me. She did the same thing with my family.<br><br>
When she went home, I broke up with her on the phone, and we never saw each other again.<br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
At first, my confidence led Ina to looking up to me, respecting me and soon, joining me in the bedroom. The moment things began to slide downhill was the moment I started to take on aspects of the browbeaten TV husbands, and my own four fathers.<br><br>
I should have let her clean up after we finished eating, and not said thanks at all. "Good" would have been enough before I directed her to go somewhere else with me.<br><br>
She never would have started disrespecting me if I had never given her license to jokingly tell me to shut up, and she would have known that her place was to the side and below me.<br><br>
I never should have put up with any of the fights she started and instead either come back at her twice as hard or just left the house, followed by being extremely vague about the people I was hanging out with while I was out. Either way, following up the fight shutdown with an order or two would have solidified my place back as the leader of the relationship.<br><br>
Instead, I abdicated my power to her, and showed her the respect of an equal. I communicated my unhappiness with our lack of a sex life very clearly. I showed her respect when she had troubles with me by making changes. I did everything society told me I should do with an unhappy woman, and it just made things worse: the sex became more infrequent, the demands and insults got worse, and she was even showing more interest in my best friend than me.<br><br>
If I had awakened to the nature of women and the lies of society before I started dating Ina, we would be married with kids now (we even had their names picked out), no doubt about it, though marriage would have brought about its own life draining problems as I've explained on this blog.<br><br>
At this point, I was back in America and working with female co-workers at a hi-tech gadget store and full of anger for the ways I had been neglected and abandoned in my life, and this stage would continue for the next two years. I was yelling at bad customers and disrespectful kids and stomping around like a complete a**hole. Soon, both of my female co-workers discussed highly sexual stories with me, and one of them even offered me a blowjob in the back while she was on the phone with a guy she knew, but I played it off as a joke because she was kind of a skank and I didn't want to catch anything.<br><br>
Later, I was in the city getting my passport and visa done to go abroad, and some random girl walked up to me and saw my helmet and leather jacket for my motorcycle, and despite my grunting, kinda rude replies to her questions about my bike, she still shyly and apologetically begged to give me her number and for me to give her a ride.<br><br>
Where was my communication and respect here? Where was the equality and kindness? I showed none of these things to these girls, the complete OPPOSITE in fact, and yet at least two of them were ready to jump my bones, more than any girl I had EVER treated with respect before.<br><br>
<b>11. Nara</b><br><br>
I actually met Nara right before I got together with Ina at a bus stop on my college campus. I didn't want to take the bus, but because she was a pretty cute looking girl and I saw her reading Douglas Adams, whose work I had read, I struck up a conversation with her. She was funny, smart and interesting, and we talked for a while before her bus came while I pretended to be waiting for a friend. Before she went, she gave me her email address and DeviantArt profile, and I recommended Terry Pratchett's Discworld series to her, since I assumed she was a fan of British humor.<br><br>
I talked on and off with her, hoping for something to spark up, but nothing really came out of it. But by the time I was dating Ina, she finally got back into full contact with me like she wanted to get closer, but it was too late.<br><br>
After Ina and I broke up, I got back into contact with her on a lark. I had finished my job at the gadget store and was gearing up to head abroad so I wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of my dreams by getting involved with her, but we went out together along with her hugely overweight friend. We all went shopping together and mallratted for a while, then when we left the ice cream store, I took Nara on my bike and zoomed around the parking lot to find her car. At home, I checked her overweight friend's Myspace page for fun, and it was filled with the depressed posts of a jaded, unloved woman, where she blamed her being the wrong race for the reason she wasn't getting any romantic gestures. For someone to be so blind to the revolting state of her own body was a sight to see.<br><br>
Later, I took Nara to see X-Men - Last Stand and spent more time watching the movie than talking to her. Finally, when it was just about time to go abroad, I emailed her and joked that I had a crush on her, and that if I weren't going abroad I would "be all over her." "Totally mutual," is what she replied, and directly stated that while the motorcycle was a part of it, mostly that I was charming and cool.<br><br>
<b>What I did right</b><br><br>
She had little to say to me when I was sharing her interests and commenting on her art, showing her kindness in the initial stages. Then later a crush on me? This for a guy who was more cocky than friendly? This for a guy who didn't communicate much? This for a guy who pulled her around the mall like a kidnapper? Where was the adoration and love for a kind, communicative, respectful man that western media constantly puts forward? I did exactly the opposite of what I was taught, and received this girl's lustful eyes more than my attempts to respect ever did before.<br><br>
I found Nara on Facebook about seven years after I left America, and I found that not only did she become a huge Terry Pratchett fan, but she married a guy who looked like me. Perhaps it was coincidence and perhaps not, but one things is clear to me: western ideas about chasing women are completely backwards.<br><br>
With enough money to move to this country, so began new experiences with women... with the exact same results.<br><br>
12. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/then-and-now-3.html">May</a><br><br>
<b>What I did right</b><br><br>
I wasn't terribly interested in May, though she was kind of cute, and by the time I had the opportunity to possibly heat things up at her apartment, I was already dating my wife. As I mention in the Then and Now, she was a bit hard to warm up, but as I kept up my confidence she liked me more and more... especially after I handled the angry foreigner.<br><br>
She emailed me quite a bit, set up a lot of meetings and even let me sleep over at her apartment (platonically), because she recognized the power in my character, and because she was attracted to my aloofness in that I spent much more time looking at sites than I did at her.<br><br>
Communication, respect and equality had nothing to do with May liking me. It was my goal driven attitude and personal strength.<br><br>
13. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/11/then-and-now-22.html">Tina</a><br><br>
<b>What I did right</b><br><br>
Tina was the same as May: I wasn't super interested, I spent more of my time looking at food or buildings than her, and she rewarded my behavior with lavish affection and apologies for not speaking more.<br><br>
14. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/02/then-and-now-28.html">Sammi</a><br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
Good lord did I botch this one. Sammi was a hot one as I mentioned, and my behavior in keeping in contact with her by communicating every day or so through text or calls, my kindness when we first started holding hands, and my respect for her decision to not move so fast led immediately to her flagrant disrespect, communication shutdowns and overall distance from me. I did exactly as society told me: to keep in contact, to respect her wishes and to be nice, and the result was the exact same thing as it was back in America: utter failure.<br><br>
15. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/12/then-and-now-53.html">Olivia</a><br><br>
<b>What I did right</b><br><br>
Even in my thirstiest days, I had two major standards for women: no fatties, and no b*****s. Olivia was the former, and because I was so put off by her appearance, I looked away from her twice as much as either May or Tina. For that, she loved me twice as hard. I didn't communicate well with her at all, so I guess you could say I was disrespectful by focusing more on trees than my conversation partner, and though I was kind to ask her questions about herself and buy her lunch, I still ended up in the exact OPPOSITE place that society told me I would be. My actions should have caused Olivia to bail and find someone nicer, but instead, she chased me even harder.<br><br>
16. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/07/then-and-now-8.html">Nell</a><br><br>
<b>What I did right</b><br><br>
In hindsight, Nell was an excellent match for me. Thin, cute, loved to smile and grounded through her religion, but I didn't consider her a possibility because I thought her religion would require me to join if I wanted to get with her. The irony is that I'm more spiritual now (but not religious), and this girl was chasing me throughout our entire time together because I unconsciously kept her at a distance due to her religion.<br><br>
She chased me not because I was a nice guy, not because I communicated well, not because I was respectful, she chased me because I had the attitude of a high status guy who valued his mission of travel more than her.<br><br>
17. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/08/then-and-now-11.html">Mary and Isis</a><br><br>
<b>What I did right</b><br><br>
I had zero interest in club girls or lushes, especially after my experience with Crystal, and Mary and Isis' hard attention on me during the club dancing and after our drinks was palpable. I hardly talked with either one of them, and instead encouraged them to talk about themselves while I gave them half-hearted or teasing answers to what they shared. I danced alone and away from them. I praised their country, and not them. I did everything but what society encouraged me to do to earn a woman's respect, and got exactly what society insisted they wouldn't give me: their adoration. I would have had more experiences with them if, as I mentioned, I didn't lose the email account I used to talk with them.<br><br>
18. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/02/then-and-now-59.html">Piper</a><br><br>
<b>What I did wrong</b><br><br>
She had the look I was into, she was cute and shy, and she had a killer body. I chased her with kindness and respect, communicated with her about her dreams in life, kept in contact with her afterwards, and got nothing more from her than long delays between emails and disinterested replies every time I spoke with her. When my email account went down, I lost contact with her, but nothing would have come of it anyway, counter to what western culture taught me.<br><br>
19. My wife<br><br>
<b>What I did right and wrong</b><br><br>
You know all about what I did right and wrong with her if you've been around this blog. She adored me in the beginning as I kind of ignored her, treated me like garbage when I submitted to her, and now treats me like a king since I know what makes her and woman in general tick. If you want to take a look again, the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/search/label/Problems">Problems</a> posts detail the strife, and the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/search/label/Solutions">Solutions</a> posts detail what I did to fix everything. And again, it is ALL counter to western culture's logic regarding women and respect.<br><br>
And that's it. Literally EVERY time I've done what western culture told me to do, I've been rejected, friend zoned or had a girl who was interested in me or dating me suddenly pull away and reject me. Literally EVERY time I've done the exact opposite of what western culture says and been a commanding, cocky, power flaunting semi-brute, women have fallen for me. I take anecdotal evidence from people with a grain of salt, but I would say that nineteen examples of what I share on this blog all going nearly EXACTLY as predicted by the model of women being power obsessed should be rather convincing. This is especially considering that there were some girls in my life (Ina, Crystal, my wife) that I've gotten multiple rank up and rank down responses from as I've increased or decreased the power I've flaunted. This post also doesn't include the myriad of women I've met only for a few brief minutes or hours who, without fail, all acted exactly in accordance with that basic truth: women submit to and love power and powerful men, and they ignore, despise or even abuse weak men. Far from the nineteen examples here, there have been around fifty individual cases of women responding to power exactly as I now predict.<br><br>
I look back on my time with girls when I was younger in shame for all the wasted time and idiocy. I was blinded by a woman worshiping culture that has no clue as to biological realities, and I made mistake after mistake with them until I finally found the truth from men far better than me.<br><br>
My son will hear these truths. He may ignore me as well, but with the loving strength I have over him as his father, at least there is a better chance that he will avoid my mistakes. Perhaps he won't listen, but maybe after he tries the western culture approved tradition of gift bearing, communication, kindness and respect to no avail, my words will come back to him.<br><br>
What I don't look back on with regret, however, is on any of the women that might have proven better girlfriends or wives than my current one. Specifically, Sara, Leena, Ina, Nell or Piper would have made for an excellent partner, probably better than my wife, but I don't regret not being with any of them. Why?<br><br>
Because women are interchangeable. Every one I've ever known has been an empty cup, filled with the water of their family, culture and lover, most especially whichever one is the most powerful. If you saw me and my wife today and compared her to the woman she was before she met me, you wouldn't recognize this mini-me who has every part of my personality (minimalist, frugal, spiritual, nerdy interests, self-controlled, etc...). Had I the same personal power when I was 17 as I do today, there is no doubt that I could make even a girl like Andrea into a halfway decent partner.<br><br>
So that's it. I hope you learned something from my occasional, accidental displays of power before I finally found the truth of women, and don't follow too deeply into the mistakes I have made. At the very least, I hope you understand what you're getting into when you start dating a woman, and especially if you marry her. And if you choose the latter, for God's sake don't do it in a place that's hostile to men. If my wife and I lived in America and I was acting the same way that I do now to keep her in line, even I don't know if I could hold her there while culture and her harpy friends whispered in her ear to blow up her family, and follow the hedonistic and hollow lives that they had taken up to destroy their own futures.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-83695245431946543182016-03-06T21:17:00.001-08:002016-06-23T12:27:45.880-07:00Ranking up your girlIf you don't control your woman, she will ruin you.<br><br>
I never thought I would write those words, especially given my youth where I was impressed upon by everyone to defer to women at all times. If I had the chance to see where I was today and how I treat the women in my life, from family to friends to co-workers, I would wonder how I could be so popular with all of them. I wouldn't have understood how cockiness, order giving and stomping around inspires women to be deferential and sweet. Indeed, as a young man, I always wondered why it was that women I asked out would reject nice me so handily, but then they would go on to date guys who treated them poorly.<br><br>
In this post, I'd like to present a ranking scale of where you and your wife/girlfriend are, and what you can do to upgrade her. I still don't recommend marriage for any man with the way the anti-male laws are today, and for all the many reasons I've written on this blog. This information, I hope, goes only to dating men, or men who are married with children who want to protect their kids by taking control of their marriages. Childless bachelors have little idea of the naked terror a man feels when his kids are in danger of being harmed or removed from his life, but I know about the empty pit in the stomach, lost weight, chaotic thoughts, dizziness and suicidal fantasies. Trust me. So let's get to it:<br><br>
<b>Rank S - Superb</b><br>
- Does as her man says, with little to no question.<br>
- Initiates sex some or most of the time, and it's on upwards of five times a week.<br>
- Proactively cooks and offers massages, presents and other shows of love.<br>
- Proactively thanks her man for what he does.<br>
- Checks with her man before making a decision.<br>
- Makes almost immediate changes when her man's desires contradict her personality or actions.<br><br>
<u>Ranking up</u><br>
Since there is no way to rank up from a Rank S woman, being at the top and all, I'll instead offer some basic advice on how to keep her here:<br><br>
- Don't every apologize. Ever. Even if you do something horrible like accidentally run over her cat, focus on what you'll do to make it right, or on how you made a mistake. Never, ever apologize to a woman, unless you're joking.<br><br>
- Never ask her permission. When you're going to do something, treat it as a foregone conclusion. "So, what do you think about that? Is it ok if we take a vacation to Russia?" and words like this will slowly rank her down because she sees you as not leading. Instead, "Hey, I've got some money saved up, so let's go to Russia in two months" will show her who is making the decisions in the relationship and keep her in line. If she does protest or offer criticisms, do it anyway/go without her/laugh off her advice, anything but actually giving her any kind of credence. If she ends up being right about something, take her advice with a light, cocky grudge. I like to squint my eyes a little, lift my head up and look away from her, pause for a few seconds, exhale deeply, then concede her point... then either add my own idea on hers or order her to do something. For example, if she suggests I take a long sleeved shirt to town, I'll say, "All right. It needs to get some air." Or, I might say, "Yeah. Hey, I'll call thirty minutes before I come back, so make me some burritos." Every time you ask a woman permission for something, it's a tacit admission that she sits at the big kid's table... and she should never think that.<br><br>
- You can offer her compliments, especially if she's making changes you like, but always follow up with how she can do more or do better. If you keep complimenting your girl, she'll become complacent and stay where she is. But if you say, "Nice waist. Way better than before. Keep going." It not only shows her that her old waist was unacceptable, but she still has changes to make.<br><br>
- Be physically dominating. Every once in a while, grab her or get up in her business. I like to put my hand on her waist as she walks by every once in a while to stop her, then look sideways at her for a little bit. It's up to her how she responds (usually she giggles or smiles), but if she asks what I want, I use my other hand to finger tap my cheek twice to get a kiss. Get up behind her while she's cooking, only an inch or two away, then delay a few seconds before growling, "Love hamburgers, babe." Or grab a breast. Or both. When you pass her in a hallway, give her a butt a dominating, light swat or squeeze.<br><br>
- Order her around. You can thank her and show appreciation for her actions so you can encourage her to do more of them, but don't use words like "please," "could" or "would." As a man, the most polite word you should use for your girl should me nothing stronger than "can." Compare the feeling between "Could you make me a sandwich? Thanks a lot!" to "Can I get a sandwich, babe?" Women love taking orders from strong men because it shows them who they're deferring to.<br><br>
- Use fewer words than she does. If she gives you ten words describing her troubles at work, answer with five. If she says she loves you, answer "Yeah," or "Same." On that note, try to avoid telling her you love her, even if you do. I honestly don't think I've told my wife this for the last six to twelve months, but she's told me several dozen times. You want her chasing you, and being quieter is one way to get her to do that. If you ever tell her a long story or joke and she responds with a shorter answer, freeze her out and ignore her until she comes to talk to you again, tilting the balance of power back to you. It won't take long, trust me.<br><br>
- Never show weakness. Never show fear. Never show any feeling besides confidence, irritation if she makes a mistake, or some other emotion of power. Weakness is to women what obesity is to men, sexually speaking.<br><br>
- Don't respond to her nonsense with passive-aggressive copy-mockery. Before I stopped engaging with western people online, I used to see a lot of this in comments sections and videos where someone would repeat words of someone else, but change the words slightly to make the other look foolish. For example, one person might say, "You DO realize that guns can be used to protect children from home invading predators, right?" to which someone else would respond, "You DO realize that the police can help, right?" or "You DO realize that guns can be used to kill innocents, right?" This concept also applies to copying the actions of someone else to karmically punish them for what they've done. For example, if your wife burns the pizza she cooked but she lies that it tastes fine, then you would cook burned sandwiches the next night and say they tasted fine. This kind of catty nonsense gives your girl two impressions: first, that the two of you are equal, otherwise the man wouldn't be copying the woman in word or action. You and your girl are NOT equal. Second, it calls out the negative actions of your girl, which is good, but provides no sense of leadership to what she should do instead. In the pizza and sandwich example, a better move would be to cook the best meal you possibly could, serve it to your girl, then after she ate it, get right up in her business and say, "Tell me that was delicious" with a cocky smile, and she'll agree. If she says it wasn't, jokingly threated to kick her ass, then pick her up, throw her into bed, rip off her clothes and go at it. If the kids or someone else is around, still pick her up, but throw her on the couch and tickle her until she submits.<br><br>
<b>Rank A - Arguing</b><br>
- Argues with her man about things every so often.<br>
- Initiates sex rarely, and it's on once or twice a week.<br>
- Cooks and offers massages, presents and other shows of love when asked, but sometimes refuses.<br>
- Proactively thanks her man for what he does, but sometimes forgets.<br>
- Makes some unilateral decisions.<br>
- Makes some personal changes at her man's request.<br><br>
<u>Ranking up</u><br>
Some men may find this kind of woman attractive, one of those "strong and independent" types that the media goes on and on about, but I personally find them draining. They will constantly second guess what you do, and even after you consistently prove that you know what you're doing, they'll be back time and again to complain about something else, which also puts them at risk to ranking down to Rank B, given enough leeway. A quick example from my vacation last month with my mom and sister:<br><br>
Sister: What was that he tried to give you?<br>
Me: Stickers. You can exchange them for free stuff, but I'm not interested.<br>
Sister: Wait, but it's free stuff. Why don't you just take them home?<br>
Me: It's basically exchanging $25 of purchases for $1 of candy. I don't want the food anyway and it's not worth it.<br>
Mother: But maybe they'll change what they offer.<br>
Me: They don't.<br>
Mother: But it's free food. Just take them back with you. You're going to come back later anyway, right?<br>
Me: I don't want the food, and it's a very slight save. It's all just a ploy to get me to buy more than I want right now so I can collect enough stickers to get something I don't much want anyway later on.<br>
Sister: Are you sure?<br>
Me: Yes. I'll save more money this way.<br>
Sister: Ok...<br><br>
(Ten minutes later)<br><br>
Mother: Why did you close the window? It's stuffy in here.<br><br>
To avoid this constant second guessing, I find Rank S women to be way, way more appealing to live with. If you have a Rank A on your hands and want to rank her up, you should always follow the advice given above in Rank S, with special focus put on points 2 and 5: never ask permission, and order her around. Flip the relationship and make it clear that you are calling the shots. Give this a few days, a few weeks maximum, and you'll have yourself a Rank S on deck.<br><br>
<b>Rank B - Babying</b><br>
- Does not do as told most of the time.<br>
- Initiates sex only if not asked for a while. Denies sex a lot, leaving it to once or twice a month.<br>
- Begrudgingly helps out around the house when asked about half of the time.<br>
- Condescends to her man and orders him around.<br>
- Acts unilaterally with big decisions and doesn't trust much, if any, input from her man.<br>
- Hardly ever changes.<br><br>
<u>Ranking up</u><br>
Your girl has gotten this far because you haven't been acting like a man. If she has just started being like this, it's probably going to get worse in a few weeks or months because you are doing everything wrong, and you need to take my advice immediately. If she's been like this for a while and hasn't gotten worse, then you're doing some things right and others wrong, so there's much more hope for you.<br><br>
Rank B women feel that your leadership isn't good enough to lead your relationship, and have started to take a more proactive role in guiding things between you. She takes on a motherly role to direct things in a way she thinks is better, but this directly contradicts her genetic code, which screams at her to submit to a powerful authority. As such, she treats you, her man, like a baby, because if you aren't her master, you are her child.<br><br>
When you have a Rank B on your hands, you'll find that nothing you do is ever correct. You put the dishes away wrong, you ate your chicken incorrectly, you need to put on more clothes, you should tell your boss about your troubles, you need to exercise more, your friends are a bad influence, could you open the window that's right next to me, could you turn up the TV when the remote is right in my hands... a Rank B will make you feel like you're back in grade school again.<br><br>
To rank this girl up, follow all of the advice mentioned above under Rank S, and especially the points mentioned in Rank A. She is testing your authority, and you have failed time and again to provide the leadership she wanted. You need to turn the tables on her, and you need to order her around EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to baby you. When she asks you to close the door, and even if you're closer, answer, "You can do it." This not only gives her an order to follow, but the addition of the word "can" makes it like a challenge that she needs to accept to prove herself to you. If she refuses, it also gives you the easy response of, "What, you <b>can't</b> do it?" Then you can laugh at her and walk away to do something else, showing that you don't put yourself below her anymore.<br><br>
Remember, she only gives you a hard time because you let her do it. I know taking back your balls and standing up to your wife feels strange and uncomfortable as hell the first time or two you do it, but that's what deprogramming the woman worshiping brainwashing that you received your entire life feels like. Keep this up, and your wife will rank up and you'll wonder how you ever bowed or scraped to her whims in the past when being a man feels so much more natural... for the <b>both</b> of you.<br><br>
<b>Rank C - Criticizing</b><br>
- Flagrantly disrespects and flaunts the authority of her man.<br>
- Never initiates sex, and frequently denies it for upwards of a season.<br>
- Hardly ever shows love of any kind, and when she does, only under passive-aggressive protest.<br>
- Criticizes her man for everything he does (even in public), always demands more, and never thanks him.<br>
- Engages in any kind of behavior she wants, often contrary to what her man wants simply to be contrarian.<br>
- Never changes.<br><br>
<u>Ranking up</u><br>
Understand that your girl is Rank C because you let her get here. I understand that you probably weren't taught well by your absent/hangdog father, your ball-busting mother and your woman worshiping culture (I sure wasn't), but now that you've found this blog, you have no excuse. It's time to get your life back, and rank this Rank C woman up.<br><br>
In all honesty, though, if things have gotten this bad, my advice might not even work and you should really consider breaking up or divorcing, but if you're married with children and you need to protect your little ones, go balls to the wall, do what I say and hope for the best: your children do <b>not</b> need to see their mother breaking you down like she does, or they'll likely grow up to do/receive the same thing.<br><br>
As usual, you'll need to follow the Rank S advice above, but in this case, hold off on points 3, 4 and 5 for a little bit because you're dealing with a Rank C who doesn't trust your authority yet. Complimenting her will swell her head even further, even if you follow it with a dig. Trying to proactively touch her will probably provoke a negative physical response. Ordering her around will make her laugh at you. No, a Rank C needs to be improved at the base before you can do anything else. So what should you do?<br><br>
First of all, immediately shut her out. Spend as much time as possible either away from the house, or with your kids, whichever is applicable. Give her one word answers to everything, leave the house to hang with friends or watch a movie without telling her where you're going, refuse anything and everything she tries to offer you, and avoid eye contact at all times. If she stands in front of the TV or something similar to force you to look at her, glare at her then order her to move. If she asks what's wrong, shake your head at her, snort derisively, whatever it takes to nonverbally show your displeasure, then disappear for a few hours. Do not ask for sex, and if she tries to initiate with you as a sort of apology (she's probably confused about what's going on and thinks sex will solve it), refuse her. "Not interested" is a good answer. Delete her text messages without reading them. Refuse her calls.<br><br>
The purpose of this exercise is to shake up the comfortable little world she's built up where you hop to and do exactly what she wants, but even more importantly, for her mind to swirl with a thousand chaotic thoughts of what is going on in your relationship. "Is he cheating?" "Did I forget something?" "What happened?" You want this chaos to swirl around her mind for a few days or a week (any more than that, and she'll probably start cheating or preparing to leave you, if she hasn't done one or both of these already). Then, when it seems like she's at her breaking point, there's only one thing left to do.<br><br>
<b>Yell.</b> Let her corner you somewhere, then turn the tables and put the utter fear of God into this woman who has disrespected, used and taken advantage of you for so long. Tell her about all the things she put you through, about every one of her failings as a human being. Do not try to meet her halfway by apologizing, even if you've made a mistake; just verbally trash her actions and character. Also, don't cuss more than necessary because you want her to fear the ideas behind your words, not necessarily the words themselves: wield your words like a scalpel to cut her metaphorical heart out, and leaving her a crying, apologizing mess of blubbering clay that is ready to be remolded into something beautiful. Take that chaos you created in her mind throughout the shutout, and prepare to shape and direct it into a better direction: one that <b>you</b> have chosen and <b>you</b> will lead better than she ever could.<br><br>
When you're done, disengage and put her on freezeout for a while, prompting her to cook for you, initiate sex and otherwise chase you. For my wife, I went about six months before I started giving her compliments in addition to orders or cooking for her, because I knew then that she was to the side and below me again, and it was safe to offer niceties here and there. And for God's sake, do NOT forget to lead her now that you're back in charge: if you yell at her but just go back to the life where she called the shots, you'll be back in this position again in no time. Ever wonder why you had a father, a friend or someone else who kept getting back into it with their girl, fight after fight? THIS IS WHY.<br><br>
One last note, though: if you live in a woman worshiping country that has passed domestic violence laws that translate "yelling" as "abuse," you can consider doing everything above except replace yelling with icy cold condescension. In fact, this may be more effective than yelling if you live with a naturally rebellious woman who fights everyone, but I've successfully ranked up my mother, sister and wife with this technique at different times, all three of whom are fighters to some degree, and not one of them has dared to return to Rank C. All things considered, if you live in a culture that will view you as the bad guy no matter what because you are the male, I again advise you to just break up with your Rank C girl and not make the same mistakes again with your new one. If you're married with children, though, this is what you need to do to get your life, and the lives of your family, back on track.<br><br>
<b>Rank D - Dangerous</b><br>
- Violently disrespects and flaunts the authority of her man.<br>
- Frequently denies sex and only initiates as a show of power and control.<br>
- Never shows love of any kind.<br>
- Physically assaults her man when her ridiculous requirements are not met.<br>
- Flaunts all authority and does anything she pleases.<br>
- Never changes.<br><br>
<u>Ranking up</u><br>
You are in mortal danger living with this woman. Perhaps this is your fault because she started at Rank A or B, but through your constant refusals to lead or deal with your girl's nonsense, it's fallen to this point. Perhaps another man abdicated his duties (her father or ex), and now you're dealing with the fallout. In any event, there is only one way to rank up a Rank D woman, and it's not therapy or religion: she will eventually relapse, I promise you. The answer to a Rank D is a haymaker.<br><br>
<b>Don't do it.</b> If you beat your Rank D girl into submission to protect yourself and bring her back from the edge, you will be punished for it. If it's not her ex, it will be her brother, her uncle, her father, the police, a judge, prison inmates, or someone else. For defending yourself, you will be jailed, beaten, or even killed. Your only answer to a Rank D woman is to get the hell out of there, or if you are married with kids, record her abuse, <b>then</b> get the hell out of there. Understand?<br><br>
Men pre-1965 in America knew that striking a woman is the quickest way to rank her up, and the only way to fix her when she's fallen this far. You might have seen these kind of premeditated attacks in the media on classic TV shows or documentaries. But many of those men also used physical violence as a way to control their women in cases where it wasn't necessary at all, where any of the above techniques for Rank C, B and A women would have worked just as fine. The major point is, there is almost never a good reason to strike a woman, and even when there is, you will pay for it as a man, no matter who the aggressor was. So just don't do it, and run. Run hard, run now, run silent, run deep, run like Mexican water through a first-time tourist, but the key word here is "run."<br><br>
Really, if my ranking system of women holds any kind of water, it would account for the cycle of abuse that women undergo with violent boyfriends or husbands that they stay with. A powerful, violent man gets with a woman at Rank S or A who respects his confidence and strength, but as time goes on, she starts to dig more and more at him and his actions by s*** testing him through criticism, disrespect and other nonsense, ranking down to Rank B, C or D. The violent man, either raised by another violent man or with no good father in his life to give him proper techniques for controlling women, beats the daylights out of her. She immediately ranks back up to Rank S to follow this powerful man who "loves" and "protects" her, and he begins the process of reconciliation where he apologizes for what he did, taking better care of her. She immediately loses respect for this supplicating woman worshiper, ranks back down, and the process begins anew.<br><br>
I know this might be a lot to take in, and when I was reading up on information for men about troubles like this, I felt overwhelmed as well. But to help you where I had less guidance, let me assure you that a change in <b>mindset</b> is the absolute most important thing. Just by coming to this blog and reading this far, you've at least shown an inquisitiveness to what may be going on in your relationship with your girl, and accepting that you might have a problem is the first step. Having some self-respect, taking back your balls and standing up to the mini tyrant in your house will come next, and in each case, your thought processes will change to provide you the words and actions needed to keep your girl in line. You don't need to follow each of the examples I provided to the letter; they will come naturally to you because of your new mindset. I've just provided basic blueprints and suggestions.<br><br>
I know this is true because I read blogs on dealing with women and how to answer this or that text, or respond to this or that s*** test when chasing girls, and the author would provide sample answers on how to make her like you better. When I first started reading in 2012 while I was awakening to what it meant to be a man, I would struggle to come up with an answer for several seconds, and it would always come out wrong or deferential. Just a year after I started making changes in my life and marriage, I can now pick nearly perfect answers (sometimes word for word, based on what the author wrote as a possible answer) in less than two seconds. It's all about the mindset.<br><br>
The best one I've found in Chateau Heartiste by Roissy. If the <a href="https://dontmarry.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/married-men-post-here-if-you-hate-your-life-2/">Don't Marry blog</a> beat me over the head with the realities of how I was completely wrong about women and relationships, then <a href="https://heartiste.wordpress.com">Roissy</a> crucified, disemboweled and dismembered my woman worshiping carcass with his shiv, leaving me to slowly put myself back together like the T-1000.<br><br>
I've grown stronger for it, and you can too.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-59332391245382311362016-02-15T00:45:00.001-08:002016-06-06T09:38:15.060-07:00All the sameI've heard it said that women have different operating systems: some are Windows XP, others DOS, a few Linux... but every single one of them operates on the exact same BIOS. It seems clear after a short vacation with my American family, that evidence piles in favor of this saying.<br><br>
A few weeks ago I went to the airport to pick up not only my mother, but my sister as well. In the beginning I thought things were going to be relaxing and fun as I showed the two around and they got to see my family here, but that wasn't the case at all. In the very beginning there was trouble with the airport pickup because I went to the wrong area, so I was sending IMs back and forth with my sister who was getting increasingly snippy while she was waiting past the tenth minute.<br><br>
When I got to them, fifteen minutes after I promised, my sister came to hug me and I picked her up, carrying her towards my mother so there would be a big bear hug. And there began the first complaint: "Why didn't you hug me first and say hello before going to mom?" my sister asked.<br><br>
And it was all downhill from there. From that moment on and for days onward, it was criticism after complaint after problem from her:<br><br>
"Why do you keep walking around so fast? Stop rushing us and let us shop."<br>
"Why are you sitting at a table with four seats if there are five of us? I can't sit anywhere."<br>
"Yeah, it was five blocks away. You just said it was three, so you're probably lost again."<br>
"It's not 12:00. It's 11:55."<br>
"Stop wearing light clothes."<br>
"Why are you wearing heavy clothes? It's too hot."<br><br>
If these things sound like sibling teasing to you, imagine a head shaking, stone-faced, sighing, snarking girl with a constant look of contempt on her face saying them. These things were meant to criticize, not make fun.<br><br>
Also, if this sounds familiar, it's probably because you read the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/fights.html">Fights</a> post where my wife was doing the exact same thing over several months, constantly criticizing and babying everything I did until I finally put a stop to it. And you probably also know that this is a woman's constant attempt to probe the men in her life for weakness to see if they need to be discarded, or abused to strength (s*** testing).<br><br>
The absolute worst criticism was when my son was putting on Batman socks to go outside and he said Batman was for boys, and I heard my sister speak up with that "boys and girls are the same" garbage that led me to being a punching bag for women throughout my life.<br><br>
That thinking led me to not understanding the psychological differences between men and women, from the seventeen years of brainwashing from my single mother that led me to worship women, to the fruitless four year search for a girlfriend where I wasted months of my life wooing women with kindness rather than strength, to the three years of emotional abuse with my wife because I never put a stop to her nonsense until 2012.<br><br>
So when she straight up said my son was a sexist, I said, "Good."<br><br>
I didn't look at her, but I heard her sputter and stammer, trying to figure out what I meant and asking for clarification, but I ignored her. As we were going out, though, she pushed a hand into my chest and didn't move, expecting some sort of answer. I hmphed, pushed her hand to the side, then walked outside. For a few days after that, she was on her best behavior and didn't ask again what I meant.<br><br>
I could have hit her with everything I had learned about female nature and why I was raising my son to understand what makes women tick, but knowing that she has a direct line to my wife, I didn't want that knowledge to spread from my sister to her. I don't think my wife would take this knowledge and use it against me or our son, but it's better safe than sorry. I'd rather have my sister think less of me (though by passing her s*** test, it's ironically the other way around) than risk my son's welfare by letting any of this knowledge slip into the wrong hands.<br><br>
It didn't stop there either, because later on, the five of us went to the main city to go eat and look around, and I could feel my sister's eyes on me every second of the trip, waiting to see me make a mistake so she could point it out and criticize again. After an entire day of this where I ignored her or reframed to tell her I did what I wanted, I knew she was out of control, so I made one final action.<br><br>
When we waited for the bus to take us home, the driver said there were only five seats left, so he allowed two in front of us and three behind to go first, and our party of five could catch the next. My sister started whining and complaining about the numbers, fairness, lines and such. I told her the next bus would come in five or ten minutes, she continued to moan...<br><br>
Then I looked her straight in the eyes and barked, "RELAX!"<br><br>
She stopped immediately, her jaw worked but no sound came out, and I continued to glare. After I let out a dismissive, quiet, bull-like snort and looked away, I saw her still shaking her head in disbelief and jawing quietly in the reflection of the door, like she had never had someone talk to her like that before.<br><br>
And again, for the next few days, she was calm and respectful again. She continued to probe weakly after that, but I swatted her aside with reframes and brash confidence which shut her up for hours after each attempt.<br><br>
Her final probe came not too long ago, when she was telling me about how amazing the new Star Wars movie was. I like the series, especially the games in the Expanded Universe and even the prequels despite their flaws, but I had no interest in the new one when I saw that not only had George Lucas signed the rights away to Disney, and not only had the entire EU been declared non-canon, but that at least one of its most outspoken producers was a feminist and at least one of the writer/directors was a social justice enthusiast.<br><br>
I thought that the movie would end up pretty predictable as a result, and so I never saw it, but my sister did and she loved it. I didn't want to have it out with her so I just commented that it was great she liked it, Star Wars is cool, generic stuff like that.<br><br>
But she kept asking and asking if I had seen it, when would I see it, why wouldn't I see it, so I finally let her know. I didn't mention how the social justice part would lead all white males to being either ineffectual, hardly in the movie, dead or evil, while everyone else was as close to noblehearted and wonderful as possible (predictable and boring). I instead focused on the Jedi girl, by asking her if the character was every feminist hero I've ever seen:<br><br>
- Does she succeed at something typically masculine in a fraction of the time that men needed (starship repair, bowcaster shooting, force use, lightsaber ability, etc...) to show that women are more capable than men at their own work?<br>
- Does she make it clear in some form or another that she dontneednoman (refusing a hand up after she's fallen, pushing away a man trying to hug her or comfort her, straight up saying something about girl power)?<br>
- At least once during the movie, does she manhandle at least three men much larger than her at the same time while hardly breaking a sweat?<br>
- Does everyone in the movie, except the bad guys, spend inordinate amounts of time talking about how wonderful, special, intelligent, strong or independent she is?<br>
- If she has a weakness, is it either that she lacks confidence (shy, introverted) or that she has too much confidence (condescending, bitchy), but otherwise, she's near perfect?<br>
- Does she succeed at almost every task without much effort, or just straight up fail to fail?<br><br>
I also asked if the movie was a complete rehash of Episode 4, kind of like the Star Trek movie by the same director which borrowed a bunch of stuff already done in previous episodes and movies. I described the original story, and she said no, the new Star Wars was completely different from the 1977 one. She also asked if I would feel the same about the hero if she were a man (changing the subject while not directly conceding the point that I was right, typical of a western person), and I said no, because it shows a lack of friendship, brotherhood and believability. It's the same reason I didn't like Royce from Predators, but I liked Dutch in Predator.<br><br>
I think there was a prediction or two I got wrong, but for most of them, I was on the money. My sister tried to lie to me with some pathetically obvious body language (not voicing her nos, shoulders in, head tilted to the side with eyes tilted up), but I didn't call her out on it. It's just a movie, after all, and if some people find inspiration from it, I'm happy for them.<br><br>
So naturally, after lying and ignoring the points I made about the movie being too predictable and boring for me, she stated that I hate women. I disengaged from the conversation immediately.<br><br>
At that moment, I was glad that the top post of this blog contains the big six logical fallacies that westerners always toss around with viewpoints they can't disprove so they look foolish when they try in my comments section. And I was also glad that I decided to stop reading western news, perusing western comments sections and proactively engaging with western people, because this is what happens nearly every time with westerners who disagree, but can't disprove.<br><br>
So here we are, vacation coming to a close and views confirmed once again: from family members to co-workers, from bosses to students, from girls I asked out and girls I dated to the girl I married, it's the same BIOS that seeks power before all else. My son will know these truths, to understand them and act accordingly.<br><br>
Growing up being raised by a western woman like this, it's no wonder I was so ill-prepared for dealing with not only women, but men as well. I accepted the lies that people, and especially women, respect kindness and compassion above all else, and that led to decades of wasted life.<br><br>
Women are smarter than you, more compassionate than you. You need to control yourself because nobody likes a brute. Be good, and love and respect will come your way, too.<br><br>
But now that I know the truth of women, I just feel sad for girls in the west. They've been dealt a disservice by a post World War 2 culture that tells them how near perfect they are and how their constant dissatisfaction with their lives, with culture, with their families and country, should be constantly voiced and pointed at everyone but themselves. Western culture has created an entire population of narcissistic, entitled, overly critical and eternally devouring people that is never sated by any of the thousands of people and things they hork down.<br><br>
I was never given a free pass by anybody I have ever known because I am a man: not my family, not my friends, not teachers, strangers or anyone else I've ever been in contact with. And I'm glad this is the case: if I had had my weakness coddled as a younger man, I never would have pulled myself up by my bootstraps as I did in college to go from fat, depressed loser to slim, confident man those many years ago. If I had had everyone kissing my butt, telling me how perfect I was and how nothing was my fault and how I should blame everyone but myself, I would still be that pathetic waste of space slimeball that I used to be because in my mind, I would have had no reason to change.<br><br>
I used to watch out for my sister two decades ago because her father passed too soon and, like any young girl or boy, she needed to have a father figure in her life. I didn't know it at the time because I was still that depressed loser, that I would end up having any kind of influence over her as she came to me, day after day, to play video games and watch TV. By the time I realized what effect I had had on her life through spending time with her, calling her out on her nonsense and providing a role model (of sorts) for her, it was too late. By that point, I was removed from her life for several years while I was away at college, and by the time I returned home to save some money before going abroad, my sister had been poisoned by the toxicity of western culture. Foulmouthed, condescending, bratty, selfish, illogical, impatient, entitled... she was the entire ball of wax, and a perfect example of what happens when women aren't properly guided by both family and culture to tamp down that kind of behavior.<br><br>
And though it took western culture over two decades to turn her into this jerk, it took just three or so moments of unrepentant a**hole from me to shut down my sister and return her to the place that her genes cried out for her to be: to the side and below a man who wishes what is best for her. Such small actions to fix such a big problem that only continues because people fear those little changes.<br><br>
God help my sister's boyfriend if he doesn't understand what I do about female nature, because he doesn't just experience what I did for a few weeks: he gets it every hour of every day they are together.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-49706846553932565152016-01-14T15:57:00.002-08:002016-01-14T15:57:54.515-08:00Another whole lot of nothingSometimes I feel guilty that I'm not able to update my blog here because of the utter lack of things going on, but at the same time, I'm completely relieved because that means my wife is not acting up or causing trouble so there's not much to discuss about her or my life.<br><br>
For the past two months, I've done little else than work. My schedule has picked up at my job and I work from basically 9:00 in the morning until 11:00 at night four days out of the week, with only two partial work days and Sunday leaving me time to myself and time with my son. I've poured almost half of what my son needs for his college payments into his bank account, and at this rate I can finish it up in the next two or three years. After that, I only have to save up a basic nest egg to begin my travels abroad again because I plan on working wherever I live.<br><br>
I haven't seen my wife's mother in many months (whether this was her or my wife's idea, I don't know, but it's certainly a weight off my back).<br><br>
Finally, my sex life is back on track with no refusals in a year or two, but there have been close calls where my wife whined to be too tired. In those moments, I just picked her up and threw her on the other bed to get started and she didn't whine much longer. She hasn't started any fights with me either, but there was one moment where she copied my advice to married men about <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/01/arguing-with-your-wife.html">fighting with your wife</a>: don't back down, and don't allow her to change the subject until she admits she's wrong. A few days ago, I said that she was starting to refuse sex again to tease her.<br><br>
By the way, just to repeat, never show weakness or discuss issues in your marriage with your wife (or any woman, for that matter), like those charlatans and fools who claim this is the key to a healthy relationship with women. Girls and women take it as a sign of weakness and use it as an excuse to bully you more. Just make the change you want, and tell her to stuff it if she doesn't like it.<br><br>
My wife took me seriously and said I was wrong. I talked about something else, then she said, "Tell me you're wrong." I thought it was hilarious that she was aping me so directly, but I kept my cool and gave her a BS response of "Mistakes were made." Then I laughed at her, and she went back to sleep. I easily woke her up for sex later, but if she had refused me then, I was very proud to feel that if she had done so, I would have brought back the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/11/another-mistake.html">Iceman</a> where I ignore and condescend to her for a few months until she understands who the boss in this relationship is again. Sex is a deserved distraction to me, but if I need to put my wife down again for her bad behavior, I can go camel for as long as I need like I did in those many posts at the end of 2013.<br><br>
But anyway, there's the lack of news update. I was happy to see that I only have 4247 days left on my counter until time is up, and it's time to live again. I haven't mentioned it before, but my plan after my son is off is to first travel America with my wife for a year seeing the natural beauty the land has to offer, then I'll pick two countries that I want to live in to go to. Once that's finished, I'll assign each as heads or tails, flip a coin, then commit myself to live there for the following year before repeating the coin process again. Maybe I'll make a Youtube video of me doing that as a farewell post to this blog, but that's over a decade into the future, so I probably shouldn't be getting ahead of myself. To live a life of freedom, up to chance, with only the basics of safety and sustenance planned for: that is my dream.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-45220822268788993082015-11-15T16:35:00.001-08:002015-11-15T16:39:47.543-08:00Marriage done rightI was traveling the city with my son yesterday trying to find <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-18.html">the temple</a> that I went to next to a river. Because of that, my son and I have been walking every river we can find next to train stops looking for that place so I can see it again and share it with him. To motivate him, I told him it's a magic temple and he can make a wish, and he told me he wants his school to blow up.<br><br>
While walking about, I was thinking about how I hadn't updated the blog because nothing happened in the last month, and realized that that is pretty much what most "successful" marriage are: ones where nothing happens.<br><br>
And that's really sad. A successful businessman makes money and uses that money to furnish himself a free and comfortable life. A successful traveler learns languages, sees sights, has new experiences and broadens his horizons. A successful athlete pushes himself to the physical and mental limit and shows his prowess as a runner, thrower, fighter... But a successful marriage with children, more often than not, is one where a steady routine of awaken, work, return, sleep is in effect.<br><br>
As a single man, I <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/then-and-now-1.html">climbed mountains</a>, I <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/06/then-and-now-5.html">had untimed beach trips with my friends</a>, I <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/02/then-and-now-28.html">found my spirit on bad dates</a>, I <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/12/then-and-now-53.html">fended off unwanted lovers</a> and I <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/07/then-and-now-71.html">felt the exciting fear of being on my own</a>, all because I had freedom. Today, while I can still enjoy time with my son, my life is utterly limited. I can't go as far, I can't stay out as long, I can't spend as much: that's life for a married man.<br><br>
Speaking of my wife, I've been keeping her to the side and below me as usual. About a week or two ago, I asked her a question while she was looking at her phone. When she didn't answer, I lightly punched her butt. She looked up with irritation and knit eyebrows and demanded, "What?!" I repeated my question, then while she answered, I just smirked and walked away. Didn't matter if I was in the wrong, I wasn't going to apologize to a woman because I know the kind of <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/fights.html">shrieking</a> that leads to. She was practically grovelling the next day when she offered me food, exactly as I expected of her.<br><br>
She also continues to badmouth American women, giggle like a schoolgirl when I occasionally compliment her and laugh uproariously at all of my dumb jokes. Men at <a href="http://dontmarry.wordpress.com">that awesome Don't Marry site</a>, you were right all along.<br><br>
There really isn't much else going on; like I said, marriage is a whole bunch of nothing where not a whole lot happens, and one day bleeds into the next in a giant slurry. I'm trying to spend as much time with my son as I can so I can teach him not to accept a life of domesticity and to instead live a life of freedom, and keeping my wife in line while I reward her intermittently for her dutifulness. I wonder if I'll feel a huge weight lift off of my shoulders like I did in <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/01/vacation-2012.html">my vacation in 2012</a>? I'll never forget that feeling of momentary freedom, and I hope I have it again when I'm finally free to go.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-922159845724910072015-10-13T09:57:00.002-07:002015-10-13T21:22:23.291-07:00Training my wifeNot much has happened in the last month, as time speeds ever quicker towards the day of my emancipation in 4340 days. I did, however, have an insight into what goes into raising a wife. Things were a roller coaster between us when I used to defer to her, and went roughly like this:<br><br>
2007-2008 - Not pregnant girlfriend submitted to me and rarely caused trouble, afraid I would leave her. Things went great.<br>
2008-2010 - Pregnant girlfriend and wife/mother of our child submitted to me and rarely caused trouble, afraid I would leave her. Things were boring.<br>
2010-2012 - Wife/mother of our child s*** tested me with a big fight in America, I submitted, and she spent the next two years an absolute shrew. <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/fights.html">Things were hell</a>.<br>
2012-2013 - <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/05/marriage-review-2012-to-2013.html">I stopped begging for sex</a>, then <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/11/last-fight.html">turned on my wife</a> and yelled at her or ignored her for a solid year. Things were boring.<br>
2013-Today - Wife/mother of our child submits to me and rarely causes trouble. Things are boring.<br><br>
Since the day I yelled like a beast at my wife three years ago, things have improved a lot, but I think a lot of the improvements since were very automatic as I took on my natural role as a man and a leader of a household, rather than the androgynous beta loser that I let myself become and the browbeatings that came with it, as the media and my mother encouraged a man like me to accept. In this post, I'd like to discuss some of the things I did without realizing it to potentially help any other unfortunately married men out there to possibly find peace in their households. Please don't take this post as an invitation to accept the risks of marriage as long as you follow my ideas; I remain firmly against marriage for any man who has dreams in his life or who doesn't have kids, and hope only those men who are currently and unhappily married to find potential advice that they can use.<br><br>
A few months after the huge blowup I had at my wife, we were watching some program on TV about a woman with financial troubles. My wife was easily suckered in by her sob story, but I wasn't buying any of it. This supposedly poor woman (an American at that, a citizen of one of the richest nations on the planet) apparently was having troubles making ends meet, and wanted the government to step in and help her. But one look around this woman's life was enough for me to cry bull:<br><br>
- She was easily fifty pounds overweight, maybe more, showing that she had more than enough money for food.<br>
- She lived alone in an apartment that could have housed one or two more people, easily.<br>
- She had a cat, which she had to provide medicine, litter, food and more for.<br>
- She had a computer, a phone and a TV, all of which no doubt connected to the internet, cable and/or satellite.<br>
- She had a huge bed that she could have easily sold.<br>
- She had a huge collection of clothes, especially shoes.<br>
- She lived in, or very close to, New York.<br>
- The apartment was well furnished with things she either didn't need to buy, or could have possibly sold.<br><br>
When I pointed out all of these things, my wife got quiet. A few minutes later, she suddenly agreed with me and praised me for how observant and smart I was to notice these things.<br><br>
Over the next two years, every time we watched American women do something ridiculous, selfish or disgusting (divorcing four times, refusing to shave, ballooning to four times a healthy weight, swearing that they could see ghosts in their new houses as an excuse to move out of a place they didn't like, getting piercings or ridiculous haircuts, cussing like sailors or what have you), I would point it out. Every single time. In addition, I would tell my wife how much better the women of this country were (but NEVER tell her that she was specifically better, as that might have led to her becoming an arrogant harpy again).<br><br>
As a result of this, my wife has, for the past year or so, constantly compared herself to the women she sees on TV from America in two ways: first, she tells me how nasty the American women she sees are. Second, she constantly tries to prove herself to me by asking how much better she is than before, and how much better she is than American women. I offer positive reinforcement every time, but I always couple it with how she can still improve.<br><br>
Not only this, but I have made it clear about the things I expect from her as I have standards for her, as well. She needs to maintain a decent weight, she needs to shave, she shouldn't feel comfortable enough to pass gas when I'm around, and she needs to keep a clean house. She now eagerly improves herself both to reach this ideal image I have of her as a wife, and as the antithesis of the American women that nauseate me.<br><br>
I don't know if this information will help you, unhappily married reader, to make your life more purgatorious than hellacious, but perhaps it will. Once you've established dominance over your wife and she happily submits to you, try giving her something to shoot for, and another thing to strain against. I know it's like training an animal, but if your wife is as big a monster as mine used to be, you may have no other choice if you need to remain married for your children.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-24574062866013342082015-09-10T09:38:00.001-07:002015-10-13T09:29:28.972-07:00I'm glad I left AmericaIf you can read this blog, you probably live in a western, or at least westernized, country. I admit I haven't been to any other western country except Canada (and that was only for two weeks), so perhaps this blog won't apply to you personally. Maybe England, Australia and the rest are different from the culture in America, but maybe this post will resonate with you because they're closer than you think.<br><br>
Men who want to marry in the west are screwed for numerous reasons as I've laid out in this blog: they lose their dreams, freedom, money and much more, and take on the burdens of drama, debts and in-laws; all this I have already gone through. But for this post, I want to focus on the person anyone might be marrying, a man or woman from the west, through the lens of all the things I don't miss about American (western?) culture. Consider the four pillars of American culture:<br><br>
<b>1. Obsession with power</b><br><br>
When was the last time you knew an American to equate morality or show deference to righteous action? And how does that compare with viewing others as moral or right because of their personal power? This obsession with power swings two ways:<br><br>
Sometimes people view others as leaders deserving of respect, or virtuous people with golden hearts, because they are the strongest in the room. They're abrasive and brash, they stomp around and yell a lot, they tear down others with their words and actions, they take everything and give nothing back, and because they have the confidence, muscles or lack of compassion, they are the ones deferred to. Even more, these people believe that a person without power is deserving of all of the harassment, trolling, bullying, condescension, insults and attacks on their livelihood that they receive.<br><br>
Confidence is everything, as I learned many years ago. I developed a powerful personality, bulked up and rode a cruiser motorcycle in college when I realized that power is everything to an American. Once I had done this, my four years of searching for a girlfriend was over in a few months, I had a wide network of friends and people respected everything I had to say. Despite this being a very angry period of my life where I lost my temper and insulted or threatened quite a few people who bothered me on the job or street, I still received much more in the way of respect, sex and friendship than I ever did as a timid, friendly loser before.<br><br>
The other belief of power is the complete opposite: people without power are the ones with morality. It doesn't matter if they've accomplished nothing with their lives. It doesn't matter if they're murderers, rapists, or thieves, or people who engaged in fraud, slander, assault or any other negative action. Because their group has traditionally been out of power, then every member of that group must be more righteous, intelligent, or good then people in other tribes. These people believe that if someone shares the physical traits of a tribe that has traditionally been in power, then any and all harassment or violence against them is not only justified, but in some cases, encouraged.<br><br>
I'm not arguing that confidence, muscles or any of these things are wrong or bad, or that being a member of this or that group automatically makes someone good or bad. What I'm saying is that these things should not equate with morality or moral authority... and yet, in America, they do. The effect of this pillar of American culture is one where people pride themselves on a lack of morality or a code of ethics: power is everything.<br><br>
<u>As for me:</u> I was a member of the latter group, the belief that traditionally marginalized groups are inherently morally superior, during my Progressive days from the end of high school to the beginning of college. I no longer follow either of these beliefs on power.<br><br>
<b>2. Obsession with irony</b><br><br>
I honestly wonder when this started. Americans have an obsession with speaking opposite to what they actually mean:<br><br>
- "What a smart guy." (What a stupid guy)<br>
- "This is the best car ever made." (I don't like this car)<br>
- "He must have used a lot of brain cells for that." (That was a lazy effort)<br><br>
While I don't know when this process started, I do know why people do it. First, people in America are hyper judgemental of others (which I'll get to in the next pillar). People fear what they attack others with, so because Americans use and therefore fear judgement, they couch all of their words in ironic double talk to maintain plausible deniability. For example:<br><br>
- Stranger: "Wow, nice house." (This house is ugly)<br>
- Homeowner: "Hey, I just bought this place and I haven't even finished working on it yet."<br>
- Stranger: "What? I said it was a nice house. Calm down before you strain something, crybaby."<br><br>
Second, people in America view honesty as being naive, and truth telling as the childish action of the mentally handicapped:<br><br>
- "This food is kind of expensive for how little you get."<br>
- "No f***ing s***, Sherlock. Did you think that all up by yourself? Thanks for the update, Captain Obvious."<br><br>
People quickly learn to turn those truths into lie-truths to avoid this judgement:<br><br>
- "BEST FOOD I'VE EVER HAD, AND ALL THE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK!"<br>
- "Yeah, it sucks!"<br><br>
Enjoying things ironically is another way that people protect themselves from judgement, because when enjoying something that's supposed to be silly, low quality or inappropriate, it's redundant to insult it; people already know it's bad. But when sharing something that you enjoy with others in America, it's common for people to riff or overtalk everything they see by judging all the plot holes, bad CG or acting they feel fit to ridicule.<br><br>
This culture of irony leads to a country of people obsessed with hiding their true hearts and couching everything in a cloud of dishonesty, and to a pervasive fear of judgement.<br><br>
<u>As for me:</u> I've used irony all my life, and still catch myself using it from time to time to this day. I'm still working hard on eradicating it from my vocabulary to lead a more honest life with myself and others.<br><br>
<b>3. Hyper judgementalism</b><br><br>
Reality TV, Youtube channels dedicated to ripping apart the works of other people, blogs stalking and attacking a single person for months or years on end, American culture is awash with the constant attacks of people and things that the judgemental don't like. This leads to a sense of fear of being judged (which leads to pillar 2 above), but more importantly, it delays personal growth. There is a huge tendency for the judgemental to say things like "I may be scum, but at least I'm not _____."<br><br>
I understand the apparent hypocrisy of me judging judgement while judging marriage to be not worth the effort, but please understand my main point: judging things to help others or encourage good behavior is markedly different from judging things to feel better about oneself, and judging things sparingly and only when needed is also markedly different from judging every aspect of everything every hour of the day.<br><br>
The behavior I'm describing, and the irresponsibility and immaturity that arises from perpetually judgemental people who attack others while ignoring their own faults, lead to an entire culture of fingers pointing at everyone and everything but the owner's own heart, delaying growth and evolution for years, even decades.<br><br>
<u>As for me:</u> When I find something wrong in my life, I turn proverbial floodlights in every direction looking for the cause and solutions. When I came to the realization of how much energy is spent in America ripping apart other people and focusing away from personal fault, I examined my own habits online and ended up very disappointed in myself: every single website and Youtube channel I frequented, top to bottom, involved the judgement of people for their politics, taste in movies or video games, management of an IP or anything else. While I always take myself to task for the mistakes I make and never stop trying to learn and grow from the things I've done wrong in the past, I was still shocked to see how much of American culture had followed me, even in another country. I now primarily surf websites and Youtube channels dedicated to history, religion, science, the paranormal and other things that don't involve grinding others into pulp. It's still a struggle sometimes to avoid my old habits and stay away from the kinds of pages I used to frequent.<br><br>
<b>4. Hyper tribalism</b><br><br>
White vs colored. Men vs women. Left vs right. Atheists and Muslims vs Christians. Old vs young. Rich vs poor. When you destroy a nation's identity and make it xenophobic, hate-filled, bigoted or stupid for someone to love their country and their neighbors as members of their countries, the caveman DNA of humanity will find another way to express its desire to join a group and engage in endless warfare with another group. Such is the case in America, where bands of humans, identifying themselves by a difference in something or another, will line up to engage in battle with their mortal enemies all day and night.<br><br>
Anti-intellectualism is one of the great results of this warfare between the groups. When your only duty in life is to protect the group to which you belong, intelligence can and will take a back seat behind the primitive desire to see your group succeed and to dash your opponents' proverbial heads on the rocks.<br><br>
This isn't to say that one or both of any of these groups can't have valid points that should be addressed; rather, this is just another symptom of the cultural bankruptcy of America, where tribethink is more important than objective truth.<br><br>
<u>As for me:</u> I mentioned that I was a hardcore Progressive earlier, and after that, I was a hardcore Republican/Libertarian until I moved abroad. I have largely expunged every tribal identity I once carried, and remain on constant vigilance that I never slip back into any of those addictive patterns again so I can remain in control of my mind, and better able to get along with others.<br><br>
As for:<br><br>
- Drug and alcohol culture leading to chronic conflict avoidance<br>
- One night stand culture degenerating social contact to primitive hominid levels<br>
- Constant social experiments and pranks eroding general social trust<br>
- Incessant cussing showing a lack of respect for self and others<br>
- Welfare parasitism incentivizing sloth and punishing productivity<br>
- Hypersexuality throwing everything noble or intellectual under the bus in pursuit of sex and only sex and leading to rampant STDs, child abandonment and abortions<br>
- Social media addiction making people into egotistical, impatient, and insufferable attention seekers<br>
- Internet addiction giving destructive and dangerous people echo chambers to mutually prop up their sociopathic ideas...<br>
- ...and also giving people the ability to flee from any conversation without accepting blame, criticism or fault for wrong ideas, creating a nation of eccentric, Howard Hughes-like control freaks in real life<br>
- The acceptance of moral relativism and the participation trophy culture creating an entitled nation of lazy people incapable of recognizing fault in themselves, but expecting the world to nonetheless be delivered to them on a platter<br><br>
And more, these are things I find personally distasteful about America and are more controversial, so I'll just list them here and move on.<br><br>
Now, with the four pillars identified, perhaps you can imagine people in your family, friends, co-workers or others who embody some or all of these pillars. Until I came abroad, I was a firm follower of almost every pillar and was constantly at odds with enemies that belonged to groups I didn't like. But when I realized that I didn't want to be that kind of person anymore, I slowly started to burn away every one of these hook-legged, blood sucking ticks, fleas and leeches from my heart and mind, and today, I've found a peace that I had never known in America. If I weren't married, my life would literally be as close to perfect as I could make it right now.<br><br>
And speaking of which, this is where we get into the people of America and marriage. Imagine he/she wasn't just your friend or boy/girlfriend. Imagine this was your spouse... in your house... every day... for the rest of your life.<br><br>
For men, attached at the hip, under pain of impoverishment and/or imprisonment, you would spend the rest of your life with an immoral, dishonest, irresponsible, immature and anti-intellectual woman, from which the only escape would be divorce. For women divorce isn't usually a problem, but for men, your choice is to bow your head and take this abuse until one of you dies or you divorce, or to establish dominance to curb this behavior and probably end up provoking her to divorce anyway.<br><br>
If you think it's bad living in America (and anyone from another western country, feel free to comment if your homeland is as bad as America because I'd like to know your views), try being married to someone from the west. Marriage is bad enough because it will rob you in almost every case of your freedom, time, money and dreams, but to do so with a westerner... you are assuredly tempting disaster and ruin into your life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-27217183616607340582015-08-02T18:33:00.001-07:002015-08-03T00:04:04.632-07:00WeightJust to reiterate, the update schedule on this blog is not multiple times a day or week, but instead when things happen in my married life that I think warrant a post. From the fact that I update once a month or two, you should get an idea of how uneventful this boring gruel called marriage is.<br />
<br />
I think I've covered all of the bases on marriage, but I've also gotten requests for labels on my posts from smart phone users because they aren't showing up on the top page. I've updated the top post with those links at the bottom for easy access.<br />
<br />
Now to the news. I've been about thirty pounds overweight for the last two or three years, and though it didn't show, I still wanted to look better for my family. After a very long time spent trying to effectively lose weight, I've found that exercise doesn't do much to lessen the pounds, but dieting does. With that in mind, I've found my exceedingly low metabolism's resting caloric rate and switched to a diet of a small amount of food every day with vitamin supplements, and the weight is just dropping off.<br />
<br />
I also told my wife about this, and she noticed my ribs finally starting to poke out and my jawline becoming much more manly and distinct. But after a month or two of me losing ten or fifteen pounds, my wife had remained the same size.<br />
<br />
About two or three weeks ago, I saw her sitting in a chair wearing shorts and noticed her thunder thighs. I stopped walking past her, then silently reached down to lift one of her legs to turn it over and inspect it.<br />
<br />
"Are you dieting?" I asked.<br />
<br />
She remained silent.<br />
<br />
"Why not?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"I didn't take it seriously," she asked.<br />
<br />
"Why not?" I repeated, eyes narrowing. I already knew the answer was because she's my wife and can't get "fired" from this job while we have our son.<br />
<br />
She got silent again, then answered, "I'm sorry. I'll go back on it."<br />
<br />
A few days later, she did just that, but when I asked her how she was doing with her weight and appetite, she got mad. "Can you stop asking me?!" she demanded, "It's too much pressu..."<br />
<br />
That's as far as she got before I shot her murder eyes, tilted my head up in condescension, spun around and charged into the bedroom to get ready for my shower. I ignored her for the next several hours, not even seeing a text that she sent me only a minute after I entered the bedroom explaining her hard work and how she wanted to look good for me. I only saw the preview and ignored it until the next morning, where I was still doing my best to make her feel isolated and uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
That night, she came to me to show me some ribs sticking out, and how happy she was to be dropping pounds. I gave her a very brief compliment, then it was back to life as usual. Imagine the advice you would have gotten from Team Woman about giving her space, loving her for who she is, letting her be who she wants to be, accepting anything and everything she does and how you should feel like a complete loser for having any kind of standard for your wife.<br />
<br />
Now, I don't doubt that she might end up quitting the diet again in the next few weeks, at which point I will overtake her and actually weigh less than she does (this should happen in about two or three months). I'm so removed from caring about the outcome, though, that I really don't care if she hits four hundred pounds. I'll just stop sleeping with and touching her; I'm here to protect my son, after all.<br />
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In other news, in the past week, I've also had a strange callback to the many moments in my single time when I had flashes of <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/06/senses.html">euphoria</a> that I've detailed in <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/04/then-and-now-33.html">several</a> of my Then and Now
<a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/02/then-and-now-59.html">posts</a>, where I:<br />
<br />
- See or feel something great<br />
- The world opens up and becomes crystal clear<br />
- A shiver goes up my spine<br />
- I feel free, open and invincible<br />
- The image of that scene is burned into my permanent memory<br />
- Seconds later, it all stops<br />
<br />
This happened around twenty or thirty times in the six months I was a free man abroad, but only once or twice in the seven years since. I wonder if I'll feel another flash in 2027 when my son is a happy, mature college student and ready to see the world as a free man without marriage, and I can live again, knowing he has been protected and provided for as best as I could have done.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-14530997770285530472015-06-30T18:03:00.002-07:002015-07-01T08:17:57.127-07:00Pimp hand"So?! Why does that matter?"<br />
Derisive snort with a cocky half-smile, then turn away without a word.<br />
<br />
"You should take that to the trash."<br />
"I'll do what I want."<br />
Gasp!<br />
"Problem?" with a smile.<br />
<br />
My wife has tested me here and there over the past few months, not even close to what it was like four and five years ago, but she still tested me. And every time, I responded exactly as she wanted: as an aloof, arrogant master of the house, who allows his wife the lucky chance of a lifetime to live with him. It even works on female co-workers to keep them texting or emailing me with deference.<br />
<br />
How long would this kind of behavior last with one of my guy friends? Not long at all; I suspect I would be searching for a new clique of buddies within a week or two.<br />
<br />
And this is what modern society doesn't tell you: women respond to this behavior because it's in their genetics, their very nature, to follow a man in charge. Completely counter to a man, acting with force to a woman causes her to bow her head, while acting docile will get her to poke and prod and attack you harder and harder until you act like the man she wants you to be.<br />
<br />
I find it funny how quickly my wife is to adopt my beliefs ever since the big pushback back in 2012. Since then, she's completely accepted thought control to control her emotions, my substantial distaste of the power and irony obsessed, socially debased, overly judgemental and tribalistic culture of America, and my dream of traveling the world as soon as 2027 hits; it's like she's a little mini-me.<br />
<br />
And this is all because I don't let her get away with anything, talk down to me at all or otherwise cause trouble in the slightest. I forced her to thank me every time I give her money until it became automatic, I curtail the praise and compliments to once a week or two, and I respond to almost every time she says "I love you" with a quick smile and nod, or a quick "Same." She is now spending her life chasing me, and she couldn't be happier.<br />
<br />
Men, if you married in the west, you won't be able to pull off this kind of behavior with a wife who is ok with pulling the plug and collecting her cash and prizes through divorce (and with the 40% first marriage divorce rate, it seems almost a majority of them are). Even if you marry elsewhere, <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-have-no-freedom.html">think hard</a> about all of the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-have-no-free-time.html">many things</a> that you will <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/04/im-broke.html">lose</a>. Are all of those things worth losing for the requirement of being Napoleon in your house?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-17039790692567079312015-05-26T19:11:00.000-07:002016-04-11T19:48:37.093-07:00No supportI'm grateful to the influx of generous and understanding commenters that I've gotten recently, and have tried to engage with them as I can to convince them not to ruin their lives with marriage as I have. For anyone who reads this, however, I want you to understand that this is not the norm.<br />
<br />
When I was dating my girlfriend, just prior to getting her pregnant in 2007, the online presence of men warning other men not to marry or deal with women in the modern age (but more importantly, women backed up by corrupt and violent governments and state officials) was still in its infancy. I also had no guidance from any of my four fathers on how to treat women with power and confidence, and I had nobody to show me what happens to men railroaded by the system because I never saw any of these things on the news, never saw it in pop culture, and none of my parents ever prepared me for it.<br />
<br />
So you might be thinking that now that men are out in droves pushing back against the system that robs and imprisons them after divorce, or incarcerates them during relationships on her word alone, that you would have a strong support system for yourself if you ever began to live with a woman. Maybe you might think that with men finally waking up to the realities of western governments grinding men into pulp would be enough to get you through marriage so you can have that happy family life you've always wanted. I'm here to say that despite the generosity of my latest commenters, you are sadly mistaken if you think most people will have your back.<br />
<br />
In this international gender war, you will find three primary teams of people: the first is Team Woman, and is made up of women, their enablers and worshppers, and most mass media. The second is Team Man, is mostly relegated to the internet, and is made up of a variety of different acronyms like MGTOW, the MRAs and PUAs. Finally, there is Team Neutral, the largest of all the teams, made up of people who may or may not have opinions on the whole matter, but don't really care too much. Who among these three can you count on to take your side, have your back and provide you support if you find yourself unhappily married?<br />
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Team Woman will not help you. I know this from experience, because about four or five years ago I was going to close female friends or around the net for information on why my wife was acting like a <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/fights.html">beast</a>. If they had responses, I got the same ones every time:<br />
<br />
- When I talked about the things that she was doing wrong in our marriage, I got called a liar, a loser and lazy. People accused me of not working hard enough to support my wife, and wouldn't believe me when I told them what my wife was up to. The only advice that didn't include namecalling were several cries of "seek therapy." This had the psychological underpinning that we were both somehow at fault, even though I was the one sacrificing 95% of my paycheck, doing all the chores in the house, spending all the time with our son, only once raising my voice, while allowing my wife absolute freedom.<br />
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- When I talked about the few things that I did wrong in our marriage, like the one and only time I yelled at her in six years, Team Woman pounced on that. They ignored everything my wife did and focused on that one incident to smear me again as a lazy, lying loser.<br />
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However, looking at the advice that Team Woman gave to other women was striking in its contrast:<br />
<br />
- When a wife had a lout of a husband, Team Woman took her at her word and encouraged her to call the police, to punish him with sex withdrawal or property destruction, or to divorce.<br />
<br />
- When she admitted fault with her good husband, Team Woman encouraged her to "find herself" (aka divorce and sleep with other men) or shamed the man for not being strong enough to handle his obviously wonderful wife.<br />
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So Team Woman will not be on your side as a man if you get married. But what about Team Man?<br />
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You'll get some good information from Team Man, sure, and it will help you to deal with the mess you've made of your life. But if you ever mention to them that you got married, be prepared to be treated as a pariah.<br />
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"Doofus," "Immature," "Idiot," "Ten years old," "Fool," "Jackass," "Delusional," "Moron," "Sucker," "Dumbass," "Crybaby," "Whiner," "Cuckold," "Beta Boy," these are just a few of the names I have been called by the few places on the net that have discussed my situation, and who supposedly have men's interests at heart. There are exceptions out there where married men are respected for the wisdom they offer to younger men about not marrying, but it's been my experience that the namecalling from supposed "brothers" is just as brutal as the bullying from Team Woman. I have spent many years in high school and college as the group clown and punching bag (the one everyone insults and beats on, which the punching bag takes so he can "belong"), and I personally will not be going back to it. I also do not recommend men who plan to marry on relying on these supposed fraternities for companionship.<br />
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UPDATE: I think a coincidental in-a-row experience of several blogs discussing my situation, with namecalling and false assumptions about my character, made me get the wrong idea. I now think many or most people on Team Man will be supportive, though I still don't recommend getting married because other men will understand your position; all the well wishing in the world won't stop the government or mass media from steamrolling over any father or husband for what they may or may not do right or wrong.<br />
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And finally, we come to Team Neutral, people who haven't picked a side of the gender war and who make up the bulk of the world's population. I've mentioned before that if you live in an English speaking country and marry, then <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2013/06/human-nature-and-balance.html">your life is over</a>. In that post, I mostly discussed the legal ramifications of getting married in the west, but what I didn't discuss was the cultural aspect.<br />
<br />
Imagine if you got married, it turned out badly as most do, and you went to friends or co-workers for assistance. What kind of response would you get? If you answered "stop whining" or something to that effect, then you've probably lived in a western country for as long as I have.<br />
<br />
Western culture is absolutely obsessed with two things: power and irony. If you attempt to approach a member of Team Neutral, whether in real life or on the net, with your troubles with marriage, this sets them into a fit. "He's a man, but he has troubles he can't solve?" they think, and immediately move to insult, ridicule and reject you because you have trouble and dare to voice it to others. Westerners, and therefore Team Neutral, love power more than anything else: men follow other brutal men who put down everyone in the group, and women date thugs, criminals and drug dealers. Marry, and you will find no sympathy, no support, no respect from these people.<br />
<br />
In addition, western culture's obsession with irony stems from its constant condescending attitudes towards others; people make judgements about others, and in turn fear others' judgement, so they mask their true emotions from judgement through irony and sarcasm. All of this makes it difficult to be honest with others in the west, because when you are, people think that you're weak, childish or stupid. It seems just about everyone speaks opposite to what they mean, whether it be calling beautiful cars ugly, calling their friends a-holes, calling their political rivals geniuses, or the millions of other ways people try to hide their true heart through layers of deception, sarcasm and double talk. If you try to reason with most people in the west about your troubles, and they don't immediately disqualify you because you aren't powerful enough, it's almost guaranteed they will try to make a joke out of your suffering, make pithy, ironic statements like "Yeah, marriage is great, huh?" or some other kind of useless words that do nothing to change your position.<br />
<br />
If the laws against you as a married man are not enough to convince you not to tie the noose, try thinking long and hard about the kind of support you usually get from the people around you. Trust me: I've lived alone in <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/07/then-and-now-41.html">an apartment by myself</a> <i>and</i> through a godawful marriage, and I was never more lonely in life than those years I spent with the woman my wife used to be. Even today with a wife who has settled down on the chaos, I am the only one I can rely on.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-70907746797943820912015-05-12T19:29:00.000-07:002015-05-12T21:19:27.169-07:00Raising my sonI finally got to take a trip to the museum that I couldn't get to at the end of <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-18.html">Then and Now 18</a>. This time, I went to the city with plenty of time, and with my son. While we were there, we ate hamburgers, checked out some underground shopping malls to play in an arcade, took a walk under the easy sunlight through the wide streets, saw some moss-covered buildings in the middle of the city, visited a cultural center for the natives of this country, and topped it off with that museum so I could finally check it off of my list of things to see. It felt kind of like one of my old Then and Nows, except this time, I had my boy with me. We saw some technological and architectural pieces from several famous inventors and creators, and a couple of art pieces that weren't silly postmodern nonsense like flecks of paint on a mostly white canvas; there was actual depth, in both form and meaning, to them.<br />
<br />
When I think of why I found it so fun to be abroad when I was single, I've wondered why it was that I was able to be so happy then. I had first truly awoken to my own personal ability and worth in <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/then-and-now-1.html">Then and Now 1</a> and <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/then-and-now-2.html">Then and Now 2</a>, but I wondered: if I had become a stronger man while still in America with similar experiences, would I still have had such a great time? What I mean is, was awakening abroad the reason that I was so happy, or could I have done it anywhere? And was the only reason that I was happier abroad because I was used to not having a stable home, all because my mother shuttled me from city to city, school to school when I was younger on her husband hunt?<br />
<br />
I'm not sure if travel was fun because of my shifting childhood, or because of the change of venue from the irony, facetiousness and degeneracy of social life in America. I do know one thing, though: being on my own in a new land provided me the push I needed to get myself into gear, as well as a fun reason to get out there and experience the world to see such newness. Because of this, I am trying my best to give my son all of the information I didn't have that he will need to make the best life choices for himself when he grows up. For sure, I am going to have a very deep and serious talk with him about women, especially western women, because there is a good chance he'll be going back to the USA to get his college degree. I'll go over:<br />
<br />
- VAWA and other man-hating laws (which weren't as bad when I left)<br />
- False rape accusations (which I never dealt with because I was a pedestalizing loser who treated my exchange student girlfriend like a princess, only to be treated with disdain in return)<br />
- Socialist brainwashing (which I fell for hook, line and sinker and didn't deprogram until I was 21)<br />
- The friend zone and s*** testing (the former which I was constantly in, and the latter which I failed every time a woman slung them at me)<br />
- Contraception trickery (which I trusted both of my girlfriends with, and look where that got me)<br />
- Marriage (just say no)<br />
<br />
But even more than that, just teaching him the negatives of relationships today won't be enough. I need to teach my son that there's a better life out there, to keep seeing the world and never to be trapped by supposedly free and endless sex with one special woman. As such, I'm going to try my very best to make Sunday into a trip day where I can show him as many things of this country, and by proxy this world, and what they have to offer versus the stagnation of marriage.<br />
<br />
If he decides to get married or have a child anyway, I'll protest, but respect his decision. But the least I can do is show him that here is a better life out there.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-35983563736345796532015-05-01T08:48:00.000-07:002015-05-06T13:22:04.806-07:00Marriage review, 2014 to 2015Another year, another review day of the time I spent being married. Let's get to it:<br><br>
<b>Fights</b><br><br>
I had zero fights with my wife this year, the same as last year. Once I knew what s*** tests were, how women use them and how to counteract them, I dropped my previous 30+ fights a year to absolutely nothing.<br><br>
<b>Chores</b><br><br>
I didn't lift a finger around the house for the entire past year, except for maybe once or twice I did the laundry or dishes. My wife insists on doing all the chores every time, and unlike before, I don't do them anyway like a pathetic, grovelling beggar of female attention and approval.<br><br>
Were I still single, I would have done every chore once a week. This marks the first time in seven years that my life has improved in some way because of marriage, but saving thirty minutes a week on chores is still not worth the trade-off of everything else I lost by marrying.<br><br>
<b>Sex</b><br><br>
I get sex twice or three times a week now, because I no longer ask for it; I just start grabbing and escalating, even when she says she's tired. I've come to realize that she's just trying to act like an innocent, pure young woman when she refuses sex now, which is fine by me because she "relents" quickly and enthusiastically when I push for it. She's even directly stated afterwards how much she appreciated me being "wild."<br><br>
If I hadn't married, things would be much the same, but I would have more varied (and openly enthusiastic) partners, so while it seems nothing much has changed, things would still be better if I were still single.<br><br>
<b>Money</b><br><br>
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.<br><br>
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $80,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.<br><br>
<b>Time Off</b><br><br>
This year, I had 60 or 70 days off of work, all Sundays and holidays.<br><br>
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work, at least 120 a year. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.<br><br>
<b>Travel</b><br><br>
I've lived in four cities.<br><br>
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my eleventh city now, and I have a rough idea of where I would be living at this moment.<br><br>
<b>Friends</b><br><br>
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.<br><br>
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 2000 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.<br><br>
<b>Fun & Adventure</b><br><br>
I've had about five fun days out with my wife and/or son, all this year.<br><br>
If I were still single, I could have written over 1200 Then and Now posts on my great life.<br><br>
<b>Summary</b><br><br>
Another year has barreled past with nothing much interesting happening. My son is growing up and heading to first grade soon, my wife is losing weight and acting more bubbly, and I've learned many important lessons on how gender relations should normally be. Things aren't as bad as they used to be, but I still wish I were single. I wish I had more than that six months between getting abroad and my wife getting pregnant. I wish the next twelve years will speed by.<br><br>
It would be great if I could go to sleep every night and wake up in the body of a single man, live a week in his life, then come back to live a single day of monotony as a married man. That way, I could have a fun and adventurous time in this "dream world," then come back to see my family and spend some fun time playing games or seeing the city with them before I headed back to the dream world once more. But I guess I'll just have to settle for mentally fast forwarding all the boring stuff, stopping only to spend time with my family, and hoping to get to 2027 as soon as possible. I can't wait to be free again.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-57072557214477622712015-03-09T02:26:00.002-07:002015-04-18T16:34:29.162-07:00Such a long timeIt's quite strange that even though four months have passed since the last update, it still feels like 2014. Life is so monotonous and repetitive as a married man that every day is almost exactly like the one before. I'm even down to 4559 days left to go before I get my freedom back, but I still think that I'm stuck around 4700 or something.<br><br>
I've continued to keep my pimp hand strong on my wife, using every one of the techniques of countering s*** tests that I've learned and written about on this blog for the past few years. I'm still kind to her most of the time, but I'm now intentionally making her jealous: showing her wallpaper pictures on my phone of women hotter than she, talking about lunch I've had with my boss or female co-workers, etc... I've never once let her talk down to me, I've never apologized for anything in the past year (even when I was in the wrong), I rarely give her compliments (maybe every few days or once a week) and I even more rarely say that I love her anymore. As a result, sex is on twice a week now. Go figure.<br><br>
Now that my life has basically been relegated to first world problems, though my single life was miles ahead of, and infinitely more fun than, this sludge, I finally have a taste of what marriage was eighty or ninety years ago. And to be honest, it's still pretty lame. I'm glad I have my son and I spend a lot of time with him, but I think one of the big secrets to my success as a married man to a former shrew of a wife is thinking of her as temp help in the house. I live as if she could cheat at any moment and my only response would be, "If you get pregnant, I'll divorce you. Otherwise, do what you want." This kind of outcome independent aloof attitude is what gets my wife to bow her head or look away shyly when I address her, makes her act like a bubbly teenager when I suggest we do anything together, and what has made her take care of every chore in the house on her own, and begging me not to do them if I attempt one.<br><br>
Life is going to fly by these next twelve years, and that's not a good thing. But at least it wasn't the hell my life was back in 2010-2012.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-13498853243314261802014-11-27T16:49:00.003-08:002014-12-07T07:41:08.522-08:00The problem of sexI promised myself that I wouldn't ask my wife for sex ever again about <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/04/distance.html">six months ago</a>, and kept that promise up until a week or two ago. Thinking that I had proven myself the leader of this marriage once more with my wife buying me presents, showing me respect at all times and happily taking care of all of the housework (when she used to yell at me all the time when I cleaned the house every night before), I tried to initiate sex four times this month. The first time, she said yes. The second time, it was her period. The third and fourth times, out it came again: "I'm too tired."<br><br>
After the third refusal, I was livid. But knowing that anger only shows women what buttons they can push, I just remained quiet for a few seconds, then said, "Every night, you're too tired. Every morning, you have no time." Then I went outside to sleep on the couch. It was quite peaceful and relaxing out there, and the next day, I went directly to work without talking to her. She sent some text messages to me, but I didn't even bother reading a single word of them:<br><br>
- If it was an apology and a promise to change regarding sex, she's already promised that multiple times and lied every time before.<br>
- If it was her idea of an explanation, I knew it would just be an excuse.<br>
- If it was some anger or confusion with demands for answers, I didn't want to hear it. More importantly, if a man doesn't calmly and sternly put a stop to a woman's outbursts, it's best not to give them even the barest hint of attention, or you get more of the same.<br><br>
When I came home, I refused to make eye contact with her, ignored her for hours while I played with our son, recovered my blankets from the bedroom (she put them on the bed again while I was at work) then slept on the couch again. I continued this process for two or three days, and she bought me a bunch of presents and was obviously confused and uncomfortable, and because of this, treated me like a king. But the sex still didn't return.<br><br>
And that's the main point of today's post. Unmarried men, this is the norm for a husband, and there's nothing you can do to solve it. Think of any girlfriends you have been with. What were the options?<br><br>
EITHER<br>
I have sex with my girlfriend.<br>
OR<br>
I find someone else.<br><br>
Married men like myself, however, have a different experience:<br><br>
EITHER<br>
I have sex, and my wife gets money and support.<br>
OR<br>
I don't have sex, and my wife gets money and support.<br><br>
I've also <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/10/combinations.html">discussed</a> about how being a strong man with a supportive woman is much, much more stable than the alternative (or an equal partnership, for that matter), much to the opposite of what western culture teaches people. In the end, this shows the problem of sex, specifically in marriage.<br><br>
Women sleep with high class men. In most cases, that's a given. Whether it's money, strength, fame or whatever, women hardly ever sleep down. And that leads us to marriage... which is the greatest show of submission a man can make to a woman in today's society. So it doesn't matter how strongly you act, how much you ask, how nice you are or how much you pull rank or bluster: women have no reason or incentive to sleep with a man they have married, unless their bodies are screaming at them to have children (which means I can get laid about once a month on average).<br><br>
Women sleep with men for many reasons, but I know two reasons my wife-as-girlfriend used to sleep with me. The first was for the pleasure of it, and I know she used to, and still does, enjoy it. I don't want to get too personal, so I'll leave it at that. The second reason was to keep me around, and as my wife, she no longer needs to do this; I'm bound to her through our son and the marriage contract. With only one reason to have sex remaining, it's no wonder our sex life is in the pits, and why most married men can understand what I'm talking about. Single or dating men, this message is for you: you want sex, don't get married.<br><br>
After all this stuff went down, I really started to think about this whole sex thing once more. First, I reaffirmed by promise not to initiate again; I went six months this time, next I'll try for at least a year, but hopefully not break the promise again. But more importantly, I realized that punishing my wife for her wafer thin excuses for sex was not necessary, and for several reasons:<br><br>
- It does nothing to help our son, which is the only reason I'm staying married to my wife.<br>
- Punishment makes her defer to me more, but it has never improved our sex life in the past.<br>
- I'm not that interested in having sex with a somewhat overweight (but better than before), flabby middle-aged woman anyway.<br><br>
So we made up without me apologizing (never apologize to a woman, by the way: they only use it as a reason to abuse you more), and back to the daily routine we went: sexless and monotonous, with 4660 days left on the counter until I can live again.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-32340163371876493192014-10-21T19:54:00.002-07:002014-10-30T02:10:36.432-07:00Back to the pastWhat a waste of life marriage is.<br />
<br />
I recently had a vacation with my wife and son, going back to the city where I first entered this country and where I stayed with my bud and his aunt. Unfortunately, the vacation was only two days long and involved some business, so I didn't have time to go back to see those old grounds. My son and I had fun here and there and everyone talked, but my wife was mostly just around. The whole time reminded me of the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/06/zoo-trip.html">petting zoo day</a> we had when my wife was still a giant a-hole back in 2012. Here was our rip-roaring trip of adventurous fun and excitement, sure to put any of my Then and Now experiences as a single man to shame:<br />
<br />
DAY 1<br />
7:00 - 7:30 - Waited for my wife and son to get ready.<br />
7:30 - 8:00 - Took a taxi to the train station.<br />
8:00 - 9:00 - Waited for the train to arrive.<br />
9:00 - 10:30 - Rode the train.<br />
10:30 - 11:30 - Waited for the bus to arrive.<br />
11:30 - 12:00 - Rode the bus to an amusement park.<br />
12:00 - 3:00 - Hung out at an amusement park (which mostly involved standing in line waiting), and also sat around and ate.<br />
3:00 - 3:30 - Walked to the hotel.<br />
3:30 - 6:00 - Watched TV and took a nap.<br />
6:00 - 10:00 - Took part in a dull business meeting, and also sat around and ate.<br />
10:00 - Slept.<br />
<br />
DAY 2<br />
8:00 - 9:00 - Packed our things.<br />
9:00 - 11:00 - Stood around while my wife shopped, and also sat around and ate.<br />
11:00 - 12:00 - Waited for the bus to arrive.<br />
12:00 - 12:30 - Rode the bus to the train station.<br />
12:30 - 1:30 - Waited for the train to arrive.<br />
1:30 - 3:00 - Rode the train.<br />
3:00 - 3:30 - Took a taxi home.<br />
<br />
Like the zoo trip, and most certainly like marriage, the vast majority of my time was/is spent waiting.<br />
<br />
Even more recently, I had to go back to the main city to do some immigration paperwork, so I set my alarm for very early in the morning. When I had shaken the cobwebs loose, I woke my wife to say goodbye and ask for luck. She groaned that she didn't want to have sex.<br />
<br />
So the previous night, my son and I had drawn together, watched movies together and played video games together, while my wife did nothing but sit in a chair and browse the internet on her phone, alone. And then, in the morning, she denies me sex that I didn't ask for. Can I explain any more clearly how <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/11/blame-and-second-chances.html">marriage destroys and children enrich</a> the lives of men? Even if I did want sex, I wonder how she would feel if I didn't want to give her $500 one month for her personal expenses because I was "tired" or "not in the mood." After all, it takes me 20 hours to make that money per month, and even if we went at it like rabbits (which we don't), she would only spend around 10 hours a month of lying there and doing little to nothing to get the same reward.<br />
<br />
It was very early when I reached the city, and because I knew that my old hostel was nearby, I took a walk down that familiar <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/08/then-and-now-42.html">Odds and Ends street</a> to see if my old hostel was there. I saw the park again, but the computer store seemed to be missing. Also, the overpass was so low to the road that I had to stoop a little to get under it; I had forgotten all about that.<br />
<br />
When I finally reached the hostel, I saw the same security guard out front from seven years ago and said hello. He didn't recognize me, but that was ok. After going upstairs to talk with the boss and admire the view once more (and hearing the very, very familiar whine of the elevator as it went up to the top of the building), I headed back out to do my paperwork.<br />
<br />
I didn't have any flashes of euphoria or anything, but I did experience my vision expanding slightly as I walked to the hostel. At that time, a map of the general part of the world I was in appeared in my mind, as if I were planning my next adventure around the world, but because it's October, I would actually have just gotten to my new city, and probably be in the process of choosing between five or ten girls to be my girlfriend, right now.<br />
<br />
But I married, because I allowed myself to be brainwashed by society into thinking it was an amazing institution. It's certainly not for men: we lose freedom, time, money and sex, and take on the burdens of in-laws, chores, drama and monotony. I know where I would be living right now if it weren't for my stupidity, and I know where I am because of my foolishness.<br />
<br />
I have to wait 4697 days to be free, men. If you're married but childless, or haven't yet tied that noose, you're free to go ANY TIME. Don't make my mistake.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-16371844233926299812014-09-26T01:55:00.002-07:002014-10-04T17:31:50.257-07:00Small updatesAnother month has passed where nothing really occurred. But as I said last month, that's marriage.<br />
<br />
My son is as nice and cute as ever, and really becoming a lot more like me. I'm doing my best to raise him as an aware man, and not a server of women as I used to be; I know that that kind of life leads to no girlfriend and an empty wallet with little gratitude (and even verbal abuse) being the only reward. I want him to grow up respecting women, but understanding their power-attracted nature so he never ends up the simp that I once was. Above all, I hope he avoids marriage and either becomes a long term dater, or just avoids the trouble altogether.<br />
<br />
My wife and I have really been working hard on losing weight. I think when I told her how much weight I had lost (only thirty pounds to go, and I'm underweight and done), she got worried that I would soon approach her weight, so she started her own diet. She has loose skin hanging in certain places, but because there's nothing she can do about it, I don't mind; at least it's not fat anymore.<br />
<br />
Then again, if I weren't married, I could be dating one of the many hot, young college girls that I've met over the years.<br />
<br />
Sex life is still ho hum, maybe once a week or two. I don't care either way.<br />
<br />
I still hope I can have another life, and not make this mistake of marriage again. I'm in charge of this relationship and living the lauded, traditional style marriage where dad makes the rules and happy wife follows suit, but my single life was still way better than this.<br />
<br />
As long as I focus on my son, I think I can get through the next twelve years with minimal problems. And as long as I mostly ignore my wife, she'll just be that more eager to please.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-55779967462171940912014-08-30T06:13:00.000-07:002014-10-14T05:08:08.775-07:00A whole monthWhere have I been? What have I been doing?<br />
<br />
Same place and nothing, as usual; this is marriage. If you thought marriage was usually made of night dancing, endless laughs on the boardwalk and abundant shared moments that last forever, well, you can think again. Nothing really important has happened in the last thirty days, and they've slipped by quickly, leaving me with 4750 days left on the counter until I'm free again.<br />
<br />
The only minor things that happened this month were losing some classes at work to leave me with a more relaxing schedule, me spending lots of time with my son in games, blocks and action figure wars, and otherwise constant work.<br />
<br />
I did end up making more money this month than any other month of my life: $3000. Of course, when I did the math and realized that around $150 of that is mine and the rest is going to everyone else around me (I would have kept $2200 as a single man, or $1000 if it were just me and my son), I didn't feel quite so excited.<br />
<br />
The final thing to mention is that after a visit from my mom this year and snarfing down the candy and cookies she brought, I was about 220 pounds in the end of winter. It didn't really show because of my height, but it was still unacceptable, so I worked hard to lose that weight up to now. I've now dropped thirty of those pounds on an amazingly effective diet I just discovered, and I'm also fourty pounds away from perfectly and healthily
<b>underweight</b>; I'll probably get there in just a few months, now that I know what to do.<br />
<br />
After I lose this final weight, my wife will actually be
fatter than me. Unmarried men, let that sink into your minds for a second.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-55176771234883207122014-07-30T18:10:00.001-07:002014-09-29T05:09:30.163-07:00Money and restOnce again, a day comes where I have to transfer $1000 to my wife by bank, and hand her over $200 in person, so we can pay for the next month's expenses. It's too much money to be spending in a single month for any reason and represents over two weeks of work on my part, but once again, it seems that that isn't enough to show any kind of appreciation.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was not only the day I had to pay my wife money so she could have the opportunity to disrespect me as a beta provider again, but also a day where she and our son took the day off from work and school. My wife was fine for the first half, and I spent half my time off playing with our son, and the other half surfing the net.<br />
<br />
I went to work, and on the way back, took care of the money transfers and stuff to come home to my son crying, wrapped up in a blanket on the bed, and my wife looking angry. I've mentioned this several times before, and I still don't understand it: every time my wife has a day off from work, she goes ape and acts like a jerk to everyone in the house. This time, she had to flip out on our son because he didn't want to go back to school.<br />
<br />
I came in and handed her her money while trying to figure out what was going on with our son, because I didn't know what had happened yet. My wife acted somewhat indignant, asking with knit eyebrows why I was giving her money, as if I were inconveniencing her by putting free cash in her hand. I said nothing until she admitted it was for the next month's payments, and <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/07/condescension.html">once again</a>, she turned away without a word. "How about a little gratitude?" I asked seriously. She turned around and hugged me without a word, then I went to check on our son.<br />
<br />
I comforted him and convinced him to get ready for school the next day, admonished him when he acted up, then promised his favorite breakfast if he would be good, and the crisis was averted in a mere thirty seconds. Apparently, that was too difficult for my wife, or she simply wanted a punching bag for the day, because once again, she can't accept having a day off without being a jerk.<br />
<br />
Recently, I've had a lot of mental flashes to my old life, especially my Then and Nows. I've imagined places I could have seen, women I could have been with, languages I could have learned, all if I hadn't married. After, I've been filled with quick, but blinding, bursts of anger and regret for what I gave up ever since I married. I'm thankful for understanding the secret of thought control to keep my mind and actions stable and defuse those emotions, but I can't help wishing it were just my son and I in my life.<br />
<br />
No matter the woman, no matter the country and no matter the laws, marriage, by and large, is like this. Thirty days of endless, thankless work, flare-up nonsense from an emotionally capricious wife, and watching the broken shards of once great dreams reflect the barest glints of what they once were.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-2313788122356889732014-07-23T07:22:00.001-07:002015-05-12T20:38:47.496-07:00RepetitionHad a day off today, when I usually work twice a day, six days a week. This time spent with my wife, plus the sex we had recently, naturally led to her playing hot and cold today.<br />
<br />
"You're the greatest father I've ever seen. Every other father I've ever known just ignores their kids or yells at them."
<br />
"Stop saying I look like other women. It shows you don't think I'm special."
<br />
"I want a kiss from you! And a hug, too!"
<br />
(After I say I like her small eyes) "How come you don't like my small eyes?! I'm not talking to you!!"<br />
<br />
Every time she went cold, and especially when she started with that "order my husband to do little jobs and if he does them, then I have license to further disrespect him" thing, I withdrew affection utterly and completely and ignored her for as long as possible, and she went back to hot again. Then, when I responded positively to her polite behavior, it was back to cold again. <br />
<br />
Staying around her, plus her sudden drop in respect for me after we have sex, caused this rare mid-week day off to become yet another in a long string of reminders of how marriage is draining me. <br />
<br />
I remain the same man almost every day of my life, she jumps all over the place. I had potential in my life to achieve and experience a billion different things before I married, she was sitting around in her mom's house. I've saved $10,000 for our son's college education, she's wasted $10,000 in the last two or three years on nonsense, and her mom's wasted $10,000 more. When I'm not working, I'm sleeping. When I'm not sleeping, I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen. When I'm not waiting, I'm cleaning. <br />
<br />
And while I waste my time being married, all I can do is watch other, smarter men who haven't and won't marry enjoy their lives, and only wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10716615984203628147noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-285741031821990772014-07-03T19:51:00.001-07:002015-05-12T20:38:03.042-07:00CondescensionI keep all of the non-business emails between my wife and I, even to this day. I guess I'm kind of an automatic softie and this alpha attitude thing is the mask I use to keep her in line, but maybe in the future I'll end up deleting them. I don't know. What I do know is that I was checking my emails to her from 2007-2008, and noticing an anus-clenching subservience in many of them. It's no wonder that my wife started treating me like garbage and s*** testing like crazy after the Christmas fight in 2009, when I brought her such gems as:<br />
<br />
"You are so cute and interesting and funny and charming! I miss you very much, and I always think about you."<br />
"I LOVE YOU and I'll see you soon, beautiful!"<br />
"Anyway, I am missing and loving you two very much!"<br />
"I'm enjoying my day off, my love, doing nerd stuff and emails!"<br />
"I love you and think you are awesome."<br />
"I'm sorry; I was just really shocked before by your sad/angry phone call and I still haven't recovered completely yet."<br />
<br />
And those are just the replies she saved in her emails so I could read them; imagine how many more displays of loser I provided her. I guess if I had been interested in the information out there on the internet for men (or had a father), I wouldn't have been speaking like that to a woman.<br />
<br />
This all leads in to the main reason for this post, which is me giving money to my wife. I've discussed <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/01/bank-outburst.html">before</a> about the kind of disrespect my wife shows me when I hand her money, because her reptilian mind is trying to place me as either the brute who deserves respect, or the provider who deserves demands. As a result, I need to shut down her s*** tests almost every time I hand her money. It happens every month like clockwork, but I only mention her s*** testing when it's really obvious... like this month's payment.<br />
<br />
I gave my wife $200 directly to pay for our son's schooling, and after she took it in her hand, she began to turn away without saying a word. I held firm to the money with a strong and serious look on my face until she turned around and thanked me for it. I simply shook my head and turned away, and she quickly got our son and herself to say thanks together for my generosity.<br />
<br />
She got the other $1000 in her bank account, and no sooner had she checked to make sure it was there, she was texting me on my cell phone about all the problems she was having. First she said our son is staying up too late and I shouldn't let him, and I replied that I send him to bed on time every night. Then she complained about his homework not being done on time, and I explained that it was her mother, not me, who procrastinated on that. Finally, she complained about his eyesight and how he might need glasses soon. I said it was because of my DNA, and when she responded that he's her son too, I just stopped talking to her.<br />
<br />
These tests always stop within two or three days of me giving her money, then start up again when I once more pay her for the month.<br />
<br />
This is women: disrespecting you for your helpfulness and responsibility.<br />
<br />
This is marriage: a decades long cycle that robs you of all your finances, time and freedom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-50059204482649243082014-06-29T18:17:00.000-07:002015-05-12T20:29:57.044-07:00Love lifeIt has been over a month since I've last had sex, straight from the beginning of one period to the end of another. Between them, my wife was asking me to wake her up or meet her for sex about twice a week. I counted a total of six times in the past month that she's asked me to join her in bed when our son had fallen asleep, which is markedly different from the months of non-initiation that made up our marriage a few years ago.<br />
<br />
Of course, every time she asked, I never responded much. When she asked me directly, I hummed an affirmative and kept playing the computer. When she texted me about it, I just deleted the text without answering. She even sent a text two nights ago, the most submissive "take me" text she's ever given (which makes me think she's been asking around for how to get me interested in sex again), but I deleted that one too. When she asked about it yesterday and I said I didn't get the message, she said that she had a record of me receiving and reading it, so I just lied and said I must have bumped the phone and lost the message. She asked me to wake her up again last night, I neutrally agreed, then just slept without doing so.<br />
<br />
She is in exactly the position I want her to be: worried whenever I reject her with plausible deniability about lost texts, and happy when I otherwise treat her nicely. She spins in circles wondering if I still love her, and if I do, do I still love her physically or just emotionally, whydoesnthewantmewhatsgoingon...<br />
<br />
If you think this is cruel, I can tell you that you're probably either a woman, or a man who's never been married. She hasn't started drama for months thanks to this utter withdrawal of affection, and our son is growing up in a stable house. And if you feel pity for my wife, I only need to keep linking <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/fights.html">this post</a> to show the nightmare I had to deal with for almost three years because I used to treat my wife with the respect of an equal. If you <b>still</b> feel bad for our lack of sex:<br />
<br />
- Why does she seem so happy after I reject her, especially the morning after?<br />
- If she wants sex so much, why does she keep asking, then falling asleep earlier, turning me down or waiting so long between sessions?<br />
- Why does she seem to act distant for a day or two after one of our rare sessions?<br />
- What other choice do I have besides secret rejections? If I tell her the problem, she'll just ignore me or lie about what she has done and is doing (for example, I told her <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/05/rebound.html">a month ago</a>, but she's still up to her tricks). If I threaten punishment like six month sex refusals for every time she rejects me, her behavior might get worse.<br />
<br />
The answer to these questions, and the reason I do this, is because my rejections tickle her primitive mind more than any amount of money I make, and more than any respect I used to show her. By rejecting her so often, I am displaying my higher value as a strong man, and she feels happy to be in my presence. Ironically, it's what also keeps us out of the bedroom.<br />
<br />
I suppose I could try the punishment threats to continue displaying higher sexual value while still having a sex life, but I certainly don't want my wife anymore, not after what she's put me through, and especially not because I have to wait so long for a short and lame release that I can take care of myself. So my sex life is still in the pits, but I'm not blaming the lack of sex on my wife, because I'm the one who is doing the secret rejections now. My sex life is awful because I want it to be so, at least with regards to my wife.<br />
<br />
A few months ago in <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/04/distance.html">March and April</a>, she asked me to wake her for sex seven times and changed her mind five times when I actually followed through, so I have no reason to believe that the six requests over the past two months were anything different. It's obvious she's just using these requests in an attempt to control me, and she will not fool me again.<br />
<br />
And all of this is mine, because I got married. There are girls half her age making eyes at me in my classrooms, and with the knowledge I've gained of attracting women through overconfidence mixed with a proactive, adventurous attitude and tempered kindness, I could be dating any one of them right now.<br />
<br />
But I married.<br />
<br />
I got a smartphone a few months back when my old one died, and got this nice little application: it's a countdown app that is currently ticking down to September 1st, 2027, and anytime I need to adjust the future date (son goes to college early or late, I need to make more money, whatever) a few swipes will lead me to the new number until I get my freedom back.<br />
<br />
4811 days, and I'm out of here.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8607494518122473059.post-75709066161293439062014-06-08T09:43:00.004-07:002015-05-12T20:28:00.327-07:00Trip to Leena'sI went to the main city to go see Leena, the first time I had seen or talked to her since 2007 when I had the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/10/then-and-now-17.html">phone call</a> with her before going to the <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2012/04/then-and-now-35.html">tech street</a>. Seven years is a long time for people to change, and Leena is no exception. I took my wife and son over there to meet her, with only Leena knowing that she was my first love. Even not knowing that, on the way there, my wife would absolutely not stop bellyaching about every little thing:<br />
<br />
"It's drizzling! Wah!"<br />
"I'm tired! Wah!"<br />
"I'm carsick! Wah!"<br />
"I'm bored! Wah!"<br />
"You're lost! Wah!"<br />
"We're late! Wah!"<br />
<br />
She never used to talk to me like this when we were friends. When we were dating. When she was pregnant, but afraid I was going to leave her. But now she does. I guess one way of looking at this is "See how much she loves you to show her true self." A better way, however, is "Look how little she respects you to ruin a trip with her juvenile complaining, thinking you can't say or do anything to make her stop."<br />
<br />
As a contrast, here is a comprehensive list of all the problems I complained about and pushed on my wife during our six hours out:<br />
<br />
-<br />
<br />
So when we finally reached our destination on time, she was on her best behavior for Leena. My old crush was now married with a child, but of course I didn't feel a thing for her, since I had long since let her out of my mind. She did weigh about half as much as my wife does, though, even a year after she had delivered her son. We talked and played with her son for a few hours, during which time we talked about our futures. I said that I was going to use mnemonics and three months to master the language of a country I wanted to move to (a dream that was crushed by my wife's and my surprise pregnancy and marriage, though of course I didn't mention that), then go there as soon as my son was off to college.<br />
<br />
My wife then asked, "What about me?"<br />
<br />
I simply looked back at her and said, "You're coming, right?" She quickly nodded, and said little more.<br />
<br />
On a side note, this whole making your girlfriend or wife afraid of losing you by withdrawing affection, something that has served me well to get the ogre my wife was back in line, apparently has a name: Dread Game. It's amazing what a little research on the net can teach about checking your out of control wife. As a response to my wife's disrespectful attitude all morning and afternoon, I knew it was time to put her back in her place, so I continued with this technique by promising our son I would take him back to the city next week, and my wife could stay home to relax. Not only does this work to continually keep my wife both chasing me, and back in line, as I draw away from her, but I'll also avoid the whiny baggage she offers almost every trip I take with her by going only with our son.<br />
<br />
So does this technique work? It's a simple enough question to answer: the last time my wife did something stupid was <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2014/04/sunday-again.html">April 6th</a>, over two months ago. Every other day between was half smiles and fun, a little withdrawal for any signs of disrespect, and some ignoring while I played games or did other stuff to show her that I will not be chasing her again. Now compare that to <a href="http://marriageispurgatory.blogspot.com/2011/05/fights.html">three or four years ago</a>, back when I allowed her to be the leader of this marriage and did nothing to stop her rampages. Drama came every ten or so days, much worse than today. Even a comparatively lesser series of slip-ups like this morning and afternoon needs to be punished on that same day, or the problem of an awful wife only get worse.<br />
<br />
When time with Leena was up, we started walking back to the train station to go home. On the way back, I saw ten or twenty foreigners with their thin, smiling girlfriends on the street, a sharp contrast to the pudgy wife of mine with the occasional sour flash on her face. Almost every one of them did the "foreigner fakeout," a common action from one foreigner to another abroad, by either sharply turning their heads ninety degrees to the side to avoid eye contact, or staring straight ahead, unblinking and ignoring every smile and hello from other foreigners, until they were safely away. Since I used to do this during the first time I went abroad to another country in 2005, I still assume that, like the old me, these men are only here for sex and money, and see other foreigners as hated competition for women and jobs. Only one man returned a smile.<br />
<br />
Still, as I mentioned, this kind of stuff doesn't bother me anymore; I actually feel kind of sorry for the obvious jealousy or undue sense of rivalry these men have with other foreigners, and I wish them the very best. I just thought it was funny to mention it, because though everything in my life, and the people's lives around me, has changed quite a bit, the foreigner fakeout has remained a constant for the last seven years.<br />
<br />
And that was it. Soon, we were home, showered and off to bed. I can only imagine the much busier, and happier, day I could have had today if it were just me, or just me and my son, without my wife and marriage weighing everything about my life down. Today could easily have been another Then and Now, had I not tied the noose.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0