Humans are a mix of two things: our primitive, base instincts from the animal part of ourselves, and whatever our logical mind has decided that we want to be. The definition of a human is the balance between these two forces... which of the two facets that a person chooses to act upon more often.
It's not difficult to find or define a reptilian human being, and especially not difficult to know countries where either intelligence or reptilianism dominates one or both of the sexes, because what decides the balance between these two forces is the threat of government (or lack thereof) against primitive behavior in either sex. Simply put, if government doesn't force people to be civilized, most people will revert to a more feral lifestyle of violence, manipulation and/or wanton sex. To know what kind of people you'll meet in your country, there are only two questions to answer: first, for which sex's benefit are laws passed and enforced? Second, is there even a strong government around at all?
There is no country today, or any that I can think of from history, where government didn't exist, and women ruled all. Men's physical strength leads them to dominate countries or places of anarchy, so this kind of place is beyond this discussion. But it is in a place with non-existent or short-lived government where we see reptilian man: a violent, exploitive sociopath, where if something cannot provide him sex or resources, then it is something to be ignored or destroyed. There are dozens of countries with this lack of government and ascendant primitive male power, and it manifests itself in the form of endless warfare, rape gangs and genocide squads. They are the absolute worst places in the world to be alive.
Next, when males are empowered and laws exist to protect and serve them, but the government makes an attempt to tamp down their violent behavior, it manifests itself in high rates of domestic violence directed at wives and children behind closed doors. In turn, wives remain in marriage because the laws of custody work against them and they shoulder the abuse, and the children grow up in houses of assault and fear, only to end up turning it on their own children in the future. There are several examples of places in the world like this, and the cycle of abuse rarely ceases in them.
Finally, in most other countries, laws also exist to tamp down the violent nature of primitive man. But more importantly, they also exist to provide women as many advantages as possible, most especially during marriage and divorce. If you can read this blog, then chances are you live in one of these countries.
To know what places these are, look for a country with a significant number of single mothers and the resultant uptick in drug use and crimes committed by their undisciplined children. Look for high rates of female-initiated divorce as they take advantage of the laws to "cash out." Look for unjust, but expected, rulings in family and divorce court that treat almost all divorcing men, regardless of what kind of husbands or fathers they were, as abusers and rapists unfit for having time with their own children. Look for a declining birth and marriage rate, and the destruction of the family unit itself, as the sexual arms race ratchets up between unfaithful males who trade out, and unfaithful females who trade up.
A man who attempts to marry in one of these countries is doomed. I've already discussed the leverage my wife has over me in my Strength post, but here, I think it's important to first discuss what a reptilian woman is like, as I lived with one for several years during my marriage, and for decades during my upbringing.
A reptilian woman is manipulative, moody and ever dissatisfied, where if something cannot provide her validation, safety or resources, then it is something to be ignored or destroyed. This behavior manifests itself in illogical, irrational arguments full of subject changing, deflection and lies, explosive drama followed by emotional shutdowns, the constant manipulation of relationships through threats and lies to create endless strife and warfare between people, the utilization of enforcers or other powerful external entities to punish all supposed enemies, and endless nagging and demands for everyone around her to complete menial tasks.
Where reptilian man demands submissiveness and obedience, reptilian woman demands attention, protection and material goods. There is no blame in this statement; it's just truth. Every one of us is, after all, a descendant of scattered, small groups of human beings that survived a major ice age, and the most successful breeders were those powerful, sociopathic men and the women attracted to said power.
But this is not our destiny. The logical mind is a powerful tool to change a person's life and desires, especially those destructive inner impulses. Through my limited study of neurochemistry, psychology and human evolution, as well as from personal experience, I've found that changing a reptilian behavior to an automatic, logical and healthy one takes a simple one to three months. And yet, so few people decide to make that effort.
And when you add marriage to this caveman mentality, especially in a country where there are no repercussions for engaging in primitive behavior, you get the problems I mentioned above. Marriage and childbirth are basically considered the last stage in life (short of retirement or death), and once reaching that stage, it becomes easy for people to get lazy and complacent, feeling that there is nothing left to accomplish in life and no need to try anymore. Looking back on my marriage with this knowledge in mind, I can see exactly what happened with my wife engaging in her reptilian ways. I'll copy what I wrote in my Combinations post, and add my explanations in bold:
- Late 2007 to September 2008 - Leader/Support. My girlfriend, who later became my pregnant wife, acted nice to me because she knew how great a guy I was. She kept up this act for another year, because she thought I was going to take off before she gave birth, and she wanted to secure my presence with her.
I maintained strength throughout this stage of our relationship and I had the option and ability to step out on her or run at any time (neither of which I did), and I was rewarded with respect and sex to keep me with her.
- September 2008 to December 2009 - Support/Support. After we officially moved in together, our married life followed an extremely predictable, and boring, routine.
During this time, I treated my wife very nicely, but I was also silently moody and miserable on many nights because of everything I had given up. I also spent a lot of time on the computer ignoring her. Although I only once turned this moodiness on my wife, I still left her afraid of my personality and worried that she was losing me, and she rewarded my bad but powerful behavior with respect and sex.
- December 2009 to February 2011 - Leader/Bully. My wife, realizing I wasn't going anywhere, let loose all of the selfish, domineering, rage-filled horsecrap that she had held in check, and I ineffectively attempted to defend myself by using logic against her drama-stirring foolishness. When I did, I got about the same amount of respect and understanding as if I were using the same logic on our seldom angry infant son.
This was when my wife gently asked me to stop using the computer all day, and I listened to her. She was right; I wasn't being a terribly good father, and I had to spend even more time with our son. Unfortunately, by doing so, she knew I was under her thumb, and I was no longer a threatening, powerful man, and thus deserved nothing but her contempt. I was rewarded for my kindness with sex every month or two and flagrant, weekly disrespect.
- February 2011 to October 2012 - Support/Bully. Since fighting my wife's mercurial nature wasn't working, I attempted to concede in every fight, in the hopes that appeasement would make her stop barking at me, and help her understand how much I did for her as her husband. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work, and only made things worse.
By taking this submissive stance, my wife's reptilian behavior compounded. She manipulated all of my free time to do chores around the house while she sat around and watched TV, cut sex off multiple times for months on end, complained when I gave her 90% of my paycheck instead of 95%, and started even more fights than before. My kindness was repaid with even more sexual deserts and hostility.
- October 2012 to today - Leader/Support. After my wife had the abortion, I had been pushed far and long enough. Her stupid drama gets only two responses from me: calm and logical, but direct, reprimands for her childish behavior, then absolute apathy and withdrawal. Depending on the fight, I sometimes use both, or sometimes skip straight to the latter, but both responses work extremely well. I've taken back control of this relationship and turned it from a volatile powder keg, back into a boring routine where I call the shots, and quietly remember my old life.
I became, and still act, aloof with my wife today: roughly 10% kindness, 10% brute, and 80% apathy and withdrawal. Appealing to her caveman intellect, I was suddenly a worthy mate again. I am currently rewarded for my bad behavior with sex every week or two and cautious, submissive respect.
I don't like acting like this, but marriage does this to people: the logical mind goes out the window, and life becomes a monotonous, repetitive sludge that is fit only for instinct, not intelligence. My choice in life is to be cold to my wife to appeal to her reptilian desire to be dominated, or to be nice to her and go back to that shrieking harpy she used to be when she saw herself as the superior between us.
But that's a choice I can make, because I don't live in a country that destroys men on their way out of marriage; anybody who can read this blog and the language that it's in has a much worse choice to make. Yes, I'm talking to you.
I have a choice of balance in my relationship. I can act brutish and aloof enough that my wife respects me and quits her stupid cavewoman drama, but also kind enough that she doesn't consider divorce to take our son away from me. But you, dear reader? The one living in a country that hates half of its population for daring to marry with external genitalia attached? What are you going to do?
You'll probably start off acting nice and sweet to your wife. After all, you married her, you love each other, and you're forging a life together with your best friend.
Then she'll start insulting you playfully. Then insulting you with a half-hearted "Just kidding!" Then insulting you. Then s*** testing you. Then rationing sex. Then using you. Then manipulating you. Then cutting off sex altogether. Then yelling at you. Then getting fat. Then quitting her job. Then spending too much. And the list goes on. So what will you do?
Will you go tough on her to appeal to that reptile within?
There's a roughly 33% chance she'll initiate divorce against you (and about 10% chance that you, the man, will do it), citing emotional abuse (like she even needs a reason in most countries), then take your children and all your assets with her. And the courts will make sure it happens.
Will you submit to her demands in order to appeal to her logical mind?
Her behavior will only get worse, and will end in one of two ways:
First, it can turn physical, and you can accept it for the sake of being with and protecting your kids and end up injured, crippled or dead, or you can fight back and have the cops arrest you for defending yourself.
Second, there's a roughly 33% chance she'll divorce you, citing boredom, then take your children and all your assets with her. Or you can divorce first, and she'll take your children and all your assets with her. And the courts will make sure it happens, dismissing and ignoring all evidence of abuse, while your ex hurts and neglects your children in your absence.
Will you talk with her calmly about the problems, like I tried to do dozens of times in the last several years with my wife?
Your wife is under no obligation to listen to you, because there's no legal or social incentive for her to improve. Moral considerations are a product of the intellectual mind, the very thing that has been disincentivized for wives to use in most English speaking countries. She'll likely either lie that she'll change her ways but not do anything, say that she'll change but give up after a few days, or turn the problem back on you to blame you for something, and make you the one who changes.
And if you keep it up? There's a roughly 33% chance she'll divorce you, citing that you have grown apart or that she needs to find herself, then take your children and all your assets with her. And the courts will make sure it happens.
In any way, you're screwed.
But I don't expect any man reading this to understand what I'm talking about, unless they've already been where I and millions of other men have already been. This is exactly why I gave this advice once, but I will give it again until anybody reading this blog internalizes it: marry if you don't believe me, but DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOUR WIFE. It may take days, it may take years, but that mask will slip off and you will become intimately familiar with the reptilian nature of women, and like a man's, it is an ugly thing to behold. When it does happen to you, you don't want your children around or on the way. Ruin your life if you must, but spare future generations, especially your own children, this sick, global degradation of society and human relationships.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Then and Now 69 - Nate and Annie
Then and Now 69 - Nate and Annie
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment, and later dating my wife.
I've really dropped the ball talking about Nate and Annie, the ones who provided me with the apartment I lived in during the best time of my life. I've talked a little here and there about things we've done together, but now it's time to really let these two shine in their own Then and Now.
Nate was only a little bit older than me, and Annie was about my age. He was out of college and working as an engineer, and she was an office worker. Their apartment was a bit smaller than mine, but probably cozier: there was a huge TV against the southern wall and a sofa on the north, and the kitchen was attached to the living room on the east side. Annie cooked once or twice for us, but most of the time, I just came over to talk and watch TV, then go home. I did cook burritos for them once, and though Annie seemed to be a bit uninterested, Nate scarfed them down like mad.
I never went into Annie's room of course, but I went into Nate's once or twice: it was usually a bit of a pig sty, and his computer was always on and opened to different chat programs. I also learned that he used to play Diablo 2 about the same time I did in college. Because we were all so close in age, and because I was grateful to them for the great place I was renting from them, we spent quite a few days and nights together talking, watching movies, playing games and having a good time. I guess it's kind of odd for a tenant to make good friends with his landlord and girlfriend, but there it is.
One night, we played a local board game with each other, and though I was able to pick up the rules and strategies with a couple minutes of bilingual explanations, Annie was an absolute master at the game. Every time I thought I had her beat, and even when Nate was sitting next to me and advising me on what to do, she would win every time. Sometimes it seemed like I was going to win in a turn or two, but Annie, playing possum or something, would suddenly unleash the fury of hell and stomp me into the ground before I could deliver the finishing blow.
The two invited over some school friends one night, two cute girls, so we could all play together, and same story: Annie whooped all. What was kind of funny was at the end of the game, the girls went home and Nate asked me something odd: "Can I ask the girls if they like you?"
"Huh?" I answered, half-amused and half-confused. "Why's that?"
He laughed. "It'll be funny!" he answered. I said sure and let him ask later, but I never heard back from him or the girls. Bad news, I guess?
Another night, one of Nate or Annie's cousins was over and hanging out with them, and I made a sudden, surprise visit downstairs at the same time. The previously smiling and talkative guy suddenly shut down when he saw me come in, but it didn't stop me from warmly greeting him and carrying on a conversation with him in the local language.
We watched Lord of the Rings together, but I don't remember which one it was. I told him Gimli was my favorite, especially since I'm a big John Rhys-Davies fan, and he quietly answered that he was a Legolas guy himself. I wasn't terribly surprised; the elf is usually the number one to fans of the movies. We watched the movie for a good long while, and when it was over, I went on back to my apartment to give him, Nate and Annie some time together.
Another day, I invited Nate up to my house to show him the first episode of Sliders. I had to pause it a few times to explain what was going on because his English wasn't terribly good, but he seemed to enjoy himself and asked several questions about what was going on. He was really unimpressed with the CG on the ice tornado halfway through, though being an engineer and used to the latest tech in his house and life, I didn't blame him. While in my place, I taught him the difference between negative "s***" and positive "the s***," and he updated his away message on his chat program with that information later.
A final story I have is the time I went down to Nate and Annie's place, and Nate very happily and proudly showed me some airsoft guns he had bought on the internet. He even spent some time drawing up and printing out some targets to hang in the kitchen, and took great pleasure in showing me how to load the guns and fire them correctly.
He was much more experienced with real firearms than I was, but I had spent more time with air guns when I was younger, so it was an interesting exchange of ideas and tips between the two of us on how to load and fire. We took turns shooting the target from a distance with his rifle, and in the end, he ended up edging me out my just a couple of points to prove himself the true master shooter.
Nate and Annie were good friends, and just two of many reasons I enjoyed going home after work or travel to have a relaxing time away from everything. Since I got married, we only met up once so my wife and I could introduce our son to them, but other than that, I haven't seen either one in years. I still often think about them, and the times we had together.
As for today...
I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I took a nap.
I woke up to an empty house.
I played video games.
My wife and son came home, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I roughhoused with him.
I showered him.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I did the dishes.
I slept.
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment, and later dating my wife.
I've really dropped the ball talking about Nate and Annie, the ones who provided me with the apartment I lived in during the best time of my life. I've talked a little here and there about things we've done together, but now it's time to really let these two shine in their own Then and Now.
Nate was only a little bit older than me, and Annie was about my age. He was out of college and working as an engineer, and she was an office worker. Their apartment was a bit smaller than mine, but probably cozier: there was a huge TV against the southern wall and a sofa on the north, and the kitchen was attached to the living room on the east side. Annie cooked once or twice for us, but most of the time, I just came over to talk and watch TV, then go home. I did cook burritos for them once, and though Annie seemed to be a bit uninterested, Nate scarfed them down like mad.
I never went into Annie's room of course, but I went into Nate's once or twice: it was usually a bit of a pig sty, and his computer was always on and opened to different chat programs. I also learned that he used to play Diablo 2 about the same time I did in college. Because we were all so close in age, and because I was grateful to them for the great place I was renting from them, we spent quite a few days and nights together talking, watching movies, playing games and having a good time. I guess it's kind of odd for a tenant to make good friends with his landlord and girlfriend, but there it is.
One night, we played a local board game with each other, and though I was able to pick up the rules and strategies with a couple minutes of bilingual explanations, Annie was an absolute master at the game. Every time I thought I had her beat, and even when Nate was sitting next to me and advising me on what to do, she would win every time. Sometimes it seemed like I was going to win in a turn or two, but Annie, playing possum or something, would suddenly unleash the fury of hell and stomp me into the ground before I could deliver the finishing blow.
The two invited over some school friends one night, two cute girls, so we could all play together, and same story: Annie whooped all. What was kind of funny was at the end of the game, the girls went home and Nate asked me something odd: "Can I ask the girls if they like you?"
"Huh?" I answered, half-amused and half-confused. "Why's that?"
He laughed. "It'll be funny!" he answered. I said sure and let him ask later, but I never heard back from him or the girls. Bad news, I guess?
Another night, one of Nate or Annie's cousins was over and hanging out with them, and I made a sudden, surprise visit downstairs at the same time. The previously smiling and talkative guy suddenly shut down when he saw me come in, but it didn't stop me from warmly greeting him and carrying on a conversation with him in the local language.
We watched Lord of the Rings together, but I don't remember which one it was. I told him Gimli was my favorite, especially since I'm a big John Rhys-Davies fan, and he quietly answered that he was a Legolas guy himself. I wasn't terribly surprised; the elf is usually the number one to fans of the movies. We watched the movie for a good long while, and when it was over, I went on back to my apartment to give him, Nate and Annie some time together.
Another day, I invited Nate up to my house to show him the first episode of Sliders. I had to pause it a few times to explain what was going on because his English wasn't terribly good, but he seemed to enjoy himself and asked several questions about what was going on. He was really unimpressed with the CG on the ice tornado halfway through, though being an engineer and used to the latest tech in his house and life, I didn't blame him. While in my place, I taught him the difference between negative "s***" and positive "the s***," and he updated his away message on his chat program with that information later.
A final story I have is the time I went down to Nate and Annie's place, and Nate very happily and proudly showed me some airsoft guns he had bought on the internet. He even spent some time drawing up and printing out some targets to hang in the kitchen, and took great pleasure in showing me how to load the guns and fire them correctly.
He was much more experienced with real firearms than I was, but I had spent more time with air guns when I was younger, so it was an interesting exchange of ideas and tips between the two of us on how to load and fire. We took turns shooting the target from a distance with his rifle, and in the end, he ended up edging me out my just a couple of points to prove himself the true master shooter.
Nate and Annie were good friends, and just two of many reasons I enjoyed going home after work or travel to have a relaxing time away from everything. Since I got married, we only met up once so my wife and I could introduce our son to them, but other than that, I haven't seen either one in years. I still often think about them, and the times we had together.
As for today...
I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I took a nap.
I woke up to an empty house.
I played video games.
My wife and son came home, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I roughhoused with him.
I showered him.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I did the dishes.
I slept.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Then and Now 68 - Northside
Then and Now 68 - Northside
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment.
Just north of my apartment and past the bedding and shoe stores was a huge road that went west deeper into town, and east across a bridge to the main city. It was a good mile or two of road, and filled with many things to see. I hardly ever went west because I was usually on my way by bus or on foot to the city, but I have been down that road to the east so many times that I can still walk it in my mind's eye. The part of town that I lived in was crammed with many apartment buildings, local stores and other assorted places where people bustled in large crowds from one place to another.
There were local signs advertising wares of every type as far as the eye could see, and I bought some stuff at a few of those places. When I got my first paycheck, I bought some bedding from a local bedding store that was packed with mattresses and bedsheets leaning at every possible angle. It was little trouble for me to buy my first sheets, some blue ones with a kind of white bird/angel feather motif, using the words Nate taught me for "double bed sheets." I also went to a local supermarket and got the pot and skillet I used to cook burritos, and even though I didn't know the exact words, I was able to find help from a girl who worked there when I asked for "metal bowl-tools that I can cook in." Finally, I bought a pair of shoes that I ended up wearing until about a year ago, holes and all, from a nice old woman who ran a shoe store.
With those stores at my back and down a narrow street, the giant east-west road slowly began to fill everything in my vision. Directly in front of me across this huge four lane street, was a car dealership. It was summer when I was single, and not only was the light of the sun blasting down on me, but the glass that allowed looks at the cars inside reflected as much heat as possible on my sweat drenched self.
Down the long and straight road were many, many places of various use and stature: there was a hospital five minutes down the road on the south side, where I had gotten my health check done once or twice. There was also an L-shaped group of businesses about halfway to the bridge that had a bunch of local lunch shops. I ate at one of them several times while I was doing health checks or taking walks, and I talked with the husband and wife who ran it every time, trying everything from the sandwiches and burgers to the spaghetti while there.
Just five or ten minutes from the bridge was an overpass of some kind, but I don't remember if it was a freeway or an alternate path around town. I went under that pass many times on my travels around town, and used it just as often to shield myself from the sun for a few precious seconds. East of it was another long street that went north and south, and I remember walking down it one cool evening. The sun was close to setting and throwing shadows from the lamp posts onto the ground, and the bushes on the median were a quiet black-green. For some reason, every single lamp post was lit up by a bunch of softly glowing lights with a few plants strung between them.
I walked that night to the north until I came across a large shopping center which was very well designed. There were two parts to the place: the first was the above ground area, which was a literal ring of shops, several floors high, around a center meeting and relaxation area. The stores were all open with clear glass windows providing looks into all of them at the same time. I went shopping for some computer stuff at one of the stores on the third or fourth floor one time, and went for some ice cream on one of the bottom floors on another day.
The second area was below ground, and down a huge ring of stone stairs were housed several more stores. There was a McDonald's down there, and I think it was only the second or third time I had been to one while abroad. When I went inside, there were several locals sitting around the restaurant, and it seemed like the entire place came to a sudden halt when I entered. Everyone took turns alternating between looking at me and looking away shyly, including the clerk. I wasn't hungry and was just looking around, so I smiled, waved, then headed back out.
Farther into the center was a mammoth big box store that sold everything from food and clothes to costumes and school supplies. I went around the place for a little while, making notes of things that I might have needed or wanted later, and I ended up coming back for the Halloween party in Then and Now 65 to pick up a Harry Potter costume, because all the school had for me was some witch or warlock freebie that didn't look like it suited me. I already had a dress shirt for some interviews I did at the hostel, so I bought a tie there to complete the Potter look, too.
Only once did I ever head the other direction from my apartment: one day, I headed to the west-northwest side of the town and passed by a huge local supermarket where I bought some candy for my apartment. I also passed by a furniture store on the way, but since I didn't, and still don't, care about that useless stuff, I just passed it by.
And that's everything I can remember about my old town. I'm not yet done with my stories from that particular time, but this will about do for the last city I lived in as a free and sovereign man, before I got married.
As for today...
I woke up at 7:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I ate lunch.
I watched TV.
I roughhoused with my son.
I took a nap.
I woke up.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I started a load of laundry.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I did the dishes.
I watched internet movies with my son.
I hung up wet laundry.
I slept.
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment.
Just north of my apartment and past the bedding and shoe stores was a huge road that went west deeper into town, and east across a bridge to the main city. It was a good mile or two of road, and filled with many things to see. I hardly ever went west because I was usually on my way by bus or on foot to the city, but I have been down that road to the east so many times that I can still walk it in my mind's eye. The part of town that I lived in was crammed with many apartment buildings, local stores and other assorted places where people bustled in large crowds from one place to another.
There were local signs advertising wares of every type as far as the eye could see, and I bought some stuff at a few of those places. When I got my first paycheck, I bought some bedding from a local bedding store that was packed with mattresses and bedsheets leaning at every possible angle. It was little trouble for me to buy my first sheets, some blue ones with a kind of white bird/angel feather motif, using the words Nate taught me for "double bed sheets." I also went to a local supermarket and got the pot and skillet I used to cook burritos, and even though I didn't know the exact words, I was able to find help from a girl who worked there when I asked for "metal bowl-tools that I can cook in." Finally, I bought a pair of shoes that I ended up wearing until about a year ago, holes and all, from a nice old woman who ran a shoe store.
With those stores at my back and down a narrow street, the giant east-west road slowly began to fill everything in my vision. Directly in front of me across this huge four lane street, was a car dealership. It was summer when I was single, and not only was the light of the sun blasting down on me, but the glass that allowed looks at the cars inside reflected as much heat as possible on my sweat drenched self.
Down the long and straight road were many, many places of various use and stature: there was a hospital five minutes down the road on the south side, where I had gotten my health check done once or twice. There was also an L-shaped group of businesses about halfway to the bridge that had a bunch of local lunch shops. I ate at one of them several times while I was doing health checks or taking walks, and I talked with the husband and wife who ran it every time, trying everything from the sandwiches and burgers to the spaghetti while there.
Just five or ten minutes from the bridge was an overpass of some kind, but I don't remember if it was a freeway or an alternate path around town. I went under that pass many times on my travels around town, and used it just as often to shield myself from the sun for a few precious seconds. East of it was another long street that went north and south, and I remember walking down it one cool evening. The sun was close to setting and throwing shadows from the lamp posts onto the ground, and the bushes on the median were a quiet black-green. For some reason, every single lamp post was lit up by a bunch of softly glowing lights with a few plants strung between them.
I walked that night to the north until I came across a large shopping center which was very well designed. There were two parts to the place: the first was the above ground area, which was a literal ring of shops, several floors high, around a center meeting and relaxation area. The stores were all open with clear glass windows providing looks into all of them at the same time. I went shopping for some computer stuff at one of the stores on the third or fourth floor one time, and went for some ice cream on one of the bottom floors on another day.
The second area was below ground, and down a huge ring of stone stairs were housed several more stores. There was a McDonald's down there, and I think it was only the second or third time I had been to one while abroad. When I went inside, there were several locals sitting around the restaurant, and it seemed like the entire place came to a sudden halt when I entered. Everyone took turns alternating between looking at me and looking away shyly, including the clerk. I wasn't hungry and was just looking around, so I smiled, waved, then headed back out.
Farther into the center was a mammoth big box store that sold everything from food and clothes to costumes and school supplies. I went around the place for a little while, making notes of things that I might have needed or wanted later, and I ended up coming back for the Halloween party in Then and Now 65 to pick up a Harry Potter costume, because all the school had for me was some witch or warlock freebie that didn't look like it suited me. I already had a dress shirt for some interviews I did at the hostel, so I bought a tie there to complete the Potter look, too.
Only once did I ever head the other direction from my apartment: one day, I headed to the west-northwest side of the town and passed by a huge local supermarket where I bought some candy for my apartment. I also passed by a furniture store on the way, but since I didn't, and still don't, care about that useless stuff, I just passed it by.
And that's everything I can remember about my old town. I'm not yet done with my stories from that particular time, but this will about do for the last city I lived in as a free and sovereign man, before I got married.
As for today...
I woke up at 7:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I ate lunch.
I watched TV.
I roughhoused with my son.
I took a nap.
I woke up.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I started a load of laundry.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I did the dishes.
I watched internet movies with my son.
I hung up wet laundry.
I slept.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Then and Now 67 - Odds and Ends 11
Then and Now 67 - Odds and Ends 11
Time: Before I got married.
One night, I was out with Tina so we could have a nice walk and talk in the city at night. We went to a part of town with a couple of department stores still open for business, and lots of independent and chain restaurants serving customers, even at the somewhat late hour. It was very hot that night, and after a long conversation about future plans and school work, we went inside one of the department stores to look around.
It was very wide and tall, and the inside was very impressive. There was a winding escalator that went up about a dozen floors, and when we got up to the second floor, we found a display of miniatures. There were little dolls and houses in traditional clothes and they were all positioned to be farming and working the land, and there was a little waterfall behind them. I didn't take a picture of the scene because I couldn't do it for a different diorama in Then and Now 2 back at my bud's aunt's place and thought it was banned here too, but I really wanted to.
After a while, the two of us went upstairs to the electronics area so I could buy my first, and only, game that I ever got as a single man with my paycheck: Silent Hill - Origins. Before I bought it, Tina tought me how to say "I'll take it" in the local language, I nicked the phrase, then we headed back downstairs to go get something to eat.
Games, girls and grub. It was a nice night.
-----
I was wandering around the city from the hostel one hot day, and I found a snug semi-alley with some independent stores nestled in it. There were quite a few drink places that sold coffee, tea and juice, but I was on a mission that day.
Luckily, I blundered straight into a video store, and was that much closer to picking up Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny for the party I eventually threw in Then and Now 8. Using simple words, the boss followed my explanations from "Jack Black" to "School of Rock" to "the new movie that he is in." Unfortunately, it wasn't in stock and I wasn't able to rent or buy it that day. But it was ok: May ended up loaning it to me later and the party went off without a hitch, so everything worked out in the end.
With that disappointing news done, I went outside to get a tall glass of frosty orange juice, and continued my travels around the hot town.
-----
My bud and I were at the train station a week or two before we were scheduled to head out to the main city in Then and Now 16, doing research on times and ticket prices and just looking around the city before we got our daily drinks. In the station, there was a man standing on a seat and surrounded by a bunch of locals. He was talking excitedly and gesturing at a big pile of stuff in a few boxes around him. My language skill was still pretty bad then, so I asked my bud what was going on.
Apparently, the man was selling things that had been left in the lost and found for too long, and the other locals were bidding on the items. As a cautionary note, my bud said that he might have just been a thief or a fence selling stolen goods, and that I shouldn't get involved with it. It didn't look like he was selling anything interesting anyway, so we continued on.
A few minutes of looking around later, an older foreign businessman emerged from the train area, and locked eyes onto me. He came over with a worried look on his face, and asked where he could hail a taxi, and how he could get to a hotel in the neighborhood. I said that he could hail one outside, then taught him the words for "I want to go to" plus the name of his hotel. My bud gave him a more accurate translation of the hotel's name, then the two of us walked him outside to get him set up. A few minutes later, the man was gone with a smile and thanks, and my bud and I continued on, train information acquired.
-----
I was wandering around the city one day with my subway map unfolded, checking both it and the street I was crossing to see if I could find something interesting to see. A couple, a foreign guy and a local girl, suddenly greeted me in the middle of the street and asked if I needed help. I was a bit shocked, but not because he was a foreigner or because I was finally speaking English again. It was because this guy not only wasn't giving me stink eyes or purposefully ignoring me like almost every other foreigner I met abroad, but was actually going out of his way to assist me.
I smiled and pretended like I was lost so I could let the two feel happy for "helping" me. I turned around and the three of us headed to the side of the street that they were heading to so we could get our bearings. They found where I was on the map, then pointed me to a museum that I pretended to be looking for. I thanked them a bunch, and with smiles all around, we parted.
-----
I was just outside of the hostel. I was standing on the right side of a road with a fenced off park to my right, some four story apartment buildings to my left, and a gentle decline to the hostel in front of me.
I was behind the main station. There was a collection of local ice cream and dessert businesses to my left, and a little field of grass with a couple of trees in it to my right, and the very top of the main station rose above some tall apartment buildings in front of me.
At both of those moments, my entire body and mind suddenly flooded with a powerful rush of pure happiness and contentment. Everything around me became suddenly clear, and from that day on, both of those memories were seared into my memory like burn-in on an old computer monitor. I was abroad, out on my own, and the whole world was mine to see and experience. Who else was enjoying life to the degree I was? How much I had grown, so much left I had to see. Life was absolutely beautiful.
Slowly, a few seconds later, the feelings faded. And although neither of those times was particularly exciting, they were still perfect illustrations of how happy I was before I got married.
As for today...
I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I roughhoused with him.
I watched TV.
I ate lunch.
I talked with my son.
I watched internet movies with him.
I played cars with him.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I started a load of laundry.
I played video games.
I slept.
Time: Before I got married.
One night, I was out with Tina so we could have a nice walk and talk in the city at night. We went to a part of town with a couple of department stores still open for business, and lots of independent and chain restaurants serving customers, even at the somewhat late hour. It was very hot that night, and after a long conversation about future plans and school work, we went inside one of the department stores to look around.
It was very wide and tall, and the inside was very impressive. There was a winding escalator that went up about a dozen floors, and when we got up to the second floor, we found a display of miniatures. There were little dolls and houses in traditional clothes and they were all positioned to be farming and working the land, and there was a little waterfall behind them. I didn't take a picture of the scene because I couldn't do it for a different diorama in Then and Now 2 back at my bud's aunt's place and thought it was banned here too, but I really wanted to.
After a while, the two of us went upstairs to the electronics area so I could buy my first, and only, game that I ever got as a single man with my paycheck: Silent Hill - Origins. Before I bought it, Tina tought me how to say "I'll take it" in the local language, I nicked the phrase, then we headed back downstairs to go get something to eat.
Games, girls and grub. It was a nice night.
-----
I was wandering around the city from the hostel one hot day, and I found a snug semi-alley with some independent stores nestled in it. There were quite a few drink places that sold coffee, tea and juice, but I was on a mission that day.
Luckily, I blundered straight into a video store, and was that much closer to picking up Tenacious D - The Pick of Destiny for the party I eventually threw in Then and Now 8. Using simple words, the boss followed my explanations from "Jack Black" to "School of Rock" to "the new movie that he is in." Unfortunately, it wasn't in stock and I wasn't able to rent or buy it that day. But it was ok: May ended up loaning it to me later and the party went off without a hitch, so everything worked out in the end.
With that disappointing news done, I went outside to get a tall glass of frosty orange juice, and continued my travels around the hot town.
-----
My bud and I were at the train station a week or two before we were scheduled to head out to the main city in Then and Now 16, doing research on times and ticket prices and just looking around the city before we got our daily drinks. In the station, there was a man standing on a seat and surrounded by a bunch of locals. He was talking excitedly and gesturing at a big pile of stuff in a few boxes around him. My language skill was still pretty bad then, so I asked my bud what was going on.
Apparently, the man was selling things that had been left in the lost and found for too long, and the other locals were bidding on the items. As a cautionary note, my bud said that he might have just been a thief or a fence selling stolen goods, and that I shouldn't get involved with it. It didn't look like he was selling anything interesting anyway, so we continued on.
A few minutes of looking around later, an older foreign businessman emerged from the train area, and locked eyes onto me. He came over with a worried look on his face, and asked where he could hail a taxi, and how he could get to a hotel in the neighborhood. I said that he could hail one outside, then taught him the words for "I want to go to" plus the name of his hotel. My bud gave him a more accurate translation of the hotel's name, then the two of us walked him outside to get him set up. A few minutes later, the man was gone with a smile and thanks, and my bud and I continued on, train information acquired.
-----
I was wandering around the city one day with my subway map unfolded, checking both it and the street I was crossing to see if I could find something interesting to see. A couple, a foreign guy and a local girl, suddenly greeted me in the middle of the street and asked if I needed help. I was a bit shocked, but not because he was a foreigner or because I was finally speaking English again. It was because this guy not only wasn't giving me stink eyes or purposefully ignoring me like almost every other foreigner I met abroad, but was actually going out of his way to assist me.
I smiled and pretended like I was lost so I could let the two feel happy for "helping" me. I turned around and the three of us headed to the side of the street that they were heading to so we could get our bearings. They found where I was on the map, then pointed me to a museum that I pretended to be looking for. I thanked them a bunch, and with smiles all around, we parted.
-----
I was just outside of the hostel. I was standing on the right side of a road with a fenced off park to my right, some four story apartment buildings to my left, and a gentle decline to the hostel in front of me.
I was behind the main station. There was a collection of local ice cream and dessert businesses to my left, and a little field of grass with a couple of trees in it to my right, and the very top of the main station rose above some tall apartment buildings in front of me.
At both of those moments, my entire body and mind suddenly flooded with a powerful rush of pure happiness and contentment. Everything around me became suddenly clear, and from that day on, both of those memories were seared into my memory like burn-in on an old computer monitor. I was abroad, out on my own, and the whole world was mine to see and experience. Who else was enjoying life to the degree I was? How much I had grown, so much left I had to see. Life was absolutely beautiful.
Slowly, a few seconds later, the feelings faded. And although neither of those times was particularly exciting, they were still perfect illustrations of how happy I was before I got married.
As for today...
I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I roughhoused with him.
I watched TV.
I ate lunch.
I talked with my son.
I watched internet movies with him.
I played cars with him.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I started a load of laundry.
I played video games.
I slept.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Then and Now 66 - My Phone
Then and Now 66 - My Phone
Time: Before I got married.
For the sake of this Then and Now, I'm going to refer to my wife as my girlfriend.
Compared to the smartphones of today, the phone that I had during my single days, which was also the first cellphone that I ever had in my life, was like a cup and string. Even saying so, I was still very happy to have it, and very thankful for all that it did for me when I was still a free man. It was actually Leena's old phone, a fat white cell with its most special feature being an alarm.
It was when I first met her after I moved to the big city that she gave it to me, and she helped me to set up a contract with a local company to get it up and running. After I got home, I went through the cell's contact list and wrote down all of Leena's phone numbers there before deleting them, thinking that she might have forgotten to write them down and would need them later, but she never ended up asking, so I threw out the paper a few months later.
The first message I ever got on it was from somebody that I didn't know, either messaging Leena or the previous owner of the phone number that I inherited. It was some guy, and he texted something in English like "Hey, is that guy your boyfriend? Why don't you meet up with me instead? It'll be fun..." -100 man points for attempting to steal a girlfriend by a cell text, bro. I remember it being in broken English so I knew he was a local. I texted back that I was a man and had no idea who or what he was talking about, and I never heard any reply.
After that interesting first step, my phone became my link to the wide network of friends that I had made over the scant few months that I was a free man. Everyone I knew was on there: Nell, Leena, Nate and Annie, my girlfriend, my co-workers and boss, Tina, Andrew... they were all there. But the most interesting part of my old phone were the number of people that I haven't mentioned in any Then and Now posts sitting in my contact list: dozens of the people I had on my phone were girls who messaged me through email or instant messenger, each of them wanting to get to know me better. Most I met in person, some I didn't, but if they met up with me, they went on my phone.
My phone eventually got so full of names from friends I had met online or in person that it took me a minute or two just to scroll through my contacts list for the person I wanted to talk to. I then made a pair of unofficial rules for myself: I would always respond to anybody who had called or emailed me, but if someone failed to contact me after two weeks, I would delete their number from my phone, just to keep it trim and relatively clutter free.
After that, at odd times of the day, the phone would sometimes vibrate and I would see a person's name or a number that I didn't recognize coming in. Of course, I would answer with their name or a general hello and acted like I knew them, teasing out information until I could remember who exactly it was. Back then, I was actually making so many friends, and eventually dating prospects, that I was forgetting people that I had talked with for hours before. It was a great time to be me.
Sometimes I got to stay home from work during bad weather and just spend the entire day texting friends. Sometimes it was my tool to setting up a great night with many friends. In every case, I loved that phone from top to bottom. Every time I felt that vibration, I knew it was a friend of mine calling me up to ask how I was doing, or whether I wanted to go out and have some fun with them. And being a single man, I always had time to spare to meet up with my friends, especially on the weekend, and could make plans to meet up with anybody I wanted, anytime I wanted.
Every time my pocket buzzed, it was another chance to have another great night with a friend of mine. Before I started dating my girlfriend, it was another opportunity to get to know a sweet, friendly, charming girl who might soon be the one for me. After I started dating my girlfriend, it was another chance to enjoy my single life out with one of my friends, or my girl calling to let me know that she wanted to come over and see me for the night.
Today, I don't like my phone. At all. There are very few contacts on it, mostly family and people from work, and I never have the time or opportunity to hang out with even the one or two friends on it. Every time the phone rings, I know it's a small chance that it's somebody trying to sell me something, but more than likely, it's my wife or mother-in-law calling to nag me. Often, I just leave it behind or turn it off so I don't have to deal with the nonsense that keeps coming through it. The phone simply costs me money every month to use it, and costs me money and time every time I answer a call to buy or do something for someone.
What once was a bridge to a fun and happy single life became a married man's bullhorn, shouting at him to stop resting and shove more coal into the fire.
Time: Before I got married.
For the sake of this Then and Now, I'm going to refer to my wife as my girlfriend.
Compared to the smartphones of today, the phone that I had during my single days, which was also the first cellphone that I ever had in my life, was like a cup and string. Even saying so, I was still very happy to have it, and very thankful for all that it did for me when I was still a free man. It was actually Leena's old phone, a fat white cell with its most special feature being an alarm.
It was when I first met her after I moved to the big city that she gave it to me, and she helped me to set up a contract with a local company to get it up and running. After I got home, I went through the cell's contact list and wrote down all of Leena's phone numbers there before deleting them, thinking that she might have forgotten to write them down and would need them later, but she never ended up asking, so I threw out the paper a few months later.
The first message I ever got on it was from somebody that I didn't know, either messaging Leena or the previous owner of the phone number that I inherited. It was some guy, and he texted something in English like "Hey, is that guy your boyfriend? Why don't you meet up with me instead? It'll be fun..." -100 man points for attempting to steal a girlfriend by a cell text, bro. I remember it being in broken English so I knew he was a local. I texted back that I was a man and had no idea who or what he was talking about, and I never heard any reply.
After that interesting first step, my phone became my link to the wide network of friends that I had made over the scant few months that I was a free man. Everyone I knew was on there: Nell, Leena, Nate and Annie, my girlfriend, my co-workers and boss, Tina, Andrew... they were all there. But the most interesting part of my old phone were the number of people that I haven't mentioned in any Then and Now posts sitting in my contact list: dozens of the people I had on my phone were girls who messaged me through email or instant messenger, each of them wanting to get to know me better. Most I met in person, some I didn't, but if they met up with me, they went on my phone.
My phone eventually got so full of names from friends I had met online or in person that it took me a minute or two just to scroll through my contacts list for the person I wanted to talk to. I then made a pair of unofficial rules for myself: I would always respond to anybody who had called or emailed me, but if someone failed to contact me after two weeks, I would delete their number from my phone, just to keep it trim and relatively clutter free.
After that, at odd times of the day, the phone would sometimes vibrate and I would see a person's name or a number that I didn't recognize coming in. Of course, I would answer with their name or a general hello and acted like I knew them, teasing out information until I could remember who exactly it was. Back then, I was actually making so many friends, and eventually dating prospects, that I was forgetting people that I had talked with for hours before. It was a great time to be me.
Sometimes I got to stay home from work during bad weather and just spend the entire day texting friends. Sometimes it was my tool to setting up a great night with many friends. In every case, I loved that phone from top to bottom. Every time I felt that vibration, I knew it was a friend of mine calling me up to ask how I was doing, or whether I wanted to go out and have some fun with them. And being a single man, I always had time to spare to meet up with my friends, especially on the weekend, and could make plans to meet up with anybody I wanted, anytime I wanted.
Every time my pocket buzzed, it was another chance to have another great night with a friend of mine. Before I started dating my girlfriend, it was another opportunity to get to know a sweet, friendly, charming girl who might soon be the one for me. After I started dating my girlfriend, it was another chance to enjoy my single life out with one of my friends, or my girl calling to let me know that she wanted to come over and see me for the night.
Today, I don't like my phone. At all. There are very few contacts on it, mostly family and people from work, and I never have the time or opportunity to hang out with even the one or two friends on it. Every time the phone rings, I know it's a small chance that it's somebody trying to sell me something, but more than likely, it's my wife or mother-in-law calling to nag me. Often, I just leave it behind or turn it off so I don't have to deal with the nonsense that keeps coming through it. The phone simply costs me money every month to use it, and costs me money and time every time I answer a call to buy or do something for someone.
What once was a bridge to a fun and happy single life became a married man's bullhorn, shouting at him to stop resting and shove more coal into the fire.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Then and Now 65 - Thriller
Then and Now 65 - Thriller
Time: Late 2007, dating my wife.
As the foreign teacher for my English school, it was up to me to set up and plan an awesome Halloween in 2007, and I wasn't going to disappoint. When I first applied for, and got, my job at this school, I told the truth about what kind of guy I was and the things I wanted to do in this country (all benign), but at the time, my boss didn't believe me. I'll go into more detail when I make the Then and Now that describes me landing this job, but it was Halloween night that I proved myself to my new boss and co-workers.
It didn't take long for me to make a plan for that night for the kids. I thought back to what I did in my own school life growing up, and I came up with the idea to make chocolate/marshmallow stick ghosts, just like I did back in the first or second grade. It would end up being the first stage of the three stage Halloween night. For the second stage, the kids would go downstairs and make some scary masks with the local teachers, and then come back up for the final stage, which was my biggest plan: we were going to watch Michael Jackson's Thriller music video, and I would teach them the dance.
My colleagues took care of the supply gathering for the first two activities, and it fell on me to take care of the third. It was a long process to get everything ready: I downloaded a high resolution version of the Thriller music video from YouTube, then I had to convert the file into an AVI, then I had to find a free version DVD maker to put the AVI file on with a menu... it was pretty complicated. When I was done with it, and sure the DVD would play in the school's player, the best part began.
Taking the DVD home with me, I began the slow process of learning the Thriller dance for myself. I've never danced anything in my life besides the hip hop shuffle in Then and Now 11, so to take only a few weeks to learn this one was a huge task for me. So at my apartment, night by night, second by second and move by move, I slowly began to master the expertly crafted and fun dance. Because I lived alone, I was free to practice at any time, wearing anything I wanted, and not have to worry about someone breaking down my door and yelling at me to stop, clean something or anything else.
After roughly two weeks and dozens of hours of practice, I finally mastered the dance, and Halloween arrived very shortly afterwards. Every night before the big night, I practiced the dance in its entirety from top to bottom, until I was able to do it several times in a row with no mistakes.
The night of the big party, I arrived dressed like Harry Potter, complete with the scar on my forehead that I drew with a Sharpie. The kids arrived one after another to make their ghosts, and I smiled brightly seeing how much fun they were having. Everyone did their ghosts correctly with the napkin robe through their toothpicks, but the ghosts' heads were all a testament to the kids' individual personalities: some of them made clean faces with tiny chocolate eyes and smiles, while some basically painted the entire head in chocolate to have a feast at the end of the night. I wasn't there for the mask part because I was too busy with the ghosts, but I heard they were having fun down there, too.
And finally, it was my turn to direct my little zombies through Thriller. While the movie set up and MJ was out with his girlfriend, I was showing the kids how to do the dance, little by little. They were really cute miming my moves while also trying to see what was happening on the screen. Then, at last, MJ and his girlfriend came to the streets and were surrounded by zombies. The kids in the class backed up at my insistence, and finally, when MJ was turned, I began the dance.
It was amazing, all the way through. I missed absolutely no moves, knew exactly what to do the entire time without looking at the screen, and the kids were going absolutely nuts. They swarmed me to the point that I had to back up, almost up against the screen, to get the kicking moves done near the end of it. Finally, when the dance was done, everyone cheered and applauded, and the kids watched the movie to the very end. The best part was when MJ turned into the crazy werewolf thing at the end, a bunch of the kids screamed in happy fright.
With the night coming to a close, everyone headed to the front desk to get some candy, sign out and head home. Several of the parents came by to thank me for a great night, and to take pictures with me and their kids together. A few minutes later, everyone but my boss, co-workers and I had left, and they thanked me profusely for my hard work. My boss even said that she had never had a Halloween party so good.
From that moment on, the things I had said about myself during the interview came into focus, and my colleagues knew that I meant what I had said: back then, I really was an adventurous, fun and hard-working beast of a good man.
As for today...
I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I took my son on a trip to the mountains to see diggers, then we ate breakfast, then we went home.
I hung up wet laundry.
I watched DVDs with my wife.
I watched internet movies with my son.
I went to work.
I helped a co-worker with some essays.
I taught students.
I came home.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I watched DVDs with my son.
I slept.
Time: Late 2007, dating my wife.
As the foreign teacher for my English school, it was up to me to set up and plan an awesome Halloween in 2007, and I wasn't going to disappoint. When I first applied for, and got, my job at this school, I told the truth about what kind of guy I was and the things I wanted to do in this country (all benign), but at the time, my boss didn't believe me. I'll go into more detail when I make the Then and Now that describes me landing this job, but it was Halloween night that I proved myself to my new boss and co-workers.
It didn't take long for me to make a plan for that night for the kids. I thought back to what I did in my own school life growing up, and I came up with the idea to make chocolate/marshmallow stick ghosts, just like I did back in the first or second grade. It would end up being the first stage of the three stage Halloween night. For the second stage, the kids would go downstairs and make some scary masks with the local teachers, and then come back up for the final stage, which was my biggest plan: we were going to watch Michael Jackson's Thriller music video, and I would teach them the dance.
My colleagues took care of the supply gathering for the first two activities, and it fell on me to take care of the third. It was a long process to get everything ready: I downloaded a high resolution version of the Thriller music video from YouTube, then I had to convert the file into an AVI, then I had to find a free version DVD maker to put the AVI file on with a menu... it was pretty complicated. When I was done with it, and sure the DVD would play in the school's player, the best part began.
Taking the DVD home with me, I began the slow process of learning the Thriller dance for myself. I've never danced anything in my life besides the hip hop shuffle in Then and Now 11, so to take only a few weeks to learn this one was a huge task for me. So at my apartment, night by night, second by second and move by move, I slowly began to master the expertly crafted and fun dance. Because I lived alone, I was free to practice at any time, wearing anything I wanted, and not have to worry about someone breaking down my door and yelling at me to stop, clean something or anything else.
After roughly two weeks and dozens of hours of practice, I finally mastered the dance, and Halloween arrived very shortly afterwards. Every night before the big night, I practiced the dance in its entirety from top to bottom, until I was able to do it several times in a row with no mistakes.
The night of the big party, I arrived dressed like Harry Potter, complete with the scar on my forehead that I drew with a Sharpie. The kids arrived one after another to make their ghosts, and I smiled brightly seeing how much fun they were having. Everyone did their ghosts correctly with the napkin robe through their toothpicks, but the ghosts' heads were all a testament to the kids' individual personalities: some of them made clean faces with tiny chocolate eyes and smiles, while some basically painted the entire head in chocolate to have a feast at the end of the night. I wasn't there for the mask part because I was too busy with the ghosts, but I heard they were having fun down there, too.
And finally, it was my turn to direct my little zombies through Thriller. While the movie set up and MJ was out with his girlfriend, I was showing the kids how to do the dance, little by little. They were really cute miming my moves while also trying to see what was happening on the screen. Then, at last, MJ and his girlfriend came to the streets and were surrounded by zombies. The kids in the class backed up at my insistence, and finally, when MJ was turned, I began the dance.
It was amazing, all the way through. I missed absolutely no moves, knew exactly what to do the entire time without looking at the screen, and the kids were going absolutely nuts. They swarmed me to the point that I had to back up, almost up against the screen, to get the kicking moves done near the end of it. Finally, when the dance was done, everyone cheered and applauded, and the kids watched the movie to the very end. The best part was when MJ turned into the crazy werewolf thing at the end, a bunch of the kids screamed in happy fright.
With the night coming to a close, everyone headed to the front desk to get some candy, sign out and head home. Several of the parents came by to thank me for a great night, and to take pictures with me and their kids together. A few minutes later, everyone but my boss, co-workers and I had left, and they thanked me profusely for my hard work. My boss even said that she had never had a Halloween party so good.
From that moment on, the things I had said about myself during the interview came into focus, and my colleagues knew that I meant what I had said: back then, I really was an adventurous, fun and hard-working beast of a good man.
As for today...
I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I took my son on a trip to the mountains to see diggers, then we ate breakfast, then we went home.
I hung up wet laundry.
I watched DVDs with my wife.
I watched internet movies with my son.
I went to work.
I helped a co-worker with some essays.
I taught students.
I came home.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I watched DVDs with my son.
I slept.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Marriage review, 2012 to 2013
It's been two years since I started this blog and over five since I got married, and it's time to review another long year of marriage:
Fights
There were 22 times that my wife or her mother started a fight with me. Last year, the two started 32 fights with me for no good reason, so it seems like things are slowly improving, but the truth is that things have vastly improved from last year. Clicking on the "Problems" tab on this blog and reading back through those posts, you will see that fights with my wife came to a screeching halt after November 25th last year, which was over five months ago, and the fights with my mother-in-law stopped immediately after I came back at her a little later, which was detailed in my Fights post on January 25th of this year.
Trying to apply a logical mind to an illogical concept like marriage led me to the situation I was in for the previous five years, where I gave so much, but received nothing but the punishment and disrespect of hostile dependents in return. I have a coming essay in mind to explain what I learned about the primitive mind and how it applies to marriage, but for now, I'll just say that following the advice of other men in my position put a stop to the disrespect:
- I first responded to my wife's attempt to start a fight with me by ignoring her.
- Later, I responded by destroying her twisted logic, refusing to let her continually change the subject, refusing to back down while she dug herself deeper and deeper into a hole, ignoring her as soon as the fight was done, and refusing to apologize later when she said I "scared" her.
- On January 25th, 2013, I shouted at my mother-in-law for openly and fragrantly disrespecting me, and gave her a glare that said I was two seconds from decking her.
- A little later, my wife tried to start another couple of fights but I ordered her to stop each time, then ignored her after.
No other drama has happened since then, from either of them.
S*** tests passed. And I never would have had to act like an ape if I didn't get married.
Chores
I've cleaned up the floor and table almost every night for the last year, around 350 times, and I've done the dishes and done the laundry about 220 times each. Though this was less laundry and dishes than the last year, the extra house cleaning more than made up for the difference in wasted time. Again, applying the fact that I never needed to clean the floor at my apartment, I spend almost ten times the amount of time cleaning the house now than the once a week I did everything before. The most striking thing is the number of days off I had last year without some kind of cleanup waiting for me:
3.
Yes, once every four months, I got a one day reprieve from the chores, and every other night, someone else's messes welcomed me back from work, where I make money that just gets co-opted and taken away by everyone around me.
When I was single, I got a day off of the chores every single day, except for Friday night, when I took care of everything together. Even the times I had to do dishes, it was because I rewarded myself with a delicious meal that I wanted to eat.
Sex
When we were dating, my wife and I used to have sex three to five times a week. Now we have sex once every a month or two. This year, I was denied sex for four months in 2012, and two months from the end of 2012 to 2013.
The sex life problem is now the reverse of what it was last year: before, I was unhappy that my wife and I only had sex about fifteen or twenty times that year, because it wasn't enough for me. Now, I don't want to have sex with her at all. The few times she plans a night for sex, and actually follows through, is something I'd rather she leave me alone about.
I can't take her overweight body, the fact that she takes advantage of me by spending too much money and nagging me about the same things every day, and the fact that the sex is usually over in about fifteen or thirty minutes, then it's back to another month long wait for something that's mechanical and boring anyway. Plus, most of the time when she tells me she's ready (it's been about a year since I stopped asking her first), she ends up cancelling or forgetting.
When she actually does want it and is ready to go, I go along with it and pretend like I'm enjoying myself (which is not at all how she treated me in the last five years), but most of the time, it doesn't matter. Everyone knows the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." My wife is "The Wife Who Cried Sex." And it's been many months since I've believed her, or even cared, if she was telling the truth about having sex. She's really to blame for opening my eyes on this one through several stages of me not wanting, then actively despising, sex with her:
Stage 1 - Until about a year ago, I was still practically begging for sex with her, and being disappointed every time. I was unhappy at this time because we hardly ever slept together.
Stage 2 - After the half a dozen plus sexual deserts where I waited for months for her to finally say yes, I decided that I would stop asking her first, and just wait for her to be ready. She very rarely initiated, and I started to lose interest in sex as the frigid weeks dragged on.
Stage 3 - By the time a month or three had gone by and my wife suddenly noticed I hadn't asked first for such a long time, it was too late. My drug dealer had strung me along for too long, and I had begun detoxing. She started ramping up the sexual overtures to once a week or two, and promised sex over and over. Her failure to follow through on most of her promises made me lose interest in it, and her, completely.
Stage 4 - It's kind of sad how desperate my wife is for attention now, and how she tries to nuzzle me or touch me with her attempts at a sultry "Tonight?" I give her the same apathetic "Ok" every time now because it seldom happens, and I'm glad when it usually doesn't. When she asks me to wake her up before I play video games, I don't even bother and lie later that I tried. I'm happy to hear when her period runs longer than expected or when she has some kind of excuse, because that means I have another day without sex. But if I ever get cornered and I have no way to escape, I just go along with it, finish her up as quickly as possible, fake the end so I don't have to clean up anything, then go back to the computer so I can pretend to be someone interesting and important.
When I was single, sex averaged out to three times a week with a girl I wanted to sleep with. And with up to twenty potential girls that I could have slept with by now, that's a lot more variety and quantity than what I get now.
Money
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $55,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.
Time Off
This year, I had 55 days off of work. Although that can be averaged out to six work days a week and Sunday off, the truth is that for the first six months, I was working every day for weeks on end, with chores waiting almost every single night. And again, I kept very little of the money for myself. Despite this, this was also the time of my marriage that my wife was at her most disrespectful.
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work, and five days (at least) off from chores.
Travel
I've lived in four cities.
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my ninth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.
Friends
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1500 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.
Fun & Adventure
I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.
If I were still single, I could have written over 800 Then and Now posts on my great life.
Summary
The basic themes of 2012, as they were every year since 2009, were escalating disrespect and the constant biting of the hand (mine) that feeds. The second half of this married year, 2013, was me setting very clear boundaries for the two main stressors in my life (my wife and her mother), and returning to a mind-numbing, day-passing, wasteful life of monotony.
Were it not for my son, I would consider every year since 2008 as a married man a shameful, disgusting example of nothingness, eroding away everything that I've ever held dear.
Fights
There were 22 times that my wife or her mother started a fight with me. Last year, the two started 32 fights with me for no good reason, so it seems like things are slowly improving, but the truth is that things have vastly improved from last year. Clicking on the "Problems" tab on this blog and reading back through those posts, you will see that fights with my wife came to a screeching halt after November 25th last year, which was over five months ago, and the fights with my mother-in-law stopped immediately after I came back at her a little later, which was detailed in my Fights post on January 25th of this year.
Trying to apply a logical mind to an illogical concept like marriage led me to the situation I was in for the previous five years, where I gave so much, but received nothing but the punishment and disrespect of hostile dependents in return. I have a coming essay in mind to explain what I learned about the primitive mind and how it applies to marriage, but for now, I'll just say that following the advice of other men in my position put a stop to the disrespect:
- I first responded to my wife's attempt to start a fight with me by ignoring her.
- Later, I responded by destroying her twisted logic, refusing to let her continually change the subject, refusing to back down while she dug herself deeper and deeper into a hole, ignoring her as soon as the fight was done, and refusing to apologize later when she said I "scared" her.
- On January 25th, 2013, I shouted at my mother-in-law for openly and fragrantly disrespecting me, and gave her a glare that said I was two seconds from decking her.
- A little later, my wife tried to start another couple of fights but I ordered her to stop each time, then ignored her after.
No other drama has happened since then, from either of them.
S*** tests passed. And I never would have had to act like an ape if I didn't get married.
Chores
I've cleaned up the floor and table almost every night for the last year, around 350 times, and I've done the dishes and done the laundry about 220 times each. Though this was less laundry and dishes than the last year, the extra house cleaning more than made up for the difference in wasted time. Again, applying the fact that I never needed to clean the floor at my apartment, I spend almost ten times the amount of time cleaning the house now than the once a week I did everything before. The most striking thing is the number of days off I had last year without some kind of cleanup waiting for me:
3.
Yes, once every four months, I got a one day reprieve from the chores, and every other night, someone else's messes welcomed me back from work, where I make money that just gets co-opted and taken away by everyone around me.
When I was single, I got a day off of the chores every single day, except for Friday night, when I took care of everything together. Even the times I had to do dishes, it was because I rewarded myself with a delicious meal that I wanted to eat.
Sex
When we were dating, my wife and I used to have sex three to five times a week. Now we have sex once every a month or two. This year, I was denied sex for four months in 2012, and two months from the end of 2012 to 2013.
The sex life problem is now the reverse of what it was last year: before, I was unhappy that my wife and I only had sex about fifteen or twenty times that year, because it wasn't enough for me. Now, I don't want to have sex with her at all. The few times she plans a night for sex, and actually follows through, is something I'd rather she leave me alone about.
I can't take her overweight body, the fact that she takes advantage of me by spending too much money and nagging me about the same things every day, and the fact that the sex is usually over in about fifteen or thirty minutes, then it's back to another month long wait for something that's mechanical and boring anyway. Plus, most of the time when she tells me she's ready (it's been about a year since I stopped asking her first), she ends up cancelling or forgetting.
When she actually does want it and is ready to go, I go along with it and pretend like I'm enjoying myself (which is not at all how she treated me in the last five years), but most of the time, it doesn't matter. Everyone knows the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." My wife is "The Wife Who Cried Sex." And it's been many months since I've believed her, or even cared, if she was telling the truth about having sex. She's really to blame for opening my eyes on this one through several stages of me not wanting, then actively despising, sex with her:
Stage 1 - Until about a year ago, I was still practically begging for sex with her, and being disappointed every time. I was unhappy at this time because we hardly ever slept together.
Stage 2 - After the half a dozen plus sexual deserts where I waited for months for her to finally say yes, I decided that I would stop asking her first, and just wait for her to be ready. She very rarely initiated, and I started to lose interest in sex as the frigid weeks dragged on.
Stage 3 - By the time a month or three had gone by and my wife suddenly noticed I hadn't asked first for such a long time, it was too late. My drug dealer had strung me along for too long, and I had begun detoxing. She started ramping up the sexual overtures to once a week or two, and promised sex over and over. Her failure to follow through on most of her promises made me lose interest in it, and her, completely.
Stage 4 - It's kind of sad how desperate my wife is for attention now, and how she tries to nuzzle me or touch me with her attempts at a sultry "Tonight?" I give her the same apathetic "Ok" every time now because it seldom happens, and I'm glad when it usually doesn't. When she asks me to wake her up before I play video games, I don't even bother and lie later that I tried. I'm happy to hear when her period runs longer than expected or when she has some kind of excuse, because that means I have another day without sex. But if I ever get cornered and I have no way to escape, I just go along with it, finish her up as quickly as possible, fake the end so I don't have to clean up anything, then go back to the computer so I can pretend to be someone interesting and important.
When I was single, sex averaged out to three times a week with a girl I wanted to sleep with. And with up to twenty potential girls that I could have slept with by now, that's a lot more variety and quantity than what I get now.
Money
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $55,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.
Time Off
This year, I had 55 days off of work. Although that can be averaged out to six work days a week and Sunday off, the truth is that for the first six months, I was working every day for weeks on end, with chores waiting almost every single night. And again, I kept very little of the money for myself. Despite this, this was also the time of my marriage that my wife was at her most disrespectful.
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work, and five days (at least) off from chores.
Travel
I've lived in four cities.
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my ninth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.
Friends
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1500 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.
Fun & Adventure
I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.
If I were still single, I could have written over 800 Then and Now posts on my great life.
Summary
The basic themes of 2012, as they were every year since 2009, were escalating disrespect and the constant biting of the hand (mine) that feeds. The second half of this married year, 2013, was me setting very clear boundaries for the two main stressors in my life (my wife and her mother), and returning to a mind-numbing, day-passing, wasteful life of monotony.
Were it not for my son, I would consider every year since 2008 as a married man a shameful, disgusting example of nothingness, eroding away everything that I've ever held dear.
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