The problem of sex

I promised myself that I wouldn't ask my wife for sex ever again about six months ago, and kept that promise up until a week or two ago. Thinking that I had proven myself the leader of this marriage once more with my wife buying me presents, showing me respect at all times and happily taking care of all of the housework (when she used to yell at me all the time when I cleaned the house every night before), I tried to initiate sex four times this month. The first time, she said yes. The second time, it was her period. The third and fourth times, out it came again: "I'm too tired."

After the third refusal, I was livid. But knowing that anger only shows women what buttons they can push, I just remained quiet for a few seconds, then said, "Every night, you're too tired. Every morning, you have no time." Then I went outside to sleep on the couch. It was quite peaceful and relaxing out there, and the next day, I went directly to work without talking to her. She sent some text messages to me, but I didn't even bother reading a single word of them:

- If it was an apology and a promise to change regarding sex, she's already promised that multiple times and lied every time before.
- If it was her idea of an explanation, I knew it would just be an excuse.
- If it was some anger or confusion with demands for answers, I didn't want to hear it. More importantly, if a man doesn't calmly and sternly put a stop to a woman's outbursts, it's best not to give them even the barest hint of attention, or you get more of the same.

When I came home, I refused to make eye contact with her, ignored her for hours while I played with our son, recovered my blankets from the bedroom (she put them on the bed again while I was at work) then slept on the couch again. I continued this process for two or three days, and she bought me a bunch of presents and was obviously confused and uncomfortable, and because of this, treated me like a king. But the sex still didn't return.

And that's the main point of today's post. Unmarried men, this is the norm for a husband, and there's nothing you can do to solve it. Think of any girlfriends you have been with. What were the options?

EITHER
I have sex with my girlfriend.
OR
I find someone else.

Married men like myself, however, have a different experience:

EITHER
I have sex, and my wife gets money and support.
OR
I don't have sex, and my wife gets money and support.

I've also discussed about how being a strong man with a supportive woman is much, much more stable than the alternative (or an equal partnership, for that matter), much to the opposite of what western culture teaches people. In the end, this shows the problem of sex, specifically in marriage.

Women sleep with high class men. In most cases, that's a given. Whether it's money, strength, fame or whatever, women hardly ever sleep down. And that leads us to marriage... which is the greatest show of submission a man can make to a woman in today's society. So it doesn't matter how strongly you act, how much you ask, how nice you are or how much you pull rank or bluster: women have no reason or incentive to sleep with a man they have married, unless their bodies are screaming at them to have children (which means I can get laid about once a month on average).

Women sleep with men for many reasons, but I know two reasons my wife-as-girlfriend used to sleep with me. The first was for the pleasure of it, and I know she used to, and still does, enjoy it. I don't want to get too personal, so I'll leave it at that. The second reason was to keep me around, and as my wife, she no longer needs to do this; I'm bound to her through our son and the marriage contract. With only one reason to have sex remaining, it's no wonder our sex life is in the pits, and why most married men can understand what I'm talking about. Single or dating men, this message is for you: you want sex, don't get married.

After all this stuff went down, I really started to think about this whole sex thing once more. First, I reaffirmed by promise not to initiate again; I went six months this time, next I'll try for at least a year, but hopefully not break the promise again. But more importantly, I realized that punishing my wife for her wafer thin excuses for sex was not necessary, and for several reasons:

- It does nothing to help our son, which is the only reason I'm staying married to my wife.
- Punishment makes her defer to me more, but it has never improved our sex life in the past.
- I'm not that interested in having sex with a somewhat overweight (but better than before), flabby middle-aged woman anyway.

So we made up without me apologizing (never apologize to a woman, by the way: they only use it as a reason to abuse you more), and back to the daily routine we went: sexless and monotonous, with 4660 days left on the counter until I can live again.

Back to the past

What a waste of life marriage is.

I recently had a vacation with my wife and son, going back to the city where I first entered this country and where I stayed with my bud and his aunt. Unfortunately, the vacation was only two days long and involved some business, so I didn't have time to go back to see those old grounds. My son and I had fun here and there and everyone talked, but my wife was mostly just around. The whole time reminded me of the petting zoo day we had when my wife was still a giant a-hole back in 2012. Here was our rip-roaring trip of adventurous fun and excitement, sure to put any of my Then and Now experiences as a single man to shame:

DAY 1
7:00 - 7:30 - Waited for my wife and son to get ready.
7:30 - 8:00 - Took a taxi to the train station.
8:00 - 9:00 - Waited for the train to arrive.
9:00 - 10:30 - Rode the train.
10:30 - 11:30 - Waited for the bus to arrive.
11:30 - 12:00 - Rode the bus to an amusement park.
12:00 - 3:00 - Hung out at an amusement park (which mostly involved standing in line waiting), and also sat around and ate.
3:00 - 3:30 - Walked to the hotel.
3:30 - 6:00 - Watched TV and took a nap.
6:00 - 10:00 - Took part in a dull business meeting, and also sat around and ate.
10:00 - Slept.

DAY 2
8:00 - 9:00 - Packed our things.
9:00 - 11:00 - Stood around while my wife shopped, and also sat around and ate.
11:00 - 12:00 - Waited for the bus to arrive.
12:00 - 12:30 - Rode the bus to the train station.
12:30 - 1:30 - Waited for the train to arrive.
1:30 - 3:00 - Rode the train.
3:00 - 3:30 - Took a taxi home.

Like the zoo trip, and most certainly like marriage, the vast majority of my time was/is spent waiting.

Even more recently, I had to go back to the main city to do some immigration paperwork, so I set my alarm for very early in the morning. When I had shaken the cobwebs loose, I woke my wife to say goodbye and ask for luck. She groaned that she didn't want to have sex.

So the previous night, my son and I had drawn together, watched movies together and played video games together, while my wife did nothing but sit in a chair and browse the internet on her phone, alone. And then, in the morning, she denies me sex that I didn't ask for. Can I explain any more clearly how marriage destroys and children enrich the lives of men? Even if I did want sex, I wonder how she would feel if I didn't want to give her $500 one month for her personal expenses because I was "tired" or "not in the mood." After all, it takes me 20 hours to make that money per month, and even if we went at it like rabbits (which we don't), she would only spend around 10 hours a month of lying there and doing little to nothing to get the same reward.

It was very early when I reached the city, and because I knew that my old hostel was nearby, I took a walk down that familiar Odds and Ends street to see if my old hostel was there. I saw the park again, but the computer store seemed to be missing. Also, the overpass was so low to the road that I had to stoop a little to get under it; I had forgotten all about that.

When I finally reached the hostel, I saw the same security guard out front from seven years ago and said hello. He didn't recognize me, but that was ok. After going upstairs to talk with the boss and admire the view once more (and hearing the very, very familiar whine of the elevator as it went up to the top of the building), I headed back out to do my paperwork.

I didn't have any flashes of euphoria or anything, but I did experience my vision expanding slightly as I walked to the hostel. At that time, a map of the general part of the world I was in appeared in my mind, as if I were planning my next adventure around the world, but because it's October, I would actually have just gotten to my new city, and probably be in the process of choosing between five or ten girls to be my girlfriend, right now.

But I married, because I allowed myself to be brainwashed by society into thinking it was an amazing institution. It's certainly not for men: we lose freedom, time, money and sex, and take on the burdens of in-laws, chores, drama and monotony. I know where I would be living right now if it weren't for my stupidity, and I know where I am because of my foolishness.

I have to wait 4697 days to be free, men. If you're married but childless, or haven't yet tied that noose, you're free to go ANY TIME. Don't make my mistake.

Small updates

Another month has passed where nothing really occurred. But as I said last month, that's marriage.

My son is as nice and cute as ever, and really becoming a lot more like me. I'm doing my best to raise him as an aware man, and not a server of women as I used to be; I know that that kind of life leads to no girlfriend and an empty wallet with little gratitude (and even verbal abuse) being the only reward. I want him to grow up respecting women, but understanding their power-attracted nature so he never ends up the simp that I once was. Above all, I hope he avoids marriage and either becomes a long term dater, or just avoids the trouble altogether.

My wife and I have really been working hard on losing weight. I think when I told her how much weight I had lost (only thirty pounds to go, and I'm underweight and done), she got worried that I would soon approach her weight, so she started her own diet. She has loose skin hanging in certain places, but because there's nothing she can do about it, I don't mind; at least it's not fat anymore.

Then again, if I weren't married, I could be dating one of the many hot, young college girls that I've met over the years.

Sex life is still ho hum, maybe once a week or two. I don't care either way.

I still hope I can have another life, and not make this mistake of marriage again. I'm in charge of this relationship and living the lauded, traditional style marriage where dad makes the rules and happy wife follows suit, but my single life was still way better than this.

As long as I focus on my son, I think I can get through the next twelve years with minimal problems. And as long as I mostly ignore my wife, she'll just be that more eager to please.

A whole month

Where have I been? What have I been doing?

Same place and nothing, as usual; this is marriage. If you thought marriage was usually made of night dancing, endless laughs on the boardwalk and abundant shared moments that last forever, well, you can think again. Nothing really important has happened in the last thirty days, and they've slipped by quickly, leaving me with 4750 days left on the counter until I'm free again.

The only minor things that happened this month were losing some classes at work to leave me with a more relaxing schedule, me spending lots of time with my son in games, blocks and action figure wars, and otherwise constant work.

I did end up making more money this month than any other month of my life: $3000. Of course, when I did the math and realized that around $150 of that is mine and the rest is going to everyone else around me (I would have kept $2200 as a single man, or $1000 if it were just me and my son), I didn't feel quite so excited.

The final thing to mention is that after a visit from my mom this year and snarfing down the candy and cookies she brought, I was about 220 pounds in the end of winter. It didn't really show because of my height, but it was still unacceptable, so I worked hard to lose that weight up to now. I've now dropped thirty of those pounds on an amazingly effective diet I just discovered, and I'm also fourty pounds away from perfectly and healthily <b>underweight</b>; I'll probably get there in just a few months, now that I know what to do.

After I lose this final weight, my wife will actually be fatter than me. Unmarried men, let that sink into your minds for a second.

Money and rest

Once again, a day comes where I have to transfer $1000 to my wife by bank, and hand her over $200 in person, so we can pay for the next month's expenses. It's too much money to be spending in a single month for any reason and represents over two weeks of work on my part, but once again, it seems that that isn't enough to show any kind of appreciation.

Yesterday was not only the day I had to pay my wife money so she could have the opportunity to disrespect me as a beta provider again, but also a day where she and our son took the day off from work and school. My wife was fine for the first half, and I spent half my time off playing with our son, and the other half surfing the net.

I went to work, and on the way back, took care of the money transfers and stuff to come home to my son crying, wrapped up in a blanket on the bed, and my wife looking angry. I've mentioned this several times before, and I still don't understand it: every time my wife has a day off from work, she goes ape and acts like a jerk to everyone in the house. This time, she had to flip out on our son because he didn't want to go back to school.

I came in and handed her her money while trying to figure out what was going on with our son, because I didn't know what had happened yet. My wife acted somewhat indignant, asking with knit eyebrows why I was giving her money, as if I were inconveniencing her by putting free cash in her hand. I said nothing until she admitted it was for the next month's payments, and once again, she turned away without a word. "How about a little gratitude?" I asked seriously. She turned around and hugged me without a word, then I went to check on our son.

I comforted him and convinced him to get ready for school the next day, admonished him when he acted up, then promised his favorite breakfast if he would be good, and the crisis was averted in a mere thirty seconds. Apparently, that was too difficult for my wife, or she simply wanted a punching bag for the day, because once again, she can't accept having a day off without being a jerk.

Recently, I've had a lot of mental flashes to my old life, especially my Then and Nows. I've imagined places I could have seen, women I could have been with, languages I could have learned, all if I hadn't married. After, I've been filled with quick, but blinding, bursts of anger and regret for what I gave up ever since I married. I'm thankful for understanding the secret of thought control to keep my mind and actions stable and defuse those emotions, but I can't help wishing it were just my son and I in my life.

No matter the woman, no matter the country and no matter the laws, marriage, by and large, is like this. Thirty days of endless, thankless work, flare-up nonsense from an emotionally capricious wife, and watching the broken shards of once great dreams reflect the barest glints of what they once were.

Repetition

Had a day off today, when I usually work twice a day, six days a week. This time spent with my wife, plus the sex we had recently, naturally led to her playing hot and cold today.

"You're the greatest father I've ever seen. Every other father I've ever known just ignores their kids or yells at them."
"Stop saying I look like other women. It shows you don't think I'm special."
"I want a kiss from you! And a hug, too!"
(After I say I like her small eyes) "How come you don't like my small eyes?! I'm not talking to you!!"

Every time she went cold, and especially when she started with that "order my husband to do little jobs and if he does them, then I have license to further disrespect him" thing, I withdrew affection utterly and completely and ignored her for as long as possible, and she went back to hot again. Then, when I responded positively to her polite behavior, it was back to cold again.

Staying around her, plus her sudden drop in respect for me after we have sex, caused this rare mid-week day off to become yet another in a long string of reminders of how marriage is draining me.

I remain the same man almost every day of my life, she jumps all over the place. I had potential in my life to achieve and experience a billion different things before I married, she was sitting around in her mom's house. I've saved $10,000 for our son's college education, she's wasted $10,000 in the last two or three years on nonsense, and her mom's wasted $10,000 more. When I'm not working, I'm sleeping. When I'm not sleeping, I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen. When I'm not waiting, I'm cleaning.

And while I waste my time being married, all I can do is watch other, smarter men who haven't and won't marry enjoy their lives, and only wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life.

Condescension

I keep all of the non-business emails between my wife and I, even to this day. I guess I'm kind of an automatic softie and this alpha attitude thing is the mask I use to keep her in line, but maybe in the future I'll end up deleting them. I don't know. What I do know is that I was checking my emails to her from 2007-2008, and noticing an anus-clenching subservience in many of them. It's no wonder that my wife started treating me like garbage and s*** testing like crazy after the Christmas fight in 2009, when I brought her such gems as:

"You are so cute and interesting and funny and charming! I miss you very much, and I always think about you."
"I LOVE YOU and I'll see you soon, beautiful!"
"Anyway, I am missing and loving you two very much!"
"I'm enjoying my day off, my love, doing nerd stuff and emails!"
"I love you and think you are awesome."
"I'm sorry; I was just really shocked before by your sad/angry phone call and I still haven't recovered completely yet."

And those are just the replies she saved in her emails so I could read them; imagine how many more displays of loser I provided her. I guess if I had been interested in the information out there on the internet for men (or had a father), I wouldn't have been speaking like that to a woman.

This all leads in to the main reason for this post, which is me giving money to my wife. I've discussed before about the kind of disrespect my wife shows me when I hand her money, because her reptilian mind is trying to place me as either the brute who deserves respect, or the provider who deserves demands. As a result, I need to shut down her s*** tests almost every time I hand her money. It happens every month like clockwork, but I only mention her s*** testing when it's really obvious... like this month's payment.

I gave my wife $200 directly to pay for our son's schooling, and after she took it in her hand, she began to turn away without saying a word. I held firm to the money with a strong and serious look on my face until she turned around and thanked me for it. I simply shook my head and turned away, and she quickly got our son and herself to say thanks together for my generosity.

She got the other $1000 in her bank account, and no sooner had she checked to make sure it was there, she was texting me on my cell phone about all the problems she was having. First she said our son is staying up too late and I shouldn't let him, and I replied that I send him to bed on time every night. Then she complained about his homework not being done on time, and I explained that it was her mother, not me, who procrastinated on that. Finally, she complained about his eyesight and how he might need glasses soon. I said it was because of my DNA, and when she responded that he's her son too, I just stopped talking to her.

These tests always stop within two or three days of me giving her money, then start up again when I once more pay her for the month.

This is women: disrespecting you for your helpfulness and responsibility.

This is marriage: a decades long cycle that robs you of all your finances, time and freedom.