Condescension

I keep all of the non-business emails between my wife and I, even to this day. I guess I'm kind of an automatic softie and this alpha attitude thing is the mask I use to keep her in line, but maybe in the future I'll end up deleting them. I don't know. What I do know is that I was checking my emails to her from 2007-2008, and noticing an anus-clenching subservience in many of them. It's no wonder that my wife started treating me like garbage and s*** testing like crazy after the Christmas fight in 2009, when I brought her such gems as:

"You are so cute and interesting and funny and charming! I miss you very much, and I always think about you."
"I LOVE YOU and I'll see you soon, beautiful!"
"Anyway, I am missing and loving you two very much!"
"I'm enjoying my day off, my love, doing nerd stuff and emails!"
"I love you and think you are awesome."
"I'm sorry; I was just really shocked before by your sad/angry phone call and I still haven't recovered completely yet."

And those are just the replies she saved in her emails so I could read them; imagine how many more displays of loser I provided her. I guess if I had been interested in the information out there on the internet for men (or had a father), I wouldn't have been speaking like that to a woman.

This all leads in to the main reason for this post, which is me giving money to my wife. I've discussed before about the kind of disrespect my wife shows me when I hand her money, because her reptilian mind is trying to place me as either the brute who deserves respect, or the provider who deserves demands. As a result, I need to shut down her s*** tests almost every time I hand her money. It happens every month like clockwork, but I only mention her s*** testing when it's really obvious... like this month's payment.

I gave my wife $200 directly to pay for our son's schooling, and after she took it in her hand, she began to turn away without saying a word. I held firm to the money with a strong and serious look on my face until she turned around and thanked me for it. I simply shook my head and turned away, and she quickly got our son and herself to say thanks together for my generosity.

She got the other $1000 in her bank account, and no sooner had she checked to make sure it was there, she was texting me on my cell phone about all the problems she was having. First she said our son is staying up too late and I shouldn't let him, and I replied that I send him to bed on time every night. Then she complained about his homework not being done on time, and I explained that it was her mother, not me, who procrastinated on that. Finally, she complained about his eyesight and how he might need glasses soon. I said it was because of my DNA, and when she responded that he's her son too, I just stopped talking to her.

These tests always stop within two or three days of me giving her money, then start up again when I once more pay her for the month.

This is women: disrespecting you for your helpfulness and responsibility.

This is marriage: a decades long cycle that robs you of all your finances, time and freedom.