Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Then and Now 38 - Army Hotel

Then and Now 38 - Army Hotel
Time: Mid-2007, single and at the hostel.

After I interviewed for my first job and went to the mountain town in Then and Now 30, I was still looking for work, so I went online to find an agent or two that could help me find more interviews. I got in touch with Esther, who got me an interview with a smaller, more family-like job just a few miles southwest of the hostel. We set up a time to meet near there, and when the day came, I took the subway to a stop just a little ways away from the school, and met up with her.

We talked in an American restaurant of some sort, maybe McDonald's or Starbucks, but I don't remember exactly what it was. I do remember that we sat in the corner near some tall windows so we could look outside at the cars passing by in front of the subway station. She was a very direct woman, and I admired that she didn't mince words. Before she introduced the school to me, we talked about life in this country and how I was doing, and she also told me about a good friend of hers who had married a foreigner. But before long, it was back to business, and she started talking about the school and how it only had a few branches, but that it was well-established and managed. I thought this job would be right up my alley, and I started to get pretty excited. And when she was done telling me about the place, she took me directly to the street that would take me to the school.

The tall buildings that surrounded the subway station were in a pretty tight ring, and as Esther and I walked only a few blocks towards my interview, those multi-storied stores and restaurants soon became lines of small independent stores that ran down both sides of a winding, middle-sized road. She wished me luck as she prepared to return to the subway station and meet another client of hers, but before she left, she advised me to go to a little local toy shop and buy a few balls and stickers for the kids, because I would get instant brownie points for doing so. I told her that was a good idea, then we shook hands and parted.

I didn't buy anything. I had years of experience teaching all ages of students back in America both in classroom settings and in tutor sessions, and I was more than qualified to take the job. In addition, I was halfway through my studies of the local language, and had learned more than enough to wow anybody with my skill. At that point, it wasn't because I was all that amazing at the language, but because the vast majority of the foreigners who come here (or go anywhere in the world, I suspect) don't bother to learn anything of the local language or culture, and instead rely on the myth of immersion granting automatic and fluent language skill, when in reality, dedication and effort make it happen.

So I went straight to the school. I turned down a small road away from the larger street lined with shops behind me, and went down a street that was shaded from many trees lined down the sidewalk. Behind them stood a large elementary school with open windows peeking into empty classrooms, and the whole place looked imposing and impressive shrouded in shadow. Per Esther's instructions, I passed two small streets that broke off into little alleyways to my left until I came to the street that would take me to the school, and in no time, I found it.

I was very impressed. The school was tall and spacious, there were toys of all kinds to utilize when teaching the kids, the boss was very nice and showed me around the entire place, and I would have assistance from a local teacher in all of my classes, so I didn't have to worry too much about class order. I loved the pictures that the kids drew that were taped to the walls, the furnished teacher's office that I would have with the other educators there, the cleanliness of the playground outside, everything.

My demo was exquisitely done: the kids were laughing and well-behaved, the co-teacher smiled and seemed to enjoy my fun and engaging style, and the boss really looked impressed when I was done, too. Everything seemed to be very well in order for my new work.

And then, I met the other foreign teachers.

Bald, fat, middle-aged guy:

Me: Hey, howya doin'? I might be the new teacher here.
Him: Oh. Hey.

Then he looked away and went back to work.

Obvious playboy:

Me: Hi! I'm the new guy.
Him: (Eyes staring straight ahead and in a deadpan voice) Nice to meet you.

Then he brushed past me without another word.

Balding, middle-aged guy:

Me: Hey, howya doin'? Nice to meet you.
Him: Hey. Are you the new guy?
Me: Maybe so! We'll see.
Him: Ok. Sorry, I have to get back to work.
Me: Sure. See you.

I have to admit, at this point, I was getting pretty tired of foreigners shooting me stink eyes, pretending to look at something 90 degrees to the side then suddenly losing interest in "it" when they walked past me (what I've dubbed the "foreigner fakeout"), and otherwise ignoring my friendly hellos at almost every turn. Sure, there were some great guys I met, and they're featured prominently in other Then and Now posts. But what I don't mention are the hundreds upon hundreds of them who acted like my very presence was an affront to their authenticity as a foreign guy abroad, or competition for "their" jobs and women.

And when the boss told me that I would be rooming with these guys, two out of three of whom were utter twits, I thanked the boss for her time, told her I would consider the offer, then left. At least if I couldn't find some other work in time, I thought, I could take this job for half a year, then switch to a place where most of my co-workers weren't complete knobs. So just like Then and Now 30, I turned this trip into a little adventure, and decided to walk my way back to the main station. And it was a long walk down a very long road.

The first place I came across was some kind of army base or fort. There was an impressive gold arch that ran over a very tall and wide fence that rolled in and out to let cars through. Outside was a security station that I couldn't see into, and two impeccably dressed local soldiers stood guard in front of the main gate. I looked at the buildings behind the soldiers in wonder as I got a little closer, and when all of us made eye contact, I smiled and waved. The soldier on the right raised his head in greeting, then stepped forward to meet me.

"Hi," I said in the local language. "I just wanted to say that you guys look really cool."

The soldier on the left smiled, and the one on the right barked a laugh. "Ha! Thanks," he said.

"No problem," I replied. "Sorry to bother you. Bye!" The two laughed and waved goodbye, and I continued on.

Next, I came to the back entrance of the army area, and I found that it was open to the public. There was a wide courtyard between the entrance and two buildings ahead of me. The stone ground rose up sharply to position the buildings about twenty feet up, and some stone steps led up to a closed door on each one. Between them was a stone entryway, and beyond that was a huge building bearing a statue of one of the country's most important figures. There was a crowd of locals watching a line of soldiers marching up and down the courtyard, taking pictures as they moved in perfect sync with each other. I took a few pictures myself and left shortly after, but I still remember some goofball kid, maybe ten or so, standing next to the soldiers and miming their movements.

I passed by several trees as the road wound around and around, and hit inclines and declines every few minutes. I knew for certain that I was walking around a mountain. When the road stopped winding and going up and down for a few minutes in both directions, the next place I came to was a large and gated building. The gate was open and there weren't any guards, so I wandered in to see what this place was.

As I entered the foyer, I could see a swimming pool, a tennis court and a few other sporty places through some windows, and thought that I might want to join up to make use of the place when I got some money in the future. A local woman came up to me from a receptionist's desk, and asked if she could help me. I asked her what the place was, and she told me it was a recreation center for foreigners who lived in this country. She didn't ask if I wanted to join, so I figured it might have been pretty expensive, but I asked if she had any information that I could look at, just in case. She happily pointed me to a rack of brochures, so I thanked her and went over to get a better idea of the place. I balked at the monthly price, but kept my cool and waved goodbye before getting out of there.

As I started back on the winding and inclining road outside, the sun had gotten lower in the sky, and was starting to cast shadows from the trees onto the road. I walked through a rather dark stretch of road, and looked up to my right at a shadowed cliff, maybe one or two hundred feet high. It was covered in trees, and there were some stairs with sturdy railings leading up to the top, so I picked one and went on up. When I reached the top, I looked out on a very impressive series of short mountains with houses dotted all over them, and roads winding all around.

Atop one of the mountains was a beautiful, multi-storied, red and yellow building with hundreds of windows, a stylized roof and a huge entrance, but I wasn't close enough to make out more details than that. I ended up going there with my boss and co-workers from the job I eventually landed, as a way of them saying thanks to me for the excellent work I had done for them. It was a hotel, and they treated me to a first class meal in a restaurant on one of the bottom floors. But back to that moment on the cliff, I was very happy to see that sight, and I guessed correctly that it was probably a hotel of some kind.

I felt another rush of euphoria, that when I had gotten a job and made some money, I could go stay there for a night or two just for fun. I was back at the subway station a short while later, and headed back to the hostel to take a shower and relax a while before heading out again that night.

A day or two later, I went back to the school and told the boss that I couldn't work for them, and she practically begged me to take the job, saying I was their very first choice and that I would be a perfect match for their school. I said that I was sorry, but if they needed any help with translations, babysitting or substitute classes, I could mail them my schedule and they could make use of me when they could. After I got my job at the third school, I did so, but I never got any requests from the second school, so I think they did just fine without me.

I feel kind of sorry for the guy who got the job and had to live with those knobs, though.

As for today...

I woke up at 9:00.
I watched TV.
I ate lunch.
I played video games with my son.
I watched TV.
I roughhoused with my son.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I ate dinner.
I came home.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I hung up wet laundry.
I started a load of laundry.
I played video games with my son.
I slept.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Then and Now 37 - Edge of Town

Then and Now 37 - Edge of Town
Time: Late 2007, single and at my apartment.

I was in my apartment one weekend, trying to decide where to go in the big city that day. I checked my map, and saw a lot of check marks all over the stops and sites that I had been to, but most of the places I went to were in the north, west, south, and center of the big city. The only reason I had ever gone to the east side of town was to go to Tim and Jessie's house to have class or hang out at their place. There wasn't a whole lot labeled on my subway map for that side of the city, but I knew that not having a museum or a national park at a subway stop was no indication of how interesting it would be, so I went out to take a look over there.

I took the subway to the center-east part of town, and instead of getting off at one of the few interesting places that were labeled there, I instead got off at an early stop and took a several mile walk through this new area. The walk was very nice. There weren't many people around and the day was a bit overcast and keeping the sun from beating down too hard, so I took a leisurely stroll past numerous tall buildings on my left, and an outdoor sports park to my right. Down there, there were some skaters messing around on the cement partitions surrounding some bushes and trees, and there were a couple of playgrounds where some kids were sliding and swinging with their parents looking on.

As I kept on, the buildings to my left got shorter and more spaced out, until I could see the mountains behind them covered with the green of lush trees. I thought at that point that I might walk straight home to America if I kept on going, because as civilization thins out, the ocean tends to make an appearance. But it wasn't long before I saw a large collection of buildings to my right, and throngs of people walking around between them, so I went down to take a look.

The buildings were two stories high. On the ground level were a ton of independent shops, one right next to the other. Some sold clothes, others makeup, snacks, drinks, shoes, posters and other assorted items. The second levels had a few other shops, but were mostly offices. On my way down the street and through the crowds, I saw a gathering of people around a statue. I got closer to see who it was, and was surprised when the statue suddenly came to life. The man in total body brown makeup posed for a second, looked around, then returned to looking regal again. I smiled and looked around a bit, and watched the people around me laughing and clapping at the performer. As I looked around, I noticed he wasn't alone. There were a few more living statues around that area: one brown, another whitish-grey, and both carrying on in the same manner as the first one: staying still for a few minutes, then suddenly coming to life to surprise everyone around them, then returning to motionlessness to "get" the next group of unwary visitors.

I went a little farther into the shopping area, and soon found a place of the arts. There were a few movie theaters there playing some flicks, some new and some old, but I was more interested in the theater play area. It was square-shaped, but it had a circle cut in the ceiling in the middle, and a small garden with a few plants and a little waterfall there. On a wall, I saw a poster for a play that was going to start very soon, and saw that a foreign actor troupe had come to the country to perform it.

I don't quite remember what the play was (I'm pretty sure it was something Greek or Shakespearean). I did remember that by that time, I had only been to four plays in my life: two awesome Christmas plays, a fun high school play that a friend of mine starred in, and a boring college play that took three hours to say, "Stop to smell the roses before you die." Three out of four wasn't bad at all, and I thought that if these actors were good enough to be playing internationally, then I would be more than happy to see some of their work.

At that moment, a foreign woman dressed up in an amazing Elizabethan dress came out. She was talking to a local woman, who by her conservative business attire, looked like someone who was producing or directing the play. I watched the two of them walk through the beautiful garden in the middle and towards the shopping center, but since they didn't look my way, I didn't have a chance to say hello. I made a note to come back there to see a movie and a play on the same day in the future, then went to the nearest subway stop to get home; I was pretty beat, so I didn't have the energy to make it back home on foot.

I never got the chance to go back there before my wife got pregnant, but just like the art museum from Then and Now 18, I hope that day comes in the future.

As for today...

I woke up at 7:00.
I played video games.
I went out to tutor a student.
I came home.
I ate lunch.
I played video games with my son.
I watched TV.
I did the dishes.
I played cars with my son.
I watched DVDs with my wife.
I watched TV.
I ate dinner.
I did the dishes again.
I watched DVDs with my wife.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I slept.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Then and Now 36 - Odds and Ends 4

Then and Now 36 - Odds and Ends 4
Time: Before I got married.

In the last week of my hostel stay, I was walking the long street between the hostel and the junction train station, where I met a lot of my tutor students and friends. On the way, I saw a man approaching me, so I slowed down to say hello. "I'm really sorry to bother you," he said, "but I immigrated here a few months ago, and I've completely run out of money. I haven't eaten anything in days. Can you help me?"

I didn't have much money to give, he was dressed well enough, and he didn't have the low energy of a starving man. But I didn't turn him away, and for a few reasons:

- I was dressed well enough as well, so I knew that what he was wearing was no indication of his plight.
- I, too, was running out of money. I knew what it felt like to have to eat cheaply and sparsely, and to watch a static amount of money dwindle slowly with every meal I ate.
- Most importantly, even though he might have been faking, just the chance that he might have been in a situation like me was reason enough for me to share what I had.

I told him it was no problem, and took him to a convenience store just across the street. I told him to go ahead and pick what he wanted to eat, and I would take care of it. He smiled broadly and rushed around the store, picking up a sandwich, some bread, and a box of juice. After I paid for him, I gave him the equivalent of about $5, in case he couldn't find someone else to help him. He thanked me over and over, and after we walked outside, he asked me if I was interested in meeting some women that he knew. I said sure, and gave him my phone number. He punched it into his own cellphone (kind of a red flag, but I had one too and was also low on money), then said that he would get back to me as soon as possible. I thanked him, then continued on to the train station.

I never got a call from him or his girls, but I never got any robocalls or telemarketers either, so I'm guessing he was on the level. Didn't matter either way: either he was lying and I gave an otherwise nice guy a free meal, or he was telling the truth and I helped him to survive another day or two.

-----

In the first few days during my stay at the hostel, I made a concerted and earnest effort to talk to anyone and everyone I could while in the dorms. Men, women, foreigners, locals, didn't matter: I wanted to make friends, and practice being the new man I had set out to be. One of these great people was another foreigner, who made his living as an international salesman of beauty products. I don't remember his name because I only spoke to him once, but he was a man in his thirties or fourties, had an ever-present smile and a cheerful personality, and English was his second language. We spent most of our time talking about his business, selling beauty products either individually, or in bulk to companies all over the world. He offered me a look through one of his brochures, and I flipped through a couple of the pages to see what he had to sell. I stopped on a smiling family over an ad for some toothpaste, and I asked him, "Do you know these people?"

He smiled and said, "No, they're just models."

The best part of our time together was how we talked: this man was from a country whose language I had studied for years, and he was studying the local language like I was. And of course, he also spoke some English, being the international language and all. The result was the two of us constantly switching the languages we were using to speak, mixing and matching words we knew into sentences that probably sounded like gibberish to anybody but us. I felt very satisfied and happy that we were able to talk for so long in that puzzle-like way.

-----

I got an email from a girl, Enid, while I was living at my apartment, and she wanted to meet up with me. When I met her, she was very shy and didn't talk much, probably because of her weight. While we were walking the streets outside of the main station, I got a call on my cell. It was Andrew, and he wanted to know if I wanted to hang out that night. I asked Enid if she wanted to hang out with some other friends and have dinner together, and she said it was ok. Shortly after, Andrew, his girlfriend and a friend of his met up with Enid and me, and we went to a nearby department store with a great restaurant at the top.

We didn't want to walk all the way around to the front of the building, so Andrew beckoned us all to the employee entrance in the back, and we snuck up about five or ten floors of stairs, our footsteps and hushed voices echoing throughout the massive shaft. When we got to the restaurant's floor, Andrew peeked his head in and waited until the coast was clear, then we all crept through the doorway and into the restaurant. We got seated, and I tried to talk to Enid several times in English, but it was difficult pulling stuff out of her, so I switched to the local language. She still seemed really shy, so I introduced her formally to Andrew and co., and she seemed to open up quite a bit more.

My dinner was a delicious plate of breaded meat, and while Andrew and them ate heartily, Enid really took it easy, and quietly, with a salad and water. I engaged with everyone I could that night, person to person, friend to friend, until it was time for us all to go home. That was the last time I ever saw Andrew, and the only time I ever saw Enid, on that great night.

-----

My bud and I got bored one night at his aunt's place, so we started channel surfing. Eventually, we came to a channel that was flickered and scrambled for the few times it came in for more than ten seconds. I asked him what channel it was, maybe a premium movie channel or something, and he said it was a porn channel. I laughed and said that it probably wasn't something his aunt would be interested in paying for. We were watching on one of those old CRT TVs that weigh eight thousand pounds and take up the entire room, so the picture didn't turn completely blue or white like new TVs do when they can't find a channel. So we watched the scrambled program for quite a while, trying to pick out what was going on.

"Is that...?" my bud started to ask before trailing off.

"Uh... I think it's an elbow," I answered.

After a few minutes, I told my bud that I had an idea. I picked up a coat hangar, then I put one arm out and raised the other above my head, and lifted up a knee. "Ok, you stand next to the window and start waving your arms," I said. "Maybe the signal will come in better." My bud laughed loudly, then played along by standing on his toes a little to the right of the TV, and slowly waved his arms. A little bit later, the picture seemed to come in really clear for about five seconds.

"Yeah!" my bud said.

"Yep!" I replied. "She's goin' at it."

-----

I went to the main city one night to a stop that I had never been to. It was night, and I exited the subway station to find a ring of apartment buildings in front of me. Around the ring wound a circular street, and on its outer edges were a string of stores. Nestled in the middle of the independent stores, I found a huge shopping mall opposite the subway station and over the ring of apartments. It had a grand entrance with a huge escalator leading up, and hundreds of stores that I don't remember much about. But this experience wasn't about the mall; it was about what happened when I was heading home. On the subway train, I was standing and grasping the handhold above me, looking at the open door of the car. And after only a few seconds, he came in.

He was a foreigner, looking to be in his early to mid 30s, with short dark hair and a black turtleneck sweater and dark jeans. He walked in, and establishing eye contact with me for just a fraction of a second, he turned his back on me and stood with one hand holding a leather loop above him, and the other behind his back like a soldier standing at ease. I figured he was going to be another one of those typical foreigners who avoided contact with anyone who wasn't a local woman, but then, he turned his head around to look at me.

I smiled and raised my head slightly in greeting. He locked eyes with me for a half second, then he darted a quick look at my spiked hair. Then, his eyes slowly traveled down to my black shirt, my blue jeans and finally to my black sneakers, lingering on each piece of clothing for a full second. Finally, after slowly drawing his gaze back up to my eyes once more, he wrinkled his nose, bared his teeth slightly and scowled intensely before turning back to the door.

I blinked a few times in surprise, then looked to my left at a surprised local woman who was watching the entire scene play out from beginning to end. I shrugged at her, then stood my ground, staring down the back of the idiot's head with narrow eyes and a smug look on my face. Without looking back, he got off at the next stop. Typical sex-starved foreigner abroad who couldn't stand competition from people better-looking than he was; it felt good to be me.

As for today...

I woke up at 7:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the game.
I ate lunch.
I did the dishes.
I watched TV.
I played Play-Doh with my son.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I went out to tutor a student.
I came home.
I showered my son.
I started a load of laundry.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I slept.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Marriage review, 2011 to 2012

It has been about one year since I started my blog, and now I would like to compare my life now to what it could have been if I hadn't married:

Fights

There were about 30 times that my wife (or a few times, her mother) either:
A) Dumped some sort of inane, "easily solvable in a week but I prefer not to do anything despite your advice" problem on me and cornered me for a lengthy diatribe, or
B) Was in a nasty mood for no good reason and started shouting, or giving the silent treatment.

My wife started exactly two fights with me during the three months we were dating (fights which I ended immediately instead of having them drag out for hours or days), an average of 8 fights a year before we got married, compared to the 30 now. As an unmarried man, I would have broken up with any girlfriend that treats me the way my wife does now, and happily been in the "honeymoon" part of the relationship with all of my girlfriends for the majority of any year.

Chores

I've cleaned up the floor and table, done the dishes, and done the laundry over 250 times each. In other words, five out of every seven days of the week, I'm wasting almost an hour of my life doing a complete set of chores. Applying the fact that I never needed to clean the floor at my apartment, I spend almost ten times the amount of time cleaning the house now than the once a week I did everything before. In addition, during the last year, I only got a handful of days off without a messed up house waiting for me to come home and clean it up: 27 in total. Most of these days were bunched up during my brief vacation between jobs in the middle of the year. Every other day, all 300+ of them, involved me coming home after a long day of work, only to be welcomed home to a dirty house that needed to be cleaned.

When I was single, I did the dishes when I wanted to cook something (no more than two times a week, often never), I swept once a week for two minutes, I did the laundry only once a week, and I never had to clean up the floor and table because I cleaned messes as I made them. All in all, it took me about fifteen minutes a week to finish everything, not fourty minutes a night.

Sex

I have sex once or twice every month, and I had a sex drought that lasted for three months.

I used to have sex three to five times a week with my wife when she was my girlfriend. Even including the time I was single, it still averaged out to three times a week. And with up to twenty potential girls that I could have slept with by now, that's a lot more variety and quantity than what I get now.

Money

I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.

As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $45,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.

Time Off

The schedule I have now is pretty telling of the overall difference between before I got married and now: this past year, I got an average of one day off for every two or three weeks of work now, with classes or tutoring waiting for me every day for weeks on end.

When I was a free man, I once had a day where I had to do neither chores nor work. It was a magical, wondrous day, but it required a sacrificial chicken, that the stars align, and for God himself to smile down upon me. That day's name was Tuesday (but sometimes it was tricky, and called itself Sunday).

Travel

I've lived in four cities.

As an unmarried man, I would be living in my eighth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.

Friends

I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.

As an unmarried man, I would have made about over a thousand friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.

Fun & Adventure

I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.

Since I have written over 30 Then and Now posts, all of which detail a day of fun, and I have over twice as many planned for the future, I could have averaged out about 150 fun days per year as a single man.

Summary

The basic themes of this last year, as they were every year since 2009, were escalating disrespect and the constant biting of the hand (mine) that feeds.