Marriage is my life's best and worst decision

For people on mobile phones, here are the labels to speed you around the blog:

Marriage Problems
Marriage Solutions
Single Life Then and Marriage Now

This blog is a warning to those contemplating marriage from a man who has been married since early 2008.

It all started in the beginning of January, 2008, after four months of dating my then-girlfriend-now-wife. I had just returned from a Christmas trip overseas, and a few days went by before she told me her period was late. Being ever the optimist, I just wrote it off as something that women go through every once in a while and dismissed her concerns, telling her it was natural and it sometimes just happened. We were using protection. How could she possibly be pregnant?

Then a few more days went by. A week. Two weeks. Still, no period. I think at that time, I knew I was absolutely screwed, but I still held out the hope that this was just something her body was going through, and that it wasn't the end of everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I'll never forget the day when I heard the news: January 24th, 2008. She wanted definitive confirmation of whether or not she was pregnant, and had taken a birth control test from a local store.

Positive. Then, in a panic, she tried another: positive. She hurriedly called me, frantic that she was going to have a baby with someone she had only known for a few months. I reassured her that it couldn't be true, and even if it was, that I would take care of her. I meant what I said, and my actions since then have certainly proven my honesty. But at the time, I still held out the hope that this was all a mistake, a dream, something, anything but a baby. She told me that that night, she would go to the hospital to make absolutely sure if she was pregnant or not.

I went to work, taught my students, and was on my way home at around 9:00 that night. I was walking my usual way home, when I felt my cellphone begin to buzz in my pocket, indicating an incoming text message.

Everything slowly went dark. Vibrant shops and bustling people turned into colorless blobs and were reduced into obstacles I didn't want to walk into. All of my dreams fled my mind in an instant, and were replaced with defeat and pessimism. A sudden weight bore down upon my shoulders, a feeling which has not left me to this day. How did I know she was pregnant? If she weren't, I reasoned, she would have called me, not texted me. Already knowing the answer, I opened my phone, and read the confirmation of the end of my life.

Being in shock, I don't remember quite what I said to her when I called her back. It was probably something comforting, letting her know I would take care of her and the baby no matter what. I vaguely remember that after I hung up, I wandered home in a daze, showered, then went to bed, hoping that when I woke up, it would all have been a dream.

It wasn't. I woke up the next day feeling as helpless and defeated as I did the night before. Not long after the news came, she pressured me into marrying quickly, because people over here "tend to talk" when a pregnant girl is not married with the man who fathered her child. I obliged, and we were married a month later.

During the time we had gotten the news, but were still living apart, I was trying to live up my life as best I could before I officially lost everything. When she wasn't over at my place, I traveled as much as possible, hung with my friends, spent as much time alone as I could, did everything I knew I wouldn't be able to once we moved in together. But all the while, the stress of everything I had just lost was weighing down on my shoulders, and soon enough, my job contract was up, we moved in together, and my son was born not long after.

I'm going to get into the things I've lost and how miserable my life is in future blog posts. This introductory post shall serve simply to explain my overall situation.

Marriage is the best decision I have ever made for everyone around me. Coming from a family of at least three generations of abandonment, abuse and neglect, I was one of the first to break the cycle and stick around to raise his kids right. Every person in my life has been enriched by my decision:

- My wife has a husband and son, when she thought she would never have either, and I paid off her unpaid back taxes and college debts. I also gave her her own place to live and got her out of her mom's house. She has frequently told me that she is more emotionally mature than before, and much, much happier with her life.
- My mother-in-law has a grandson to dote on, I personally paid off her massive bank debt, and I'm also supporting her, since she's too old to work.
- My sister-in-law has a nephew to dote on, in addition to me, again, paying off some of her debts while she was unemployed for two years.
- My mother has a grandson to dote on.
- My sister has a role model to look up to as a good parent to her own surprise child.
- My son has the father and life I never had growing up, living in a house of fun, love and discipline to grow to be a strong and honorable man.

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal for all involved. Everyone made out like a bandit, right?

No.

Marriage is the worst decision I have ever made for myself. I've had years to sort this out, and I can definitively say that, aside from my son, marriage has provided me nothing I couldn't have gotten anywhere else. More importantly, it has robbed me of nearly everything that made my life worth living, and given me little else than problems in return.

In short, this is what marriage has given me:

- More stress.
- More work.
- More chores.
- More debts.
- More drama.
- A family, which is primarily hard work, routine and sacrifice, with only scattered, isolated moments of happiness and fun.

And this is what marriage has taken from me:

- My money.
- My emotional stability.
- My dreams.
- My free time.
- My freedom.

If you wish to know more of what I have learned and experienced as a married man, at the bottom of this post are three labels:

- For essays or experiences on why marriage will drain and ruin you, especially if you are a man, click "Problems."
- If you already tied the noose and need advice on how to deal with your life and/or awful wife, click "Solutions."
- To compare an unmarried man's life to that of a married man, click "Then and Now."

Next, my policy on commenting: I will not censor comments, positive or negative, provided they contain nothing illegal or threatening, or aren't blatant spam trying to advertise something. On the other hand, I don't expect rational discussion over a topic so enmeshed with tribalism and the biological drive for sex or children, so to save yourself some time, try not to leave comments that marginalize me, or derail the conversation from the points I've brought up. As such, you should avoid:

1. Changing the subject

"You should have known what could happen with a girlfriend."
"I wouldn't want someone like you as a husband."
"Why should I believe someone who was short-sighted enough to smoke cigarettes and get cancer?"
"You'll get no pity from me."
"And yet, life goes on."
"You just married the wrong person."

You can discuss other things on this blog, but if you're trying to sell marriage, acknowledge my major points first.

2. Namecalling and loaded language

"You're a bitter loser."
"Why should I listen to a misogynist?"
"Stop whining."
"Learn to be more mature."
"Wow... this blog is pathetic."

Smearing my character or acting dismissive doesn't change the logic of my statements.

3. Strawman

"More chores doesn't make marriage bad."
"You wrote an entire blog just looking for people to take your side?"
"You should go back to your bar and club girls."
"Why do you want people to abandon their children?"
"Just because you have a bad marriage doesn't mean all marriage is bad."

Please don't stuff words in my mouth (or make baseless and false assumptions), then declare victory over your caricature.

4. Denial

"You're a liar." (Fail to mention how)
"You're wrong." (Fail to mention why)
"Shut up."
"Go away."

Just saying the first two doesn't make them true, and all four variants of the same logical fallacy are only intended to get me to shut down without logically acknowledging my points.

5. Arguing from exception

"I'm happily married, so you're wrong."
"My friend is happily married, so you're wrong."
"Not all women/marriages/etc... are like that."

Finding one, or a small handful, of exceptions to a general rule is intellectually dishonest, because you fail to address the logic or evidence of the rule. The only thing you succeed in doing with this logical fallacy is proving that an exception exists, but unless I use the word "all" to describe marriage or anything else about it, then you are proving nothing.

6. Postmodernism / Relativism

"You do realize that other people like different things than you, right?"
"Am I not allowed to have my own views?"
"Well, that's your opinion."
"Let's agree to disagree."

My logically sound views being different from other people's less convincing ones doesn't make mine unworthy of consideration, and it doesn't equate the two in any way.

The current record, and apparently most popular combination, for intellectual dishonesty is Changing the subject, Namecalling and Strawman, 3/6. I have spoken to less than a dozen people online about marriage, but this same exact combination actually happened in no less than four different places from four completely different people, showing the prevalence of this kind of refutation. Basically, ignore the message, then attack a caricature of the messenger in an effort to smear him. I would appreciate it if you were not like these people, or the dozens of others who mix and match the above methods to champion marriage with few to no convincing points whatsoever.

Finally, I want to thank all the well wishes and posts of concern about my current status, which is quite different from what this top post introduced (i.e. my life leading up to 2012). If you don't wish to poke around my blog to find the important posts that led to me changing my life, this is the most important:

2012-2013 Marriage Review

Marriage review, 2015 to 2016

Still chugging along to 2027:

Fights

There were no fights with my wife this year. She tried checking up on me two or three times, but I swatted all her s*** tests away with denial, orders and cockiness.

Chores

I think I did the dishes once and the laundry once in the last year, and that's it. My wife adores me now more than ever before compared to when I did the chores for 30-60 minutes every night, which is completely counter what those "Want sex? Do chores!" articles from western media state.

Were I still single, I would have done every chore once a week. This means that chores is the only improvement of my single life to my married life now.

Sex

I get sex two to four times a week now because I directly push for it, or she comes after me. Cocky strength is what gets her in the bedroom, not respectful communication.

If I hadn't married, things would be much the same, but I would have more varied partners, so while it seems nothing much has changed, things would still be better if I were still single.

Money

I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills. The saving should be done in about two or three years.

As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and had around $90,000 extra to give to charity, buy cars, take long vacations or anything else I wanted.

Time Off

This year, I had 60 or 70 days off of work, all Sundays and holidays.

As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work, at least 120 a year. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.

Travel

I've lived in four cities.

As an unmarried man, I would be living in my twelfth city now, and I have a rough idea of where I would be living at this moment.

Friends

I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.

As an unmarried man, I would have made about 2400 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.

Fun & Adventure

I've had about five to ten fun days out with my wife and/or son, all this year.

If I were still single, I could have written over 1400 Then and Now posts on my great life, about 200 a year.

Summary

Things have improved little by little in my married life, especially since I took my balls back and realized the truth that women want power and nothing else, but it still isn't anything like my single life was.

Also, with my blog being noticed here or there on the net, I have gotten a few commenters and other truth seekers coming around to see what they could learn about women and marriage, and I'm happy to help out. Again, if human beings were capable of looking at themselves honestly and getting past their illogical beliefs and actions to make necessary changes in their outlooks and lives, I would be going from site to site and telling everyone of what I knew about women, marriage and relationships.

But they aren't. So I won't. I will keep serving those who come around of their own accord, though, so no worries about me going anywhere.

My history with women

Another month of nothing has gone by, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, that's marriage. My wife has been submissive in every possible way as I act like the tough man she's always wanted me to be, and I've noticed many changes in her behavior compared to five years ago. On her own, she's texted me thank you texts at least ten times for being an excellent father or husband in the last month. She's ready to sleep together on command and hasn't refused me for non-medical reasons for the last six or twelve months (it's actually on so much that I think we're outpacing ourselves when we were still dating). She bought a book about minimalism on her own last week and started sharing how she's not only limited her purchases over the past year or two, but also how she's ready for us to travel the world with nothing more than backpacks full of supplies in eleven years. She's even asked my permission to sell an extra cheap purse that she bought online. She is eager to prove herself at all times to me and is constantly seeking my approval and confirmation, and she gets it, with added instructions on what I expect from her next.

And no, I still don't recommend that you get married, not if you have things you want to accomplish in this world. I'm still forbidden from sleeping with women who are clearly interested in me and about fifteen years younger than my wife, and I still can't travel the world for another decade, when I will have waited a grand total of about 20 years before I can hit the road again. My son is the best product of this marriage, but those of you who live in a western country don't even have legal rights to your children as long as your hypothetical wife can pull the plug at any time for any reason, and take your kid away a literal 90% of the time these things go to court.

So same old, same old.

If human beings were capable of introspection, logical thinking and the diligence necessary to eliminate personal problems as they arose, I might be taking my wisdom from website to website and trying to save as many men as possible. But most people have zero interest in these truths, and every response I get will almost certainly be from the logical fallacies I mentioned in the top post:

"Wow, just wow. Are you kidding me? (NAMECALLING) I can't believe you think all women are slutty manhaters (CHANGE THE SUBJECT, STRAWMAN) who have nothing better to do than conspire (STRAWMAN) against micropenis (NAMECALLING) losers (NAMECALLING) like you. Everything you've just said is literally just your own opinion, (RELATIVISM) and doesn't apply to every woman everywhere (STRAWMAN, ARGUMENT FROM EXCEPTION). I've been married for twenty years and I've never acted like your wife has (ARGUMENT FROM EXCEPTION). Just because you have a bad marriage (STRAWMAN) doesn't mean all marriage is bad (STRAWMAN, ARGUMENT FROM EXCEPTION). Go back to your mom's basement (DENIAL, NAMECALLING) and get some therapy (DENIAL, NAMECALLING) for your obvious mental issues (NAMECALLING)."

I've beaten my head against this brick wall enough times to get nothing more than a splitting headache and a big purple welt while some variation of the above comment is my only response. I've tried to save men from themselves by encouraging them to not get married or lose their power in a one-sided relationship only to see them do it anyway, including friends and family, time and again. The moment I realized I was no longer responsible for the behavior of others because they would never listen to me (about two years ago), and the moment I stopped feeling guilty for holding this knowledge to myself and only providing it to my son, who actually listens to me, was a moment of great release for me.

I am not the Pied Piper. I am not a catcher in the rye. I am not my fellow man's keeper. I am a protector of secrets, the holder of the Dead Sea Scrolls, the spirit that protects a treasure trove of knowledge on how to deal with women. I catalog the wisdom of men far wiser, more intelligent and more experienced that I ever will be, and season my own experiences throughout to prove the efficacy of these masters' teachings. What I don't do is set out to gain converts from a populace of illogical, self-destructive westerners who would cling white-knuckled to their pretty lies while the women in their lives utterly destroy them in every possible way. And if I have written well, if I have provided keen insight to you who read this, know that it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.

So with nothing much to mention about my marriage, as boring as it is, I thought I'd write another post on how to deal with women, using my past self and my dealings with trying to find or keep a girlfriend. I apologize for not having much else to say about marriage for the time being, but there are about a hundred posts in the archives of why you should not get married, and if it's any consolation (I know it is to me), but the less I write about the pain of marriage, the more it shows that my life as a married man is more gruel, less torture.

Now on to the point of this post. When I used to watch YouTube movies and keep in contact with western culture over six months ago (and leaving the west's degeneracy completely behind has done wonders for the peace in my life), I used to watch MGTOW and red pill related stuff all the time to gather information. One of those kinds of videos was response videos to woman worshipers attempting to give men advice on how to meet girls for a relationship, and I couldn't believe how backwards the information these advisors would give. Literally every time I ever tried any of the worshipers advice on communication, romantic gestures, equality, honesty and respect in my youth, it blew up in my face.

So as a public service, I'm here to share my romantic history, with special attention paid to the mistakes I made dealing with our double-X friends for the benefit of any men who find this blog. So have a seat on ol' Uncle John's lap and let me share with you the shame of my sexual past, so you can make sure not to follow in the moronic footsteps of the woman worshiper I used to be.

1. Kelly

Before I get into Kelly, I'd like to share a story. I was 16 or 17 and really getting into the thick of my depression when a friend of mine loaned me Final Fantasy 8, a game from the late 1990s about an emotionally distant, teenage mercenary (Squall) who meets a girl (Rinoa) that throws his entire ordered life for a loop. Through the course of the game, she slowly falls in love with him due to his strength and leadership skills, and especially after he promises to protect her after saving her life. On the other hand, he only realizes and accepts her love when she falls into a coma after a decisive battle later on. Risking everything to cure her, Squall slowly begins to open up and accept the help of his friends to bring Rinoa back to consciousness, and promises to stand with her, even against an entire world that would see her as an enemy. After the last battle, Squall finally calls out to his friends and his love to save him when he ends up all alone, and in the end, Rinoa is finally able to find and rescue him. In the final scene, Squall shares both his first smile, and first kiss, with Rinoa on the balcony near the place they first met.

This game affected me deeply when I played it in the midst of my depression. It was a simple and fun game without too much strategy and involved a lot of collecting, but those setpieces, the music, the scenes that displayed pieces of my teenage life in a fantastical way led me to seeing a lot of myself in Squall. We were both abandoned at a young age, we both developed walls to keep others out, we were both moody and obsessed with getting better (physically for him, academically for me), the only real difference between us was that he was highly respected for his strength and became a strong leader who did everything to remain out of the debt of others, while I was a largely ignored part of any group of friends I was with and relied too heavily on people to support me financially and with my life goals. Nonetheless, the game hit me right in the heart, and from the moment I finished it, I wondered if my own Rinoa was out there. Although this goal of mine eventually led me to the path of healing and it will always remain my favorite game of all time (I just finished playing it again last month), in truth, I had gotten the message of the game wrong, and I wouldn't know it until that fateful day in Then and Now 17 when I truly understood what it was trying to teach.

Final Fantasy 8 wasn't teaching me that through love and sex, I would solve all of my problems. The moral was quite the opposite: once you've dealt with your problems, you will find happiness that enriches your life. This is made quite evident in the actions of both Squall, and his adopted sister Ellone, who was taken from him at a young age. Each of them deals with their problems in the completely wrong way and suffers for it: Squall forgets his past through the use of his powers and is unconsciously antisocial to avoid being hurt by others again, while Ellone repeatedly uses her own power to return to the past as an observer in a vain attempt to change history and the mistakes made there. The message is clear: the past must be remembered and learned from, not forgotten or relived, and only then will you find peace (Squall through Rinoa, Ellone through their mutual father Laguna). But I was just a teenager, so I got the message wrong for four years, and that was the beginning of my search for a girlfriend. So with this bit of nerding out finished, on we go to Kelly.

I had three classes together with her from junior year: Communications, Math and Art History. During the first, I hardly noticed her or knew who she was because we seldom talked. Sometime after that but before we had the latter two classes together, I played FF8 and was affected heavily by it. Then one day, I was walking into the school library when I saw Kelly about twenty feet away. She turned to me, smiled and waved, then walked off to find her book.

It was almost the exact same scene where Squall and Rinoa first met at his graduation party. Kelly even kind of looked like her. At that moment, I was struck with a sudden sense of fright, courage, dizziness, attraction and weakness, a feeling that any man in lust could tell you all about. I decided at that moment to ask her out.

I remember that Valentine's Day well. It was raining as I walked to the florist that was about ten blocks off campus, and I used several days' paltry lunch money to buy a single white rose, the color of innocence. As lunch ended, I went to Art History class and secretly held it in my lap for the whole hour, shaking like a leaf.

When class ended, I met Kelly outside and gave her the rose, asking her to go out with me. She agreed... and I had never been so happy in my life. I told her I would make a plan, then I went home on cloud nine.

The next day, she was super quiet in Math class and only smiled a little when she first saw me. I didn't say anything to her, and when class ended, she left without a word. Lunch eventually came and went, and during Art History it was the same thing: quiet and ignoring me, then leaving the class without a word.

I followed her outside and could tell from her body language that something was wrong. "You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to," I said. "I want you to feel comfortable." She suddenly brightened and said it would be better if we remained friends. I didn't eat or sleep for the next few days, and my depression got even worse as I saw my "destiny" taken away from me and replaced with the same heavy unhappiness that had been my life since my depression started at 14.

What I did wrong

Where to start? My hair was too long. I didn't shave once in my life up to that point. I wore T-shirts, shorts and sandals no matter the weather. Despite all this, she was still willing to give me a chance, at which point I should have had a plan for what we would do for our date. I should have had some kind of vehicle, especially a motorcycle, if I weren't such a craven coward to get behind a wheel or handlebars by that point. I didn't change seats to sit next to her during Math class and start laying it on thick ("You ever been on a motorcycle before?" "You ready for tonight? I'll handle everything, just dress nice and have fun.") I self sabotaged by giving her an out after Art History class. The romantic gesture seemed to work in the beginning, but everything else was a disaster. I was nice and communicated well in the beginning and always showed her respect, but in the end, it was fruitless. Should I have communicated more like western advice says? Maybe, but keep reading.

2. Nancy

She was my TA in college, and older than me by about eight years. I bought her a pot of flowers (thinking if one rose wouldn't do it, a bunch of little flowers would), and brought it to her at the library on the pretext that I wanted to redo a quiz, and she pulled me to the side in anger and read me the riot act for five minutes on how inappropriate it was to ask her out. After that earful, she asked if I wanted her to keep the flowers, and I said she didn't have to. I took them outside, dumped them in the trash, and went home to cry.

What I did wrong

I shouldn't have asked out my TA. I shouldn't have been keeping that ridiculous look that I still had from college, but at least I cleaned up after this stupidity. If I really thought I had a chance, I should have worn something to display my status as a strong man, like a leather jacket with a motorcycle helmet under my arm, or beefy muscles. At the very least, I doubt she would have rejected me as angrily as she did.

3. Sara

I met Sara in one of my classes, and she was a kind, funny and smart girl. After class, she and I would go to the library to study together, or I would take her to the computer lab to show her funny animations on the internet. When she had problems with her parents or related stories like how her uncle and aunt stayed together without love for the sake of their children, I listened patiently and gave her advice. I stayed positive and shared my interests with her, and after she shared her personal website with me, I went there to post messages to her and talk with her friends (every one of whom was a man waiting for their chance to date her, as I was).

One day, while she was driving me back to my dorm, I asked her out on a date. She said ok, and I made some plans for dinner for the next night. When we got to my apartment, she wasn't smiling as much as she was before, and drove off without much of a word. I got on my email, confused, and messaged her: "You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to," I said. "I want you to feel comfortable." She replied back in a few hours, saying we should just be friends. I shut down for the next few days in sadness.

What I did wrong

This is where I was finally taking the advice of the woman worshipers step by step and word for word, doing everything they told me to do. I spent time with her, I shared my interests, I listened to her problems and offered advice, I waited until we were closer before I made my move, and I was kind to her the entire time. And yet, she still said no.

Let's move past the self-sabotage at the end, which was the last time I did that with any woman. This girl never thought of me as anything more than one of her chick friends. I studied with her, listened to her troubles and laughed with her, but those are the hallmarks of thirsty and effeminate losers who don't have the confidence to dominate the girl they're interested in with charm, strength and guidance.

Kelly might have been possible and I might have even been able to sleep with her before we graduated if I weren't a loser. Nancy was a no-go. But I am absolutely sure that if I hadn't listened to the stupidity of woman worshipers about respecting women's space and seeing her as my equal and friend, rather than showing her my strength and guiding her to fun and excitement, that Sara would have been my first.

My clothes were cleaner, but I needed muscle when I entered college. I should have been pumping iron from the moment I entered to have some decent bulk before I took that particular class with her. I should have gotten a license by that point, rather than allowing the girl I wanted to get with to drive me home like she was my mother. I should never have shared my interests with her and instead focused on hers with orders and power, hardly smiling all the while. "You like art? (Direct and to the point) Show me something you made. (Commanding interest)"

I met her a year later by chance. She was dating a new guy who had a permanent scowl on his face and who, I later learned from her, chose his job over her. He told her to wait for him for two years before he came back from working abroad, and she did.

Respect, friendliness and communication accomplished nothing with this girl. But it gets worse.

4. Leena

Yes, that Leena. I first met her because she was the friend of my apartmentmate downstairs. I hardly talked to her when she came by, and though I thought she was cute, I didn't really pursue anything. I don't remember exactly what changed that, but I do remember that she joined the church that she eventually got me into, and after she had dealt with her personal problems and found a good path in life, she suddenly seemed to shine more the next time I saw her. Eventually, we struck up a friendship and started emailing back and forth.

She and I talked over cafeteria food once or twice, and as I got to know her spiritual side, I fell more and more deeply for her. Leena, unlike Kelly and Sara, was the first girl I ever truly loved, both inside and out.

I remember going on a big long drive with her as she took me from place to place around her hometown, showing me a lot of her favorite shops and places she had lived before, and when we came back to my dorm, I was shining more brightly than ever before. Every one of my roommates was laughing at the glow I had around me from being with this kind and fun girl. Later on, Leena and I took another drive around until we came to a restaurant where she had to pick something up from a friend of hers. A waiter there gave her his number before she left, and when she got back to the car, she told me that it was very strange, and that she had no intention of going out with him.

In truth, though, this was the car ride where I had planned to make my move. I was sure that the waiter's number giving was going to affect my chances somehow, but I didn't want to wait any longer like I had with Sara, so I asked Leena out in front of my house. To her credit, she refused directly. I was so used to rejection by this point that I let it slide. I was deflated for a few days, then began my search for another girl soon after.

What I did wrong

Leena and I most certainly would have ended up together if I hadn't listened to the fools who dole out wrongheaded advice on how to handle women, but where to begin? There were so many mistakes.

First of all, I shouldn't have waited until she went to church to notice how cute she was. She used to be a girl who felt in the shadow of her happy sister and had no goal in life, but if I had swooped in at the first moment I met her by noticing her diamond in the rough situation, I could have been the guide that she needed to live a fulfilling life. Instead, she was far beyond me both before, and especially after, her religion had improved her.

She drove me around, just like Sara. You never, never, NEVER let a woman you're interested in drive you places unless you just got into a fistfight and don't have the power to hold the wheel. Letting a woman drive you around is proof that she wears the pants in whatever relationship you have with her, and her dwindling sexual interest will reflect that.

If I had driven her to the restaurant to pick up her stuff, I should have laughed at the waiter who gave her his number, then immediately made my own move. "He gave you his number? Ha! That's great. But you'd do much better with a guy like me." (She giggles, then I return a cocky smile) "I'm serious, babe. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 8, and I'm bringing my bike, so don't wear white." (Bark a confident laugh) "I'll show you I can beat a waiter." Instead, I waited until the end of the trip and asked mommy for a night out.

What did all that kindness, spiritual sharing, communication, humor and respect get me in the end? A one way ticket to the friend zone.

5. Crystal

I met her in class shortly after Leena's rejection, and I had no idea how damaged she was when I first met her. All I thought was that she was a cute and somewhat sarcastic friend who made our lessons even more fun. I didn't really even fall for her during the months we studied together, but at the end of class, I just decided to give her my email address anyway. She smiled a bright smile and joked, "Is this how you ask for someone's number in the 21st century?" I laughed and said yeah.

We got together once or twice to eat as friends, where I was kind and friendly, communicated well, showed her respect, and listened as she described her troubles with her overbearing, possibly abusive father. I showed her concern and gave her advice on what to do, and after a while, began to feel like I wanted to be with this girl so we could both help each other: I would be the one to help her overcome her troubles, and she would help me to be the man I always wanted to be.

I set up a date and she agreed to go, and for the first time, a girl I asked out went with me. We ate dinner and talked, then I took her on a moonlight walk around the park, holding her hand. She didn't squeeze back the entire time, forcing me to hold hands with a straight, deadfish hand from an unwilling girl. I was confused, because things were going so well between us before the date was planned, and I did everything society said I should by being understanding and helpful.

The date was officially over when her father called her cell in the middle of our walk and yelled at her, then when he was done, we talked about it, then I took her home.

But we weren't done. She told me she wanted to be friends by email, and though I stayed away from her for a few months, eventually we both ended up heading to a party together. She told me there about her adventures smoking pot and getting drunk all the time, and seemed to be way more interested in talking to other guys than me, no matter how nice or patient I was in listening to her stories. I watched over her as she got drunker and drunker, until one of her friends noticed and said to her, "John's been like a guardian angel taking care of you this whole time! What a great guy! You should give him a kiss as a thank you... on the cheek, at least."

Without missing a beat, she chuckled, then proclaimed, "I'm not that drunk."

I went home soon after, feeling the absolute pain of the drunken barb, and we didn't talk for a day or two, until I got an email from her saying how sad she was about her life. I decided to confess my love to her by going outside her apartment complex and calling her house phone on my cell, and one of her roommates picked up and said she wasn't there. I knew it was a lie, so I said, "I'll be waiting outside if she needs me." After hanging up, I stayed outside, lying on the grass on my side, waiting for my cell to ring and for her to rush into my arms, but she never did.

Hours later and in the darkness, a security guard surprised me, kicking me in the shoe and telling me to get lost. I moved to another location and lay down there, until a man in a car drove by and gave me his jacket, afraid that I was dying from the cold. At that point, I knew I was acting like a complete fool and went home.

What I did wrong

Notice how Crystal liked me in the beginning. It wasn't because I respected her or communicated well; it's because I IGNORED her. I wasn't interested in her for months, and during this time, I was doing well in class and focused more on a core group of friends who had each other's support as we studied to pull in those high grades. It was only when I started showing interest in Crystal that she started to pull away.

When she started bringing up those personal issues, I started in with the nice guy support thing that dries up the affections of any woman. If I had had my head screwed on straight, I would have ordered her to do something to change her life then moved on to something else. "Stop answering the phone for your f***head of a father." (Pause) "Great, now I'm pissed off." (The ambiguity of this sentence, whether I was angry at her or her father, would get her extremely interested in me) "Get your jacket, we're going out to dinner." I seriously doubt her father was doing anything other than trying to get his daughter to stop self-destructing, but salvaging this date would have required taking his position as the new authority in her life.

I should have done more physical stuff while we were out, like shooting, rock climbing or just motorcycle riding, anything but a lame walk through the moonlight with an obviously messed in the head girl. And when her father called, there should have only been two words: "Hang up." Or, if I felt the desire, "Give me the phone," followed by reaming him out. This would have been a negative move for her family and her and I'm glad I didn't choose this route, but with a girl like Crystal, this was the option to start seriously dating her. I hope I've been clear that the troubles I had with this girl had progressed too far by this point, and an ideal fix to her sudden loss of interest in me should have taken place long before this point.

Communication, respect and understanding got her to lose respect for me, and lost me a chance with this girl (and though I have no doubt that I would be able to guide her to a better life with the personal power I've cultivated now, this failure was probably for the best), while condescension, order giving and cockiness would have had her beholden to me.

The drunken party request was equally pathetic, and I should have either joined in the drinking and gotten up into her business with brash confidence, or looked at her with condescension while she was sloppy drunk and bailed, making it clear that her behavior was disgusting to me. If she truly liked me, she would have chased me outside where I could tell her exactly what I expected from a woman, and the loser she was was not it. Then she'd either move to change or go back to the party, and either way, I would have lost a poisonous influence in my life.

A few years later I met her again and by that time had finished my transformation into the motorcycle riding, muscled bad boy, and I took her to lunch and half-talked half-ignored her because I had no interest in her. She couldn't stop looking at me and asking questions. Yet more proof that power, confidence and danger are what excite women, not communication, respect and comfort.

6. Leena 2

Yep, back to Leena I went. She hadn't originally given me a reason for turning me down, so I thought there would be a possibility we could still get together. I did what I could to improve my fashion and charisma, and after several friendly lunches where we talked about life and shared our personal experiences, I asked her out several times over different meals. The first few times she was vague and told me that she wasn't ready, or that she was a bit busy, or that she was waiting for life to settle down. The final time I asked her out, I straight out asked her if she wasn't interested in a relationship, or not interested in me.

"Both," she answered. With that, I completely gave up on her and made no further moves until I came abroad. Two months later, she was dating a guy who ordered her around and called her peasant trash, and she gave her virginity to him before he dumped her.

What I did wrong

It should be clear by now. You don't make friends with girls you want to sleep with. You don't communicate with them like equals. You don't come to understandings or show respect. You develop personal power to attract them, tell them how it is, then be a commanding force in their lives to hitch themselves to. I had already blown it big time with Leena in my first clumsy attempts, and the only way I would have been able to salvage it is if I had my motorcycle then, and if I blew her off multiple times to go out with other women, real or fake, to make her respect the man that I clearly wasn't.

7. Andrea

I met her online in a depression and suicide forum and she lived a thousand miles away. I supported her through email and listened to her problems. I asked if I could fly up and meet her. She stopped talking to me. I was an idiot.

What I did wrong

This was the last dreg I tried to save from herself. I suppose if I wanted to get with her, I should have sent her a muscled picture of myself next to a nice car or bike, and been less supportive and more commanding/leading while I messaged her. But I didn't. I got news that she killed herself a year later.

8. Emily

I was invited to a party by some of my tutor students, and she was one of the girls there. I talked with her in the main party area for a while in a friendly manner, shared my interests and got to know her and her country a little better. I showed her my skill in her language, tried to be funny, and talked about her and my dreams for life. She gave me one word answers to everything and feigned interest, and when the party petered out I didn't even bother asking her for her number, because I had seen those telltale signs of a disinterested girl many times before, and wasn't interested in getting rejected for the twentieth or thirtieth time.

What I did wrong

I didn't have muscles. I didn't have her get me drinks or anything. I simply talked with her like an equal and respected her space, and women hate that.

9. Georgia

We met at my tutoring job as language partners. I spent time around campus with her and tried to get to know her, and she showed absolutely zero interest in my communication, friendliness or respect. She also mentioned that she was in love with a local tattooed guitar player who had rejected her multiple times. I didn't bother attracting her inevitable rejection by asking her out.

What I did wrong

Clear enough yet? Respect and communication do nothing, power is everything. A disinterested and flaky musician will always trump the complete attention of a nice and communicative woman worshiper, no matter how many other women Georgia had to share a tough guy like him with.

So by this point of my life, nearly 4 years had passed since I finished FF8, saw Kelly in the library and began my quest to find the woman who would fix me, and Georgia was the last straw. I was confused, broken, unhappy... a complete failure, nowhere near the man I wanted to be, and no closer to love than I had ever been in the first place. And that's when Then and Now 17 happened and Leena sent me on the way to becoming a better man.

Three months later, I had muscles, a motorcycle, and my first girlfriend. And here is where this post starts to show the see-saw of silliness regarding my inability to understand what women truly want, and me putting these ideas into poor or accidental practice to get varied and confusing results, until I finally learned the truth about women.

10. Ina

Georgia introduced me to Ina, and we first met at the cafeteria I worked as a server and cook. I sat with legs spread around a chair facing backwards, looking cocky as all hell, but all completely by accident. I set up a time for us to eat dinner, then we saw a movie or two over the following weeks where we talked and hung out like friends. I was also taking Argentinian Tango lessons and had her dance with me in my apartment, then shortly after, I got my first motorcycle and learner's permit, finished my biking classes and took her for a drive around my parking lot, then a few days later, down to the beach at night.

Under the moonlight and next to the ocean, I kissed her, and she smiled. She tried to politely reject me by saying she was too old for me (she was eight years older than me at 29, but she looked, acted and sounded like she was 23), but I told her not to worry about it and we began our relationship right there. I drove her home, kissed her again, then went home to sleep on cloud nine.

Things were passionate and great for a few months as we escalated bit by bit, fooling around in my apartment while my roommates were out, until just a few months later when we slept together on Valentine's Day. She was my first.

As our relationship continued, I started doing what I was taught from society regarding women. When we went to lunch and had finished with the tray and trash, she was super scared when I moved to take care of the garbage because she wanted to be the one to do it. I told her that I would take care of it, and she could just relax.

When we moved in together, I started training her to treat me like an equal. For example, I taught her to tell me to be quiet when I said something goofy by mimicking her voice and cutely saying, "Shut up" whenever I said silly things, until she started doing it herself.

Over the next few weeks and after this unconscious training, she started refusing sex for stupid reasons. Then she started to berate me. We had our first fight when she asked me to mail some letters, I said I would do it later, she yelled at me, then I apologized like a beaten dog and took care of it.

The sex refusals spread out until we only got together every two or three weeks. Her rudeness increased more and more. I kept apologizing and vowing to do more as I was taught, and her behavior got worse.

She moved back to her home country and I followed her to be with her, and though I tried, I couldn't find a job. She berated me and talked down to me, and when I explained myself, she only improved her behavior for a short while before it was back to the usual.

I came home and stayed in touch over the phone with her until she came back to America to visit me, where she seemed to be much more interested in talking to my best friend and teasing me in front of him than she was in talking to me. She did the same thing with my family.

When she went home, I broke up with her on the phone, and we never saw each other again.

What I did wrong

At first, my confidence led Ina to looking up to me, respecting me and soon, joining me in the bedroom. The moment things began to slide downhill was the moment I started to take on aspects of the browbeaten TV husbands, and my own four fathers.

I should have let her clean up after we finished eating, and not said thanks at all. "Good" would have been enough before I directed her to go somewhere else with me.

She never would have started disrespecting me if I had never given her license to jokingly tell me to shut up, and she would have known that her place was to the side and below me.

I never should have put up with any of the fights she started and instead either come back at her twice as hard or just left the house, followed by being extremely vague about the people I was hanging out with while I was out. Either way, following up the fight shutdown with an order or two would have solidified my place back as the leader of the relationship.

Instead, I abdicated my power to her, and showed her the respect of an equal. I communicated my unhappiness with our lack of a sex life very clearly. I showed her respect when she had troubles with me by making changes. I did everything society told me I should do with an unhappy woman, and it just made things worse: the sex became more infrequent, the demands and insults got worse, and she was even showing more interest in my best friend than me.

If I had awakened to the nature of women and the lies of society before I started dating Ina, we would be married with kids now (we even had their names picked out), no doubt about it, though marriage would have brought about its own life draining problems as I've explained on this blog.

At this point, I was back in America and working with female co-workers at a hi-tech gadget store and full of anger for the ways I had been neglected and abandoned in my life, and this stage would continue for the next two years. I was yelling at bad customers and disrespectful kids and stomping around like a complete a**hole. Soon, both of my female co-workers discussed highly sexual stories with me, and one of them even offered me a blowjob in the back while she was on the phone with a guy she knew, but I played it off as a joke because she was kind of a skank and I didn't want to catch anything.

Later, I was in the city getting my passport and visa done to go abroad, and some random girl walked up to me and saw my helmet and leather jacket for my motorcycle, and despite my grunting, kinda rude replies to her questions about my bike, she still shyly and apologetically begged to give me her number and for me to give her a ride.

Where was my communication and respect here? Where was the equality and kindness? I showed none of these things to these girls, the complete OPPOSITE in fact, and yet at least two of them were ready to jump my bones, more than any girl I had EVER treated with respect before.

11. Nara

I actually met Nara right before I got together with Ina at a bus stop on my college campus. I didn't want to take the bus, but because she was a pretty cute looking girl and I saw her reading Douglas Adams, whose work I had read, I struck up a conversation with her. She was funny, smart and interesting, and we talked for a while before her bus came while I pretended to be waiting for a friend. Before she went, she gave me her email address and DeviantArt profile, and I recommended Terry Pratchett's Discworld series to her, since I assumed she was a fan of British humor.

I talked on and off with her, hoping for something to spark up, but nothing really came out of it. But by the time I was dating Ina, she finally got back into full contact with me like she wanted to get closer, but it was too late.

After Ina and I broke up, I got back into contact with her on a lark. I had finished my job at the gadget store and was gearing up to head abroad so I wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of my dreams by getting involved with her, but we went out together along with her hugely overweight friend. We all went shopping together and mallratted for a while, then when we left the ice cream store, I took Nara on my bike and zoomed around the parking lot to find her car. At home, I checked her overweight friend's Myspace page for fun, and it was filled with the depressed posts of a jaded, unloved woman, where she blamed her being the wrong race for the reason she wasn't getting any romantic gestures. For someone to be so blind to the revolting state of her own body was a sight to see.

Later, I took Nara to see X-Men - Last Stand and spent more time watching the movie than talking to her. Finally, when it was just about time to go abroad, I emailed her and joked that I had a crush on her, and that if I weren't going abroad I would "be all over her." "Totally mutual," is what she replied, and directly stated that while the motorcycle was a part of it, mostly that I was charming and cool.

What I did right

She had little to say to me when I was sharing her interests and commenting on her art, showing her kindness in the initial stages. Then later a crush on me? This for a guy who was more cocky than friendly? This for a guy who didn't communicate much? This for a guy who pulled her around the mall like a kidnapper? Where was the adoration and love for a kind, communicative, respectful man that western media constantly puts forward? I did exactly the opposite of what I was taught, and received this girl's lustful eyes more than my attempts to respect ever did before.

I found Nara on Facebook about seven years after I left America, and I found that not only did she become a huge Terry Pratchett fan, but she married a guy who looked like me. Perhaps it was coincidence and perhaps not, but one things is clear to me: western ideas about chasing women are completely backwards.

With enough money to move to this country, so began new experiences with women... with the exact same results.

12. May

What I did right

I wasn't terribly interested in May, though she was kind of cute, and by the time I had the opportunity to possibly heat things up at her apartment, I was already dating my wife. As I mention in the Then and Now, she was a bit hard to warm up, but as I kept up my confidence she liked me more and more... especially after I handled the angry foreigner.

She emailed me quite a bit, set up a lot of meetings and even let me sleep over at her apartment (platonically), because she recognized the power in my character, and because she was attracted to my aloofness in that I spent much more time looking at sites than I did at her.

Communication, respect and equality had nothing to do with May liking me. It was my goal driven attitude and personal strength.

13. Tina

What I did right

Tina was the same as May: I wasn't super interested, I spent more of my time looking at food or buildings than her, and she rewarded my behavior with lavish affection and apologies for not speaking more.

14. Sammi

What I did wrong

Good lord did I botch this one. Sammi was a hot one as I mentioned, and my behavior in keeping in contact with her by communicating every day or so through text or calls, my kindness when we first started holding hands, and my respect for her decision to not move so fast led immediately to her flagrant disrespect, communication shutdowns and overall distance from me. I did exactly as society told me: to keep in contact, to respect her wishes and to be nice, and the result was the exact same thing as it was back in America: utter failure.

15. Olivia

What I did right

Even in my thirstiest days, I had two major standards for women: no fatties, and no b*****s. Olivia was the former, and because I was so put off by her appearance, I looked away from her twice as much as either May or Tina. For that, she loved me twice as hard. I didn't communicate well with her at all, so I guess you could say I was disrespectful by focusing more on trees than my conversation partner, and though I was kind to ask her questions about herself and buy her lunch, I still ended up in the exact OPPOSITE place that society told me I would be. My actions should have caused Olivia to bail and find someone nicer, but instead, she chased me even harder.

16. Nell

What I did right

In hindsight, Nell was an excellent match for me. Thin, cute, loved to smile and grounded through her religion, but I didn't consider her a possibility because I thought her religion would require me to join if I wanted to get with her. The irony is that I'm more spiritual now (but not religious), and this girl was chasing me throughout our entire time together because I unconsciously kept her at a distance due to her religion.

She chased me not because I was a nice guy, not because I communicated well, not because I was respectful, she chased me because I had the attitude of a high status guy who valued his mission of travel more than her.

17. Mary and Isis

What I did right

I had zero interest in club girls or lushes, especially after my experience with Crystal, and Mary and Isis' hard attention on me during the club dancing and after our drinks was palpable. I hardly talked with either one of them, and instead encouraged them to talk about themselves while I gave them half-hearted or teasing answers to what they shared. I danced alone and away from them. I praised their country, and not them. I did everything but what society encouraged me to do to earn a woman's respect, and got exactly what society insisted they wouldn't give me: their adoration. I would have had more experiences with them if, as I mentioned, I didn't lose the email account I used to talk with them.

18. Piper

What I did wrong

She had the look I was into, she was cute and shy, and she had a killer body. I chased her with kindness and respect, communicated with her about her dreams in life, kept in contact with her afterwards, and got nothing more from her than long delays between emails and disinterested replies every time I spoke with her. When my email account went down, I lost contact with her, but nothing would have come of it anyway, counter to what western culture taught me.

19. My wife

What I did right and wrong

You know all about what I did right and wrong with her if you've been around this blog. She adored me in the beginning as I kind of ignored her, treated me like garbage when I submitted to her, and now treats me like a king since I know what makes her and woman in general tick. If you want to take a look again, the Problems posts detail the strife, and the Solutions posts detail what I did to fix everything. And again, it is ALL counter to western culture's logic regarding women and respect.

And that's it. Literally EVERY time I've done what western culture told me to do, I've been rejected, friend zoned or had a girl who was interested in me or dating me suddenly pull away and reject me. Literally EVERY time I've done the exact opposite of what western culture says and been a commanding, cocky, power flaunting semi-brute, women have fallen for me. I take anecdotal evidence from people with a grain of salt, but I would say that nineteen examples of what I share on this blog all going nearly EXACTLY as predicted by the model of women being power obsessed should be rather convincing. This is especially considering that there were some girls in my life (Ina, Crystal, my wife) that I've gotten multiple rank up and rank down responses from as I've increased or decreased the power I've flaunted. This post also doesn't include the myriad of women I've met only for a few brief minutes or hours who, without fail, all acted exactly in accordance with that basic truth: women submit to and love power and powerful men, and they ignore, despise or even abuse weak men. Far from the nineteen examples here, there have been around fifty individual cases of women responding to power exactly as I now predict.

I look back on my time with girls when I was younger in shame for all the wasted time and idiocy. I was blinded by a woman worshiping culture that has no clue as to biological realities, and I made mistake after mistake with them until I finally found the truth from men far better than me.

My son will hear these truths. He may ignore me as well, but with the loving strength I have over him as his father, at least there is a better chance that he will avoid my mistakes. Perhaps he won't listen, but maybe after he tries the western culture approved tradition of gift bearing, communication, kindness and respect to no avail, my words will come back to him.

What I don't look back on with regret, however, is on any of the women that might have proven better girlfriends or wives than my current one. Specifically, Sara, Leena, Ina, Nell or Piper would have made for an excellent partner, probably better than my wife, but I don't regret not being with any of them. Why?

Because women are interchangeable. Every one I've ever known has been an empty cup, filled with the water of their family, culture and lover, most especially whichever one is the most powerful. If you saw me and my wife today and compared her to the woman she was before she met me, you wouldn't recognize this mini-me who has every part of my personality (minimalist, frugal, spiritual, nerdy interests, self-controlled, etc...). Had I the same personal power when I was 17 as I do today, there is no doubt that I could make even a girl like Andrea into a halfway decent partner.

So that's it. I hope you learned something from my occasional, accidental displays of power before I finally found the truth of women, and don't follow too deeply into the mistakes I have made. At the very least, I hope you understand what you're getting into when you start dating a woman, and especially if you marry her. And if you choose the latter, for God's sake don't do it in a place that's hostile to men. If my wife and I lived in America and I was acting the same way that I do now to keep her in line, even I don't know if I could hold her there while culture and her harpy friends whispered in her ear to blow up her family, and follow the hedonistic and hollow lives that they had taken up to destroy their own futures.

All the same

I've heard it said that women have different operating systems: some are Windows XP, others DOS, a few Linux... but every single one of them operates on the exact same BIOS. It seems clear after a short vacation with my American family, that evidence piles in favor of this saying.

A few weeks ago I went to the airport to pick up not only my mother, but my sister as well. In the beginning I thought things were going to be relaxing and fun as I showed the two around and they got to see my family here, but that wasn't the case at all. In the very beginning there was trouble with the airport pickup because I went to the wrong area, so I was sending IMs back and forth with my sister who was getting increasingly snippy while she was waiting past the tenth minute.

When I got to them, fifteen minutes after I promised, my sister came to hug me and I picked her up, carrying her towards my mother so there would be a big bear hug. And there began the first complaint: "Why didn't you hug me first and say hello before going to mom?" my sister asked.

And it was all downhill from there. From that moment on and for days onward, it was criticism after complaint after problem from her:

"Why do you keep walking around so fast? Stop rushing us and let us shop."
"Why are you sitting at a table with four seats if there are five of us? I can't sit anywhere."
"Yeah, it was five blocks away. You just said it was three, so you're probably lost again."
"It's not 12:00. It's 11:55."
"Stop wearing light clothes."
"Why are you wearing heavy clothes? It's too hot."

If these things sound like sibling teasing to you, imagine a head shaking, stone-faced, sighing, snarking girl with a constant look of contempt on her face saying them. These things were meant to criticize, not make fun.

Also, if this sounds familiar, it's probably because you read the Fights post where my wife was doing the exact same thing over several months, constantly criticizing and babying everything I did until I finally put a stop to it. And you probably also know that this is a woman's constant attempt to probe the men in her life for weakness to see if they need to be discarded, or abused to strength (s*** testing).

The absolute worst criticism was when my son was putting on Batman socks to go outside and he said Batman was for boys, and I heard my sister speak up with that "boys and girls are the same" garbage that led me to being a punching bag for women throughout my life.

That thinking led me to not understanding the psychological differences between men and women, from the seventeen years of brainwashing from my single mother that led me to worship women, to the fruitless four year search for a girlfriend where I wasted months of my life wooing women with kindness rather than strength, to the three years of emotional abuse with my wife because I never put a stop to her nonsense until 2012.

So when she straight up said my son was a sexist, I said, "Good."

I didn't look at her, but I heard her sputter and stammer, trying to figure out what I meant and asking for clarification, but I ignored her. As we were going out, though, she pushed a hand into my chest and didn't move, expecting some sort of answer. I hmphed, pushed her hand to the side, then walked outside. For a few days after that, she was on her best behavior and didn't ask again what I meant.

I could have hit her with everything I had learned about female nature and why I was raising my son to understand what makes women tick, but knowing that she has a direct line to my wife, I didn't want that knowledge to spread from my sister to her. I don't think my wife would take this knowledge and use it against me or our son, but it's better safe than sorry. I'd rather have my sister think less of me (though by passing her s*** test, it's ironically the other way around) than risk my son's welfare by letting any of this knowledge slip into the wrong hands.

It didn't stop there either, because later on, the five of us went to the main city to go eat and look around, and I could feel my sister's eyes on me every second of the trip, waiting to see me make a mistake so she could point it out and criticize again. After an entire day of this where I ignored her or reframed to tell her I did what I wanted, I knew she was out of control, so I made one final action.

When we waited for the bus to take us home, the driver said there were only five seats left, so he allowed two in front of us and three behind to go first, and our party of five could catch the next. My sister started whining and complaining about the numbers, fairness, lines and such. I told her the next bus would come in five or ten minutes, she continued to moan...

Then I looked her straight in the eyes and barked, "RELAX!"

She stopped immediately, her jaw worked but no sound came out, and I continued to glare. After I let out a dismissive, quiet, bull-like snort and looked away, I saw her still shaking her head in disbelief and jawing quietly in the reflection of the door, like she had never had someone talk to her like that before.

And again, for the next few days, she was calm and respectful again. She continued to probe weakly after that, but I swatted her aside with reframes and brash confidence which shut her up for hours after each attempt.

Her final probe came not too long ago, when she was telling me about how amazing the new Star Wars movie was. I like the series, especially the games in the Expanded Universe and even the prequels despite their flaws, but I had no interest in the new one when I saw that not only had George Lucas signed the rights away to Disney, and not only had the entire EU been declared non-canon, but that at least one of its most outspoken producers was a feminist and at least one of the writer/directors was a social justice enthusiast.

I thought that the movie would end up pretty predictable as a result, and so I never saw it, but my sister did and she loved it. I didn't want to have it out with her so I just commented that it was great she liked it, Star Wars is cool, generic stuff like that.

But she kept asking and asking if I had seen it, when would I see it, why wouldn't I see it, so I finally let her know. I didn't mention how the social justice part would lead all white males to being either ineffectual, hardly in the movie, dead or evil, while everyone else was as close to noblehearted and wonderful as possible (predictable and boring). I instead focused on the Jedi girl, by asking her if the character was every feminist hero I've ever seen:

- Does she succeed at something typically masculine in a fraction of the time that men needed (starship repair, bowcaster shooting, force use, lightsaber ability, etc...) to show that women are more capable than men at their own work?
- Does she make it clear in some form or another that she dontneednoman (refusing a hand up after she's fallen, pushing away a man trying to hug her or comfort her, straight up saying something about girl power)?
- At least once during the movie, does she manhandle at least three men much larger than her at the same time while hardly breaking a sweat?
- Does everyone in the movie, except the bad guys, spend inordinate amounts of time talking about how wonderful, special, intelligent, strong or independent she is?
- If she has a weakness, is it either that she lacks confidence (shy, introverted) or that she has too much confidence (condescending, bitchy), but otherwise, she's near perfect?
- Does she succeed at almost every task without much effort, or just straight up fail to fail?

I also asked if the movie was a complete rehash of Episode 4, kind of like the Star Trek movie by the same director which borrowed a bunch of stuff already done in previous episodes and movies. I described the original story, and she said no, the new Star Wars was completely different from the 1977 one. She also asked if I would feel the same about the hero if she were a man (changing the subject while not directly conceding the point that I was right, typical of a western person), and I said no, because it shows a lack of friendship, brotherhood and believability. It's the same reason I didn't like Royce from Predators, but I liked Dutch in Predator.

I think there was a prediction or two I got wrong, but for most of them, I was on the money. My sister tried to lie to me with some pathetically obvious body language (not voicing her nos, shoulders in, head tilted to the side with eyes tilted up), but I didn't call her out on it. It's just a movie, after all, and if some people find inspiration from it, I'm happy for them.

So naturally, after lying and ignoring the points I made about the movie being too predictable and boring for me, she stated that I hate women. I disengaged from the conversation immediately.

At that moment, I was glad that the top post of this blog contains the big six logical fallacies that westerners always toss around with viewpoints they can't disprove so they look foolish when they try in my comments section. And I was also glad that I decided to stop reading western news, perusing western comments sections and proactively engaging with western people, because this is what happens nearly every time with westerners who disagree, but can't disprove.

So here we are, vacation coming to a close and views confirmed once again: from family members to co-workers, from bosses to students, from girls I asked out and girls I dated to the girl I married, it's the same BIOS that seeks power before all else. My son will know these truths, to understand them and act accordingly.

Growing up being raised by a western woman like this, it's no wonder I was so ill-prepared for dealing with not only women, but men as well. I accepted the lies that people, and especially women, respect kindness and compassion above all else, and that led to decades of wasted life.

Women are smarter than you, more compassionate than you. You need to control yourself because nobody likes a brute. Be good, and love and respect will come your way, too.

But now that I know the truth of women, I just feel sad for girls in the west. They've been dealt a disservice by a post World War 2 culture that tells them how near perfect they are and how their constant dissatisfaction with their lives, with culture, with their families and country, should be constantly voiced and pointed at everyone but themselves. Western culture has created an entire population of narcissistic, entitled, overly critical and eternally devouring people that is never sated by any of the thousands of people and things they hork down.

I was never given a free pass by anybody I have ever known because I am a man: not my family, not my friends, not teachers, strangers or anyone else I've ever been in contact with. And I'm glad this is the case: if I had had my weakness coddled as a younger man, I never would have pulled myself up by my bootstraps as I did in college to go from fat, depressed loser to slim, confident man those many years ago. If I had had everyone kissing my butt, telling me how perfect I was and how nothing was my fault and how I should blame everyone but myself, I would still be that pathetic waste of space slimeball that I used to be because in my mind, I would have had no reason to change.

I used to watch out for my sister two decades ago because her father passed too soon and, like any young girl or boy, she needed to have a father figure in her life. I didn't know it at the time because I was still that depressed loser, that I would end up having any kind of influence over her as she came to me, day after day, to play video games and watch TV. By the time I realized what effect I had had on her life through spending time with her, calling her out on her nonsense and providing a role model (of sorts) for her, it was too late. By that point, I was removed from her life for several years while I was away at college, and by the time I returned home to save some money before going abroad, my sister had been poisoned by the toxicity of western culture. Foulmouthed, condescending, bratty, selfish, illogical, impatient, entitled... she was the entire ball of wax, and a perfect example of what happens when women aren't properly guided by both family and culture to tamp down that kind of behavior.

And though it took western culture over two decades to turn her into this jerk, it took just three or so moments of unrepentant a**hole from me to shut down my sister and return her to the place that her genes cried out for her to be: to the side and below a man who wishes what is best for her. Such small actions to fix such a big problem that only continues because people fear those little changes.

God help my sister's boyfriend if he doesn't understand what I do about female nature, because he doesn't just experience what I did for a few weeks: he gets it every hour of every day they are together.

Another whole lot of nothing

Sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not able to update my blog here because of the utter lack of things going on, but at the same time, I'm completely relieved because that means my wife is not acting up or causing trouble so there's not much to discuss about her or my life.

For the past two months, I've done little else than work. My schedule has picked up at my job and I work from basically 9:00 in the morning until 11:00 at night four days out of the week, with only two partial work days and Sunday leaving me time to myself and time with my son. I've poured almost half of what my son needs for his college payments into his bank account, and at this rate I can finish it up in the next two or three years. After that, I only have to save up a basic nest egg to begin my travels abroad again because I plan on working wherever I live.

I haven't seen my wife's mother in many months (whether this was her or my wife's idea, I don't know, but it's certainly a weight off my back).

Finally, my sex life is back on track with no refusals in a year or two, but there have been close calls where my wife whined to be too tired. In those moments, I just picked her up and threw her on the other bed to get started and she didn't whine much longer. She hasn't started any fights with me either, but there was one moment where she copied my advice to married men about fighting with your wife: don't back down, and don't allow her to change the subject until she admits she's wrong. A few days ago, I said that she was starting to refuse sex again to tease her.

By the way, just to repeat, never show weakness or discuss issues in your marriage with your wife (or any woman, for that matter), like those charlatans and fools who claim this is the key to a healthy relationship with women. Girls and women take it as a sign of weakness and use it as an excuse to bully you more. Just make the change you want, and tell her to stuff it if she doesn't like it.

My wife took me seriously and said I was wrong. I talked about something else, then she said, "Tell me you're wrong." I thought it was hilarious that she was aping me so directly, but I kept my cool and gave her a BS response of "Mistakes were made." Then I laughed at her, and she went back to sleep. I easily woke her up for sex later, but if she had refused me then, I was very proud to feel that if she had done so, I would have brought back the Iceman where I ignore and condescend to her for a few months until she understands who the boss in this relationship is again. Sex is a deserved distraction to me, but if I need to put my wife down again for her bad behavior, I can go camel for as long as I need like I did in those many posts at the end of 2013.

But anyway, there's the lack of news update. I was happy to see that I only have 4247 days left on my counter until time is up, and it's time to live again. I haven't mentioned it before, but my plan after my son is off is to first travel America with my wife for a year seeing the natural beauty the land has to offer, then I'll pick two countries that I want to live in to go to. Once that's finished, I'll assign each as heads or tails, flip a coin, then commit myself to live there for the following year before repeating the coin process again. Maybe I'll make a Youtube video of me doing that as a farewell post to this blog, but that's over a decade into the future, so I probably shouldn't be getting ahead of myself. To live a life of freedom, up to chance, with only the basics of safety and sustenance planned for: that is my dream.

Marriage done right

I was traveling the city with my son yesterday trying to find the temple that I went to next to a river. Because of that, my son and I have been walking every river we can find next to train stops looking for that place so I can see it again and share it with him. To motivate him, I told him it's a magic temple and he can make a wish, and he told me he wants his school to blow up.

While walking about, I was thinking about how I hadn't updated the blog because nothing happened in the last month, and realized that that is pretty much what most "successful" marriage are: ones where nothing happens.

And that's really sad. A successful businessman makes money and uses that money to furnish himself a free and comfortable life. A successful traveler learns languages, sees sights, has new experiences and broadens his horizons. A successful athlete pushes himself to the physical and mental limit and shows his prowess as a runner, thrower, fighter... But a successful marriage with children, more often than not, is one where a steady routine of awaken, work, return, sleep is in effect.

As a single man, I climbed mountains, I had untimed beach trips with my friends, I found my spirit on bad dates, I fended off unwanted lovers and I felt the exciting fear of being on my own, all because I had freedom. Today, while I can still enjoy time with my son, my life is utterly limited. I can't go as far, I can't stay out as long, I can't spend as much: that's life for a married man.

Speaking of my wife, I've been keeping her to the side and below me as usual. About a week or two ago, I asked her a question while she was looking at her phone. When she didn't answer, I lightly punched her butt. She looked up with irritation and knit eyebrows and demanded, "What?!" I repeated my question, then while she answered, I just smirked and walked away. Didn't matter if I was in the wrong, I wasn't going to apologize to a woman because I know the kind of shrieking that leads to. She was practically grovelling the next day when she offered me food, exactly as I expected of her.

She also continues to badmouth American women, giggle like a schoolgirl when I occasionally compliment her and laugh uproariously at all of my dumb jokes. Men at that awesome Don't Marry site, you were right all along.

There really isn't much else going on; like I said, marriage is a whole bunch of nothing where not a whole lot happens, and one day bleeds into the next in a giant slurry. I'm trying to spend as much time with my son as I can so I can teach him not to accept a life of domesticity and to instead live a life of freedom, and keeping my wife in line while I reward her intermittently for her dutifulness. I wonder if I'll feel a huge weight lift off of my shoulders like I did in my vacation in 2012? I'll never forget that feeling of momentary freedom, and I hope I have it again when I'm finally free to go.

I'm glad I left America

If you can read this blog, you probably live in a western, or at least westernized, country. I admit I haven't been to any other western country except Canada (and that was only for two weeks), so perhaps this blog won't apply to you personally. Maybe England, Australia and the rest are different from the culture in America, but maybe this post will resonate with you because they're closer than you think.

Men who want to marry in the west are screwed for numerous reasons as I've laid out in this blog: they lose their dreams, freedom, money and much more, and take on the burdens of drama, debts and in-laws; all this I have already gone through. But for this post, I want to focus on the person anyone might be marrying, a man or woman from the west, through the lens of all the things I don't miss about American (western?) culture. Consider the four pillars of American culture:

1. Obsession with power

When was the last time you knew an American to equate morality or show deference to righteous action? And how does that compare with viewing others as moral or right because of their personal power? This obsession with power swings two ways:

Sometimes people view others as leaders deserving of respect, or virtuous people with golden hearts, because they are the strongest in the room. They're abrasive and brash, they stomp around and yell a lot, they tear down others with their words and actions, they take everything and give nothing back, and because they have the confidence, muscles or lack of compassion, they are the ones deferred to. Even more, these people believe that a person without power is deserving of all of the harassment, trolling, bullying, condescension, insults and attacks on their livelihood that they receive.

Confidence is everything, as I learned many years ago. I developed a powerful personality, bulked up and rode a cruiser motorcycle in college when I realized that power is everything to an American. Once I had done this, my four years of searching for a girlfriend was over in a few months, I had a wide network of friends and people respected everything I had to say. Despite this being a very angry period of my life where I lost my temper and insulted or threatened quite a few people who bothered me on the job or street, I still received much more in the way of respect, sex and friendship than I ever did as a timid, friendly loser before.

The other belief of power is the complete opposite: people without power are the ones with morality. It doesn't matter if they've accomplished nothing with their lives. It doesn't matter if they're murderers, rapists, or thieves, or people who engaged in fraud, slander, assault or any other negative action. Because their group has traditionally been out of power, then every member of that group must be more righteous, intelligent, or good then people in other tribes. These people believe that if someone shares the physical traits of a tribe that has traditionally been in power, then any and all harassment or violence against them is not only justified, but in some cases, encouraged.

I'm not arguing that confidence, muscles or any of these things are wrong or bad, or that being a member of this or that group automatically makes someone good or bad. What I'm saying is that these things should not equate with morality or moral authority... and yet, in America, they do. The effect of this pillar of American culture is one where people pride themselves on a lack of morality or a code of ethics: power is everything.

As for me: I was a member of the latter group, the belief that traditionally marginalized groups are inherently morally superior, during my Progressive days from the end of high school to the beginning of college. I no longer follow either of these beliefs on power.

2. Obsession with irony

I honestly wonder when this started. Americans have an obsession with speaking opposite to what they actually mean:

- "What a smart guy." (What a stupid guy)
- "This is the best car ever made." (I don't like this car)
- "He must have used a lot of brain cells for that." (That was a lazy effort)

While I don't know when this process started, I do know why people do it. First, people in America are hyper judgemental of others (which I'll get to in the next pillar). People fear what they attack others with, so because Americans use and therefore fear judgement, they couch all of their words in ironic double talk to maintain plausible deniability. For example:

- Stranger: "Wow, nice house." (This house is ugly)
- Homeowner: "Hey, I just bought this place and I haven't even finished working on it yet."
- Stranger: "What? I said it was a nice house. Calm down before you strain something, crybaby."

Second, people in America view honesty as being naive, and truth telling as the childish action of the mentally handicapped:

- "This food is kind of expensive for how little you get."
- "No f***ing s***, Sherlock. Did you think that all up by yourself? Thanks for the update, Captain Obvious."

People quickly learn to turn those truths into lie-truths to avoid this judgement:

- "BEST FOOD I'VE EVER HAD, AND ALL THE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK!"
- "Yeah, it sucks!"

Enjoying things ironically is another way that people protect themselves from judgement, because when enjoying something that's supposed to be silly, low quality or inappropriate, it's redundant to insult it; people already know it's bad. But when sharing something that you enjoy with others in America, it's common for people to riff or overtalk everything they see by judging all the plot holes, bad CG or acting they feel fit to ridicule.

This culture of irony leads to a country of people obsessed with hiding their true hearts and couching everything in a cloud of dishonesty, and to a pervasive fear of judgement.

As for me: I've used irony all my life, and still catch myself using it from time to time to this day. I'm still working hard on eradicating it from my vocabulary to lead a more honest life with myself and others.

3. Hyper judgementalism

Reality TV, Youtube channels dedicated to ripping apart the works of other people, blogs stalking and attacking a single person for months or years on end, American culture is awash with the constant attacks of people and things that the judgemental don't like. This leads to a sense of fear of being judged (which leads to pillar 2 above), but more importantly, it delays personal growth. There is a huge tendency for the judgemental to say things like "I may be scum, but at least I'm not _____."

I understand the apparent hypocrisy of me judging judgement while judging marriage to be not worth the effort, but please understand my main point: judging things to help others or encourage good behavior is markedly different from judging things to feel better about oneself, and judging things sparingly and only when needed is also markedly different from judging every aspect of everything every hour of the day.

The behavior I'm describing, and the irresponsibility and immaturity that arises from perpetually judgemental people who attack others while ignoring their own faults, lead to an entire culture of fingers pointing at everyone and everything but the owner's own heart, delaying growth and evolution for years, even decades.

As for me: When I find something wrong in my life, I turn proverbial floodlights in every direction looking for the cause and solutions. When I came to the realization of how much energy is spent in America ripping apart other people and focusing away from personal fault, I examined my own habits online and ended up very disappointed in myself: every single website and Youtube channel I frequented, top to bottom, involved the judgement of people for their politics, taste in movies or video games, management of an IP or anything else. While I always take myself to task for the mistakes I make and never stop trying to learn and grow from the things I've done wrong in the past, I was still shocked to see how much of American culture had followed me, even in another country. I now primarily surf websites and Youtube channels dedicated to history, religion, science, the paranormal and other things that don't involve grinding others into pulp. It's still a struggle sometimes to avoid my old habits and stay away from the kinds of pages I used to frequent.

4. Hyper tribalism

White vs colored. Men vs women. Left vs right. Atheists and Muslims vs Christians. Old vs young. Rich vs poor. When you destroy a nation's identity and make it xenophobic, hate-filled, bigoted or stupid for someone to love their country and their neighbors as members of their countries, the caveman DNA of humanity will find another way to express its desire to join a group and engage in endless warfare with another group. Such is the case in America, where bands of humans, identifying themselves by a difference in something or another, will line up to engage in battle with their mortal enemies all day and night.

Anti-intellectualism is one of the great results of this warfare between the groups. When your only duty in life is to protect the group to which you belong, intelligence can and will take a back seat behind the primitive desire to see your group succeed and to dash your opponents' proverbial heads on the rocks.

This isn't to say that one or both of any of these groups can't have valid points that should be addressed; rather, this is just another symptom of the cultural bankruptcy of America, where tribethink is more important than objective truth.

As for me: I mentioned that I was a hardcore Progressive earlier, and after that, I was a hardcore Republican/Libertarian until I moved abroad. I have largely expunged every tribal identity I once carried, and remain on constant vigilance that I never slip back into any of those addictive patterns again so I can remain in control of my mind, and better able to get along with others.

As for:

- Drug and alcohol culture leading to chronic conflict avoidance
- One night stand culture degenerating social contact to primitive hominid levels
- Constant social experiments and pranks eroding general social trust
- Incessant cussing showing a lack of respect for self and others
- Welfare parasitism incentivizing sloth and punishing productivity
- Hypersexuality throwing everything noble or intellectual under the bus in pursuit of sex and only sex and leading to rampant STDs, child abandonment and abortions
- Social media addiction making people into egotistical, impatient, and insufferable attention seekers
- Internet addiction giving destructive and dangerous people echo chambers to mutually prop up their sociopathic ideas...
- ...and also giving people the ability to flee from any conversation without accepting blame, criticism or fault for wrong ideas, creating a nation of eccentric, Howard Hughes-like control freaks in real life
- The acceptance of moral relativism and the participation trophy culture creating an entitled nation of lazy people incapable of recognizing fault in themselves, but expecting the world to nonetheless be delivered to them on a platter

And more, these are things I find personally distasteful about America and are more controversial, so I'll just list them here and move on.

Now, with the four pillars identified, perhaps you can imagine people in your family, friends, co-workers or others who embody some or all of these pillars. Until I came abroad, I was a firm follower of almost every pillar and was constantly at odds with enemies that belonged to groups I didn't like. But when I realized that I didn't want to be that kind of person anymore, I slowly started to burn away every one of these hook-legged, blood sucking ticks, fleas and leeches from my heart and mind, and today, I've found a peace that I had never known in America. If I weren't married, my life would literally be as close to perfect as I could make it right now.

And speaking of which, this is where we get into the people of America and marriage. Imagine he/she wasn't just your friend or boy/girlfriend. Imagine this was your spouse... in your house... every day... for the rest of your life.

For men, attached at the hip, under pain of impoverishment and/or imprisonment, you would spend the rest of your life with an immoral, dishonest, irresponsible, immature and anti-intellectual woman, from which the only escape would be divorce. For women divorce isn't usually a problem, but for men, your choice is to bow your head and take this abuse until one of you dies or you divorce, or to establish dominance to curb this behavior and probably end up provoking her to divorce anyway.

If you think it's bad living in America (and anyone from another western country, feel free to comment if your homeland is as bad as America because I'd like to know your views), try being married to someone from the west. Marriage is bad enough because it will rob you in almost every case of your freedom, time, money and dreams, but to do so with a westerner... you are assuredly tempting disaster and ruin into your life.