Repetition

Had a day off today, when I usually work twice a day, six days a week. This time spent with my wife, plus the sex we had recently, naturally led to her playing hot and cold today.

"You're the greatest father I've ever seen. Every other father I've ever known just ignores their kids or yells at them."
"Stop saying I look like other women. It shows you don't think I'm special."
"I want a kiss from you! And a hug, too!"
(After I say I like her small eyes) "How come you don't like my small eyes?! I'm not talking to you!!"

Every time she went cold, and especially when she started with that "order my husband to do little jobs and if he does them, then I have license to further disrespect him" thing, I withdrew affection utterly and completely and ignored her for as long as possible, and she went back to hot again. Then, when I responded positively to her polite behavior, it was back to cold again.

Staying around her, plus her sudden drop in respect for me after we have sex, caused this rare mid-week day off to become yet another in a long string of reminders of how marriage is draining me.

I remain the same man almost every day of my life, she jumps all over the place. I had potential in my life to achieve and experience a billion different things before I married, she was sitting around in her mom's house. I've saved $10,000 for our son's college education, she's wasted $10,000 in the last two or three years on nonsense, and her mom's wasted $10,000 more. When I'm not working, I'm sleeping. When I'm not sleeping, I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen. When I'm not waiting, I'm cleaning.

And while I waste my time being married, all I can do is watch other, smarter men who haven't and won't marry enjoy their lives, and only wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life.