Love life

It has been over a month since I've last had sex, straight from the beginning of one period to the end of another. Between them, my wife was asking me to wake her up or meet her for sex about twice a week. I counted a total of six times in the past month that she's asked me to join her in bed when our son had fallen asleep, which is markedly different from the months of non-initiation that made up our marriage a few years ago.

Of course, every time she asked, I never responded much. When she asked me directly, I hummed an affirmative and kept playing the computer. When she texted me about it, I just deleted the text without answering. She even sent a text two nights ago, the most submissive "take me" text she's ever given (which makes me think she's been asking around for how to get me interested in sex again), but I deleted that one too. When she asked about it yesterday and I said I didn't get the message, she said that she had a record of me receiving and reading it, so I just lied and said I must have bumped the phone and lost the message. She asked me to wake her up again last night, I neutrally agreed, then just slept without doing so.

She is in exactly the position I want her to be: worried whenever I reject her with plausible deniability about lost texts, and happy when I otherwise treat her nicely. She spins in circles wondering if I still love her, and if I do, do I still love her physically or just emotionally, whydoesnthewantmewhatsgoingon...

If you think this is cruel, I can tell you that you're probably either a woman, or a man who's never been married. She hasn't started drama for months thanks to this utter withdrawal of affection, and our son is growing up in a stable house. And if you feel pity for my wife, I only need to keep linking this post to show the nightmare I had to deal with for almost three years because I used to treat my wife with the respect of an equal. If you still feel bad for our lack of sex:

- Why does she seem so happy after I reject her, especially the morning after?
- If she wants sex so much, why does she keep asking, then falling asleep earlier, turning me down or waiting so long between sessions?
- Why does she seem to act distant for a day or two after one of our rare sessions?
- What other choice do I have besides secret rejections? If I tell her the problem, she'll just ignore me or lie about what she has done and is doing (for example, I told her a month ago, but she's still up to her tricks). If I threaten punishment like six month sex refusals for every time she rejects me, her behavior might get worse.

The answer to these questions, and the reason I do this, is because my rejections tickle her primitive mind more than any amount of money I make, and more than any respect I used to show her. By rejecting her so often, I am displaying my higher value as a strong man, and she feels happy to be in my presence. Ironically, it's what also keeps us out of the bedroom.

I suppose I could try the punishment threats to continue displaying higher sexual value while still having a sex life, but I certainly don't want my wife anymore, not after what she's put me through, and especially not because I have to wait so long for a short and lame release that I can take care of myself. So my sex life is still in the pits, but I'm not blaming the lack of sex on my wife, because I'm the one who is doing the secret rejections now. My sex life is awful because I want it to be so, at least with regards to my wife.

A few months ago in March and April, she asked me to wake her for sex seven times and changed her mind five times when I actually followed through, so I have no reason to believe that the six requests over the past two months were anything different. It's obvious she's just using these requests in an attempt to control me, and she will not fool me again.

And all of this is mine, because I got married. There are girls half her age making eyes at me in my classrooms, and with the knowledge I've gained of attracting women through overconfidence mixed with a proactive, adventurous attitude and tempered kindness, I could be dating any one of them right now.

But I married.

I got a smartphone a few months back when my old one died, and got this nice little application: it's a countdown app that is currently ticking down to September 1st, 2027, and anytime I need to adjust the future date (son goes to college early or late, I need to make more money, whatever) a few swipes will lead me to the new number until I get my freedom back.

4811 days, and I'm out of here.