About a week or two ago, my wife directly asked me why I never initiate sex with her or wake her up anymore for it. She was sitting behind me on the couch while I was using the computer, and without looking at her, I finally told her about her constant sex refusals and why I never want to initiate with her again.
After a brief moment of denial, and me subsequently telling her exactly how and when she refused, she got very apologetic and came up behind me to hug my shoulders, as if she were trying to comfort me or something. She apologized several times and claimed that it was all a misunderstanding, then said that she had to be more noticeable of someone who was "a little sensitive" like me. She completely missed the point in that it was her actions that led to this, but I wasn't about to set her straight and turn this clear pivot of power back to me into a fight. So instead, I just hummed or gave vague one word answers to all her questions and comments like "Yeah" or "Uh huh," which she seemed to accept.
Ever since that day, she's been messaging my phone over and over and telling me multiple times that she loves me, and ramping up the sexual overtones and sex initiations to multiple times a week, with all these actions done more times than at any time in the last four or five years. I still don't want sex with her, and probably never will again, but I still go along with it so I don't push her into divorce or anything. It's just a good sign that she has relegated herself to the subservient position in this marriage where she should be, after she showed herself to be the abusive, selfish witch that she was from 2010-2012 and not being able to be trusted with that kind of power. This is all also a localized reaffirmation that women respond to apathy, coldness and withdrawal with love, affection and praise, exactly the opposite of what most media and family would lead you to believe.
As for me, nothing is really going on. I go to work and go home, I spend time with my son, I remember how things used to be, and I keep counting down until my freedom comes, when I never have to live another day as a slave for the rest of eternity.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Marriage review, 2013 to 2014
Has it been a year already? My zoning out is out of control, but I don't expect much more from marriage; I'm only awake when I'm around my son.
Fights
There were no fights or drama that I participated in this year. I put an absolute stop to my wife's idiocy by learning how to counteract s*** tests, and I shut her mother down every time she steps out of line with one gruff sentence.
Chores
I did all the chores this year until January of this year, at which point my wife started doing almost everything in the house, a drastic change from me cleaning the whole house of most everyone else's messes every night for years. This adds up to about 150 of each chore, which brings the total number of chores to about 1500 times each over my married life.
Were I still single, I would have done every chore roughly 300 times each over the last six years, or about once a week.
Sex
My sex life is still in the pits, but just like last year, I still don't care. The number is around once or twice a month, sometimes once every other month, but I honestly didn't keep accurate count because I lost all interest. Just a few days ago I had a problem where I tried to initiate sex with my wife multiple times after she asked for it, but then she turned me down later anyway. This was my mistake, because I didn't tell myself to stop initiating sex with my wife at all times, including when she plans it herself.
On those days, I guess a part of me thought that my wife was actually trying to get back with me and show some regular affection, and we could go back to some shadow of our dating days when we were going at it like crazy, but the truth is that as a married man, I have no expectation of sex. At all. Attempting to get more of it, or initiating more often by asking ten times to try and get it once, only leads to my wife acting more rudely or selfishly towards me as she attempts to get something in exchange for the sex she offers. In addition to the 95% of my paycheck she appropriates.
If I hadn't married, I would have dated up to 24 different women by now, or just a small handful of great ones, and I would be having sex at least twice a week on average.
Money
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $65,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.
Time Off
This year, I had 60 days off of work. Since I no longer work or tutor on Sundays, this number should be quite higher next year.
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work (at least 120 a year), and five days (at least 250 a year) off from chores. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.
Travel
I've lived in four cities.
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my tenth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.
Friends
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1800 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.
Fun & Adventure
I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.
If I were still single, I could have written over 1000 Then and Now posts on my great life.
Summary
With my wife and her mother managed through s*** test deflections, my life is now what it was from 2008 to 2010: a dark, boring, monotonous waste of time where I'm ever left wondering when it will end.
Fights
There were no fights or drama that I participated in this year. I put an absolute stop to my wife's idiocy by learning how to counteract s*** tests, and I shut her mother down every time she steps out of line with one gruff sentence.
Chores
I did all the chores this year until January of this year, at which point my wife started doing almost everything in the house, a drastic change from me cleaning the whole house of most everyone else's messes every night for years. This adds up to about 150 of each chore, which brings the total number of chores to about 1500 times each over my married life.
Were I still single, I would have done every chore roughly 300 times each over the last six years, or about once a week.
Sex
My sex life is still in the pits, but just like last year, I still don't care. The number is around once or twice a month, sometimes once every other month, but I honestly didn't keep accurate count because I lost all interest. Just a few days ago I had a problem where I tried to initiate sex with my wife multiple times after she asked for it, but then she turned me down later anyway. This was my mistake, because I didn't tell myself to stop initiating sex with my wife at all times, including when she plans it herself.
On those days, I guess a part of me thought that my wife was actually trying to get back with me and show some regular affection, and we could go back to some shadow of our dating days when we were going at it like crazy, but the truth is that as a married man, I have no expectation of sex. At all. Attempting to get more of it, or initiating more often by asking ten times to try and get it once, only leads to my wife acting more rudely or selfishly towards me as she attempts to get something in exchange for the sex she offers. In addition to the 95% of my paycheck she appropriates.
If I hadn't married, I would have dated up to 24 different women by now, or just a small handful of great ones, and I would be having sex at least twice a week on average.
Money
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $65,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.
Time Off
This year, I had 60 days off of work. Since I no longer work or tutor on Sundays, this number should be quite higher next year.
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work (at least 120 a year), and five days (at least 250 a year) off from chores. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.
Travel
I've lived in four cities.
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my tenth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.
Friends
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1800 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.
Fun & Adventure
I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.
If I were still single, I could have written over 1000 Then and Now posts on my great life.
Summary
With my wife and her mother managed through s*** test deflections, my life is now what it was from 2008 to 2010: a dark, boring, monotonous waste of time where I'm ever left wondering when it will end.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Distance
Everything I do in life now is about making sure my son is protected.
My wife has been on me to have sex with her over the past two months. I talked before about no longer initiating sex with her, but I tried to wake her up several times over these two months for sex because I stupidly thought that she might actually be telling the truth about sex she asked for, and I didn't want to reject her outright the same way she's done to me for years. And of the seven times I've tried to initiate sex that she wanted, how many times has she followed through?
Two.
- I'm on my period (March).
- I'm on my period (April).
- My stomach hurts.
- I'm sick.
- I'm tired (she used this excuse for why she couldn't watch DVDs this weekend, for God's sake).
The first three don't stop her from taking care of me, if sex were about my happiness at all. The last two are no excuse. And this doesn't count the other dozen or so times during these two months that she just went to bed early, or didn't initiate herself, to leave me consistently sexually frustrated.
Last night was rejection number five in less than two months, which was her second period excuse. I was so angry that she was turning me down again, especially considering the sex fiend she used to be when we were still dating, that I wordlessly took my blanket to the front room to sleep on the couch. She came out the next morning and tried to test the waters by saying some innocuous greeting and I responded, so I guess she thinks things are fine now.
I was getting ready to unleash punishment on her this morning. I was going to put her on a one year sexual moratorium and take away money from her every month for no longer performing as a wife does, but then I realized I would just be pushing her into divorce by making the "marriage as prostitution" argument clear. Instead, I'm just never going to initiate sex again, whether or not she asks for it. I will not be fooled again. If I do confront her about this problem or directly seek a solution to the sex problem, nothing will improve:
- Sex might come around three to five times a week again, but I won't care. Also, she doesn't seem to want it anymore, and it's no guarantee that she won't just put me back on ice in another month or two if we have a sex life again.
- She might promise to change, then lie about it, which won't change anything. She's already lied to me twice about this sex thing: first she lied that she never promised me when we were dating that she wouldn't become my ex, and that she would sleep with me at least twice a week. The second time she lied was when I brought up the number of times she rejected me to the number of times we have sex, and she flatly denied the evidence.
- She might get enraged, leaving me to deal with even more of her emotional problems for the next thirteen years.
- She might divorce me, which would hurt our son.
Whatever the case, talking with her will solve nothing.
I am an American teaching in a foreign country. Ever since I stopped teaching kids, I have been surrounded by young, friendly, intelligent and fun young local women in or just out of college, and scores of them have been making eyes at me in some obvious fashion or another for the last two years. Ignoring the ones that got closer to me because I teach well or because I'm a good co-worker, there have been many that I know are into me as a man. Some blush when I look at them. Some joined my class for months and were hanging on my every word until I let slip to the whole class that I'm married, at which point I never saw them again. Some leave from teaching their classes and are all smiles, asking me lots of personal questions and blushing constantly. Some can't stop smiling when I enter the room and need to ask multiple questions after class for things I knew they already understood. Any one of these women, with just a simple question, could easily be my girlfriend.
Instead, I'm married to another local: she once was a thin nymphomaniac who bought me gifts... and now, she's my overweight, sex denying and money sucking wife.
There was one other slight change in my married life: I stopped counting the days left to live in my marriage for a while to see if I could "skip ahead" a little bit. But now, I think it's time to see how many days are left until I'm free. I just checked right now: it's 4874... almost 100 days have passed and I hardly even noticed.
My wife has been on me to have sex with her over the past two months. I talked before about no longer initiating sex with her, but I tried to wake her up several times over these two months for sex because I stupidly thought that she might actually be telling the truth about sex she asked for, and I didn't want to reject her outright the same way she's done to me for years. And of the seven times I've tried to initiate sex that she wanted, how many times has she followed through?
Two.
- I'm on my period (March).
- I'm on my period (April).
- My stomach hurts.
- I'm sick.
- I'm tired (she used this excuse for why she couldn't watch DVDs this weekend, for God's sake).
The first three don't stop her from taking care of me, if sex were about my happiness at all. The last two are no excuse. And this doesn't count the other dozen or so times during these two months that she just went to bed early, or didn't initiate herself, to leave me consistently sexually frustrated.
Last night was rejection number five in less than two months, which was her second period excuse. I was so angry that she was turning me down again, especially considering the sex fiend she used to be when we were still dating, that I wordlessly took my blanket to the front room to sleep on the couch. She came out the next morning and tried to test the waters by saying some innocuous greeting and I responded, so I guess she thinks things are fine now.
I was getting ready to unleash punishment on her this morning. I was going to put her on a one year sexual moratorium and take away money from her every month for no longer performing as a wife does, but then I realized I would just be pushing her into divorce by making the "marriage as prostitution" argument clear. Instead, I'm just never going to initiate sex again, whether or not she asks for it. I will not be fooled again. If I do confront her about this problem or directly seek a solution to the sex problem, nothing will improve:
- Sex might come around three to five times a week again, but I won't care. Also, she doesn't seem to want it anymore, and it's no guarantee that she won't just put me back on ice in another month or two if we have a sex life again.
- She might promise to change, then lie about it, which won't change anything. She's already lied to me twice about this sex thing: first she lied that she never promised me when we were dating that she wouldn't become my ex, and that she would sleep with me at least twice a week. The second time she lied was when I brought up the number of times she rejected me to the number of times we have sex, and she flatly denied the evidence.
- She might get enraged, leaving me to deal with even more of her emotional problems for the next thirteen years.
- She might divorce me, which would hurt our son.
Whatever the case, talking with her will solve nothing.
I am an American teaching in a foreign country. Ever since I stopped teaching kids, I have been surrounded by young, friendly, intelligent and fun young local women in or just out of college, and scores of them have been making eyes at me in some obvious fashion or another for the last two years. Ignoring the ones that got closer to me because I teach well or because I'm a good co-worker, there have been many that I know are into me as a man. Some blush when I look at them. Some joined my class for months and were hanging on my every word until I let slip to the whole class that I'm married, at which point I never saw them again. Some leave from teaching their classes and are all smiles, asking me lots of personal questions and blushing constantly. Some can't stop smiling when I enter the room and need to ask multiple questions after class for things I knew they already understood. Any one of these women, with just a simple question, could easily be my girlfriend.
Instead, I'm married to another local: she once was a thin nymphomaniac who bought me gifts... and now, she's my overweight, sex denying and money sucking wife.
There was one other slight change in my married life: I stopped counting the days left to live in my marriage for a while to see if I could "skip ahead" a little bit. But now, I think it's time to see how many days are left until I'm free. I just checked right now: it's 4874... almost 100 days have passed and I hardly even noticed.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Sunday again
Another Sunday, another post of marriage nonsense.
On Saturday night, my wife promised sex and made it a point to try and seduce me with a backwards hug and chest rub. I said ok and put some fake emotion into it, though I'm not interested in her anymore. Later than night, she was really nice to me and our son and was making eyes at me once or twice, then she went to bed early. I didn't bother waking her up because every time I do, I get the same responses from her on why we can't have sex: excuses and denial, or asking me to finish quickly.
If you were offered sex once a month or two for five minutes, or no sex at all, which would you choose? The thirsty fool I used to be would have chosen the former, but I know now the cost of that choice.
On Sunday, my wife largely ignored me and our son so she could read or internet shop, just as last week. While our son and I were out getting pizza, I saw a tall and handsome foreigner walking down the street, and I felt a sudden rush of regret and unhappiness, knowing that he probably gets more money and sex in a month than I do in a year as a married man. Knowing that these thoughts would accomplish nothing, I immediately squashed them and hugged my son at the next red light.
Later than night, I told my wife about a customs problem that a package coming from America was having, and she offered to help. She said I had to pay some kind of import fee and I thanked her, saying I could take care of it from there. She insisted that she could do it on Tuesday or Wednesday, but I said I could do it Monday myself, when she suddenly brought up some new information: she worked less than a block from the customs office. I showed mild surprise and said that was cool, she could help me out. Then, she went on a mini-tirade:
"Yeah, I work right next to their building!" she almost shouted for some reason. "That's what I was trying to tell you earlier!! If I go there, we can save a lot of time like I said!! You can just let me handle this instead of trying to do everything by yourself!!"
I've discussed this tactic of hers before, so right about the word "trying," I just stood up and walked away from her to do something in the bedroom, then spent a few hours ignoring her, and playing video games and roughhousing with my son. When he fell asleep around 8:00, my wife repeated her insistence at having sex, so I turned off the computer and lay down in the bed, knowing there was no good excuse to give her for avoiding sex at that moment. After lying there for a minute or two, she came in the bedroom and asked if I was sleepy. I said I was a little tired, so she simply said, "Have fun," then left the room.
Was she being funny, or did she get me to lie in bed to prove her power over me? I don't know, but I felt like an idiot for entering the bedroom. I left and played video games the rest of the night, ignoring her. Later, she decided to go to bed early again, and insisted I come back in again later. This time, though, I wasn't falling for it. I knew she was just going to make excuses again, and I frankly wasn't interested, so I surfed the net for an hour longer than usual, then snuck into the bedroom to play around on my phone under the blanket, finally going to sleep.
This morning, after we took our son to school and she was about to head off to work, she said, "You didn't wake me up!" I didn't fall for that either, and simply changed the subject.
This whole thing sounds petty, doesn't it? Well, I'm not denying that, this whole weekend certainly was, but it reaffirms everything I've known about marriage for the last several years: it's not a partnership. It's not the rest of your life lived in bliss and harmony. It's a non-stop power play.
Imagine if I had changed any of my actions this weekend... what would have happened?
- If I had woken her up on Saturday night, I would have gotten either excuses or lame sex, and she would eventually use my desires against me by ordering me around or treating me badly, as she did from 2010-2012.
- If I had apologized for not knowing about her job being next to another company, she would have assumed her role as leader of this marriage again, and we would be going back to 2010-2012.
- If I had insisted on the 8:00 sex, I would have gotten excuses or lame sex, and 2010-2012.
- If I had woken her up Sunday night, the same would have happened.
- If I had apologized this morning and promised sex tonight, the same would have happened.
Before, this was a difficult decision to make. I was a fool, begging my wife for the once or twice a season she tossed sex my way, and took her abuse every other day between sessions in exchange for every hit my dealer was offering. I had to satisfy my addiction at any cost.
Now, I don't want what my dealer puts on the table. I'm like the cat that refuses to bat at the toy mouse on the end of the fishing pole, sitting there with an unamused look on my face as my owner lightly taps it all over my face and body. I know that just one swing at that mouse, and my owner will know that she can control every other aspect of my life, because otherwise, "no mouse for you."
She has absolutely nothing on or over me. Unlike men married in an English speaking country, I can sleep soundly at night knowing that my wife can do nothing to hurt me or our son, and that I have all the leverage in this marriage. If she stops offering sex on tap, I can choose not to care, and the only thing she can do in retaliation is reward me by being quiet with the silent treatment. I make the money and can deny her her pocket money if I choose. I clean the house and can stop keeping this place spotless anytime.
She has the choice of stepping up and acting right anytime: to stop pulling the rug out from under me about sex (though by now, I still won't care if we even hit the bedroom five times a week), to stop losing control, to stop overspending and to lose some weight. Until then, I don't need, or frankly want, her for anything, and the one who desires the relationship least has the power to direct it in the correct direction. That's me, steering us away from that hell towards this purgatory.
Next time she asks why I didn't wake her, I'll just politely tell her the truth, that she gives excuses or it's over in five minutes, then it's back to waiting for weeks or months. I actually did tell her this once, and her response was, as predicted, one of the six logical fallacies I mentioned in the top post, which are the same logical fallacies anyone uses to defend marriage: in that case, she used Denial. It's not like she can use this information to punish me in any way; she literally offers me nothing in this marriage except her role as our son's mother, and it's he who wants her, not me. I doubt telling her the truth about our sex life will change anything, as it changed nothing before, but at least she can't use this information to jockey for position in any way. It might even scare her into further submission.
Thirteen more years, and I'm out of here.
On Saturday night, my wife promised sex and made it a point to try and seduce me with a backwards hug and chest rub. I said ok and put some fake emotion into it, though I'm not interested in her anymore. Later than night, she was really nice to me and our son and was making eyes at me once or twice, then she went to bed early. I didn't bother waking her up because every time I do, I get the same responses from her on why we can't have sex: excuses and denial, or asking me to finish quickly.
If you were offered sex once a month or two for five minutes, or no sex at all, which would you choose? The thirsty fool I used to be would have chosen the former, but I know now the cost of that choice.
On Sunday, my wife largely ignored me and our son so she could read or internet shop, just as last week. While our son and I were out getting pizza, I saw a tall and handsome foreigner walking down the street, and I felt a sudden rush of regret and unhappiness, knowing that he probably gets more money and sex in a month than I do in a year as a married man. Knowing that these thoughts would accomplish nothing, I immediately squashed them and hugged my son at the next red light.
Later than night, I told my wife about a customs problem that a package coming from America was having, and she offered to help. She said I had to pay some kind of import fee and I thanked her, saying I could take care of it from there. She insisted that she could do it on Tuesday or Wednesday, but I said I could do it Monday myself, when she suddenly brought up some new information: she worked less than a block from the customs office. I showed mild surprise and said that was cool, she could help me out. Then, she went on a mini-tirade:
"Yeah, I work right next to their building!" she almost shouted for some reason. "That's what I was trying to tell you earlier!! If I go there, we can save a lot of time like I said!! You can just let me handle this instead of trying to do everything by yourself!!"
I've discussed this tactic of hers before, so right about the word "trying," I just stood up and walked away from her to do something in the bedroom, then spent a few hours ignoring her, and playing video games and roughhousing with my son. When he fell asleep around 8:00, my wife repeated her insistence at having sex, so I turned off the computer and lay down in the bed, knowing there was no good excuse to give her for avoiding sex at that moment. After lying there for a minute or two, she came in the bedroom and asked if I was sleepy. I said I was a little tired, so she simply said, "Have fun," then left the room.
Was she being funny, or did she get me to lie in bed to prove her power over me? I don't know, but I felt like an idiot for entering the bedroom. I left and played video games the rest of the night, ignoring her. Later, she decided to go to bed early again, and insisted I come back in again later. This time, though, I wasn't falling for it. I knew she was just going to make excuses again, and I frankly wasn't interested, so I surfed the net for an hour longer than usual, then snuck into the bedroom to play around on my phone under the blanket, finally going to sleep.
This morning, after we took our son to school and she was about to head off to work, she said, "You didn't wake me up!" I didn't fall for that either, and simply changed the subject.
This whole thing sounds petty, doesn't it? Well, I'm not denying that, this whole weekend certainly was, but it reaffirms everything I've known about marriage for the last several years: it's not a partnership. It's not the rest of your life lived in bliss and harmony. It's a non-stop power play.
Imagine if I had changed any of my actions this weekend... what would have happened?
- If I had woken her up on Saturday night, I would have gotten either excuses or lame sex, and she would eventually use my desires against me by ordering me around or treating me badly, as she did from 2010-2012.
- If I had apologized for not knowing about her job being next to another company, she would have assumed her role as leader of this marriage again, and we would be going back to 2010-2012.
- If I had insisted on the 8:00 sex, I would have gotten excuses or lame sex, and 2010-2012.
- If I had woken her up Sunday night, the same would have happened.
- If I had apologized this morning and promised sex tonight, the same would have happened.
Before, this was a difficult decision to make. I was a fool, begging my wife for the once or twice a season she tossed sex my way, and took her abuse every other day between sessions in exchange for every hit my dealer was offering. I had to satisfy my addiction at any cost.
Now, I don't want what my dealer puts on the table. I'm like the cat that refuses to bat at the toy mouse on the end of the fishing pole, sitting there with an unamused look on my face as my owner lightly taps it all over my face and body. I know that just one swing at that mouse, and my owner will know that she can control every other aspect of my life, because otherwise, "no mouse for you."
She has absolutely nothing on or over me. Unlike men married in an English speaking country, I can sleep soundly at night knowing that my wife can do nothing to hurt me or our son, and that I have all the leverage in this marriage. If she stops offering sex on tap, I can choose not to care, and the only thing she can do in retaliation is reward me by being quiet with the silent treatment. I make the money and can deny her her pocket money if I choose. I clean the house and can stop keeping this place spotless anytime.
She has the choice of stepping up and acting right anytime: to stop pulling the rug out from under me about sex (though by now, I still won't care if we even hit the bedroom five times a week), to stop losing control, to stop overspending and to lose some weight. Until then, I don't need, or frankly want, her for anything, and the one who desires the relationship least has the power to direct it in the correct direction. That's me, steering us away from that hell towards this purgatory.
Next time she asks why I didn't wake her, I'll just politely tell her the truth, that she gives excuses or it's over in five minutes, then it's back to waiting for weeks or months. I actually did tell her this once, and her response was, as predicted, one of the six logical fallacies I mentioned in the top post, which are the same logical fallacies anyone uses to defend marriage: in that case, she used Denial. It's not like she can use this information to punish me in any way; she literally offers me nothing in this marriage except her role as our son's mother, and it's he who wants her, not me. I doubt telling her the truth about our sex life will change anything, as it changed nothing before, but at least she can't use this information to jockey for position in any way. It might even scare her into further submission.
Thirteen more years, and I'm out of here.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Sunday nonsense
It's another Sunday, so of course that means my wife would be stepping out of line again. It's the only day of the week I get to take a break from work, and she just has to find a way to cause trouble to make it as uncomfortable as possible for everyone else.
I took my son out for a five hour trip to the beach and a windmill, two of our favorite hotspots. My wife, of course, didn't want to come, like she never does. While out, she called me five times, but I didn't pick up because I was busy driving most of the time. So what did she want?
She recently took day work instead of the graveyard shift and has a lot more to do every day before she can go home. I've advised her to change her thoughts, multitask more, talk to her boss or quit her job and stop wasting money on luxuries to break even, but she's only followed through on suggestion 3, otherwise content to come home in a bad mood every night to spread her unhappiness as far and wide as possible. It's just unacceptable that she could proactively do something else to better her circumstances.
So when I got back with our son, I got a little whining about how she was worried something had happened to us, even though our son and I had been out for twice as long before and she had no problems then. Then she whined about a bad dream she had about her work, and after I repeated my advice in its entirety yet again, I got the silent treatment, for which I was thankful.
Then she got a call from her mom and my wife started yelling at her for several minutes, hung up on her and called her back later to yell some more, then complained to me yet again about my mother-in-law's behavior. I ignored her, because that's the only response that quiets her, and she never listens to me anyway. Later, she said that she should apologize to her mom, showing yet more ignored advice that I'd already given: not flying off the handle and dealing with your anger is easier than going ape, then apologizing later. But of course, she ignored me then too, so once she spoke to me again, I just said, "Yeah." Then I ignored her some more to play with my son.
Give her advice, be ignored. Lecture her, be insulted. Dismiss her, invite rage. Ignore her, achieve peace. Where is that girl I used to know?
Right. Marriage swallowed her.
I took my son out for a five hour trip to the beach and a windmill, two of our favorite hotspots. My wife, of course, didn't want to come, like she never does. While out, she called me five times, but I didn't pick up because I was busy driving most of the time. So what did she want?
She recently took day work instead of the graveyard shift and has a lot more to do every day before she can go home. I've advised her to change her thoughts, multitask more, talk to her boss or quit her job and stop wasting money on luxuries to break even, but she's only followed through on suggestion 3, otherwise content to come home in a bad mood every night to spread her unhappiness as far and wide as possible. It's just unacceptable that she could proactively do something else to better her circumstances.
So when I got back with our son, I got a little whining about how she was worried something had happened to us, even though our son and I had been out for twice as long before and she had no problems then. Then she whined about a bad dream she had about her work, and after I repeated my advice in its entirety yet again, I got the silent treatment, for which I was thankful.
Then she got a call from her mom and my wife started yelling at her for several minutes, hung up on her and called her back later to yell some more, then complained to me yet again about my mother-in-law's behavior. I ignored her, because that's the only response that quiets her, and she never listens to me anyway. Later, she said that she should apologize to her mom, showing yet more ignored advice that I'd already given: not flying off the handle and dealing with your anger is easier than going ape, then apologizing later. But of course, she ignored me then too, so once she spoke to me again, I just said, "Yeah." Then I ignored her some more to play with my son.
Give her advice, be ignored. Lecture her, be insulted. Dismiss her, invite rage. Ignore her, achieve peace. Where is that girl I used to know?
Right. Marriage swallowed her.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Rolling the boulder
September.
November.
January.
And now March. Every two months, almost on the nose, my wife seems to have a new s*** test to hand me. And today was no exception.
It really was a minor thing, but she should have known better. I just came home from eleven hours of work and commuting and made $125, $5 of which was going into my own pocket. I shed my clothes to prepare for a shower, and not three minutes from the time I entered the apartment, there my wife was standing behind me, holding a sock. She held it out to me and asked me to put it in a box that was two steps from me, three from her. I shook my head in derision at her, then turned away to get a bath towel.
If you don't see the problem with this, then you're obviously not a married man. I've discussed how I used to do these little jobs, chores and errands for my wife in the past, and how it led to her being a selfish, lazy, disrespectful, demanding shrew who had me maintain the entire house while she sat around and did nothing. The more I helped, the more contempt she handed me, and the more jobs she expected me to take care of. If I had taken that sock, the next s*** test would have arrived in a month, then the next in two weeks, and so on until we were back where we were three years ago.
You cannot stop s*** tests, as they are in a woman's nature; you may as well attempt to stop the sun from rising. But at least if you're an unmarried man, you can accept these tests as fair trade for whatever you're sharing or receiving in your relationship. Try to keep things that way; don't be an idiot like me and end up trading your dreams, your free time, 95% of your money and almost all choice in life in exchange for sex once a month and the non-step tests of marriage.
While I'm posting, I just noticed it's almost April. I can't believe that eleven months have passed since the last anniversary of this blog... so little of consequence has happened in this pitiful life of mine that almost an entire year has slipped by without my attention on it. Hopefully this will keep up for the next thirteen years, when I can finally escape this nonsense and go back to living.
November.
January.
And now March. Every two months, almost on the nose, my wife seems to have a new s*** test to hand me. And today was no exception.
It really was a minor thing, but she should have known better. I just came home from eleven hours of work and commuting and made $125, $5 of which was going into my own pocket. I shed my clothes to prepare for a shower, and not three minutes from the time I entered the apartment, there my wife was standing behind me, holding a sock. She held it out to me and asked me to put it in a box that was two steps from me, three from her. I shook my head in derision at her, then turned away to get a bath towel.
If you don't see the problem with this, then you're obviously not a married man. I've discussed how I used to do these little jobs, chores and errands for my wife in the past, and how it led to her being a selfish, lazy, disrespectful, demanding shrew who had me maintain the entire house while she sat around and did nothing. The more I helped, the more contempt she handed me, and the more jobs she expected me to take care of. If I had taken that sock, the next s*** test would have arrived in a month, then the next in two weeks, and so on until we were back where we were three years ago.
You cannot stop s*** tests, as they are in a woman's nature; you may as well attempt to stop the sun from rising. But at least if you're an unmarried man, you can accept these tests as fair trade for whatever you're sharing or receiving in your relationship. Try to keep things that way; don't be an idiot like me and end up trading your dreams, your free time, 95% of your money and almost all choice in life in exchange for sex once a month and the non-step tests of marriage.
While I'm posting, I just noticed it's almost April. I can't believe that eleven months have passed since the last anniversary of this blog... so little of consequence has happened in this pitiful life of mine that almost an entire year has slipped by without my attention on it. Hopefully this will keep up for the next thirteen years, when I can finally escape this nonsense and go back to living.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Games vs games
After I cancelled a pair of classes on Sunday and finally dropped a triple tutoring session that I had for over two years on Saturday night, I finally found myself with a night and an entire day to call my own, the first time in literal years. My son and I spent the entirety of yesterday in the bedroom roughhousing, or with us on the computer by me moving and aiming and him blasting, demons in Doom, splicers in BioShock 2 and radscorpions in Fallout 3, or both of us taking out Greebles in Skylanders... you name it. My wife, as usual, didn't want to join or watch, and was instead reading something or internet shopping the whole time.
It was at about the middle-end of our session when my son and I came to Jedi Academy. We had just finished the ship crash, and came to the part where we had to cut the tree down to make a bridge to help our friend Rosh down from the hill. If this sounds familiar, then you've probably been reading this blog for a while now.
So as my son and I came to the part where my wife had once watched me play, and had before spent almost an hour with complete focus doing so, she flipped the ever-loving hell out.
"God, I hate my job!! People always tell me what to do. Bosses, bad customers, I just wanna say f*** you!!"
"Then quit and find a new one."
"I shouldn't have to find another one! I'm college educated! I'm not working at a food place!"
"Talk to your bosses."
"What good would that do?!"
"They'll change your hours or give you an assistant."
"No they won't!"
"Change your mind and think positive. Don't let the bad customers get you."
"That doesn't work!! They're in my face! How am I supposed to think happily then?!"
Have we been here before? Yes: I give her a handful of good suggestions, she makes excuses or lies to receive pity (being positive always worked before, I never said she had to work at a food place so that's a strawman, etc...), and we keep going until she gets tired. After the last disrespectful sentence, I ignored her and went back to Jedi Academy with my son. He then asked her why she was changing the channel so much.
"Because I haven't found something to watch yet."
"Oh."
(A few seconds later)
"Are you done switching?"
"Fine! I'm done switching! Are you happy?!"
Having cultivated a more powerful presence, which married men in western countries have little to no ability to do, I simply said:
"All right, that's enough."
"FINE! I'M DONE WITH THE TV!!"
She turned it off, stomped off into the bedroom, then locked the door. She came out a few minutes later to use the bathroom, then left the house with no mention of where she was going. I guess she thought she was punishing everyone, but I was glad when she left the room, even gladder when she locked the door into the bedroom, and the happiest when she left the house. I was hoping she would stay out for a few hours, but unfortunately, she was back in only one. She didn't apologize, but she bought a toy for our son and an apple for me, which is a typical way that families try to get back into good graces with the other family members they've wronged without saying sorry.
Still want to marry? The happy times I had today were with my son, not my wife; surrogacy or adoption will help you, unmarried or childless reader, to have the child that will enrich your life. Getting married will only poison your short time on this earth.
As for me, I again point to the fact that my wife always does this on Sunday. Just as Jedi Academy served as a dual reminder of how she acted before and how she acts now, I remember when Sunday was the day we used to hole up in my apartment to spend time together or have sex. Instead, she now has nothing but refusals for the former and excuses for the latter; she's only here to soak up resources and cause problems, and I can't leave as long as we have a child together.
It was at about the middle-end of our session when my son and I came to Jedi Academy. We had just finished the ship crash, and came to the part where we had to cut the tree down to make a bridge to help our friend Rosh down from the hill. If this sounds familiar, then you've probably been reading this blog for a while now.
So as my son and I came to the part where my wife had once watched me play, and had before spent almost an hour with complete focus doing so, she flipped the ever-loving hell out.
"God, I hate my job!! People always tell me what to do. Bosses, bad customers, I just wanna say f*** you!!"
"Then quit and find a new one."
"I shouldn't have to find another one! I'm college educated! I'm not working at a food place!"
"Talk to your bosses."
"What good would that do?!"
"They'll change your hours or give you an assistant."
"No they won't!"
"Change your mind and think positive. Don't let the bad customers get you."
"That doesn't work!! They're in my face! How am I supposed to think happily then?!"
Have we been here before? Yes: I give her a handful of good suggestions, she makes excuses or lies to receive pity (being positive always worked before, I never said she had to work at a food place so that's a strawman, etc...), and we keep going until she gets tired. After the last disrespectful sentence, I ignored her and went back to Jedi Academy with my son. He then asked her why she was changing the channel so much.
"Because I haven't found something to watch yet."
"Oh."
(A few seconds later)
"Are you done switching?"
"Fine! I'm done switching! Are you happy?!"
Having cultivated a more powerful presence, which married men in western countries have little to no ability to do, I simply said:
"All right, that's enough."
"FINE! I'M DONE WITH THE TV!!"
She turned it off, stomped off into the bedroom, then locked the door. She came out a few minutes later to use the bathroom, then left the house with no mention of where she was going. I guess she thought she was punishing everyone, but I was glad when she left the room, even gladder when she locked the door into the bedroom, and the happiest when she left the house. I was hoping she would stay out for a few hours, but unfortunately, she was back in only one. She didn't apologize, but she bought a toy for our son and an apple for me, which is a typical way that families try to get back into good graces with the other family members they've wronged without saying sorry.
Still want to marry? The happy times I had today were with my son, not my wife; surrogacy or adoption will help you, unmarried or childless reader, to have the child that will enrich your life. Getting married will only poison your short time on this earth.
As for me, I again point to the fact that my wife always does this on Sunday. Just as Jedi Academy served as a dual reminder of how she acted before and how she acts now, I remember when Sunday was the day we used to hole up in my apartment to spend time together or have sex. Instead, she now has nothing but refusals for the former and excuses for the latter; she's only here to soak up resources and cause problems, and I can't leave as long as we have a child together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)