Then and Now 9 - Jenny at the Zoo

Then and Now 9 - Jenny at the Zoo
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment.

Jenny wrote to me on my internet profile and wanted to hang out for the day to exchange language and say hello. We met up at the main station and exchanged some small talk before we headed out on the train to go to the zoo for the day. I never went down that line, or to that stop, until Jenny and I went out together. Unlike the center of town, the south side of the city was full of cozy little houses and apartment buildings, small streets and lots and lots of trees in mini-forests. It was a very interesting new look at my new country.

The zoo was really fun. It was in a kind of circular shape and had many paths shrouded by trees and other shrubbery that wound around and cut through the animal park, and I tried to take us through as many as I could so we could see the animals from every angle. On the way, we talked about all kinds of things, from her studies at college and my studies of her language, to family, food and fun.

We had enough time to see almost every group of animals and every show, but we were both the most impressed by the rhino pen. Two of them seemed to be really competitive that day, and were kind of nudging and butting into one another until the smaller one gave up.

While we were there, Jenny told me about her foreign boyfriend and how they were together for a few months before he moved back to his home country. I asked if she was going back to see him, and she said that they were both planning on it, once her schooling was done. She also told me with a laugh that he was extremely shy, and that I was much better company than he was. I smirked.

We went around the zoo at a hot pace, and unlike a lot of my other companions, she was in excellent shape and kept up with me, as short (relative to me) as she was. The last place that we went to was the penguin house, but we had gotten there just a few minutes too late and weren't able to see them. It was too bad, because we were both looking forward to it.

We took the train and a bus back to my place because she wanted to check out my pad and Guitar Hero, but to be honest, there wasn't a whole lot to see at my place. It was just impressive because I was the only person living on the top floor of the building.

Not wanting to do any kind of back alley girl stealing, Guitar Hero was the only thing on the menu for that night. I asked her what bands she really liked, and played the two Guns & Roses songs on game 2 and 3 for her, which she was really happy to hear. I can still see the bright smile on her face as I played and she softly sang along. She tried her hand at the game later and played somewhat well on Easy, which was better than my friends' first times to try back home.

After that, it was really late, so I walked her back downstairs and out to the bus station so she could head home. I was a bit disappointed that this cute girl was already taken, but I knew that there was much more in store for me out there as a single man abroad, and I was ready to take on the town again the very next day.

As for today...

I woke up at 11:00.
I ate lunch.
I went out to tutor students.
I came home.
I ate dinner.
I hung up wet laundry.
I started a load of laundry.
I watched TV.
I talked with my wife and son.
I spent two hours doing computer maintenance.
My wife and son went to bed.
I hung up wet laundry.
I played video games.
I slept.

Then and Now 8 - Nell

Then and Now 8 - Nell
Time: Late 2007, single and at my apartment.

This Then and Now will be a collection of experiences I had with a friend of mine, Nell.

Nell was an incredibly cute, friendly, smart and funny girl that I met over the internet. We got together several times over the course of a few months, and although the time we spent together was fun, none of the things we did together is long enough on its own to make a proper Then and Now. So, I'll combine the times we had together into one post.

Our first hangout time was the first weekend after I got her email. We met up in the main city in pouring rain, late in the day. When I first saw her, I was struck by her smile. Even though it was kind of dark out, and the rain made things difficult to see, when she saw me, her smile lit up everything around her. I was kind of shocked when she joined me under my umbrella, then put her arm under mine to stay close. Whether she was interested in me, or just looking to get as far out of the rain as possible, I still don't know for sure. But as electrifying as it felt to have this girl on my arm, I played it cool and got us to a local restaurant to eat. We sat down on opposite sides of the table and ordered some fried meat and vegetables, then had a long and fun talk, though I don't remember what about. We must have hit it off pretty well, because before she went home, Nell asked me to hang out with her again.

The next week, we went to a local bookstore and had a great time just picking out books we knew and talking about characters, story arcs, subtext and other literary stuff from the ones we read. I told her of some of the books I read for English class back in high school and college, and whether I loved or hated the style and meaning for each one. Then, she quizzed me on the things in the books we had mutually read, and even joked, "Two points for you!" for consistently getting her questions right.

When that was done, she and I went to the main train/subway station to just walk around and do some window shopping. During that time, I related a story of how a very, very chubby friend of mine was clamoring for my attentions, and told a very tasteless joke in the local language about how I was afraid she would eat me. Nell laughed hard anyway, though I still feel a bit guilty for telling the joke.

It was starting to get a bit dark, so we went outside to get some fresh night air. Here, our conversations turned to marriage and sex. Nell told me that there was a guy or two after her affections, but she just wasn't interested in any of them. She also said that as a Christian, it was important for her to get married with someone she loved, but that she still wouldn't mind having sex before getting married. And yes, I know several people who would have throttled me at that point for missing those obvious signals. What's more, Nell wasn't the last girl I've met who had discussed sex with me after only a few days of knowing them. We parted shortly after. She went home, and I went to go meet another friend I met on the internet for the two hour hangout time I had for her.

I met Nell again a week or two later, and we got dinner at another restaurant. This one was kind of high class, but even though I told her I would get the bill, she insisted on splitting it down the middle. I don't remember what we ate there, but I remember some things we talked about.

First, she was taking an English class in college and told me all about the things she was learning there, and I helped her with some of the sayings she was studying.

Later, she had me take two personality tests from that class. The first asked the recipient to draw pictures based on the way the paper was divided. When I was done, she revealed that each division was a marker of what the person's personality was like. In the box that was shaped like a circle, I drew a sun, so it showed that I enjoyed being outside. In the box that was divided diagonally, I drew one stick figure on top teasing one on the bottom, which meant I was afraid of what others thought of me. She seemed genuinely concerned about the latter one, and asked if she could take the paper back to her teacher to ask what it really meant, and to share what a foreigner's desires and fears were. I said it was ok.

The other test was asking me to arrange a glass and any number of oranges in any fashion I wished in my mind. Unfortunately, I didn't quite understand the test as she described it, and I thought she said that I had to pick several oranges, so I told her that I would have a glass surrounded by three oranges in a triangle. She teased me because the glass represented me and the oranges were girls, so I must have been some kind of playboy, but I just laughed and insisted I didn't get the test at first.

Another thing we talked about was about my failure to publish some books that I wrote a few years back. I wrote them, but couldn't find an agent out of a group of several hundred, so I just gave up and stopped worrying about them. She seemed really concerned again, and asked me to not give up and to keep fighting for my dream. She told me that God gave me the gift of writing, and I couldn't just give up on it like that. I was really touched by what she said, especially because nobody else in my life ever cared to even read the books that I had written. Dinner ended shortly after, so I saw her off at the subway station, then went home satisfied and happy.

Finally, Nell and I met up at a second party that I threw at my house. It was much the same as before with pizza and Rock Band, except Ken, Vicki and several others couldn't come, so it was much smaller and less interesting than the party I threw before. After a long, pretty fun time of us playing games and eating up, I popped in Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny for us to watch. Unfortunately, all that food and fun made everyone sleepy, and soon, people started dropping like flies on my couches to sleep. One by one, everyone left until it was just Nell (sleeping), Nate (drowsy) and Annie (almost asleep) left. I knew the party was pretty much cooked at that point, so I gently shook Nell awake because she wanted to head home before midnight. She smiled that radiant smile at me, then she, Nate, Annie and I all said our goodbyes.

That was the last I saw of Nell, and I don't really know why. We emailed each other for a while, but I never got the chance to meet up with her again. Just a couple weeks or so after that party, my wife and I got together, and three months after that, she got pregnant and my life ended.

This isn't a post trying to compare a girl I knew to my wife right now. My point is that going out and seeing things around town, throwing parties and sharing fun times and laughs is what my unmarried life was about. Married life, on the other hand, is work: it's shopping for pizza and coke, setting up furniture and music, greeting guests... but not actually attending the party. So why did I never get together with Nell? Well, there are two reasons: one embarrassing, and one regretful.

First, the embarrassing reason: Nell was very into her Christian beliefs, and though I greatly respect Christians and a lot of their ideas, I didn't want to feel compelled to join because I was dating her. In reality, my standards were entirely too high to recognize this great girl who really seemed to be into me.

The second, regretful reason comes directly from the first: I had impossibly high standards for any girlfriend. There were at least eight girls during my unmarried life who showed some kind of an interest in me. And after overcoming my past difficulties, becoming a strong man and living a life of honor, I knew that I was in a position of supreme power regarding women. Because most men either choose the path of power and turn into confident a-holes that women fall before, or choose the path of honor and get ignored by them, I knew that by holding both extremes within me, I simply had to smile my warm smile at any of these girls, and they would be wrapped around my finger in no time. It's arrogant, but it was the truth.

I never slept with a single girl besides my wife since I went abroad. I was in a position of power, yes, but I never used that power to my advantage by promising marriage and a long relationship to women that I had every intention of sleeping with, then leaving. I had impossibly high standards because every girl I met was a future marriage candidate, thanks to my deluded goal to happily marry, and I wanted to make sure I dated the right one.

Back then, as an unmarried man, I had so much awesome stuff going on in my life, and so many prospects regarding friendship, work and women, that I actually put Nell in the friend zone. I had that much power and freedom back then, when I should have been practicing upfront, honest and serial monogamy, and could have chosen any woman, any activity, any day of my life.

Today, I would kill to have one day, just one day, a month to do what I wanted.

And speaking of Now...

I woke up at 10:00.
I watched TV.
I ate lunch.
I read to my son.
I roughhoused with him.
I went off to, and nailed, a job interview. Work starts Monday; the cycle begins again.
I came home.
I read to my son.
I watched TV.
My son fell asleep.
I played video games.
My son woke up.
I watched internet movies with him.
I slept.

Then and Now 7 - No Higher

Then and Now 7 - No Higher
Time: Mid-2007, single and at the hostel.

I didn't just hang out with girls when I was at the hostel, by just looking for a relationship or an easy girl. I mostly hung out with girls, yes, but only because they were the ones who were emailing and approaching me the most often. One day, I woke up in my dorm room and went to the public computer to check my email. To my surprise, among the two or three other emails from girls who wanted to hang out, there was a message from a guy, Andrew. He wanted to meet up, exchange language, and show me around to some fun places that I hadn't been to before. After exchanging phone numbers over email, I called him up and we set up a time to go hang out.

The next day, we met up, and he brought his girlfriend along to say hello, too. After a few minutes of walking around the train/bus/subway station and chatting, the three of us went to a local restaurant to get something to eat. It was a dimly lit place for an intimate atmosphere, there was some nice music coming in through the speakers, and the people around us spoke quietly and happily. The food came quickly and was very delicious.

We talked about all kinds of topics. I was surprised by how good Andrew and his girl's language skills were, and even more surprised that he actually took the lead in the conversation at points, instead of it being me constantly pulling information out of shy friends.

After we ate, his girlfriend went home, and Andrew and I took the subway to an enormous building with a scenic view. After a very long (and stomach turning) elevator ride to the highest point of the tower, we got out and took a look around. The view was open in a complete 360 degree circle around the building, with a gift shop and a little museum of the history of the tower in the middle. I took a lot of pictures up there, because there was a whole lot to see.

On one side, the view offered a wide and beautiful scene of the city in daylight. Buildings sprung from the ground as far as the eye could see, and cars zipped by on the roads below in all directions. On another side, the city ended abruptly at the foot of a forested mountain. The mountain was almost completely covered in the green of the tree canopies, but here and there, a couple of little houses could be seen nestled between their thick trunks.

This was one of the big reasons I wanted to see this country: back home in America, nature was something that was caged, fenced off and seen with the eye of someone at the zoo. Trees on the median, grass in the park, it was all placed aesthetically and artificially. But here, nature sat right beside civilization in a beautiful mix of old and new.

I moved on to another side of the tower, and could almost see the ocean beyond the many mountains and buildings beyond me. The clouds were puffy and free in the sky, hanging over the millions of people below who I wanted to get to know. Throughout all this time, Andrew and I were chatting about the things we could see, our lives, his work, my adventuring, anything we could think of.

After the sun was beginning to set, he noticed something down on the road below. There was a crowd of people below, all gathered around a concert stage. We were too high up to make out any signs, faces or clothes, but Andrew heard from the news that it was a gay pride parade, featuring a very famous pop idol in a free outdoor concert. We spent a good long while just watching the throng of people move in time to the music like waves upon the beach. He also pointed out how some of the people on the street were dressed and positioned in such a way as to look like a man's face, but I couldn't see it, no matter how he tried to explain it.

After trying to describe where the "face" was for a minute or two, Andrew just gave up trying to explain. But I just grinned, took a picture of the people down there, and had him show me on the preview pic on my camera. No wonder I couldn't see it: it didn't look at all like a man's face. But I nodded and lied, "Oh! There it is."

Finally, night set in, and I took another look around through the darkness. The forested mountain was now an ominous black shape in the distance, and the houses upon it could not even be seen anymore. The most interesting thing was the view of the city at night: light shone through the windows of buildings far and wide, with the caution lights for airplanes blinking upon them. Cars drove up and down the street, casting tiny, stretching shadows up and down the road.

It was at that point that I truly began to plan my journeys throughout the earth. Here I was at the top of the world, sharing an excellent view with an excellent friend, and I knew that there were millions more sights to see, and friends to make, just waiting for me to come and know them. The two of us spent several hours up there before it was time to go. The elevator ride down was swift, and a subway ride later, we parted. I'll never forgot the fun time we had, and the view he shared with me.

As for today...

I woke up at 11:00.
My wife and I went to the gym, then we went home.
I started a load of laundry.
I ate lunch.
I watched TV.
I watched internet movies with my son.
My wife took a nap.
I watched internet movies with my son.
I did some more resume, email and phone call stuff for work seeking.
My wife woke up and went to work.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I hung up wet laundry.
I watched internet movies with my son.
My mother-in-law came over to take my son out.
I played video games.
My son came home.
I watched internet movies with my son.
He fell asleep.
I played video games.
I slept.