Human nature and balance

Humans are a mix of two things: our primitive, base instincts from the animal part of ourselves, and whatever our logical mind has decided that we want to be. The definition of a human is the balance between these two forces... which of the two facets that a person chooses to act upon more often.

It's not difficult to find or define a reptilian human being, and especially not difficult to know countries where either intelligence or reptilianism dominates one or both of the sexes, because what decides the balance between these two forces is the threat of government (or lack thereof) against primitive behavior in either sex. Simply put, if government doesn't force people to be civilized, most people will revert to a more feral lifestyle of violence, manipulation and/or wanton sex. To know what kind of people you'll meet in your country, there are only two questions to answer: first, for which sex's benefit are laws passed and enforced? Second, is there even a strong government around at all?

There is no country today, or any that I can think of from history, where government didn't exist, and women ruled all. Men's physical strength leads them to dominate countries or places of anarchy, so this kind of place is beyond this discussion. But it is in a place with non-existent or short-lived government where we see reptilian man: a violent, exploitive sociopath, where if something cannot provide him sex or resources, then it is something to be ignored or destroyed. There are dozens of countries with this lack of government and ascendant primitive male power, and it manifests itself in the form of endless warfare, rape gangs and genocide squads. They are the absolute worst places in the world to be alive.

Next, when males are empowered and laws exist to protect and serve them, but the government makes an attempt to tamp down their violent behavior, it manifests itself in high rates of domestic violence directed at wives and children behind closed doors. In turn, wives remain in marriage because the laws of custody work against them and they shoulder the abuse, and the children grow up in houses of assault and fear, only to end up turning it on their own children in the future. There are several examples of places in the world like this, and the cycle of abuse rarely ceases in them.

Finally, in most other countries, laws also exist to tamp down the violent nature of primitive man. But more importantly, they also exist to provide women as many advantages as possible, most especially during marriage and divorce. If you can read this blog, then chances are you live in one of these countries.

To know what places these are, look for a country with a significant number of single mothers and the resultant uptick in drug use and crimes committed by their undisciplined children. Look for high rates of female-initiated divorce as they take advantage of the laws to "cash out." Look for unjust, but expected, rulings in family and divorce court that treat almost all divorcing men, regardless of what kind of husbands or fathers they were, as abusers and rapists unfit for having time with their own children. Look for a declining birth and marriage rate, and the destruction of the family unit itself, as the sexual arms race ratchets up between unfaithful males who trade out, and unfaithful females who trade up.

A man who attempts to marry in one of these countries is doomed. I've already discussed the leverage my wife has over me in my Strength post, but here, I think it's important to first discuss what a reptilian woman is like, as I lived with one for several years during my marriage, and for decades during my upbringing.

A reptilian woman is manipulative, moody and ever dissatisfied, where if something cannot provide her validation, safety or resources, then it is something to be ignored or destroyed. This behavior manifests itself in illogical, irrational arguments full of subject changing, deflection and lies, explosive drama followed by emotional shutdowns, the constant manipulation of relationships through threats and lies to create endless strife and warfare between people, the utilization of enforcers or other powerful external entities to punish all supposed enemies, and endless nagging and demands for everyone around her to complete menial tasks.

Where reptilian man demands submissiveness and obedience, reptilian woman demands attention, protection and material goods. There is no blame in this statement; it's just truth. Every one of us is, after all, a descendant of scattered, small groups of human beings that survived a major ice age, and the most successful breeders were those powerful, sociopathic men and the women attracted to said power.

But this is not our destiny. The logical mind is a powerful tool to change a person's life and desires, especially those destructive inner impulses. Through my limited study of neurochemistry, psychology and human evolution, as well as from personal experience, I've found that changing a reptilian behavior to an automatic, logical and healthy one takes a simple one to three months. And yet, so few people decide to make that effort.

And when you add marriage to this caveman mentality, especially in a country where there are no repercussions for engaging in primitive behavior, you get the problems I mentioned above. Marriage and childbirth are basically considered the last stage in life (short of retirement or death), and once reaching that stage, it becomes easy for people to get lazy and complacent, feeling that there is nothing left to accomplish in life and no need to try anymore. Looking back on my marriage with this knowledge in mind, I can see exactly what happened with my wife engaging in her reptilian ways. I'll copy what I wrote in my Combinations post, and add my explanations in bold:

- Late 2007 to September 2008 - Leader/Support. My girlfriend, who later became my pregnant wife, acted nice to me because she knew how great a guy I was. She kept up this act for another year, because she thought I was going to take off before she gave birth, and she wanted to secure my presence with her.

I maintained strength throughout this stage of our relationship and I had the option and ability to step out on her or run at any time (neither of which I did), and I was rewarded with respect and sex to keep me with her.

- September 2008 to December 2009 - Support/Support. After we officially moved in together, our married life followed an extremely predictable, and boring, routine.

During this time, I treated my wife very nicely, but I was also silently moody and miserable on many nights because of everything I had given up. I also spent a lot of time on the computer ignoring her. Although I only once turned this moodiness on my wife, I still left her afraid of my personality and worried that she was losing me, and she rewarded my bad but powerful behavior with respect and sex.

- December 2009 to February 2011 - Leader/Bully. My wife, realizing I wasn't going anywhere, let loose all of the selfish, domineering, rage-filled horsecrap that she had held in check, and I ineffectively attempted to defend myself by using logic against her drama-stirring foolishness. When I did, I got about the same amount of respect and understanding as if I were using the same logic on our seldom angry infant son.

This was when my wife gently asked me to stop using the computer all day, and I listened to her. She was right; I wasn't being a terribly good father, and I had to spend even more time with our son. Unfortunately, by doing so, she knew I was under her thumb, and I was no longer a threatening, powerful man, and thus deserved nothing but her contempt. I was rewarded for my kindness with sex every month or two and flagrant, weekly disrespect.

- February 2011 to October 2012 - Support/Bully. Since fighting my wife's mercurial nature wasn't working, I attempted to concede in every fight, in the hopes that appeasement would make her stop barking at me, and help her understand how much I did for her as her husband. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work, and only made things worse.

By taking this submissive stance, my wife's reptilian behavior compounded. She manipulated all of my free time to do chores around the house while she sat around and watched TV, cut sex off multiple times for months on end, complained when I gave her 90% of my paycheck instead of 95%, and started even more fights than before. My kindness was repaid with even more sexual deserts and hostility.

- October 2012 to today - Leader/Support. After my wife had the abortion, I had been pushed far and long enough. Her stupid drama gets only two responses from me: calm and logical, but direct, reprimands for her childish behavior, then absolute apathy and withdrawal. Depending on the fight, I sometimes use both, or sometimes skip straight to the latter, but both responses work extremely well. I've taken back control of this relationship and turned it from a volatile powder keg, back into a boring routine where I call the shots, and quietly remember my old life.

I became, and still act, aloof with my wife today: roughly 10% kindness, 10% brute, and 80% apathy and withdrawal. Appealing to her caveman intellect, I was suddenly a worthy mate again. I am currently rewarded for my bad behavior with sex every week or two and cautious, submissive respect.

I don't like acting like this, but marriage does this to people: the logical mind goes out the window, and life becomes a monotonous, repetitive sludge that is fit only for instinct, not intelligence. My choice in life is to be cold to my wife to appeal to her reptilian desire to be dominated, or to be nice to her and go back to that shrieking harpy she used to be when she saw herself as the superior between us.

But that's a choice I can make, because I don't live in a country that destroys men on their way out of marriage; anybody who can read this blog and the language that it's in has a much worse choice to make. Yes, I'm talking to you.

I have a choice of balance in my relationship. I can act brutish and aloof enough that my wife respects me and quits her stupid cavewoman drama, but also kind enough that she doesn't consider divorce to take our son away from me. But you, dear reader? The one living in a country that hates half of its population for daring to marry with external genitalia attached? What are you going to do?

You'll probably start off acting nice and sweet to your wife. After all, you married her, you love each other, and you're forging a life together with your best friend.

Then she'll start insulting you playfully. Then insulting you with a half-hearted "Just kidding!" Then insulting you. Then s*** testing you. Then rationing sex. Then using you. Then manipulating you. Then cutting off sex altogether. Then yelling at you. Then getting fat. Then quitting her job. Then spending too much. And the list goes on. So what will you do?

Will you go tough on her to appeal to that reptile within?

There's a roughly 33% chance she'll initiate divorce against you (and about 10% chance that you, the man, will do it), citing emotional abuse (like she even needs a reason in most countries), then take your children and all your assets with her. And the courts will make sure it happens.

Will you submit to her demands in order to appeal to her logical mind?

Her behavior will only get worse, and will end in one of two ways:

First, it can turn physical, and you can accept it for the sake of being with and protecting your kids and end up injured, crippled or dead, or you can fight back and have the cops arrest you for defending yourself.

Second, there's a roughly 33% chance she'll divorce you, citing boredom, then take your children and all your assets with her. Or you can divorce first, and she'll take your children and all your assets with her. And the courts will make sure it happens, dismissing and ignoring all evidence of abuse, while your ex hurts and neglects your children in your absence.

Will you talk with her calmly about the problems, like I tried to do dozens of times in the last several years with my wife?

Your wife is under no obligation to listen to you, because there's no legal or social incentive for her to improve. Moral considerations are a product of the intellectual mind, the very thing that has been disincentivized for wives to use in most English speaking countries. She'll likely either lie that she'll change her ways but not do anything, say that she'll change but give up after a few days, or turn the problem back on you to blame you for something, and make you the one who changes.

And if you keep it up? There's a roughly 33% chance she'll divorce you, citing that you have grown apart or that she needs to find herself, then take your children and all your assets with her. And the courts will make sure it happens.

In any way, you're screwed.

But I don't expect any man reading this to understand what I'm talking about, unless they've already been where I and millions of other men have already been. This is exactly why I gave this advice once, but I will give it again until anybody reading this blog internalizes it: marry if you don't believe me, but DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOUR WIFE. It may take days, it may take years, but that mask will slip off and you will become intimately familiar with the reptilian nature of women, and like a man's, it is an ugly thing to behold. When it does happen to you, you don't want your children around or on the way. Ruin your life if you must, but spare future generations, especially your own children, this sick, global degradation of society and human relationships.

Then and Now 69 - Nate and Annie

Then and Now 69 - Nate and Annie
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment, and later dating my wife.

I've really dropped the ball talking about Nate and Annie, the ones who provided me with the apartment I lived in during the best time of my life. I've talked a little here and there about things we've done together, but now it's time to really let these two shine in their own Then and Now.

Nate was only a little bit older than me, and Annie was about my age. He was out of college and working as an engineer, and she was an office worker. Their apartment was a bit smaller than mine, but probably cozier: there was a huge TV against the southern wall and a sofa on the north, and the kitchen was attached to the living room on the east side. Annie cooked once or twice for us, but most of the time, I just came over to talk and watch TV, then go home. I did cook burritos for them once, and though Annie seemed to be a bit uninterested, Nate scarfed them down like mad.

I never went into Annie's room of course, but I went into Nate's once or twice: it was usually a bit of a pig sty, and his computer was always on and opened to different chat programs. I also learned that he used to play Diablo 2 about the same time I did in college. Because we were all so close in age, and because I was grateful to them for the great place I was renting from them, we spent quite a few days and nights together talking, watching movies, playing games and having a good time. I guess it's kind of odd for a tenant to make good friends with his landlord and girlfriend, but there it is.

One night, we played a local board game with each other, and though I was able to pick up the rules and strategies with a couple minutes of bilingual explanations, Annie was an absolute master at the game. Every time I thought I had her beat, and even when Nate was sitting next to me and advising me on what to do, she would win every time. Sometimes it seemed like I was going to win in a turn or two, but Annie, playing possum or something, would suddenly unleash the fury of hell and stomp me into the ground before I could deliver the finishing blow.

The two invited over some school friends one night, two cute girls, so we could all play together, and same story: Annie whooped all. What was kind of funny was at the end of the game, the girls went home and Nate asked me something odd: "Can I ask the girls if they like you?"

"Huh?" I answered, half-amused and half-confused. "Why's that?"

He laughed. "It'll be funny!" he answered. I said sure and let him ask later, but I never heard back from him or the girls. Bad news, I guess?

Another night, one of Nate or Annie's cousins was over and hanging out with them, and I made a sudden, surprise visit downstairs at the same time. The previously smiling and talkative guy suddenly shut down when he saw me come in, but it didn't stop me from warmly greeting him and carrying on a conversation with him in the local language.

We watched Lord of the Rings together, but I don't remember which one it was. I told him Gimli was my favorite, especially since I'm a big John Rhys-Davies fan, and he quietly answered that he was a Legolas guy himself. I wasn't terribly surprised; the elf is usually the number one to fans of the movies. We watched the movie for a good long while, and when it was over, I went on back to my apartment to give him, Nate and Annie some time together.

Another day, I invited Nate up to my house to show him the first episode of Sliders. I had to pause it a few times to explain what was going on because his English wasn't terribly good, but he seemed to enjoy himself and asked several questions about what was going on. He was really unimpressed with the CG on the ice tornado halfway through, though being an engineer and used to the latest tech in his house and life, I didn't blame him. While in my place, I taught him the difference between negative "s***" and positive "the s***," and he updated his away message on his chat program with that information later.

A final story I have is the time I went down to Nate and Annie's place, and Nate very happily and proudly showed me some airsoft guns he had bought on the internet. He even spent some time drawing up and printing out some targets to hang in the kitchen, and took great pleasure in showing me how to load the guns and fire them correctly.

He was much more experienced with real firearms than I was, but I had spent more time with air guns when I was younger, so it was an interesting exchange of ideas and tips between the two of us on how to load and fire. We took turns shooting the target from a distance with his rifle, and in the end, he ended up edging me out my just a couple of points to prove himself the true master shooter.

Nate and Annie were good friends, and just two of many reasons I enjoyed going home after work or travel to have a relaxing time away from everything. Since I got married, we only met up once so my wife and I could introduce our son to them, but other than that, I haven't seen either one in years. I still often think about them, and the times we had together.

As for today...

I woke up at 5:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I took a nap.
I woke up to an empty house.
I played video games.
My wife and son came home, so I turned off the computer.
I played cars with my son.
I roughhoused with him.
I showered him.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I folded and put away dry clothes.
I did the dishes.
I slept.

Then and Now 68 - Northside

Then and Now 68 - Northside
Time: Mid-2007, single and at my apartment.

Just north of my apartment and past the bedding and shoe stores was a huge road that went west deeper into town, and east across a bridge to the main city. It was a good mile or two of road, and filled with many things to see. I hardly ever went west because I was usually on my way by bus or on foot to the city, but I have been down that road to the east so many times that I can still walk it in my mind's eye. The part of town that I lived in was crammed with many apartment buildings, local stores and other assorted places where people bustled in large crowds from one place to another.

There were local signs advertising wares of every type as far as the eye could see, and I bought some stuff at a few of those places. When I got my first paycheck, I bought some bedding from a local bedding store that was packed with mattresses and bedsheets leaning at every possible angle. It was little trouble for me to buy my first sheets, some blue ones with a kind of white bird/angel feather motif, using the words Nate taught me for "double bed sheets." I also went to a local supermarket and got the pot and skillet I used to cook burritos, and even though I didn't know the exact words, I was able to find help from a girl who worked there when I asked for "metal bowl-tools that I can cook in." Finally, I bought a pair of shoes that I ended up wearing until about a year ago, holes and all, from a nice old woman who ran a shoe store.

With those stores at my back and down a narrow street, the giant east-west road slowly began to fill everything in my vision. Directly in front of me across this huge four lane street, was a car dealership. It was summer when I was single, and not only was the light of the sun blasting down on me, but the glass that allowed looks at the cars inside reflected as much heat as possible on my sweat drenched self.

Down the long and straight road were many, many places of various use and stature: there was a hospital five minutes down the road on the south side, where I had gotten my health check done once or twice. There was also an L-shaped group of businesses about halfway to the bridge that had a bunch of local lunch shops. I ate at one of them several times while I was doing health checks or taking walks, and I talked with the husband and wife who ran it every time, trying everything from the sandwiches and burgers to the spaghetti while there.

Just five or ten minutes from the bridge was an overpass of some kind, but I don't remember if it was a freeway or an alternate path around town. I went under that pass many times on my travels around town, and used it just as often to shield myself from the sun for a few precious seconds. East of it was another long street that went north and south, and I remember walking down it one cool evening. The sun was close to setting and throwing shadows from the lamp posts onto the ground, and the bushes on the median were a quiet black-green. For some reason, every single lamp post was lit up by a bunch of softly glowing lights with a few plants strung between them.

I walked that night to the north until I came across a large shopping center which was very well designed. There were two parts to the place: the first was the above ground area, which was a literal ring of shops, several floors high, around a center meeting and relaxation area. The stores were all open with clear glass windows providing looks into all of them at the same time. I went shopping for some computer stuff at one of the stores on the third or fourth floor one time, and went for some ice cream on one of the bottom floors on another day.

The second area was below ground, and down a huge ring of stone stairs were housed several more stores. There was a McDonald's down there, and I think it was only the second or third time I had been to one while abroad. When I went inside, there were several locals sitting around the restaurant, and it seemed like the entire place came to a sudden halt when I entered. Everyone took turns alternating between looking at me and looking away shyly, including the clerk. I wasn't hungry and was just looking around, so I smiled, waved, then headed back out.

Farther into the center was a mammoth big box store that sold everything from food and clothes to costumes and school supplies. I went around the place for a little while, making notes of things that I might have needed or wanted later, and I ended up coming back for the Halloween party in Then and Now 65 to pick up a Harry Potter costume, because all the school had for me was some witch or warlock freebie that didn't look like it suited me. I already had a dress shirt for some interviews I did at the hostel, so I bought a tie there to complete the Potter look, too.

Only once did I ever head the other direction from my apartment: one day, I headed to the west-northwest side of the town and passed by a huge local supermarket where I bought some candy for my apartment. I also passed by a furniture store on the way, but since I didn't, and still don't, care about that useless stuff, I just passed it by.

And that's everything I can remember about my old town. I'm not yet done with my stories from that particular time, but this will about do for the last city I lived in as a free and sovereign man, before I got married.

As for today...

I woke up at 7:00.
I played video games.
My wife and son woke up, so I turned off the computer.
I ate lunch.
I watched TV.
I roughhoused with my son.
I took a nap.
I woke up.
I went to work.
I taught students.
I came home.
I started a load of laundry.
I cleaned up the floor and table.
I did the dishes.
I watched internet movies with my son.
I hung up wet laundry.
I slept.