About a week or two ago, my wife directly asked me why I never initiate sex with her or wake her up anymore for it. She was sitting behind me on the couch while I was using the computer, and without looking at her, I finally told her about her constant sex refusals and why I never want to initiate with her again.
After a brief moment of denial, and me subsequently telling her exactly how and when she refused, she got very apologetic and came up behind me to hug my shoulders, as if she were trying to comfort me or something. She apologized several times and claimed that it was all a misunderstanding, then said that she had to be more noticeable of someone who was "a little sensitive" like me. She completely missed the point in that it was her actions that led to this, but I wasn't about to set her straight and turn this clear pivot of power back to me into a fight. So instead, I just hummed or gave vague one word answers to all her questions and comments like "Yeah" or "Uh huh," which she seemed to accept.
Ever since that day, she's been messaging my phone over and over and telling me multiple times that she loves me, and ramping up the sexual overtones and sex initiations to multiple times a week, with all these actions done more times than at any time in the last four or five years. I still don't want sex with her, and probably never will again, but I still go along with it so I don't push her into divorce or anything. It's just a good sign that she has relegated herself to the subservient position in this marriage where she should be, after she showed herself to be the abusive, selfish witch that she was from 2010-2012 and not being able to be trusted with that kind of power. This is all also a localized reaffirmation that women respond to apathy, coldness and withdrawal with love, affection and praise, exactly the opposite of what most media and family would lead you to believe.
As for me, nothing is really going on. I go to work and go home, I spend time with my son, I remember how things used to be, and I keep counting down until my freedom comes, when I never have to live another day as a slave for the rest of eternity.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Marriage review, 2013 to 2014
Has it been a year already? My zoning out is out of control, but I don't expect much more from marriage; I'm only awake when I'm around my son.
Fights
There were no fights or drama that I participated in this year. I put an absolute stop to my wife's idiocy by learning how to counteract s*** tests, and I shut her mother down every time she steps out of line with one gruff sentence.
Chores
I did all the chores this year until January of this year, at which point my wife started doing almost everything in the house, a drastic change from me cleaning the whole house of most everyone else's messes every night for years. This adds up to about 150 of each chore, which brings the total number of chores to about 1500 times each over my married life.
Were I still single, I would have done every chore roughly 300 times each over the last six years, or about once a week.
Sex
My sex life is still in the pits, but just like last year, I still don't care. The number is around once or twice a month, sometimes once every other month, but I honestly didn't keep accurate count because I lost all interest. Just a few days ago I had a problem where I tried to initiate sex with my wife multiple times after she asked for it, but then she turned me down later anyway. This was my mistake, because I didn't tell myself to stop initiating sex with my wife at all times, including when she plans it herself.
On those days, I guess a part of me thought that my wife was actually trying to get back with me and show some regular affection, and we could go back to some shadow of our dating days when we were going at it like crazy, but the truth is that as a married man, I have no expectation of sex. At all. Attempting to get more of it, or initiating more often by asking ten times to try and get it once, only leads to my wife acting more rudely or selfishly towards me as she attempts to get something in exchange for the sex she offers. In addition to the 95% of my paycheck she appropriates.
If I hadn't married, I would have dated up to 24 different women by now, or just a small handful of great ones, and I would be having sex at least twice a week on average.
Money
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $65,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.
Time Off
This year, I had 60 days off of work. Since I no longer work or tutor on Sundays, this number should be quite higher next year.
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work (at least 120 a year), and five days (at least 250 a year) off from chores. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.
Travel
I've lived in four cities.
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my tenth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.
Friends
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1800 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.
Fun & Adventure
I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.
If I were still single, I could have written over 1000 Then and Now posts on my great life.
Summary
With my wife and her mother managed through s*** test deflections, my life is now what it was from 2008 to 2010: a dark, boring, monotonous waste of time where I'm ever left wondering when it will end.
Fights
There were no fights or drama that I participated in this year. I put an absolute stop to my wife's idiocy by learning how to counteract s*** tests, and I shut her mother down every time she steps out of line with one gruff sentence.
Chores
I did all the chores this year until January of this year, at which point my wife started doing almost everything in the house, a drastic change from me cleaning the whole house of most everyone else's messes every night for years. This adds up to about 150 of each chore, which brings the total number of chores to about 1500 times each over my married life.
Were I still single, I would have done every chore roughly 300 times each over the last six years, or about once a week.
Sex
My sex life is still in the pits, but just like last year, I still don't care. The number is around once or twice a month, sometimes once every other month, but I honestly didn't keep accurate count because I lost all interest. Just a few days ago I had a problem where I tried to initiate sex with my wife multiple times after she asked for it, but then she turned me down later anyway. This was my mistake, because I didn't tell myself to stop initiating sex with my wife at all times, including when she plans it herself.
On those days, I guess a part of me thought that my wife was actually trying to get back with me and show some regular affection, and we could go back to some shadow of our dating days when we were going at it like crazy, but the truth is that as a married man, I have no expectation of sex. At all. Attempting to get more of it, or initiating more often by asking ten times to try and get it once, only leads to my wife acting more rudely or selfishly towards me as she attempts to get something in exchange for the sex she offers. In addition to the 95% of my paycheck she appropriates.
If I hadn't married, I would have dated up to 24 different women by now, or just a small handful of great ones, and I would be having sex at least twice a week on average.
Money
I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.
As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $65,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.
Time Off
This year, I had 60 days off of work. Since I no longer work or tutor on Sundays, this number should be quite higher next year.
As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work (at least 120 a year), and five days (at least 250 a year) off from chores. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.
Travel
I've lived in four cities.
As an unmarried man, I would be living in my tenth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.
Friends
I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.
As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1800 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.
Fun & Adventure
I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.
If I were still single, I could have written over 1000 Then and Now posts on my great life.
Summary
With my wife and her mother managed through s*** test deflections, my life is now what it was from 2008 to 2010: a dark, boring, monotonous waste of time where I'm ever left wondering when it will end.
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