No support

I'm grateful to the influx of generous and understanding commenters that I've gotten recently, and have tried to engage with them as I can to convince them not to ruin their lives with marriage as I have. For anyone who reads this, however, I want you to understand that this is not the norm.

When I was dating my girlfriend, just prior to getting her pregnant in 2007, the online presence of men warning other men not to marry or deal with women in the modern age (but more importantly, women backed up by corrupt and violent governments and state officials) was still in its infancy. I also had no guidance from any of my four fathers on how to treat women with power and confidence, and I had nobody to show me what happens to men railroaded by the system because I never saw any of these things on the news, never saw it in pop culture, and none of my parents ever prepared me for it.

So you might be thinking that now that men are out in droves pushing back against the system that robs and imprisons them after divorce, or incarcerates them during relationships on her word alone, that you would have a strong support system for yourself if you ever began to live with a woman. Maybe you might think that with men finally waking up to the realities of western governments grinding men into pulp would be enough to get you through marriage so you can have that happy family life you've always wanted. I'm here to say that despite the generosity of my latest commenters, you are sadly mistaken if you think most people will have your back.

In this international gender war, you will find three primary teams of people: the first is Team Woman, and is made up of women, their enablers and worshppers, and most mass media. The second is Team Man, is mostly relegated to the internet, and is made up of a variety of different acronyms like MGTOW, the MRAs and PUAs. Finally, there is Team Neutral, the largest of all the teams, made up of people who may or may not have opinions on the whole matter, but don't really care too much. Who among these three can you count on to take your side, have your back and provide you support if you find yourself unhappily married?

Team Woman will not help you. I know this from experience, because about four or five years ago I was going to close female friends or around the net for information on why my wife was acting like a beast. If they had responses, I got the same ones every time:

- When I talked about the things that she was doing wrong in our marriage, I got called a liar, a loser and lazy. People accused me of not working hard enough to support my wife, and wouldn't believe me when I told them what my wife was up to. The only advice that didn't include namecalling were several cries of "seek therapy." This had the psychological underpinning that we were both somehow at fault, even though I was the one sacrificing 95% of my paycheck, doing all the chores in the house, spending all the time with our son, only once raising my voice, while allowing my wife absolute freedom.

- When I talked about the few things that I did wrong in our marriage, like the one and only time I yelled at her in six years, Team Woman pounced on that. They ignored everything my wife did and focused on that one incident to smear me again as a lazy, lying loser.

However, looking at the advice that Team Woman gave to other women was striking in its contrast:

- When a wife had a lout of a husband, Team Woman took her at her word and encouraged her to call the police, to punish him with sex withdrawal or property destruction, or to divorce.

- When she admitted fault with her good husband, Team Woman encouraged her to "find herself" (aka divorce and sleep with other men) or shamed the man for not being strong enough to handle his obviously wonderful wife.

So Team Woman will not be on your side as a man if you get married. But what about Team Man?

You'll get some good information from Team Man, sure, and it will help you to deal with the mess you've made of your life. But if you ever mention to them that you got married, be prepared to be treated as a pariah.

"Doofus," "Immature," "Idiot," "Ten years old," "Fool," "Jackass," "Delusional," "Moron," "Sucker," "Dumbass," "Crybaby," "Whiner," "Cuckold," "Beta Boy," these are just a few of the names I have been called by the few places on the net that have discussed my situation, and who supposedly have men's interests at heart. There are exceptions out there where married men are respected for the wisdom they offer to younger men about not marrying, but it's been my experience that the namecalling from supposed "brothers" is just as brutal as the bullying from Team Woman. I have spent many years in high school and college as the group clown and punching bag (the one everyone insults and beats on, which the punching bag takes so he can "belong"), and I personally will not be going back to it. I also do not recommend men who plan to marry on relying on these supposed fraternities for companionship.

UPDATE: I think a coincidental in-a-row experience of several blogs discussing my situation, with namecalling and false assumptions about my character, made me get the wrong idea. I now think many or most people on Team Man will be supportive, though I still don't recommend getting married because other men will understand your position; all the well wishing in the world won't stop the government or mass media from steamrolling over any father or husband for what they may or may not do right or wrong.

And finally, we come to Team Neutral, people who haven't picked a side of the gender war and who make up the bulk of the world's population. I've mentioned before that if you live in an English speaking country and marry, then your life is over. In that post, I mostly discussed the legal ramifications of getting married in the west, but what I didn't discuss was the cultural aspect.

Imagine if you got married, it turned out badly as most do, and you went to friends or co-workers for assistance. What kind of response would you get? If you answered "stop whining" or something to that effect, then you've probably lived in a western country for as long as I have.

Western culture is absolutely obsessed with two things: power and irony. If you attempt to approach a member of Team Neutral, whether in real life or on the net, with your troubles with marriage, this sets them into a fit. "He's a man, but he has troubles he can't solve?" they think, and immediately move to insult, ridicule and reject you because you have trouble and dare to voice it to others. Westerners, and therefore Team Neutral, love power more than anything else: men follow other brutal men who put down everyone in the group, and women date thugs, criminals and drug dealers. Marry, and you will find no sympathy, no support, no respect from these people.

In addition, western culture's obsession with irony stems from its constant condescending attitudes towards others; people make judgements about others, and in turn fear others' judgement, so they mask their true emotions from judgement through irony and sarcasm. All of this makes it difficult to be honest with others in the west, because when you are, people think that you're weak, childish or stupid. It seems just about everyone speaks opposite to what they mean, whether it be calling beautiful cars ugly, calling their friends a-holes, calling their political rivals geniuses, or the millions of other ways people try to hide their true heart through layers of deception, sarcasm and double talk. If you try to reason with most people in the west about your troubles, and they don't immediately disqualify you because you aren't powerful enough, it's almost guaranteed they will try to make a joke out of your suffering, make pithy, ironic statements like "Yeah, marriage is great, huh?" or some other kind of useless words that do nothing to change your position.

If the laws against you as a married man are not enough to convince you not to tie the noose, try thinking long and hard about the kind of support you usually get from the people around you. Trust me: I've lived alone in an apartment by myself and through a godawful marriage, and I was never more lonely in life than those years I spent with the woman my wife used to be. Even today with a wife who has settled down on the chaos, I am the only one I can rely on.