The problem of sex

I promised myself that I wouldn't ask my wife for sex ever again about six months ago, and kept that promise up until a week or two ago. Thinking that I had proven myself the leader of this marriage once more with my wife buying me presents, showing me respect at all times and happily taking care of all of the housework (when she used to yell at me all the time when I cleaned the house every night before), I tried to initiate sex four times this month. The first time, she said yes. The second time, it was her period. The third and fourth times, out it came again: "I'm too tired."

After the third refusal, I was livid. But knowing that anger only shows women what buttons they can push, I just remained quiet for a few seconds, then said, "Every night, you're too tired. Every morning, you have no time." Then I went outside to sleep on the couch. It was quite peaceful and relaxing out there, and the next day, I went directly to work without talking to her. She sent some text messages to me, but I didn't even bother reading a single word of them:

- If it was an apology and a promise to change regarding sex, she's already promised that multiple times and lied every time before.
- If it was her idea of an explanation, I knew it would just be an excuse.
- If it was some anger or confusion with demands for answers, I didn't want to hear it. More importantly, if a man doesn't calmly and sternly put a stop to a woman's outbursts, it's best not to give them even the barest hint of attention, or you get more of the same.

When I came home, I refused to make eye contact with her, ignored her for hours while I played with our son, recovered my blankets from the bedroom (she put them on the bed again while I was at work) then slept on the couch again. I continued this process for two or three days, and she bought me a bunch of presents and was obviously confused and uncomfortable, and because of this, treated me like a king. But the sex still didn't return.

And that's the main point of today's post. Unmarried men, this is the norm for a husband, and there's nothing you can do to solve it. Think of any girlfriends you have been with. What were the options?

EITHER
I have sex with my girlfriend.
OR
I find someone else.

Married men like myself, however, have a different experience:

EITHER
I have sex, and my wife gets money and support.
OR
I don't have sex, and my wife gets money and support.

I've also discussed about how being a strong man with a supportive woman is much, much more stable than the alternative (or an equal partnership, for that matter), much to the opposite of what western culture teaches people. In the end, this shows the problem of sex, specifically in marriage.

Women sleep with high class men. In most cases, that's a given. Whether it's money, strength, fame or whatever, women hardly ever sleep down. And that leads us to marriage... which is the greatest show of submission a man can make to a woman in today's society. So it doesn't matter how strongly you act, how much you ask, how nice you are or how much you pull rank or bluster: women have no reason or incentive to sleep with a man they have married, unless their bodies are screaming at them to have children (which means I can get laid about once a month on average).

Women sleep with men for many reasons, but I know two reasons my wife-as-girlfriend used to sleep with me. The first was for the pleasure of it, and I know she used to, and still does, enjoy it. I don't want to get too personal, so I'll leave it at that. The second reason was to keep me around, and as my wife, she no longer needs to do this; I'm bound to her through our son and the marriage contract. With only one reason to have sex remaining, it's no wonder our sex life is in the pits, and why most married men can understand what I'm talking about. Single or dating men, this message is for you: you want sex, don't get married.

After all this stuff went down, I really started to think about this whole sex thing once more. First, I reaffirmed by promise not to initiate again; I went six months this time, next I'll try for at least a year, but hopefully not break the promise again. But more importantly, I realized that punishing my wife for her wafer thin excuses for sex was not necessary, and for several reasons:

- It does nothing to help our son, which is the only reason I'm staying married to my wife.
- Punishment makes her defer to me more, but it has never improved our sex life in the past.
- I'm not that interested in having sex with a somewhat overweight (but better than before), flabby middle-aged woman anyway.

So we made up without me apologizing (never apologize to a woman, by the way: they only use it as a reason to abuse you more), and back to the daily routine we went: sexless and monotonous, with 4660 days left on the counter until I can live again.

Back to the past

What a waste of life marriage is.

I recently had a vacation with my wife and son, going back to the city where I first entered this country and where I stayed with my bud and his aunt. Unfortunately, the vacation was only two days long and involved some business, so I didn't have time to go back to see those old grounds. My son and I had fun here and there and everyone talked, but my wife was mostly just around. The whole time reminded me of the petting zoo day we had when my wife was still a giant a-hole back in 2012. Here was our rip-roaring trip of adventurous fun and excitement, sure to put any of my Then and Now experiences as a single man to shame:

DAY 1
7:00 - 7:30 - Waited for my wife and son to get ready.
7:30 - 8:00 - Took a taxi to the train station.
8:00 - 9:00 - Waited for the train to arrive.
9:00 - 10:30 - Rode the train.
10:30 - 11:30 - Waited for the bus to arrive.
11:30 - 12:00 - Rode the bus to an amusement park.
12:00 - 3:00 - Hung out at an amusement park (which mostly involved standing in line waiting), and also sat around and ate.
3:00 - 3:30 - Walked to the hotel.
3:30 - 6:00 - Watched TV and took a nap.
6:00 - 10:00 - Took part in a dull business meeting, and also sat around and ate.
10:00 - Slept.

DAY 2
8:00 - 9:00 - Packed our things.
9:00 - 11:00 - Stood around while my wife shopped, and also sat around and ate.
11:00 - 12:00 - Waited for the bus to arrive.
12:00 - 12:30 - Rode the bus to the train station.
12:30 - 1:30 - Waited for the train to arrive.
1:30 - 3:00 - Rode the train.
3:00 - 3:30 - Took a taxi home.

Like the zoo trip, and most certainly like marriage, the vast majority of my time was/is spent waiting.

Even more recently, I had to go back to the main city to do some immigration paperwork, so I set my alarm for very early in the morning. When I had shaken the cobwebs loose, I woke my wife to say goodbye and ask for luck. She groaned that she didn't want to have sex.

So the previous night, my son and I had drawn together, watched movies together and played video games together, while my wife did nothing but sit in a chair and browse the internet on her phone, alone. And then, in the morning, she denies me sex that I didn't ask for. Can I explain any more clearly how marriage destroys and children enrich the lives of men? Even if I did want sex, I wonder how she would feel if I didn't want to give her $500 one month for her personal expenses because I was "tired" or "not in the mood." After all, it takes me 20 hours to make that money per month, and even if we went at it like rabbits (which we don't), she would only spend around 10 hours a month of lying there and doing little to nothing to get the same reward.

It was very early when I reached the city, and because I knew that my old hostel was nearby, I took a walk down that familiar Odds and Ends street to see if my old hostel was there. I saw the park again, but the computer store seemed to be missing. Also, the overpass was so low to the road that I had to stoop a little to get under it; I had forgotten all about that.

When I finally reached the hostel, I saw the same security guard out front from seven years ago and said hello. He didn't recognize me, but that was ok. After going upstairs to talk with the boss and admire the view once more (and hearing the very, very familiar whine of the elevator as it went up to the top of the building), I headed back out to do my paperwork.

I didn't have any flashes of euphoria or anything, but I did experience my vision expanding slightly as I walked to the hostel. At that time, a map of the general part of the world I was in appeared in my mind, as if I were planning my next adventure around the world, but because it's October, I would actually have just gotten to my new city, and probably be in the process of choosing between five or ten girls to be my girlfriend, right now.

But I married, because I allowed myself to be brainwashed by society into thinking it was an amazing institution. It's certainly not for men: we lose freedom, time, money and sex, and take on the burdens of in-laws, chores, drama and monotony. I know where I would be living right now if it weren't for my stupidity, and I know where I am because of my foolishness.

I have to wait 4697 days to be free, men. If you're married but childless, or haven't yet tied that noose, you're free to go ANY TIME. Don't make my mistake.

Small updates

Another month has passed where nothing really occurred. But as I said last month, that's marriage.

My son is as nice and cute as ever, and really becoming a lot more like me. I'm doing my best to raise him as an aware man, and not a server of women as I used to be; I know that that kind of life leads to no girlfriend and an empty wallet with little gratitude (and even verbal abuse) being the only reward. I want him to grow up respecting women, but understanding their power-attracted nature so he never ends up the simp that I once was. Above all, I hope he avoids marriage and either becomes a long term dater, or just avoids the trouble altogether.

My wife and I have really been working hard on losing weight. I think when I told her how much weight I had lost (only thirty pounds to go, and I'm underweight and done), she got worried that I would soon approach her weight, so she started her own diet. She has loose skin hanging in certain places, but because there's nothing she can do about it, I don't mind; at least it's not fat anymore.

Then again, if I weren't married, I could be dating one of the many hot, young college girls that I've met over the years.

Sex life is still ho hum, maybe once a week or two. I don't care either way.

I still hope I can have another life, and not make this mistake of marriage again. I'm in charge of this relationship and living the lauded, traditional style marriage where dad makes the rules and happy wife follows suit, but my single life was still way better than this.

As long as I focus on my son, I think I can get through the next twelve years with minimal problems. And as long as I mostly ignore my wife, she'll just be that more eager to please.

A whole month

Where have I been? What have I been doing?

Same place and nothing, as usual; this is marriage. If you thought marriage was usually made of night dancing, endless laughs on the boardwalk and abundant shared moments that last forever, well, you can think again. Nothing really important has happened in the last thirty days, and they've slipped by quickly, leaving me with 4750 days left on the counter until I'm free again.

The only minor things that happened this month were losing some classes at work to leave me with a more relaxing schedule, me spending lots of time with my son in games, blocks and action figure wars, and otherwise constant work.

I did end up making more money this month than any other month of my life: $3000. Of course, when I did the math and realized that around $150 of that is mine and the rest is going to everyone else around me (I would have kept $2200 as a single man, or $1000 if it were just me and my son), I didn't feel quite so excited.

The final thing to mention is that after a visit from my mom this year and snarfing down the candy and cookies she brought, I was about 220 pounds in the end of winter. It didn't really show because of my height, but it was still unacceptable, so I worked hard to lose that weight up to now. I've now dropped thirty of those pounds on an amazingly effective diet I just discovered, and I'm also fourty pounds away from perfectly and healthily <b>underweight</b>; I'll probably get there in just a few months, now that I know what to do.

After I lose this final weight, my wife will actually be fatter than me. Unmarried men, let that sink into your minds for a second.

Money and rest

Once again, a day comes where I have to transfer $1000 to my wife by bank, and hand her over $200 in person, so we can pay for the next month's expenses. It's too much money to be spending in a single month for any reason and represents over two weeks of work on my part, but once again, it seems that that isn't enough to show any kind of appreciation.

Yesterday was not only the day I had to pay my wife money so she could have the opportunity to disrespect me as a beta provider again, but also a day where she and our son took the day off from work and school. My wife was fine for the first half, and I spent half my time off playing with our son, and the other half surfing the net.

I went to work, and on the way back, took care of the money transfers and stuff to come home to my son crying, wrapped up in a blanket on the bed, and my wife looking angry. I've mentioned this several times before, and I still don't understand it: every time my wife has a day off from work, she goes ape and acts like a jerk to everyone in the house. This time, she had to flip out on our son because he didn't want to go back to school.

I came in and handed her her money while trying to figure out what was going on with our son, because I didn't know what had happened yet. My wife acted somewhat indignant, asking with knit eyebrows why I was giving her money, as if I were inconveniencing her by putting free cash in her hand. I said nothing until she admitted it was for the next month's payments, and once again, she turned away without a word. "How about a little gratitude?" I asked seriously. She turned around and hugged me without a word, then I went to check on our son.

I comforted him and convinced him to get ready for school the next day, admonished him when he acted up, then promised his favorite breakfast if he would be good, and the crisis was averted in a mere thirty seconds. Apparently, that was too difficult for my wife, or she simply wanted a punching bag for the day, because once again, she can't accept having a day off without being a jerk.

Recently, I've had a lot of mental flashes to my old life, especially my Then and Nows. I've imagined places I could have seen, women I could have been with, languages I could have learned, all if I hadn't married. After, I've been filled with quick, but blinding, bursts of anger and regret for what I gave up ever since I married. I'm thankful for understanding the secret of thought control to keep my mind and actions stable and defuse those emotions, but I can't help wishing it were just my son and I in my life.

No matter the woman, no matter the country and no matter the laws, marriage, by and large, is like this. Thirty days of endless, thankless work, flare-up nonsense from an emotionally capricious wife, and watching the broken shards of once great dreams reflect the barest glints of what they once were.

Repetition

Had a day off today, when I usually work twice a day, six days a week. This time spent with my wife, plus the sex we had recently, naturally led to her playing hot and cold today.

"You're the greatest father I've ever seen. Every other father I've ever known just ignores their kids or yells at them."
"Stop saying I look like other women. It shows you don't think I'm special."
"I want a kiss from you! And a hug, too!"
(After I say I like her small eyes) "How come you don't like my small eyes?! I'm not talking to you!!"

Every time she went cold, and especially when she started with that "order my husband to do little jobs and if he does them, then I have license to further disrespect him" thing, I withdrew affection utterly and completely and ignored her for as long as possible, and she went back to hot again. Then, when I responded positively to her polite behavior, it was back to cold again.

Staying around her, plus her sudden drop in respect for me after we have sex, caused this rare mid-week day off to become yet another in a long string of reminders of how marriage is draining me.

I remain the same man almost every day of my life, she jumps all over the place. I had potential in my life to achieve and experience a billion different things before I married, she was sitting around in her mom's house. I've saved $10,000 for our son's college education, she's wasted $10,000 in the last two or three years on nonsense, and her mom's wasted $10,000 more. When I'm not working, I'm sleeping. When I'm not sleeping, I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen. When I'm not waiting, I'm cleaning.

And while I waste my time being married, all I can do is watch other, smarter men who haven't and won't marry enjoy their lives, and only wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life.

Condescension

I keep all of the non-business emails between my wife and I, even to this day. I guess I'm kind of an automatic softie and this alpha attitude thing is the mask I use to keep her in line, but maybe in the future I'll end up deleting them. I don't know. What I do know is that I was checking my emails to her from 2007-2008, and noticing an anus-clenching subservience in many of them. It's no wonder that my wife started treating me like garbage and s*** testing like crazy after the Christmas fight in 2009, when I brought her such gems as:

"You are so cute and interesting and funny and charming! I miss you very much, and I always think about you."
"I LOVE YOU and I'll see you soon, beautiful!"
"Anyway, I am missing and loving you two very much!"
"I'm enjoying my day off, my love, doing nerd stuff and emails!"
"I love you and think you are awesome."
"I'm sorry; I was just really shocked before by your sad/angry phone call and I still haven't recovered completely yet."

And those are just the replies she saved in her emails so I could read them; imagine how many more displays of loser I provided her. I guess if I had been interested in the information out there on the internet for men (or had a father), I wouldn't have been speaking like that to a woman.

This all leads in to the main reason for this post, which is me giving money to my wife. I've discussed before about the kind of disrespect my wife shows me when I hand her money, because her reptilian mind is trying to place me as either the brute who deserves respect, or the provider who deserves demands. As a result, I need to shut down her s*** tests almost every time I hand her money. It happens every month like clockwork, but I only mention her s*** testing when it's really obvious... like this month's payment.

I gave my wife $200 directly to pay for our son's schooling, and after she took it in her hand, she began to turn away without saying a word. I held firm to the money with a strong and serious look on my face until she turned around and thanked me for it. I simply shook my head and turned away, and she quickly got our son and herself to say thanks together for my generosity.

She got the other $1000 in her bank account, and no sooner had she checked to make sure it was there, she was texting me on my cell phone about all the problems she was having. First she said our son is staying up too late and I shouldn't let him, and I replied that I send him to bed on time every night. Then she complained about his homework not being done on time, and I explained that it was her mother, not me, who procrastinated on that. Finally, she complained about his eyesight and how he might need glasses soon. I said it was because of my DNA, and when she responded that he's her son too, I just stopped talking to her.

These tests always stop within two or three days of me giving her money, then start up again when I once more pay her for the month.

This is women: disrespecting you for your helpfulness and responsibility.

This is marriage: a decades long cycle that robs you of all your finances, time and freedom.

Love life

It has been over a month since I've last had sex, straight from the beginning of one period to the end of another. Between them, my wife was asking me to wake her up or meet her for sex about twice a week. I counted a total of six times in the past month that she's asked me to join her in bed when our son had fallen asleep, which is markedly different from the months of non-initiation that made up our marriage a few years ago.

Of course, every time she asked, I never responded much. When she asked me directly, I hummed an affirmative and kept playing the computer. When she texted me about it, I just deleted the text without answering. She even sent a text two nights ago, the most submissive "take me" text she's ever given (which makes me think she's been asking around for how to get me interested in sex again), but I deleted that one too. When she asked about it yesterday and I said I didn't get the message, she said that she had a record of me receiving and reading it, so I just lied and said I must have bumped the phone and lost the message. She asked me to wake her up again last night, I neutrally agreed, then just slept without doing so.

She is in exactly the position I want her to be: worried whenever I reject her with plausible deniability about lost texts, and happy when I otherwise treat her nicely. She spins in circles wondering if I still love her, and if I do, do I still love her physically or just emotionally, whydoesnthewantmewhatsgoingon...

If you think this is cruel, I can tell you that you're probably either a woman, or a man who's never been married. She hasn't started drama for months thanks to this utter withdrawal of affection, and our son is growing up in a stable house. And if you feel pity for my wife, I only need to keep linking this post to show the nightmare I had to deal with for almost three years because I used to treat my wife with the respect of an equal. If you still feel bad for our lack of sex:

- Why does she seem so happy after I reject her, especially the morning after?
- If she wants sex so much, why does she keep asking, then falling asleep earlier, turning me down or waiting so long between sessions?
- Why does she seem to act distant for a day or two after one of our rare sessions?
- What other choice do I have besides secret rejections? If I tell her the problem, she'll just ignore me or lie about what she has done and is doing (for example, I told her a month ago, but she's still up to her tricks). If I threaten punishment like six month sex refusals for every time she rejects me, her behavior might get worse.

The answer to these questions, and the reason I do this, is because my rejections tickle her primitive mind more than any amount of money I make, and more than any respect I used to show her. By rejecting her so often, I am displaying my higher value as a strong man, and she feels happy to be in my presence. Ironically, it's what also keeps us out of the bedroom.

I suppose I could try the punishment threats to continue displaying higher sexual value while still having a sex life, but I certainly don't want my wife anymore, not after what she's put me through, and especially not because I have to wait so long for a short and lame release that I can take care of myself. So my sex life is still in the pits, but I'm not blaming the lack of sex on my wife, because I'm the one who is doing the secret rejections now. My sex life is awful because I want it to be so, at least with regards to my wife.

A few months ago in March and April, she asked me to wake her for sex seven times and changed her mind five times when I actually followed through, so I have no reason to believe that the six requests over the past two months were anything different. It's obvious she's just using these requests in an attempt to control me, and she will not fool me again.

And all of this is mine, because I got married. There are girls half her age making eyes at me in my classrooms, and with the knowledge I've gained of attracting women through overconfidence mixed with a proactive, adventurous attitude and tempered kindness, I could be dating any one of them right now.

But I married.

I got a smartphone a few months back when my old one died, and got this nice little application: it's a countdown app that is currently ticking down to September 1st, 2027, and anytime I need to adjust the future date (son goes to college early or late, I need to make more money, whatever) a few swipes will lead me to the new number until I get my freedom back.

4811 days, and I'm out of here.

Trip to Leena's

I went to the main city to go see Leena, the first time I had seen or talked to her since 2007 when I had the phone call with her before going to the tech street. Seven years is a long time for people to change, and Leena is no exception. I took my wife and son over there to meet her, with only Leena knowing that she was my first love. Even not knowing that, on the way there, my wife would absolutely not stop bellyaching about every little thing:

"It's drizzling! Wah!"
"I'm tired! Wah!"
"I'm carsick! Wah!"
"I'm bored! Wah!"
"You're lost! Wah!"
"We're late! Wah!"

She never used to talk to me like this when we were friends. When we were dating. When she was pregnant, but afraid I was going to leave her. But now she does. I guess one way of looking at this is "See how much she loves you to show her true self." A better way, however, is "Look how little she respects you to ruin a trip with her juvenile complaining, thinking you can't say or do anything to make her stop."

As a contrast, here is a comprehensive list of all the problems I complained about and pushed on my wife during our six hours out:

-

So when we finally reached our destination on time, she was on her best behavior for Leena. My old crush was now married with a child, but of course I didn't feel a thing for her, since I had long since let her out of my mind. She did weigh about half as much as my wife does, though, even a year after she had delivered her son. We talked and played with her son for a few hours, during which time we talked about our futures. I said that I was going to use mnemonics and three months to master the language of a country I wanted to move to (a dream that was crushed by my wife's and my surprise pregnancy and marriage, though of course I didn't mention that), then go there as soon as my son was off to college.

My wife then asked, "What about me?"

I simply looked back at her and said, "You're coming, right?" She quickly nodded, and said little more.

On a side note, this whole making your girlfriend or wife afraid of losing you by withdrawing affection, something that has served me well to get the ogre my wife was back in line, apparently has a name: Dread Game. It's amazing what a little research on the net can teach about checking your out of control wife. As a response to my wife's disrespectful attitude all morning and afternoon, I knew it was time to put her back in her place, so I continued with this technique by promising our son I would take him back to the city next week, and my wife could stay home to relax. Not only does this work to continually keep my wife both chasing me, and back in line, as I draw away from her, but I'll also avoid the whiny baggage she offers almost every trip I take with her by going only with our son.

So does this technique work? It's a simple enough question to answer: the last time my wife did something stupid was April 6th, over two months ago. Every other day between was half smiles and fun, a little withdrawal for any signs of disrespect, and some ignoring while I played games or did other stuff to show her that I will not be chasing her again. Now compare that to three or four years ago, back when I allowed her to be the leader of this marriage and did nothing to stop her rampages. Drama came every ten or so days, much worse than today. Even a comparatively lesser series of slip-ups like this morning and afternoon needs to be punished on that same day, or the problem of an awful wife only get worse.

When time with Leena was up, we started walking back to the train station to go home. On the way back, I saw ten or twenty foreigners with their thin, smiling girlfriends on the street, a sharp contrast to the pudgy wife of mine with the occasional sour flash on her face. Almost every one of them did the "foreigner fakeout," a common action from one foreigner to another abroad, by either sharply turning their heads ninety degrees to the side to avoid eye contact, or staring straight ahead, unblinking and ignoring every smile and hello from other foreigners, until they were safely away. Since I used to do this during the first time I went abroad to another country in 2005, I still assume that, like the old me, these men are only here for sex and money, and see other foreigners as hated competition for women and jobs. Only one man returned a smile.

Still, as I mentioned, this kind of stuff doesn't bother me anymore; I actually feel kind of sorry for the obvious jealousy or undue sense of rivalry these men have with other foreigners, and I wish them the very best. I just thought it was funny to mention it, because though everything in my life, and the people's lives around me, has changed quite a bit, the foreigner fakeout has remained a constant for the last seven years.

And that was it. Soon, we were home, showered and off to bed. I can only imagine the much busier, and happier, day I could have had today if it were just me, or just me and my son, without my wife and marriage weighing everything about my life down. Today could easily have been another Then and Now, had I not tied the noose.

Rebound

About a week or two ago, my wife directly asked me why I never initiate sex with her or wake her up anymore for it. She was sitting behind me on the couch while I was using the computer, and without looking at her, I finally told her about her constant sex refusals and why I never want to initiate with her again.

After a brief moment of denial, and me subsequently telling her exactly how and when she refused, she got very apologetic and came up behind me to hug my shoulders, as if she were trying to comfort me or something. She apologized several times and claimed that it was all a misunderstanding, then said that she had to be more noticeable of someone who was "a little sensitive" like me. She completely missed the point in that it was her actions that led to this, but I wasn't about to set her straight and turn this clear pivot of power back to me into a fight. So instead, I just hummed or gave vague one word answers to all her questions and comments like "Yeah" or "Uh huh," which she seemed to accept.

Ever since that day, she's been messaging my phone over and over and telling me multiple times that she loves me, and ramping up the sexual overtones and sex initiations to multiple times a week, with all these actions done more times than at any time in the last four or five years. I still don't want sex with her, and probably never will again, but I still go along with it so I don't push her into divorce or anything. It's just a good sign that she has relegated herself to the subservient position in this marriage where she should be, after she showed herself to be the abusive, selfish witch that she was from 2010-2012 and not being able to be trusted with that kind of power. This is all also a localized reaffirmation that women respond to apathy, coldness and withdrawal with love, affection and praise, exactly the opposite of what most media and family would lead you to believe.

As for me, nothing is really going on. I go to work and go home, I spend time with my son, I remember how things used to be, and I keep counting down until my freedom comes, when I never have to live another day as a slave for the rest of eternity.

Marriage review, 2013 to 2014

Has it been a year already? My zoning out is out of control, but I don't expect much more from marriage; I'm only awake when I'm around my son.

Fights

There were no fights or drama that I participated in this year. I put an absolute stop to my wife's idiocy by learning how to counteract s*** tests, and I shut her mother down every time she steps out of line with one gruff sentence.

Chores

I did all the chores this year until January of this year, at which point my wife started doing almost everything in the house, a drastic change from me cleaning the whole house of most everyone else's messes every night for years. This adds up to about 150 of each chore, which brings the total number of chores to about 1500 times each over my married life.

Were I still single, I would have done every chore roughly 300 times each over the last six years, or about once a week.

Sex

My sex life is still in the pits, but just like last year, I still don't care. The number is around once or twice a month, sometimes once every other month, but I honestly didn't keep accurate count because I lost all interest. Just a few days ago I had a problem where I tried to initiate sex with my wife multiple times after she asked for it, but then she turned me down later anyway. This was my mistake, because I didn't tell myself to stop initiating sex with my wife at all times, including when she plans it herself.

On those days, I guess a part of me thought that my wife was actually trying to get back with me and show some regular affection, and we could go back to some shadow of our dating days when we were going at it like crazy, but the truth is that as a married man, I have no expectation of sex. At all. Attempting to get more of it, or initiating more often by asking ten times to try and get it once, only leads to my wife acting more rudely or selfishly towards me as she attempts to get something in exchange for the sex she offers. In addition to the 95% of my paycheck she appropriates.

If I hadn't married, I would have dated up to 24 different women by now, or just a small handful of great ones, and I would be having sex at least twice a week on average.

Money

I've saved nothing that isn't going towards family expenses or pending college bills, and I've donated $500 to charity.

As an unmarried man, I would have saved $5000 for emergencies, and donated $65,000 to charity by now. That's a lot of children that I could have helped.

Time Off

This year, I had 60 days off of work. Since I no longer work or tutor on Sundays, this number should be quite higher next year.

As a single man, I would have had two days a week off from work (at least 120 a year), and five days (at least 250 a year) off from chores. If you include the time when I was planning to take a two or three month vacation every year, this number would be even higher.

Travel

I've lived in four cities.

As an unmarried man, I would be living in my tenth city, and I know exactly where I would be living right now.

Friends

I've made two hundred friends, none of whom are still in regular contact with me.

As an unmarried man, I would have made about 1800 friends, and been in regular contact with about 20-30 of them. All those people I could have helped or learned from, all those experiences I could have had, all that potential, gone.

Fun & Adventure

I haven't had a single adventurous or all day fun day since I got married, because even on the days I took my son out for a trip, my wife never went with us and ruined the trip with phone calls and rage when I returned with him.

If I were still single, I could have written over 1000 Then and Now posts on my great life.

Summary

With my wife and her mother managed through s*** test deflections, my life is now what it was from 2008 to 2010: a dark, boring, monotonous waste of time where I'm ever left wondering when it will end.

Distance

Everything I do in life now is about making sure my son is protected.

My wife has been on me to have sex with her over the past two months. I talked before about no longer initiating sex with her, but I tried to wake her up several times over these two months for sex because I stupidly thought that she might actually be telling the truth about sex she asked for, and I didn't want to reject her outright the same way she's done to me for years. And of the seven times I've tried to initiate sex that she wanted, how many times has she followed through?

Two.

- I'm on my period (March).
- I'm on my period (April).
- My stomach hurts.
- I'm sick.
- I'm tired (she used this excuse for why she couldn't watch DVDs this weekend, for God's sake).

The first three don't stop her from taking care of me, if sex were about my happiness at all. The last two are no excuse. And this doesn't count the other dozen or so times during these two months that she just went to bed early, or didn't initiate herself, to leave me consistently sexually frustrated.

Last night was rejection number five in less than two months, which was her second period excuse. I was so angry that she was turning me down again, especially considering the sex fiend she used to be when we were still dating, that I wordlessly took my blanket to the front room to sleep on the couch. She came out the next morning and tried to test the waters by saying some innocuous greeting and I responded, so I guess she thinks things are fine now.

I was getting ready to unleash punishment on her this morning. I was going to put her on a one year sexual moratorium and take away money from her every month for no longer performing as a wife does, but then I realized I would just be pushing her into divorce by making the "marriage as prostitution" argument clear. Instead, I'm just never going to initiate sex again, whether or not she asks for it. I will not be fooled again. If I do confront her about this problem or directly seek a solution to the sex problem, nothing will improve:

- Sex might come around three to five times a week again, but I won't care. Also, she doesn't seem to want it anymore, and it's no guarantee that she won't just put me back on ice in another month or two if we have a sex life again.
- She might promise to change, then lie about it, which won't change anything. She's already lied to me twice about this sex thing: first she lied that she never promised me when we were dating that she wouldn't become my ex, and that she would sleep with me at least twice a week. The second time she lied was when I brought up the number of times she rejected me to the number of times we have sex, and she flatly denied the evidence.
- She might get enraged, leaving me to deal with even more of her emotional problems for the next thirteen years.
- She might divorce me, which would hurt our son.

Whatever the case, talking with her will solve nothing.

I am an American teaching in a foreign country. Ever since I stopped teaching kids, I have been surrounded by young, friendly, intelligent and fun young local women in or just out of college, and scores of them have been making eyes at me in some obvious fashion or another for the last two years. Ignoring the ones that got closer to me because I teach well or because I'm a good co-worker, there have been many that I know are into me as a man. Some blush when I look at them. Some joined my class for months and were hanging on my every word until I let slip to the whole class that I'm married, at which point I never saw them again. Some leave from teaching their classes and are all smiles, asking me lots of personal questions and blushing constantly. Some can't stop smiling when I enter the room and need to ask multiple questions after class for things I knew they already understood. Any one of these women, with just a simple question, could easily be my girlfriend.

Instead, I'm married to another local: she once was a thin nymphomaniac who bought me gifts... and now, she's my overweight, sex denying and money sucking wife.

There was one other slight change in my married life: I stopped counting the days left to live in my marriage for a while to see if I could "skip ahead" a little bit. But now, I think it's time to see how many days are left until I'm free. I just checked right now: it's 4874... almost 100 days have passed and I hardly even noticed.

Sunday again

Another Sunday, another post of marriage nonsense.

On Saturday night, my wife promised sex and made it a point to try and seduce me with a backwards hug and chest rub. I said ok and put some fake emotion into it, though I'm not interested in her anymore. Later than night, she was really nice to me and our son and was making eyes at me once or twice, then she went to bed early. I didn't bother waking her up because every time I do, I get the same responses from her on why we can't have sex: excuses and denial, or asking me to finish quickly.

If you were offered sex once a month or two for five minutes, or no sex at all, which would you choose? The thirsty fool I used to be would have chosen the former, but I know now the cost of that choice.

On Sunday, my wife largely ignored me and our son so she could read or internet shop, just as last week. While our son and I were out getting pizza, I saw a tall and handsome foreigner walking down the street, and I felt a sudden rush of regret and unhappiness, knowing that he probably gets more money and sex in a month than I do in a year as a married man. Knowing that these thoughts would accomplish nothing, I immediately squashed them and hugged my son at the next red light.

Later than night, I told my wife about a customs problem that a package coming from America was having, and she offered to help. She said I had to pay some kind of import fee and I thanked her, saying I could take care of it from there. She insisted that she could do it on Tuesday or Wednesday, but I said I could do it Monday myself, when she suddenly brought up some new information: she worked less than a block from the customs office. I showed mild surprise and said that was cool, she could help me out. Then, she went on a mini-tirade:

"Yeah, I work right next to their building!" she almost shouted for some reason. "That's what I was trying to tell you earlier!! If I go there, we can save a lot of time like I said!! You can just let me handle this instead of trying to do everything by yourself!!"

I've discussed this tactic of hers before, so right about the word "trying," I just stood up and walked away from her to do something in the bedroom, then spent a few hours ignoring her, and playing video games and roughhousing with my son. When he fell asleep around 8:00, my wife repeated her insistence at having sex, so I turned off the computer and lay down in the bed, knowing there was no good excuse to give her for avoiding sex at that moment. After lying there for a minute or two, she came in the bedroom and asked if I was sleepy. I said I was a little tired, so she simply said, "Have fun," then left the room.

Was she being funny, or did she get me to lie in bed to prove her power over me? I don't know, but I felt like an idiot for entering the bedroom. I left and played video games the rest of the night, ignoring her. Later, she decided to go to bed early again, and insisted I come back in again later. This time, though, I wasn't falling for it. I knew she was just going to make excuses again, and I frankly wasn't interested, so I surfed the net for an hour longer than usual, then snuck into the bedroom to play around on my phone under the blanket, finally going to sleep.

This morning, after we took our son to school and she was about to head off to work, she said, "You didn't wake me up!" I didn't fall for that either, and simply changed the subject.

This whole thing sounds petty, doesn't it? Well, I'm not denying that, this whole weekend certainly was, but it reaffirms everything I've known about marriage for the last several years: it's not a partnership. It's not the rest of your life lived in bliss and harmony. It's a non-stop power play.

Imagine if I had changed any of my actions this weekend... what would have happened?

- If I had woken her up on Saturday night, I would have gotten either excuses or lame sex, and she would eventually use my desires against me by ordering me around or treating me badly, as she did from 2010-2012.
- If I had apologized for not knowing about her job being next to another company, she would have assumed her role as leader of this marriage again, and we would be going back to 2010-2012.
- If I had insisted on the 8:00 sex, I would have gotten excuses or lame sex, and 2010-2012.
- If I had woken her up Sunday night, the same would have happened.
- If I had apologized this morning and promised sex tonight, the same would have happened.

Before, this was a difficult decision to make. I was a fool, begging my wife for the once or twice a season she tossed sex my way, and took her abuse every other day between sessions in exchange for every hit my dealer was offering. I had to satisfy my addiction at any cost.

Now, I don't want what my dealer puts on the table. I'm like the cat that refuses to bat at the toy mouse on the end of the fishing pole, sitting there with an unamused look on my face as my owner lightly taps it all over my face and body. I know that just one swing at that mouse, and my owner will know that she can control every other aspect of my life, because otherwise, "no mouse for you."

She has absolutely nothing on or over me. Unlike men married in an English speaking country, I can sleep soundly at night knowing that my wife can do nothing to hurt me or our son, and that I have all the leverage in this marriage. If she stops offering sex on tap, I can choose not to care, and the only thing she can do in retaliation is reward me by being quiet with the silent treatment. I make the money and can deny her her pocket money if I choose. I clean the house and can stop keeping this place spotless anytime.

She has the choice of stepping up and acting right anytime: to stop pulling the rug out from under me about sex (though by now, I still won't care if we even hit the bedroom five times a week), to stop losing control, to stop overspending and to lose some weight. Until then, I don't need, or frankly want, her for anything, and the one who desires the relationship least has the power to direct it in the correct direction. That's me, steering us away from that hell towards this purgatory.

Next time she asks why I didn't wake her, I'll just politely tell her the truth, that she gives excuses or it's over in five minutes, then it's back to waiting for weeks or months. I actually did tell her this once, and her response was, as predicted, one of the six logical fallacies I mentioned in the top post, which are the same logical fallacies anyone uses to defend marriage: in that case, she used Denial. It's not like she can use this information to punish me in any way; she literally offers me nothing in this marriage except her role as our son's mother, and it's he who wants her, not me. I doubt telling her the truth about our sex life will change anything, as it changed nothing before, but at least she can't use this information to jockey for position in any way. It might even scare her into further submission.

Thirteen more years, and I'm out of here.

Sunday nonsense

It's another Sunday, so of course that means my wife would be stepping out of line again. It's the only day of the week I get to take a break from work, and she just has to find a way to cause trouble to make it as uncomfortable as possible for everyone else.

I took my son out for a five hour trip to the beach and a windmill, two of our favorite hotspots. My wife, of course, didn't want to come, like she never does. While out, she called me five times, but I didn't pick up because I was busy driving most of the time. So what did she want?

She recently took day work instead of the graveyard shift and has a lot more to do every day before she can go home. I've advised her to change her thoughts, multitask more, talk to her boss or quit her job and stop wasting money on luxuries to break even, but she's only followed through on suggestion 3, otherwise content to come home in a bad mood every night to spread her unhappiness as far and wide as possible. It's just unacceptable that she could proactively do something else to better her circumstances.

So when I got back with our son, I got a little whining about how she was worried something had happened to us, even though our son and I had been out for twice as long before and she had no problems then. Then she whined about a bad dream she had about her work, and after I repeated my advice in its entirety yet again, I got the silent treatment, for which I was thankful.

Then she got a call from her mom and my wife started yelling at her for several minutes, hung up on her and called her back later to yell some more, then complained to me yet again about my mother-in-law's behavior. I ignored her, because that's the only response that quiets her, and she never listens to me anyway. Later, she said that she should apologize to her mom, showing yet more ignored advice that I'd already given: not flying off the handle and dealing with your anger is easier than going ape, then apologizing later. But of course, she ignored me then too, so once she spoke to me again, I just said, "Yeah." Then I ignored her some more to play with my son.

Give her advice, be ignored. Lecture her, be insulted. Dismiss her, invite rage. Ignore her, achieve peace. Where is that girl I used to know?

Right. Marriage swallowed her.

Rolling the boulder

September.
November.
January.

And now March. Every two months, almost on the nose, my wife seems to have a new s*** test to hand me. And today was no exception.

It really was a minor thing, but she should have known better. I just came home from eleven hours of work and commuting and made $125, $5 of which was going into my own pocket. I shed my clothes to prepare for a shower, and not three minutes from the time I entered the apartment, there my wife was standing behind me, holding a sock. She held it out to me and asked me to put it in a box that was two steps from me, three from her. I shook my head in derision at her, then turned away to get a bath towel.

If you don't see the problem with this, then you're obviously not a married man. I've discussed how I used to do these little jobs, chores and errands for my wife in the past, and how it led to her being a selfish, lazy, disrespectful, demanding shrew who had me maintain the entire house while she sat around and did nothing. The more I helped, the more contempt she handed me, and the more jobs she expected me to take care of. If I had taken that sock, the next s*** test would have arrived in a month, then the next in two weeks, and so on until we were back where we were three years ago.

You cannot stop s*** tests, as they are in a woman's nature; you may as well attempt to stop the sun from rising. But at least if you're an unmarried man, you can accept these tests as fair trade for whatever you're sharing or receiving in your relationship. Try to keep things that way; don't be an idiot like me and end up trading your dreams, your free time, 95% of your money and almost all choice in life in exchange for sex once a month and the non-step tests of marriage.

While I'm posting, I just noticed it's almost April. I can't believe that eleven months have passed since the last anniversary of this blog... so little of consequence has happened in this pitiful life of mine that almost an entire year has slipped by without my attention on it. Hopefully this will keep up for the next thirteen years, when I can finally escape this nonsense and go back to living.

Games vs games

After I cancelled a pair of classes on Sunday and finally dropped a triple tutoring session that I had for over two years on Saturday night, I finally found myself with a night and an entire day to call my own, the first time in literal years. My son and I spent the entirety of yesterday in the bedroom roughhousing, or with us on the computer by me moving and aiming and him blasting, demons in Doom, splicers in BioShock 2 and radscorpions in Fallout 3, or both of us taking out Greebles in Skylanders... you name it. My wife, as usual, didn't want to join or watch, and was instead reading something or internet shopping the whole time.

It was at about the middle-end of our session when my son and I came to Jedi Academy. We had just finished the ship crash, and came to the part where we had to cut the tree down to make a bridge to help our friend Rosh down from the hill. If this sounds familiar, then you've probably been reading this blog for a while now.

So as my son and I came to the part where my wife had once watched me play, and had before spent almost an hour with complete focus doing so, she flipped the ever-loving hell out.

"God, I hate my job!! People always tell me what to do. Bosses, bad customers, I just wanna say f*** you!!"
"Then quit and find a new one."
"I shouldn't have to find another one! I'm college educated! I'm not working at a food place!"
"Talk to your bosses."
"What good would that do?!"
"They'll change your hours or give you an assistant."
"No they won't!"
"Change your mind and think positive. Don't let the bad customers get you."
"That doesn't work!! They're in my face! How am I supposed to think happily then?!"

Have we been here before? Yes: I give her a handful of good suggestions, she makes excuses or lies to receive pity (being positive always worked before, I never said she had to work at a food place so that's a strawman, etc...), and we keep going until she gets tired. After the last disrespectful sentence, I ignored her and went back to Jedi Academy with my son. He then asked her why she was changing the channel so much.

"Because I haven't found something to watch yet."
"Oh."
(A few seconds later)
"Are you done switching?"
"Fine! I'm done switching! Are you happy?!"

Having cultivated a more powerful presence, which married men in western countries have little to no ability to do, I simply said:

"All right, that's enough."
"FINE! I'M DONE WITH THE TV!!"

She turned it off, stomped off into the bedroom, then locked the door. She came out a few minutes later to use the bathroom, then left the house with no mention of where she was going. I guess she thought she was punishing everyone, but I was glad when she left the room, even gladder when she locked the door into the bedroom, and the happiest when she left the house. I was hoping she would stay out for a few hours, but unfortunately, she was back in only one. She didn't apologize, but she bought a toy for our son and an apple for me, which is a typical way that families try to get back into good graces with the other family members they've wronged without saying sorry.

Still want to marry? The happy times I had today were with my son, not my wife; surrogacy or adoption will help you, unmarried or childless reader, to have the child that will enrich your life. Getting married will only poison your short time on this earth.

As for me, I again point to the fact that my wife always does this on Sunday. Just as Jedi Academy served as a dual reminder of how she acted before and how she acts now, I remember when Sunday was the day we used to hole up in my apartment to spend time together or have sex. Instead, she now has nothing but refusals for the former and excuses for the latter; she's only here to soak up resources and cause problems, and I can't leave as long as we have a child together.

Deja vu

I came home from a long train ride to a city about 40 miles away where I work on Wednesdays. It's the only day where I come home at my son's bedtime, and he and I can't play video games for the night. He's still a young boy, so every time I explain to him that he has to go directly to bed when I get home on Wednesdays, he gets a bit huffy. Yesterday was no different: I told him we had to sleep and he got miffed, but at that moment, I had a sudden and strange feeling that I had done exactly this just the day before. Of course it had been an entire week since, but at that moment, it felt like a simple 24 hours.

I used to keep a feature on this blog called "Daily Life," which detailed in boring list format the day that I had just lived as a married man. Eventually, I recognized that my Then and Now posts were more than enough to show that routine boredom that I and millions of other married schlubs slog through every day, and that the Daily Life posts were just cluttering things up. But the point remains solid: married life is mostly a series of the same list of required chores and activities that seldom deviates from the established script of wake up, go to work, go home, chores, family time and sleep.

Yesterday's deja vu was simply a reminder of how inconsequential most of my married life is. So little of import had happened between yesterday and the Wednesday before that an entire week had slipped by before I realized I was still alive.

A day of rest

For the first time today, in 918 straight days, I had a day without work or chores. The last time I had a complete break was almost three years ago.

My son was still in diapers then.

Imagine waking up every morning for almost three years, knowing that there was going to be something to take care of that day, knowing that almost everything you did was either going to be taken away, or just messed up again. But if you're married, you don't have to imagine that; it's your life.

I used to get days like this twice a week: Sunday and Tuesday. Now, as a married man, I have to wait three years for a single chance, then it's back to the routine.

I can't wait for this to be over.

Bank outburst

I was doing some banking this morning, going to pick up $1000 for next month's expenses, $300 for my wife for upcoming vacation costs, and $700 for my son's pre-school fees. $2000, which took me an entire month to make, and I would be using next to nothing of it for anything personal.

While banking, two middle-aged foreign women came in to do some ATM stuff as well. Their machine ate their card for ten seconds too long, so one of the women went to the intercom and spoke, as if to a retarded child, "The... card... did... not... come... out... of... the... machine." Her card was spit out seconds later, and a staff member came shortly after. Before he could speak, the woman continued again, card in hand, even slower: "The...... card...... did...... not...... come...... out...... of...... the...... machine," she said, waving it in his face. He looked confused, so I used localspeak to say the exact same thing she said, then added that everything was ok because the card was out. He smiled and nodded, then left. The wrinkled harpy looked back at me with a crocodile's smile, thanked me and said that her localspeak wasn't very good. I said no problem, got my money, then left.

I went to my son's school to give my wife her $1000 in hand, then got ready to put the other $1000 in her bank account. On the way out, I told her about the incident, knowing that she understood and agreed with my thoughts on foreigners living abroad and not learning anything of the language their hosts speak. But this time, she replied by saying I was being petty and shouldn't focus on things like that.

Every other time I mentioned this topic, she had agreed with me and brought up personal experiences from her work of disrespectful foreigners. But this time, cattiness.

It took only half a second to figure out why: I was nice to her. I had just given her $2000 in nearly a huge lump sum, and in return, my wife decided it was time to s*** test me, because bosses get sex, but providers get demands and rudeness; it was time to figure out which one I was. As soon as she finished her sentence, I shot her a look of withheld anger, and she suddenly decided to agree with me.

In contrast, over the last week or two, I've done nothing but play video games for eight hours straight every morning and ignored everything she was doing. How did she act during this time? Making me food, saying our son was lucky to have me as his father, and granting me sex at her insistence.

The point of this post is the same as it has been for the last year or so: you want respect from your wife, treat her with just enough indifference or rudeness to make her step back in line. If you don't, this behavior will only get worse. The other point of this post is that same as it has been since I started this blog: if you don't want to have to deal with this behavior (or you want to end it at any time), don't get married.

Arguing with your wife

I was playing video games with my son tonight, and my wife said she wants to clean the entire house next weekend. Then she made some kind of joke like I could look around and see how clean it already was, but then she turned back to me and asked for my help, but I was having none of it.

"No, you can do it."
"What? Why?"
"I already clean enough of this house. You can take care of this."
"A family should help each other."

This is the emotionally manipulative response you will get almost every time from a wife who wants you to do some kind of chore or errand. If you truly haven't been pulling your weight, the conversation shouldn't have even gotten to this point; you should have simply asked for details up front. As for me...

"I already spend about twenty or thirty minutes every night cleaning the house, and I've been doing it every single night for the last three years. You never helped me then, even on Saturdays when I worked fourteen hours a day and you played computer while I cleaned."
"I mop on Saturdays!"

This is another typical response you'll get from a wife: argue from exception, and use that to defeat a general rule.

"That's only on the weekend for one day. I've cleaned the house seven nights a week for three years. Do those even compare?"

At this point about a year or two ago, my wife would have attempted to change the subject and get me on some minor point to declare herself the victor of the entire discussion, which is another common response from those with no logical leg to stand on. But she knew better this time, and just dropped the subject.

If you are still in the stage where your wife changes the subject off of something she brought up, DO NOT LET HER. Swat aside her derailing attempts with a quick response of how she's wrong, then go back to the original point over and over, hammering home how wrong she is until she concedes the point. Do not allow her to derail and move on to other topics without first accepting being wrong. For example:

Wife: You need to be nicer to me.
You: I am nice to you. We went out to dinner last night, I rubbed your feet this morning, and I gave you a lot of money last week.
Wife: You never used to do those things!
You: I do them now. I can't be much nicer to you.
Wife: So I don't matter to you?
You: I didn't say that. I am plenty nice to you already. Acknowledge that.
Wife: You don't show it.
You: I just told you three examples of how I am. I am nice to you. Stop changing the subject.
Wife: How about the way you talk to my dad?
You: That's him, not you. I am nice to you, and I'm not letting this go. Tell the truth and admit that I'm nice to you.

If this conversation goes on for too long, disengage and ignore her for a few hours until she admits fault. Eventually, she'll learn to stop doing this.

Also, dealing with women and especially a wife, you'll run into a common tactic where she will start namecalling or using loaded language during a fight to call into question your manhood, sense of responsibility, love for your family, etc... This is only her attempt to get you to play in the proverbial mud with her, and you must avoid it at all costs. She is counting on you tossing bombs of your own, after which she'll hypocritically tell you how wrong you are for being so childish, then declare herself victor over the discussion.

All of you guys out there who have never dated, co-habitated, or God forbid married, have no idea of this. Perhaps you still carry the idea that women are angelic visions of innocent heaven that aren't capable of this kind of childish behavior, when they are as imperfect as men are. Whatever the case, don't forget this advice: when she starts pushing buttons, she knows she's wrong, but is refusing to lose. You must not let her drag you down into her stupidity, and instead must hammer on the original point until she submits, only changing the subject when she admits she's wrong. If she gets you on a point, do not apologize; it is a sign of weakness, and women viscerally, genetically hate weak men, just as much as overweight women turn the stomachs of most men. Just acknowledge your error, then move on.

When the discussion is over, she'll feel sore for a few minutes, but in no time, will be back on her best behavior. For example, after I hit my wife with my final point, she got silent, then went outside to take care of the clothes, the first time in months. After that, she apologized for making me do all the chores every night for years, then she came to watch our son and me play video games for about half an hour (and gave him advice while playing), the first time she's ever, in our entire marriage, watched anybody play a game for more than ten seconds.

In return, I said I would help her sort out the junk in the kitchen, adding that I had already done it a year ago, but it was back to being messed up within two weeks. She tried to say that she didn't know how it got so bad so quick, then I said she should probably stop buying things so often if she wasn't going to use them. Knowing this was a sore point (she wastes $500 a month on useless stuff), she quickly and jokingly said that her mom was to blame. I let it go at that point, my argument made and back in the driver's seat of this marriage, and looking forward to a drama free house for at least a few months.

If you think this sounds barbaric or misogynistic, then you've obviously not read this blog (particularly the "Problems" posts), or been married or co-habitating with a woman for any significant amount of time. But it's your life; feel free to follow the advice that you need to defer to your ever suffering, smarter than you wife or girlfriend, or that "marriage is a partnership of equals." Just be sure to enjoy the condescending insults, rage and/or manipulation that follow from the endless s*** tests of your clearly superior lover.